by D. Kelly
“I have something to tell you, but you can’t say anything.”
“I would never.”
I know she wouldn’t, but I’m covering my bases here. “He said ‘when’ last night.”
Confusion mars her pretty features. “When, what? I’m lost.”
J steals my attention. He’s incredibly sexy, and it’s hard not to stare, but I quickly turn my attention back to her. “He said he couldn’t return my words, but when he did, it would be when he could give them to me with an open heart. Not if, not someday, but when. He said when, Sasha.”
Her eyes narrow at him, but then her features soften when she notices he’s once again looking this way. “Maybe it’s different with you. Deep down inside, Jordan is a family man. He runs this bar like it’s a family, he drops everything for his family, and there is no one he loves more than his family. But be careful, Allie. My original warnings still stand. He can be an asshole, and he’s allergic to feelings.” She shakes her head. “I honestly never thought the two of you would hit it off like this.”
“Does it bother you, Sasha?” Making Sasha upset is the last thing I want.
“Nope. If my two favorite people are happy, I’m happy.”
“Good,” I reply, unable to keep the smile off my face.
Before walking out, she pauses and turns back around. “And you’re sure, Allie? I know you said it before, but you’ve also had a lot going on in your life.”
“Am I sure I love him?”
She nods and raises a brow. “It’s kind of a big step, don’t you think? I thought you’d at least test out a few different makes and models before settling down again.”
Only Sasha.
I suppress my laugh so she understands how serious I am. “I do, Sasha. I’m not sure I knew what love was until now. Jordan just … He makes my life better, and he makes me want to be a better person.”
“Psht, you’re already the best person I know, Al. You’ve already got angel wings, but don’t try too hard for your halo just yet, okay?”
“Nah, it would just mess up my hair.”
She laughs as she walks back down to the bar. I wish Sasha would open herself up to love. There is so much more to her than meets the eye. I think Sawyer sees it and that’s why they do well as fuck buddies. Jordan said Sawyer sticks to groupies because they’re guaranteed one-night stands, and he has a firm no-repeat policy except when it comes to Sasha. Too bad Sawyer is stuck on someone else, but at least Sasha is aware of that too.
As I make my way down to the bar, Jordan flashes me a sinfully sexy grin. He even leans across the bar and kisses me in front of everyone. Granted, the bar isn’t open yet, but there are other employees all around us.
“What was that for?”
He licks his bottom lip, and I squeeze my thighs together. Sometimes I hate how much he turns me on. “What I can’t kiss my girl?”
“I … your … I mean … uh, sure?” My cheeks are flaming hot as he leans in close.
“We need to talk later. I was exhausted last night, but I want you to know I heard you loud and clear, Allie.” Jordan smiles from ear to ear. Considering all he’s been through lately, the sight of it makes my heart soar.
“Okay, we’ll talk.”
“There is something you should know. Sasha is closing for me tonight, and Tyler is meeting me at the house. I have things to talk to him about as well. Will you come over after work?”
I’m glad he’s finally going to talk to Tyler, but my heart deflates a bit at the news. I wish I could be the better person and step away from this and wish them well. At this point, I’m in too deep and will always feel like the other woman even if J swears it’s not true.
“Are you sure? It will be late since I’m closing.”
“I’m positive.”
“Then I’ll be there.”
He rakes his gray eyes over my body in a way that should be illegal. “I’m looking forward to it, Allie.”
Before Jordan’s shift is over, we’re slammed with a combined bachelor and bachelorette party. The men are keeping all the waitresses on their toes, but it’s nothing compared to the women hanging around the bar ogling Jordan, Chris, and Paul. Jordan called in two extra waitresses for the night as well.
Thirty minutes after J should have left, I decide to check in on him. He shouldn’t keep Tyler waiting.
“Jordan, why don’t you leave? Things are easing up on the floor now that we have extra help. I can tend bar with Sasha and the guys for the rest of the night.”
“Noooo, you can’t leave. You’re supposed to go home with us!” one of the drunk girls at the bar wails, and my eyes widen.
Jordan leans in close and whispers in my ear, “You sure you want to take this on?”
“Not really, but I am sure you shouldn’t keep Tyler waiting. He’s been concerned about you, J. You need to let him know you’re all right. Let him see you with his own eyes.”
The obnoxious drunk girl doesn’t seem to like our private discussion. “You two shouldn’t be whispering in front of the customers. It’s bad business. Bad for business? Well, you know what I mean. Does your boss know you’re having affairs during business hours?”
Jordan snickers before reaching for my hand and pulling it to his lips. The drunk girl’s friends laugh, and one of them speaks up. “Valerie, I don’t think he’s going home with you tonight, girl.”
Valerie isn’t a nice drunk. “I want to talk to your boss right now!”
Now her friends are trying to calm her down, and they all seem really embarrassed. A sweet little redhead with them apologizes. “I’m so sorry. Valerie doesn’t usually drink like this, but we made her promise to let loose.”
Jordan steps closer to them but continues holding my hand. “You guys can stay and enjoy your night, but for the record, this is my bar. My manager Sasha is running the bar on the other side tonight, so if Allie here feels like you’re getting out of control, she will ask you to leave. Once. If you don’t, she’ll call the cops.”
“We’ll be angels, we promise.” The redhead crosses her heart.
We step back away from the bar, and Jordan seems hesitant to leave.
“Go. Tyler is going to be worried, and I can more than handle some bachelorette party.”
“Okay, but if you need me, call.”
“Sure thing.”
“Allie, promise me.”
I squeeze his hand. “I promise, but you’re going to need to trust me one day. I shouldn’t have to keep making promises to you.”
He leans down and kisses the top of my head. “I’ll see you later. Don’t be late.”
“Awww, I want what they have,” Valerie cries into her whiskey.
Jordan leaves and they watch him go before turning their attention to me. As I refill their drinks, one of the girls asks, “How long have you two been together? You guys are the cutest.”
“We’re not together. We’re just … dating, I guess?”
The redhead speaks up. “Hm, you could have fooled us. That man looks at you like you’re the prettiest sunset he’s ever seen.”
“That’s sweet of you to say.”
“Just call it like I see it. What about that guy?” She points to Paul. “Is he single?”
Laughing, I shrug. “Not sure, but how about I switch places with him and you can find out?”
Her eyes sparkle as she nods emphatically. “Yes, please.”
The rest of the night flies by. After a party bus picks up all the drunk partygoers, Sasha sighs with relief as she closes the doors and locks up behind them.
“Tell me that wasn’t the longest night ever!” she exclaims.
“It was pretty intense, but we have two extra people to help close, so we’ll get out of here that much quicker.”
“Hell yeah! Let’s get to it!”
I was uneasy leaving the bar, but I’m not sure if it was because I was leaving Allie behind with those obnoxious girls or i
t’s because Tyler was already waiting for me at my house.
When I bought this house over the summer, I waited a few months to tell anyone I had moved. It wasn’t until Sawyer wanted to come over one day that I had to spill the beans. At first, I wasn’t sure if the sale would go through. It was a spur-of-the-moment decision, but I fell in love with the house and figured I would try. Then, when I closed on it, it was nice to just enjoy being in a place I could call mine, one I’d gotten on my own.
What has bothered me lately is something I should have realized long ago. Even though I can picture Tyler in my future, I never once pictured him cohabitating with me in this house. Maybe that’s because I’m a simple guy and Ty’s a bit more upscale. We tend to stay at his place most of the time. But the first time I walked in and saw Allie on the couch cuddled up with my asshole cat, I knew she belonged there.
After everything that has happened over the past few weeks, I’ve realized time is a gift. It’s why I have to talk to Ty tonight.
As I pull into my driveway, Tyler is sitting in his car waiting for me. Once we’re out of our cars, he pulls me into a hug.
“Let’s go inside and talk.”
He releases me and motions for me to lead the way. Once we’re inside, Fat Bastard hisses at him, making me laugh.
“Your cat hates me.”
I scoop him into my arms and take him to my room. When I come back, I get a good look at Ty. He looks like hell. “He hates everyone who isn’t a kid … or Allie.”
“Did she tell you we talked?”
“She did. Before we get into all that, do you want something to drink?” I’m already walking into the kitchen for some water because I know his answer.
“A water would be great, thanks.”
After grabbing two bottles, I take a deep breath and head back to the living room. I hand him his water and motion for him to take a seat next to me on the couch.
“I’m sorry if talking to Allie was uncomfortable for you. And I’m also sorry I didn’t communicate more when I was at the beach house. I didn’t really talk to anyone … not you, not Allie, and not even Sasha. You know how I get when I’m loaded up on my meds. I just needed time.”
Tyler takes a sip of his water before meeting my eyes. “It was bound to happen sooner or later. She’s nice, Jordan. I can see why you like her. She seems … like a good person.”
“Is that what you were really going to say?”
“I was going to say she seems genuine. She said something to me about families, and it made me think. In fact, I did more than think. I came out to my parents. I told them I’m gay.”
It takes a minute for his words to process. “Jesus, Ty, when did this happen? Why didn’t you call?”
He shrugs. “A few days ago. I didn’t call because you have your own shit going on. I didn’t want to bother you.”
“Are you fucking kidding me right now? Tyler, you could never be a bother. We might be in an awkward-as-fuck spot right now, but you are always going to be one of my best friends. What happened? And why did you tell them you’re gay?”
Tyler begins to cry as I pull him into my arms. As he sobs, I hold him close and let him get it all out.
“I’m sorry,” he finally says as he backs away and reaches for his water.
“Don’t you dare apologize. Talk to me, Ty.”
“I told them I was gay because I don’t want them to ever think there’s a chance I’m going to bring a woman home. On the off chance I fall in love with a woman one day, they can be surprised. But mostly, I might be bisexual, but ninety percent or more of my attraction falls to men.”
That makes sense.
“I take it the discussion didn’t go well?”
He shakes his head. “My mom fell to her knees in the middle of the floor and prayed for my salvation. My dad laid into me about all the ways it’s sinful to lay with another man. I was told not to come back unless I’d found the righteous path and was ready to love a woman … the way God intended.”
“Assholes. Don’t let them make you feel bad about yourself, Ty. You’re absolutely perfect the way you are. You’re loving, kind, sexy, and smart as fuck. You’d do anything to help anyone, and you have one of the biggest hearts of anyone I know.”
It kills me his family has rejected him like this. I caress his cheek with my thumb, and he leans into my body. I tuck him in close with my arm around his shoulder and try to give him all the comfort I can.
“The night I went to the bar, Allie told me she’d never felt as free as she does right now. She said leaving her home and her family was hard but being back in charge of her life was worth it. Damn, J … her words resonated with me down to a cellular level. I realized if I ever want to find real happiness, I have to be true to myself. That started with coming out, no matter the consequences.”
I lean my head on top of his. “Now what?”
“Now I figure out who I am and what my place is in this world. It sucks and it hurts, but Allie was right. I feel free, Jordan, in a way I never have before. A huge load is lifted off my heart and I think I owe that to Allie.”
“Nah, Ty, you owe that all to yourself. I’m so fucking proud of you.”
He looks up at me with sad eyes, and my heart melts. “Thanks, but I know why I’m here, Jordan. I know you’re officially calling things off with us.”
Pain spears through my chest, but he isn’t wrong. I turn my body and cup his cheeks in my hands. “Listen to me, Ty, because I have a lot to say tonight, but the first thing I need to tell you is that I love you. I’m an asshole because I never said those words to you before, but that’s all on me. I spent the better part of ten years avoiding my feelings and now things have changed. I might not be in love with you anymore, but I love the fuck out of you.” Tears spring to my eyes. This is so much harder than I thought it was going to be.
“One day, someone is going to come along and you’re going to know they’re the one for you. And everything we’re going through right now is going to make more sense when that happens.”
He sniffs. “Is that what happened with Allie? You just knew?”
I hate that I’m the cause of more unshed tears in his eyes. “Are you sure you want to hear this?”
He nods. “I have to, J. I have to know.”
“The first day she walked into the club, it’s like the air sparked with energy. She teased me, and she challenged me, but she was still this vulnerable woman who was dealing with a lot of shit. She came over here to feed Fat Bastard one night and … I still have a hard time explaining it to myself, but Tyler, she belonged here. It’s like this house was waiting for her to fill it with life.”
Tyler leans back onto my shoulder. “And I never belonged here.”
“Hey, I did not say that.”
With a sigh, he tucks himself closer to me. “You didn’t have to. This is your house, J, but I’ve never felt at home here. Even your cat hates me, but there’s no love lost there. I always pushed you to come to my place.”
“It was easier.”
“No, J, don’t give me an out. I should have tried harder. That’s something I’ve realized, and it’s partially why I knew this was going to be the end. I never tried hard enough. I never fought for you to stay. I never asked you to push through our problems so we could have fighting chance at making it. I thought if I sat back and waited, you’d understand how much I loved you. If Allie hadn’t come along, I’d still be waiting for you, Jordan.”
As we talk, I caress his arm, hoping he pulls some sort of comfort from me. “Sasha said something to me that sort of kicked my ass into gear. It’s when I really started thinking about us and Allie, and just … everything.”
“What did she say?”
“She pointed out that if the two of us had something truly special, an epic love worth acting on, wouldn’t we have already done it? Wouldn’t we have felt it so strongly that we’d likely be married with kids now or at the least living togethe
r?”
Ty whistles as that sinks in. “I’d never thought of it that way.”
“Me either, but once the words were out there, I couldn’t stop thinking about them. Especially when … God, Ty, please don’t take this the wrong way. The first time Allie and I kissed, it was like our souls knew each other. It sounds so dumb.”
He looks up at me with a wistful gaze. “No, it sounds romantic as fuck.”
“Anyway, I tried to ignore it. Eventually, I couldn’t, so we tried the fuck buddy thing. I hate being without her and can’t sleep when she’s not in my bed. And when Noah died, all I kept thinking about was all the missed opportunities I had with him. I wondered if he knew I loved him, and I wished for more time. I still wish for more time.”
“He knew, Jordan. Noah loved you to pieces, and he knew you loved him the same.”
As I swipe away a tear, I pull him tighter to me and lean down to kiss the top of his head. “I know he did. Noah was such a firm believer in fate. I don’t know if you remember that about him, but whenever anything good or bad happened, he said it was fate. Noah was all about living life, but he was prepared for the end too.”
He pulls back and sits up. “How do you know that?”
“Because I have an envelope in my safe listing my inheritance and a video from him telling me goodbye.”
“You haven’t watched it?”
“Hell no, but Sawyer and Darren tried watching theirs—we all got one—and it was hell. I’m not one bit ready to even try to go through that. And I’m not ready to see my brother again either. I feel like I need to save that for a day when I’m really missing him. I can only imagine this ache in my chest is going to get worse over time, not better.”
Tyler pulls his legs onto the couch and leans back against me. “The two of us are a hot mess, J. I’m sorry we never got our shit together enough to find a way to make it work between us.”
“You will never know how bad I feel about that, but if Noah is right and this is all fate, it wouldn’t have mattered. Allie is Sasha’s best friend, so we would have met eventually. What if you and I were married and I suddenly felt for her what I feel now?”