My fingers still itched to make the call. I made myself walk away and look in the fridge. I needed to see if I had stuff to cook dinner for Macey. Of course I didn’t. I’d been preoccupied with Sonnie.
I shut the fridge door and sighed. As much as I found Sonnie fascinating, it needed to wait. I couldn’t slack on my other duties. I couldn’t let my responsibility to Macey slip. Simple stuff like remembering to buy groceries mattered.
Lilah dropped Macey off a little while later. Macey, excited to see me, rambled to me about her day at school. She was still oblivious to the tension between her mother and me. I wanted to keep it that way. She deserved better.
I was just about to order takeout for us when my phone rang. I hugged Macey to my chest while I took the call. She was busy playing a handheld game and muttering to herself about trolls.
“Hello?”
“Cooper. Hi, son.” My mom’s voice sounded different. The ambient noise was different, too. I could hear traffic in the background.
“Hey. Everything okay?”
She sighed, like usual. “Everything’s fine. I… We have a surprise for you.”
My chest tightened. “What is it?”
“We came to see you!” She rushed on. “Ted and I had some time off from work and we figured if we wanted this to happen, we needed to make the effort. So we’re in town. Technically, we’re in the city. Isn’t that crazy?”
I closed my eyes and blew out a rough breath. I couldn’t be mean to my mother. She was my mother, for Christ’s sake. She knew it, too. She was pushing me into doing what she wanted. Once again, I was being manipulated by the women in my life.
Through a cloud of frustration, I forced words through my jaw that suddenly felt brittle from the effort. “Yeah, it is. How long are you in town?”
“We haven’t booked the return trip yet. So, it’s really up to you. We have a reservation at a restaurant here tonight. I went ahead and booked it for you to join us, but if you’re busy, we can reschedule.”
“Mom, I have Macey tonight.” I meant it as an excuse to get out of going, but her excited gasp let me know I’d miscalculated.
“Oh, that’s amazing! Bring her! I’m so excited to see her, Cooper!”
I looked down and found Macey watching me. Her eyes were curious and her game forgotten. Guilt nagged at me as I thought about her grandparents. Lilah’s mother was just as bad as her sister. If the kid had any hope of having a relationship with normal grandparents, my mom was it.
“Okay. Message me the restaurant and time.”
Mom cheered and her voice sounded years lighter. “I’m so happy, Coop. It’s been too long.”
I wanted to argue and get out of it, but I had the night off and it was something I had to do eventually. I just hadn’t thought it would be so soon, or when my brain was riddled with thoughts of Sonnie.
“All right. Well, we’ll see you there.”
“I love you.” The tears in her voice were back and I had to wonder if she could tell me she loved me without them. And why.
“Love you too, Mom.”
I hung up to a list of questions from Macey. “Mom? My mom?”
I ruffled her hair. “No, silly. My mom. Your grandma.”
“Grandma Maggie?”
“No, that’s your mom’s mom.”
Her little face scrunched up and she frowned.
“You met my mom when you were little, but it’s been a while since you’ve seen her. You’ll get to see her again tonight. We’re going out for dinner.”
Her eyes lit up. “Can we get dressed up?”
I got a message from Mom’s phone with the restaurant and time of dinner at that moment and realized that, yes, we could dress up. It was a nice restaurant and my BDUs wouldn’t cut it.
“We can dress up. Let’s go see what’s in your closet here.”
An hour later we were on our way to the city. Macey was dressed in a slightly too small maroon dress and her tennis shoes. We didn’t have nice shoes at my house in her new size and the old shoes were way too small. The dress had barely fit. I’d managed to convince her that wearing tennis shoes with a dress was cute.
I was in black dress pants and a white button-down that made me feel like I was choking. My feet were cramped in dress shoes and I’d combed my hair. I felt like a horse’s ass dressed up, but I put on a good show for Macey.
She had lip gloss in her little backpack and she’d shown me she knew how to put it on while I was brushing my teeth. It went outside of her lips, but she looked adorable.
We were quite the pair. I’d skipped shaving for the second day in a row, so I was sporting a good bit of a beard, which Macey pressed her sticky lips into. I was sure my face held just as much of the glittery stuff as hers did. I didn’t mind, though. She was happy.
We drove into the city, Macey babbling the whole time about a little boy in her class. She informed me that she was going to date him when they were older. When I told her that she was too young to be looking at little boys, she gave me a look that said I was dumb. It seemed that dressing her up and taking her out had aged her by ten years. It was obvious that she felt more grown-up and loved it.
The restaurant was on the bottom floor of a hotel. The parking garage was full, so we ended up parking farther away and hiking over. It was full and thick with people dressed in suits and formal dresses when we did reach the entrance. I could still see Mom’s shockingly red hair through the crowd.
She sat at a table towards the front of the room, dressed in a sleek black dress. She was smaller than I remembered. She looked stunning, way younger than her age. Across from her was a large man with a thick head of white hair and a jolly look to his face. They were about as matched as Macey’s dress and shoes.
Macey tugged at my hand and pointed to the woman beside her. “So pretty.”
I smiled at the woman and pulled Macey away. The woman had been wearing the lowest-cut red dress that I’d ever seen and the idea of Macey liking the style gave me serious Dad Rejection. I tried to be progressive with her, but the thought of her dressing that way brought out every caveman instinct I had. I had to force myself to keep walking and forget it, instead of shaking my finger at her and buying her a potato sack.
We were still a few feet away from their table when Mom’s eyes found me and widened. She stood up from the table and rushed us. Her eyes were instantly watering and she all but threw herself into my arms. I caught her with the arm not linked to Macey and ignored the stabbing feeling of pain in my chest that always happened when I thought of Dad.
“Honey! Look at you!” Her eyes moved to Macey and widened. “Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh!”
Macey stepped into my leg and wrapped her arm around me. She looked up at me and pouted, her bottom lip poking out.
I scooped her into my arms and smiled at her to show that she had nothing to be worried about. “Macey, this is your Grandma Martha. You were a little baby the last time she saw you.”
Mom patted tears away from under her eyes and smiled. “You’ve grown so much, Macey. You’re beautiful.”
The man I was assuming was Ted appeared behind Mom and gave me a warm smile. “It’s nice to finally meet you. I’m Ted.”
Mom waved her napkin and laughed. “Look at me! I’m so sorry, Ted. Honey, let me introduce you. Cooper, this is Ted. Ted, this is Cooper. And Macey, Cooper’s daughter.”
I nodded to the man and motioned towards the table. I couldn’t lie and say I wasn’t ready to get it started so that it could end.
It was awkward at first. Macey was shy and wasn’t sure what to do at the table with all the fancy silverware. Ted instantly won her over, though. He was warm and funny. Before we’d even been served our salads, Macey was standing between Mom and Ted, listening as Ted told an animated story about when he was a boy. I remained awkward. I felt bitter resentment towards the man sitting next to me that I couldn’t suppress through the power of being an adult about shit.
I thought of Dad and how hear
tbroken he would’ve been. A part of me wondered if he’d found out and just given up on living. I knew that heartbreak didn’t kill a man. Logically. I knew what killed men, intimately. Yet the boy in me was angry and felt like maybe heartbreak did kill him.
I wanted to leave so badly that my skin itched and I couldn’t stop sweating. When a man at a table next to us set his knife to his glass to get his table’s attention, I jerked. Not a stranger to anxiety, I knew my body was having a physical reaction to something emotional. It pissed me off that I couldn’t control it and I punished myself by forcing myself to sit through it.
Only when the last bite was eaten did I let myself drop my napkin into my plate and begin the act of excusing us from the table. Mom and Ted protested us leaving so soon. Macey protested us leaving. I was the only person eager to get away. So I sat there for a while longer, answering questions about the firm and my life.
I felt the weight of it all sitting heavier and heavier on my shoulders. It was the normal that I couldn’t handle very well. While everyone around us laughed and had a great time, I felt disconnected. While Macey fawned over her newfound grandparents, and was fawned over, I felt disconnected.
I wanted to go back to work. I knew the rules there. At a dinner table in the city, with the woman who’d birthed me, her new husband, and my daughter, I didn’t know the rules. Was I allowed to still be angry at my mom and Ted? Was I expected to act like nothing happened? I felt embarrassed at the lack of control I possessed when it came to my emotions on the subject and I wanted nothing more than to get away from it all.
Everyone else was having a good time, though. So I sat there and let them. Even when I felt myself sweat through the back of my shirt. Even when my hands shook as I reached for the water glass.
Chapter 12
Sonnie
I was an idiot. More than usual. I’d gone above and beyond to embarrass myself and it was sitting with me like an angry toddler on an airplane.
I looked about at the faces around me and tried not to outwardly wince. It was hard. It wasn’t that I didn’t enjoy the company. I’m sure all the men around were really great. It was that… they weren’t who I was expecting.
I’d made the foolish mistake of assuming that Cooper was coming over. But he wasn’t coming over because he didn’t come over. He worked. He showed up for shifts. I was his job.
I’d assumed he was coming over, though, and in some freaking slip of the mind, I thought it would be nice to cook him dinner. Dinner. I screamed internally at how stupid I’d been.
I’d not only made him dinner, but I’d gotten dressed up. Something was seriously wrong with me. I’d showered, shaved, put on a dress, and done my hair and makeup. Like a complete goober. It looked like a date. Dinner, a dress, makeup. It was a date. I’d made all the steps of asking Cooper out on a date, basically. He’d called out of work.
I had to resist the urge to bury my head in my hands as I recalled the moment the doorbell had rung and I’d flounced down the stairs to it and opened it to reveal… not Cooper. It’d been Tucker and Branson, coming to do the night shift. I’d stupidly tilted my head to the side and asked where Cooper was. What was worse was the look they’d shared before pasting on smiles and telling me he’d taken the night off.
Because I was a job! I felt the urge to scream again, but was interrupted by Tucker burping and then laughing lightly as he blushed.
“Sorry, ma’am.” He nodded to his plate. “This is really good.”
That’s right. I’d tried to make it better by saying that I’d made them all dinner to show gratitude for them showing up to help me. So, I was sitting at the island with the two men, eating a ridiculously small portion because it was a dinner made for two, stretched to feed three, and trying to make small talk that didn’t make me want to shove a nail into my eye to get out of it.
So far, it wasn’t working.
“Thanks. It’s an old family recipe.” From someone else’s family. Why had I said that? Ugh. I was flailing.
Both men had to know that I’d made dinner for Cooper and he hadn’t shown up. It made me feel even worse that they were probably assuming I’d been blown off.
As soon as they finished their last bites, I was up and clearing the counter. I put the dishes in the dishwasher and started it before turning back to face them. I didn’t know what to say. They were nice men, I was sure, but I was mortified and wanted to be alone to lick my wounds.
Tucker seemed to take the hint. “We’re going to check around the property for a bit before one of us comes back in for the night.”
I nodded and thanked them again. I wanted to call Kellie and tell her all about how thoroughly I’d embarrassed myself, but she was at a dinner that night. She’d wanted to cancel it to come and stay with me, until everything was resolved, her words, but I’d refused to let her. I was regretting that after the amazingly uncomfortable dinner I’d just had.
I don’t know what I’d been thinking. Well, I knew, but it was unflattering. Cooper’s words to me had gone to my head and I’d ignored all the things that pointed to trying something with him being a bad idea. He was literally guarding me from my husband. I was a moron who couldn’t help thinking with her vagina when it came to Cooper.
I cleaned the kitchen and finished insulting myself to the sound of my phone ringing from my office. I wasn’t in a rush to get it because I knew where Kellie was and there was nothing urgent going on with work. I’d actually taken some time off from work to deal with everything. For fear of writer’s block.
When I was done, I made my way to the office to check it, though. A missed call from Jake flashed across the screen, with a text below it. I opened the text with shaking hands to see that he’d messaged me to let me know that he missed me and he’d see me soon.
Fury tore through me. Something about coming off the heels of embarrassing myself so thoroughly really built me up. Before I knew what I was doing, I was dialing Jake and standing in the middle of my office, with my hands on my hips.
As soon as he answered, I went in. “How dare you, Jake. You will not see me soon. I filed paperwork to get a restraining order against you. It’ll go before a judge tomorrow and I’m sure you’ll hear about it soon. You have a lot of nerve.”
“We’re married, Sonnie. You think a restraining order will keep me away from you?”
“We’re not going to be married for long. I’m over this. Whatever game you’re playing, it’s over.”
“It’s not over yet. It’s not over until I decide.”
A chill ran down my back, but I held on to the anger. “What is this all about, Jake?”
“I just want to be with my wife. Is that so hard to understand? You’re just making this all so much harder than it has to be.”
“Go to hell, Jake. This is over. I’ve got security. You might as well go on with your life.”
“I know all about your security, Sonnie. They won’t stop me if I want to get to you.”
I hung up, fear creeping up my spine. My heart beat rapidly in my chest and my mouth had gone dry. He had lost his damn mind. He didn’t even sound the same.
My phone rang in my hand, startling me. I answered it without looking. “Look, you asshole! I’m done with this!”
“Sonnie! What has gotten into you? Who are you talking to like that?” My mother’s voice was shocked beyond belief.
I realized that I hadn’t told her anything that was going on with Jake and felt instantly guilty and overwhelmed. The idea of getting into it was stressful. I didn’t know if she’d see how awful what Jake was doing was, and the idea of having to hate my mother if she didn’t get it was a lot.
“Sorry, Mom.” I hesitated as I looked for the right words. “I… Jake has been harassing me and I thought it was him calling.”
“Honey! You mean he’s still sending you flowers? With a mouth like yours, you won’t get a better man.”
I seethed. The worst part was, she probably really thought that there was nothing wrong
with what she’d said. She probably really believed that. It was disgusting. “If I can’t get better than Jake Stovall, I don’t deserve a man. Nor would I want one.”
“Sonnie! What’s going on?” The June Cleaver act was gone for the moment. Real concern peppered her voice. “Are you okay?”
I quickly, and without emotion, told her what’d been going on. Just so she would stop suggesting that I take Jake back. I didn’t tell her that my face looked so rough under the layers of color-correcting makeup I’d applied that it was like a horror movie. I didn’t tell her that I’d had to wear a dress with long sleeves to cover my arms. She was horrified enough without those details.
“Oh, baby. I’m so sorry. Do you need me to come stay with you?”
“No, Mom. I’ve got bodyguards for that.” I laughed. “Thank you for offering, though.”
“Oh, Sonnie. I feel terrible. Of course you shouldn’t take him back. He’s awful. You want me to call your Uncle Chuck? You know he has those rough friends.”
I closed my eyes and shook my head. My mother was a nut. The rough friends she was talking about were guys with beards who played chess with Uncle Chuck in a park every Thursday morning. She’d seen one of them spit once and since then had been convinced they were hooligans.
“No, thanks. The guys here have got it covered.”
“Well, are they handsome, at least? You’ll need a new husband after this.”
I blew out a rough breath. “Mom, I’ve got to go.”
“Aw, just tell me if they’re handsome, Sonnie.”
“Fine. Kellie says they are.”
“Oh, wow. Are they single?”
I scoffed. “Goodbye, Mom.”
“Wait, Sonnie. I’m just saying. If Kellie says they’re handsome, they must really be. She doesn’t have a dog in the show. She can be objective.”
Needless to say, listening to my mom make Kellie’s being a lesbian a good tool to tell whether or not men are hot wasn’t on my list of things I wanted to do. “Love you!”
Black Dog Security- Complete 5-Part Series Page 8