A Forever of Orange Blossoms (The Merriams Book 5)

by Ava Miles

  “I’m glad you love Europe like I do. If I could, I’d take you to whatever city you wanted and we’d watch the sun rise. Copenhagen, Paris, Rome, London—you name it.”

  She pressed a hand to her heart. “You make me think about all the dreams I used to have—ones I’ve only let myself take out in pieces lately. For a long time, I thought they were dead.”

  He heard what she didn’t say—that she’d felt dead too for a time—which was painful to imagine. Reaching for her, he rubbed her back in comfort.

  “We’re going to resurrect your every dream together. Do you believe me?”

  Her chest rose and she nodded. “I’m a little afraid to, but not because of you. Flynn, I have a lot of strings I don’t want anymore. Like the house on Loudermilk land and my father-in-law bursting in on me whenever he wants. I’m trusting the twins will come around if we’re talking like this.”

  He tipped her chin up. “They haven’t met my aunt and uncle yet. Give them time. Give me time. Women generally like me, and I mean all women.”

  She laughed and nudged him. “I’ll bet.”

  “Now how about we take a drive to Knuckleheads for some more ice cream since yours seems to have melted? Maybe we can consider it a half date? I’m going to want to give you a real date soon. You figure out when.”

  “I’d love that.” She touched his face. “I didn’t expect this. Not even a little bit.”

  “Neither did I, but I couldn’t be happier.” He kissed her softly on the lips. “Come on. Let’s go.”

  She took his hand, and the way hers wrapped around his own was as perfect a fit as they come.

  Chapter 10

  A half date with Flynn was better than any full date Annie had ever experienced.

  He was treating her like a queen, as though they were eating in a famous restaurant like London’s Ledbury in Notting Hill. He’d opened the car door for her and helped her with her coat, but the gesture that had made her heart glow the most was the way he’d grandly topped her ice cream sundae with the three cherries from his own dessert after she’d said they were her favorite part.

  “I’m glad we came here,” Annie said, surveying the dwindling patrons as the hour grew later. No one she knew was here, and she felt giddy and free.

  He licked his spoon, something she was trying not to watch. Their kiss earlier had ignited deep fires inside her belly, and she was feeling itchy. It was too early to make love with him, but she was starting to fantasize about it. Or fantasize about it more.

  Where in the world would they have sex?

  Not at the house, because of her girls. And tongues would start wagging if she disappeared with him into his room at the Wingates’ inn.

  Did she care?

  Yeah, she kind of had to. She lived here, and her behavior would affect the girls. She’d experienced it firsthand when she’d come home because she was pregnant. Back then, the snide comments had bothered only her, but she knew the twins were old enough to understand such talk. What to do?

  “You’re thinking again,” he said, spooning up more vanilla ice cream. “What about?”

  She couldn’t tell him. Not yet. She started to blush at the thought.

  He chuckled softly. “I’ve been thinking about it too.”

  Her burst of embarrassed laughter had one of the employees behind the service counter looking over.

  “Let’s talk about something else,” Annie said. “Tell me more about your job at Merriam.”

  “My job is great because it’s so flexible,” he said. “I kinda wrote my own job description, and my dad approved it. I wanted to have a role in the company, and since I love tech, it seemed to be the way. It’s not my passion like art is for my brother, J.T., or plant science is for Michaela, but I’ve always been good at finding tech solutions for anything you throw at me.”

  Hadn’t he brainstormed off-the-cuff solutions for her production constraints in their first meeting?

  “My mom used to call me her little fix-it efficiency expert,” he said with a small smile, “and it was nice to have a special role. In such a big family, everyone needs to feel like they’re good at something and can contribute. By the way, my dad is the one coming to evaluate your company. It surprised me, but he’ll do a thorough job.”

  She dropped her spoon. “Your dad? As in the former CEO of Merriam Enterprises? Oh my God, I’m going to hyperventilate. There’s no way my books and standard operating procedures are going to be enough for him.”

  “Don’t worry,” he said, breezily waving his hand. “I was worried too, but my sister told me to just chill and let him do his thing. He says he just wants to be helpful.”

  “Helpful. Right. Okay.” First sex, and now his dad. She needed to move them to a safer topic. “How about your interest in fashion? Needless to say, there aren’t many men around here who care much about it.”

  “What can I say?” he asked. “Caitlyn and I grew up loving to read about it in the magazines my mom ordered. Those photos weren’t just about clothes and beautiful women to me. They captured far-off places and ways of life I wanted to experience. I also realized the clothes a person chooses are a statement about who they are—or who they want to be. In a way, it’s like creating a website. You’re sharing a story about something.”

  Annie’s heart bloomed. When had she last talked like this with anyone but Emily? “I guess that’s how I’ve always felt about makeup,” she confessed. “I started experimenting when I was pretty young. Emily helped. My first makeup was what I called chocolate kiss lip gloss. It was a horrid formula of Vaseline with chocolate chips melted in it. Disaster. But goodness, did she and I laugh. From there, I progressed to blush using dried hibiscus flowers from our backyard and then my take on bronzer with cornstarch and a mix of cinnamon powder.”

  “I would have loved to see that,” he said, leaning back in his chair. “How old were you?”

  “Eight. A long time ago.” Her dad had disciplined her for that, she remembered. He’d thought them too young for makeup. They’d had to either hide their fun or do it at Emily’s house. Her friend’s parents had always been more liberal about such matters.

  “Will you tell me why you don’t do any makeup products with your company?” He set his elbows on the table and gazed at her.

  She took a deep breath and pushed aside her ice cream. “I dropped out of the makeup program when I got pregnant with the twins.”

  He nodded and reached his hand across the table to her. She grasped it, feeling tears gather at the corners of her eyes.

  He ran his thumb gently over the back of her hand. “Tell me the full story, Annie.”

  Her throat started to feel scratchy and she coughed to clear it. “My dad was against me going to London for makeup school. Actually, he forbade it. You might wonder why it mattered since I was eighteen, but it did. My dad…was a tough man. He worked at the lumberyard. My mom believed the man should be the true head of the household, and she never challenged him. It was hard for me to challenge him too.”

  And didn’t Tom Loudermilk often remind her of her dad, so much so that sometimes she had to remind herself who she was dealing with.

  “Do you know how I reacted when I heard my dad was coming?” Flynn lifted his shoulder. “I called my sister and asked her to come sooner because I couldn’t deal with him on my own. We all have our things with our parents, Annie.”

  She nodded, grateful for the encouragement, but the thought of it was still like sucking on a sour pickle. “Anyway, I did what my dad thought was best. Ben too. He’d been my boyfriend since I’d turned sixteen. Everyone had it all planned out. We’d go to Ohio State. I would major in something like accounting or business management since I was good with numbers. Ben and I would get married after we graduated. Everyone was happy.”

  “Except for you.”

  She nodded. “Yeah, except for me. Emily and I had had other dreams. She was going to be a famous model, and I was going to be one of the most sought-after makeup arti
sts in the world. Only Emily’s parents had let her try out for local modeling jobs, and she was picked up by a modeling agency right out of high school.”

  A car pulled up to the restaurant, illuminating her through the window. That’s how she felt right now. In the spotlight. But it was time to say her piece and be done with it.

  “I went to college for a semester while Emily went off to Europe to start her career. I was so happy for her. But I was just going through the motions. The classes were boring, and Ben and I started to grow apart. We went from small-town Nemo, where everyone knew everyone, to Columbus, which is the second largest city in the Midwest after Chicago. There were new people—new boys in class—and Ben had always been a little possessive.”

  “You’re beautiful and smart and kind,” Flynn said. “Of course, boys would be flocking to you.”

  “I don’t know about that,” she said. “Anyway, I was unhappy and thinking about breaking up with Ben when my dad died. Right around this time of year. Next week, in fact. Everything went topsy-turvy. My mom needed me to handle things. I mean, my dad had always taken care of all of the finances—the car, insurance, the mortgage, you name it. I elected to take the semester off, and when I got my mom settled, she decided it would be easier to sell the house and move into an apartment closer to her sister in Florida since she didn’t have much to live on.”

  His green gaze seemed almost liquid with warmth. “So everything was on your shoulders. You’re amazing.”

  “I did what I had to do,” she said. “My mom is a nice woman, but she never wanted a career. That was fine for her, and I get that she was from a different generation. I was glad she left for Florida, honestly. I still feel guilty about it, just like I probably feel guilty that my dad dying made it possible for me to go to makeup school.”

  “Sometimes fate or the Universe has other plans for us,” he said, squeezing her hand. “I don’t want to speak badly about your parents. I’m sure they were nice people. But they didn’t support you. You should have been able to pursue your dreams, Annie. My family wasn’t perfect, but that’s something I’ll always be grateful for, along with the financial resources I don’t take for granted.”

  She rubbed the space between her brows, her throat tight. “I’m glad you had that, and it makes me feel better about meeting your father. Flynn, it was partly my fault. I should have fought harder for what I wanted. Spoken up more. That’s why I have all those signs posted around my house. I never want my girls to feel like they can’t speak. It’s a horrible feeling.”

  He ran his hand through his hair. “Then you should encourage them to talk to you about their concerns about me. Maybe it will help.”

  “Maybe it will,” she said, shifting in her chair. “So, on with my story… The moment my mom left, I told Ben I was going to Glauca Rossi in London. Emily told me to apply online and use her as a reference, a huge bonus since she was already a modeling star. I still had the money saved up from waitressing, and Emily said I could live with her. It felt like a miracle when I got in. Like my life was finally going places. Ben didn’t want to break up, and again, I didn’t stand my ground.”

  He thought about Caitlyn telling him to do the same recently. How interesting he and Annie had this in common too. “And you hoped—”

  “Distance and time would weaken things,” she finished for him. “It would all happen organically and easily.”

  “But it didn’t,” Flynn said. “I mean, why would he want to let you go?”

  “You can probably guess what happened.” Her skin started to itch from the shame of the memory. “Ben came to visit to see me, with the plan to travel around Europe during some of his summer break. I couldn’t talk him out of coming, and I’d just finished my first makeup course so I didn’t have an excuse.” God, it made her sick to think about how weak she’d been, how she’d just gone along with everything.

  “Keep going,” he said, pulling out a napkin from the napkin holder and handing it to her.

  She touched her face and felt tears. “I didn’t know I was crying.”

  “It’s okay,” he said, his green eyes soft. “This can’t be easy.”

  “It’s not. I hate what you must think of me. What I think of me.” She took a breath. “Emily was having me do her makeup at a fashion shoot to help me gain exposure, which kept me busy when he first arrived. He and I had arranged to go to Malta for a long weekend, and he said he’d pack my bag to help me. In the beginning of our relationship, he was always doing things like that for me. Getting groceries if I was studying late at the library. Heck, he even helped me pack up my things, both when I moved into the dorm and when I left it. Anyway, somehow he forgot my birth control even though I’d asked him to bring them.”

  “I don’t like where this is going,” Flynn said, his mouth twisting in distaste.

  She could still see the hotel room in Malta. Ben had stood beside the bed and watched as her hands rifled through her new, fashionable clothing. He hadn’t been upset. Later she’d realized he hadn’t helped her look because he’d known the pills weren’t there. He’d left them behind on purpose. When she’d asked, he’d only apologized for forgetting and told her not to worry.

  She’d tried to put him off that weekend, saying they didn’t have protection. She’d even offered to find him some condoms, but he’d never liked using condoms, and he’d insisted it was fine. It was only for a few days. What could happen?

  That’s all it had taken.

  “By the time I found out, Ben was back at school. Emily and I talked about my options, but I couldn’t bring myself to get an abortion. She thought maybe we could try and raise the baby together, but when I found out I was having twins, we both knew better. Finally, I had to tell Ben. I was ten weeks along, and I guess the fact that I’d waited so long to tell him was a message all on its own.” She wasn’t sure it was one they’d ever recovered from.

  “He insisted on you coming home, of course, and getting married,” Flynn said, shaking his head. “Jesus.”

  “Yes, and I agreed, not thinking it was something I could do alone.” She looked down in her lap. “I hated showing when we got married, and it was even worse that everyone knew our business. It’s still something I hope the twins don’t hear about from anyone else. When they’re older, I’ll have to find a way to tell them. I can’t tell you how much I’m dreading that.”

  “I know it’s not very charitable of me, but I’m not liking Ben much right now,” Flynn admitted. “That probably makes me a bad person, but frankly, I don’t care. Dammit, Annie, I wish I could have helped you and the girls back then.”

  Her sharp intake was audible, and she had to dot her eyes with the napkin again. “Help me? Flynn Merriam, you are the dearest man ever.”

  He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it. “Glad you think so because I plan to be around for a really long time if you’ll let me. I want to be part of your new normal, Annie.”

  “I like that. I like that a lot, Flynn. But I should tell you…I’m not the only one who had to give something up. Ben had to leave school too and join his father on the farm.”

  His eyes narrowed. “Was he planning on farming with Tom after he graduated college?”

  “Yes, but his dad wanted it more than he ever did.” Tom had loomed large in their lives even then.

  “Then I’m sorry, but he doesn’t get any points for that. He trapped you, and he ended up getting everything he wanted. From where I’m sitting, that makes him an asshole. Not that I would ever say that in front of your girls.”

  It actually felt good to hear his outrage on her behalf. She was so accustomed to having to bank her feelings and pretend they didn’t exist. “Emily is the only other person who was really upset about everything. I mean, she wanted to punch him when I told her everything. But like I said, I should have stood up for myself.”

  “Doesn’t make it right,” he said, but then he nodded. “Okay, I’m cooling down. Slowly and with the help of more ice cream. What el
se do you need to tell me?”

  She thought of those long, quiet nights at the beginning of her marriage. She’d lain awake next to Ben, tears soaking her pillow, and thought about the places she could have been, the fun she could have been having with Emily. The fulfillment she’d briefly experienced and then lost.

  Still, she’d participated in everything, every step of the way, and that was on her. “I don’t want this to come off as a black and white situation with Ben being wrong and me being in the right. It took me a lot of self-improvement books to realize I’d participated in everything. Maybe we shouldn’t have gotten married, but we did. We tried to make the best of things. He loved the girls, and he tried to be a good father and husband. I just…didn’t love him like a wife should, and that made it impossible for us to be happy.”

  “Well, even though I know it’s early and this is only half a date, I promise you’re going to be happy with me.” Flynn enfolded her hand in both of his. “You have my word, Annie.”

  His vow seemed to lift a weight from her heart. “Oh, Flynn, I promise to make you happy too.”

  He smiled more easily, and she knew he was setting aside his own turbulent feelings. “Well, it’s almost nine thirty. How about we find somewhere to park around here and make out before I take you home?”

  Goodness, she hadn’t parked since high school, and she shivered as images of them kissing and caressing each other in the car rolled through her mind. “I’d love that.”

  He stood and helped her into her coat, his fingers lingering on her nape. She trembled at his touch, and their eyes locked. His gaze was heated, and as if acting on their own volition, her hands reached for him, touching his chest before he broke away and pulled on his own coat.

  “Flynn… Thank you for not judging me.”

  “Why would I?” He threw out their trash and reached for her hand. “Come, my love. It’s about time you showed me the charm of these quiet country roads, don’t you think?”