Shayna jumped the first set of mats with ease, then turned back and waved mockingly at Mindy. Mindy shook her head. She couldn’t let herself be left behind.
For the next fifteen minutes, Mindy chased Shayna through the obstacle course, back around the rest of the track, and then through the obstacle course again. She didn’t catch up once, but she started to understand how this drill could be useful for a blocker, too. In her imagined scenario, in which most of the pack had tangled and fallen, if she were the only blocker still on her feet, she might need to keep ahead of the opposing team’s jammer. She could be preventing the other team from scoring as many points as possible, or even stopping the other jammer from becoming lead jammer.
Of course, if they were going to skate like this, she would probably be penalized for leaving the pack. But in a real match situation, the pack would disentangle themselves and be up again long before she made her way around the entire track.
Good thing, too, because her legs were screaming and her lungs were burning all over again. She almost didn’t realize that Shayna had rolled to a stop—and then when she did realize it, she let herself crash into Shayna anyway.
Shayna laughed as they caught each other, but her laugh was breathless. “I think that’s enough for today. It’s getting late.”
“Can’t argue with that. But I caught you.” Mindy kissed her. “What do I win?”
“We can take a break, and then you can help me put back the obstacles.”
“Yeah, that’s fair.” They skated slowly around the track, back to the locker room to drink their water and sit for a few minutes. Mindy’s muscles un-knotted as she relaxed, and they took their skates off before putting the obstacles back where they belonged. That gave them an upper-body workout, too. Mindy thought ruefully of the time before she’d started doing this extra practice with Shayna.
But she knew she was getting better every time, and she’d never have been able to do that without Shayna pushing her.
Much as she wanted to go home and get to work, it was hard to resist Shayna when she was right there. After they changed, she turned to Shayna with a grin. “So I don’t know if that was really a good prize. I’m sure you can come up with something else.”
Shayna’s mouth twitched up on one side. “Actually, I can.”
“Is it better than cupcakes?”
“I want to spend the night with you,” Shayna held up her hand to forestall Mindy’s excitement. “This isn’t a prelude to moving in. Not necessarily. But you’re right—it doesn’t make sense to hold back. I want to be with you, I’m just nervous. So is that okay?”
“Of course you can spend the night.” Mindy’s heart was exploding with joy, but she tried her best to hold it in so Shayna couldn’t see how excited she was. If Shayna was nervous, Mindy jumping up and down with excitement was only going to make it worse.
“I’d say we could go to my place—it’s closer—but…” Shayna grimaced.
Mindy put her hands on Shayna’s shoulders, forcing her to meet her eyes. “Shayna, if you really want me to spend the night at your apartment, I’d love to. But you’re the one who doesn’t feel like the place is yours. If you’re just trying to check off a box on some relationship checklist…”
Shayna shook her head quickly. “No. I really want to spend the night with you. I do love you, and I want to see what things are like between us when we’re more normal.”
Mindy grinned. “I’m always normal.”
“You know what I mean.” Shayna swatted at her. “When we’re not going out especially to see each other. On our first dates we were way outside our comfort zones, remember?”
“Of course I remember,” Mindy said softly. She didn’t think she would ever forget that first date with Shayna, having sex in the bathroom of the cheesy club—but she hoped she would never forget any moment with Shayna.
“And I fell for you anyway. But I want to make sure that we still like each other first thing in the morning when we haven’t had our coffee or brushed our teeth.”
Mindy took a deep breath. Now she was starting to get nervous, even though Shayna had seen her first thing in the morning—her morning. “If you’re not sure if you’ll like me then, maybe you are just checking a box.”
“I also went to spend time with you. I want to spend all day with you. I want to see you in your natural habitat, when you’re not going out of your way to pay attention to me.” Shayna’s grin went lopsided. “And, of course, I want to make sure you still want me when I’m hungry and scratching my ass and ignoring you.”
Mindy pulled her close and kissed her. “I’ll always want you. I want you right now.”
“Then let’s hurry back to your apartment, huh?”
They did make a detour—the spontaneous plan meant Shayna had only brought her roller-derby stuff with her. They had to stop at Shayna’s place to pick up clothes for the next day, her toothbrush, her fancy body wash, and whatever other little sundries she needed.
Mindy didn’t make a peep of complaint, not even when they rode that disturbing brass-mirrored elevator all the way up. Even though it was a longer wait until she could get back to work. Because she was finally getting her Shayna in her home. She was going to get that daydream of her working at her desk by the window and Shayna lounging on the couch with a book.
When Shayna emerged from the bathroom with her bag packed, though, Mindy did have to step back and take a deep breath. They had to face all of the facts. “I know you said you want to see what I’m like when I’m not paying attention to you, but you realize I’m going to actually have to work, right? Earlier, I was trying to get things done as quickly as possible so I could pay attention to you again. But when I’m really working, you might be a distraction. I might need to put on headphones, so I can’t even hear you if you want something.”
Shayna smiled, walked closer, and kissed Mindy on the cheek. “You didn’t think of that when you asked me to move in with you a couple weeks ago, did you?”
“If we lived together, that would be different. That would be our normal life. This is a date, it’s just a date that’s at my apartment.”
Shayna shook her head. “Do you really think there’s such a clear-cut line?”
“I want this to work out,” Mindy said honestly. “I want you to understand what you’re getting into.”
“I know, sweetheart. I promise that’s what I want. I mean, it’s what I want to try out, to see if we can both handle it.” She grabbed her book off the back of the couch. “I think that I’m going to enjoy just being in the same room with you, and I want to see if I’m right about that.”
“Well, okay. Let’s go, then.”
Mindy was glad to get out of the fancy apartment building, then even gladder to get on the subway, even though it was a long and smelly ride home. She was with Shayna. And Shayna smelled good—even covered in sweat.
She practically dragged Shayna into the apartment building, up the stairs, and into her place. Shayna laughed as Mindy pulled her to the bed. “We’re both gross! We should shower.”
“We’re just going to get grosser,” Mindy said, climbing up next to Shayna. “Might as well get all sticky, then wash it all off, huh?” She nuzzled Shayna’s neck and ear, sending hot breaths over her flushed skin.
Shayna shivered all over. “You were supposed to get back to work. This is supposed to be like a normal day.”
“Believe me, shayna maidele, if you move in, this will be a normal day.” Mindy stripped off Shayna’s damp tank top, then undid the clasp of her bra, peeling it off carefully to reveal those lush breasts.
“I don’t know,” Shayna said, pulling off Mindy’s clothes as she spoke. “If we just have sex all the time, how will we be able to do anything else?”
Mindy sucked one of Shayna’s nipples into her mouth before answering. “We won’t need to do anything else. Sleep, eat, work, fuck. I’ll work the whole time you’re at the bakery and on the bus, and that way we’ll both have good schedules
, right?”
Shayna wriggled under Mindy’s ministrations. “You skipped roller derby.”
“Who needs derby? I’ve got the distraction I need right here.” Mindy dived between Shayna’s thighs.
“Is that what roller derby is to you?”
Mindy sighed gustily so that her breath rolled over Shayna’s vulva. She was satisfied with the squirm it produced, but much as she wasn’t interested in conversation right now, she didn’t want to make Shayna think she was ignoring her. “Can we talk about this later? Not that it isn’t an interesting topic, but I’ve got a naked girlfriend in front of me right now.”
Shayna giggled and opened her legs to let Mindy in. “I guess we can put off the deep conversation for—oh…”
Mindy could just see Shayna throw her head back as she went to work with her tongue, lapping all around Shayna’s inner folds and up and over her clitoris. She sucked Shayna’s sweet-salty juices, curling her tongue around that swollen nub. Shayna was so lush, so sexy, so incredibly delightful. Mindy had no idea how she’d gotten so lucky.
And she always kept her promises. Much better than Mindy’s previous girlfriends. She doubled down, pressing and stroking with her tongue until Shayna was screaming. Harder and faster, she thought. She had to make Shayna the happiest girl in the world—as happy as she deserved to be.
Shayna’s scream, as she came apart around Mindy, was everything she wanted to hear.
Chapter 19
Mindy awoke to the delicious smell of coffee.
Her phone wasn’t going off and she had no reason to get up at any particular time, but the blankets were rumpled in an unfamiliar way, and as long as it had been since she’d had overnight company, she recognized the feeling. She recognized a few other feelings, too: she was dehydrated, her eyes were gummy, and her hair was a tangled mess.
Still, she crawled out of bed, put pants on, and walked out to the living room, then past it to the kitchen. Sure enough, Shayna was standing there, staring at the coffee machine. Mindy felt warmth all over at the sight of her girlfriend in a thong and T-shirt in her kitchen.
She walked up and slid her arms around Shayna’s waist. “Morning, gorgeous.”
“Hey.” Shayna glanced up at her with a smile. “I was going to make pancakes, but you don’t have any flour.”
“Coffee is all I need.”
“You need calories, too.”
“So I’ll put cream in my coffee.”
Shayna snorted. “Okay, I need more calories than that.”
“Do you want to go out and get bagels or something?” The coffee machine beeped, and Mindy reluctantly removed her arms from Shayna to get two mugs out of the cabinet.
Shayna didn’t respond. She was still staring at the coffee machine.
Mindy pulled out the carafe and poured both mugs full with room, then went to the fridge for the cream. “Did you want cream?” she asked as she poured some into her own.
“Yeah.”
She poured the cream, then held Shayna’s mug out to her. “You can add the sugar yourself. I don’t like mine sweet, so I don’t know how much is good.”
That made Shayna half smile as she looked around the kitchen. “Where is the… oh, I see it.” She grabbed the sugar, opened drawers until she found the spoons, then scooped a generous spoonful of sugar into her coffee and stirred.
Mindy leaned against the counter, taking a deep drink of the life-enriching liquid. She felt better already. “Once you move in with me, you’ll get to know where everything is pretty quickly.”
Shayna stared into her mug, not drinking. “If I moved in with you, we would have to buy flour. I would want to make pancakes at least once a week.”
“See? There are many benefits.”
“You can’t afford to buy food for me and yourself.”
“I never offered to be your sugar mama. You—”
Shayna put down her mug so hard that pale coffee sloshed over the side and spilled on the counter. There was a moment of shocked silence, when Mindy had no idea what to say.
“Sorry,” Shayna said quietly.
Mindy reached behind her shoulder and tore a couple of paper towels off the roll. “No need to apologize. It’s not a big mess. Trash can’s under the sink.”
Shayna nodded and sopped up the spilled coffee with the paper towels. Mindy watched her until she’d finally had a sip of coffee. That would make her feel better.
“Anyway, you have a job,” Mindy said. “Remember, I had it all planned out. You can pay for your share of the food. If you’re going to be cooking, I’ll probably be spending less on food anyway. I get processed food way more than I should. See, moving in together is the way of wise money management. I know you appreciate that.”
Shayna stared into her mug. “I appreciate that you’re a good money manager. I know you are. But I don’t know anything about it. I told you my parents pay for everything.”
Mindy frowned. “They pay for your apartment. They don’t buy your food. Do they?”
“If I need money at the end of the month, my dad will just pay off my credit card for me. And they send me gifts—my mom sends me shoes, my dad bought half my derby gear. It’s just the way they show affection.”
“Can they afford that?”
Shayna looked up. “Oh, they’re fine. They’re corporate lawyers and they each have at least one accountant.” She looked so sad that Mindy put her mug down and took a step toward her, but Shayna held her own mug in front of her like a shield. “I have a degree in history and I’ve never used it, because I didn’t pay anything for college and it didn’t mean anything to me. I don’t have a plan like you do. I don’t have a focus.”
“That’s okay,” Mindy said, completely baffled. “You don’t need one. You can just do jobs that get you through the day. I was lucky enough to find something I love and can work hard at, but not everyone gets that.”
Shayna shook her head. “I’ve always done things just because I like them. I don’t know how to work hard.”
Mindy raised her eyebrows. “You work hard at roller derby.”
“I can’t make a living at roller derby.”
“There are roller derby jobs. You could sell derby gear or something.” Mindy tried to come up with ideas for jobs Shayna could look for, but all she could think of was Megan’s job at a skate shop, and if Shayna was already upset, she didn’t want to bring up Megan. She took another drink of her coffee.
“I don’t want to do that. Making money from anything related to roller derby would sully it. It wouldn’t be my escape anymore.”
“Money isn’t an evil thing, you know. It’s just a tool. You use it to get roller skates and Girl Scout cookies, because no one will trade a cupcake directly for a set of skates.”
Shayna took a step back, still holding her mug in front of her lovely chest. “That’s exactly it. It’s a tool that separates people. I can’t rely on you for money.”
Mindy stared at her. Was that what this was all about? She thought living together would push them apart if she relied on Mindy for money? “You can rely on your parents for money, but not your girlfriend? I told you I loved you—don’t you believe it? You don’t believe your parents do.”
“I separated from them a long time ago,” Shayna said, her voice rising. “They chose that. They chose to make money their only way to relate to me. They chose to divorce and take my family away from me.”
“I’m not going to divorce you.”
“How do you know that?” Shayna’s voice spiraled higher. “They were married for ten years and nothing, not even their daughter who loved them, could keep them in the same house any longer than that.”
Alarmed, Mindy stepped forward and took the mug gently out of Shayna’s hands, setting it aside so she could hug Shayna close. “It won’t be like that. We won’t be like that. I promise I’ll never leave you.”
Shayna shook her head, pressing her face into Mindy’s breastbone. “You can’t promise something like that. People
change. What if I held you to your promise and in ten years you hated me and we were stuck in misery because you wouldn’t leave?”
Mindy took a deep breath, holding her tight. “Okay, you’re right, but people don’t change completely, all at once. I may not be able to promise that we’ll always be perfect together, but I can promise that I’ll never use money as a tool to put space between us. Money will never be a substitute for love for us. That’s just not the way my mind works. If I have to put something in to replace love, it’ll be cookies.”
Shayna made a noise against Mindy’s shirt that could have been a laugh or a sob or a snort. “You can’t just say that and make it be true forever.”
“Why not?” Mindy’s arms tightened even further around Shayna. “Why can’t you just believe me that the way I feel doesn’t change?”
“Because that’s not how people are!” Shayna pushed herself away from Mindy until she could stare up into her face. “People are selfish and they’ll just use others to get what they want!”
“Is that what you think of me?” Mindy let go of Shayna. “I’m not your parents, Shayna. I don’t know how many ways I have to tell you that. How can you be so cynical about everything?”
“How can you be an optimist about everything?” Shayna shook her head, taking a step back. “This—us—you only see the way you want things to happen, and you don’t accept any other explanation.”
“And what other way am I supposed to see things? I’m looking at what really happens.”
“No, you’re looking at what you want to happen. The way things will be if everything is perfect and nothing changes.” Shayna held out her palm and stabbed her fingers into it for emphasis. “Roller derby. Your job. Our relationship. You just think that they’re going to go on the way they always have and you don’t have to change anything.”
“That’s not true.” Mindy stepped back, stung. “I don’t think our relationship is going to be perfect forever—I know we’ll have to work at it. But I love you, and I’m willing to put in the work.”
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