by Nicola Marsh
‘What we had is called fucking. Don’t mistake it for something it’s not.’
He’s staring at me with barely concealed dislike and a tiny part of my heart cracks at that moment.
He’s gone too far and there’s no coming back from this.
‘That’s a low blow.’ I stand and take a few steps back, willing my feet to step and not run like I want to. ‘I pegged you for many things, a coward wasn’t one of them.’
I turn my back on him and walk towards the door.
‘Launch the website as we previously agreed.’ It’s a barked order from a man who has retreated emotionally and is treating me like the hired subordinate I am.
It’s not his fault I feel cheap and used, because we both agreed to a fling. But I felt the same way when I walked out on Casper: like I’d given him a tiny piece of my soul that I’d never get back.
‘Okay.’ My voice is amazingly calm considering I’m a wreck inside.
I continue striding towards the door. I need him to stop me, to hold me, to comfort me. To admit he’s made a mistake. To tell me he feels the same way I do. To apologise for being a cold, heartless jerk.
I will him to do it.
When he doesn’t I know we’re officially over.
I wait until I reach the shadows of the towering palms outside my villa to let my tears fall.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Hart
I’VE GONE TOO FAR.
But there’s no turning back.
I knew what I was doing when I deliberately taunted Daisy in such a crass way. I knew she’d walk away. It’s what I wanted. Because the moment she articulated exactly how I feel, like she could see right through me, I had to end it.
‘Is this how you were with your grandfather? Pushing him away until he had no choice but to let you go? If so, I feel sorry for you. You like to blame everyone for your misfortune rather than face up to your past and your abandonment issues...’
It wouldn’t have mattered what she said after that, I had to drive her away. Belittling what we shared was guaranteed to do that.
I’m a fool. I’ve been so hell-bent on proving that all we had was great sex that I didn’t see the moment it moved beyond that. I’m also a coward because rather than explain why I can’t take this thing between us further, I deliberately let her think otherwise.
She’ll think I used her. She’ll think I’m an A-grade prick. I should be glad. Yet all I feel is hollow inside and my face is numb, like all those times I had to pretend being ignored or bullied or abused meant nothing.
There’s a knock at the office door and Kevin sticks his head around it. ‘You wanted to see me?’
‘Yeah, come in.’
I need to forge ahead with my plans, sooner rather than later.
‘Are you okay?’ He sits on the other side of my desk and I determinedly try to ignore the memory of Daisy and me and what we did there. ‘You look awful.’
‘Just tired.’
Wisely, Kevin doesn’t call me on the bullshit even though he continues to stare at me with blatant curiosity. ‘What’s up?’
‘I’ve made a decision regarding the general manager position here on the island.’
His eyebrows shoot up. ‘But you haven’t interviewed anyone yet.’
‘I’ve scoured the applicants’ CVs and done remote interviews by videoconferencing.’
‘Right.’ Disappointment downturns his mouth, which gives me hope that he’ll jump at the opportunity I’m about to offer him.
‘But none of the applicants impressed me as much as you do, so I’d like to offer you the position.’
Kevin’s jaw drops before he quickly shuts it and straightens. ‘You’re serious?’
‘One hundred per cent.’ I gesture at the office. ‘I know you refused when I first offered you the position but since I’ve been here I’ve watched you and I can’t think of a better candidate. You’ve spent enough time alongside Pa, three frigging decades. You know how this place operates better than anyone else. I can’t think of a more capable manager to ensure the Gem Island resort moves forward and continues to grow.’
‘I won’t refuse this time. Besides, the missus kicked my ass after I did the first time.’ He grins like I’ve handed him the keys to the kingdom and holds out his hand. ‘Thanks, mate. I won’t let you down.’
‘I know you won’t.’ I shake his hand, relieved the first part of my plan has gone so smoothly. ‘There’s just one hitch.’
‘What is it?’
‘You need to start now.’
He laughs. ‘Nice one.’
‘I’m not kidding. I need to fly to Melbourne shortly and I’m not sure how long I’ll be gone. And if all goes well down there I may not be back for a while.’
Confusion creases his brow. ‘I don’t understand. We haven’t launched the new website yet—’
‘Daisy’s handling that. It will go live tomorrow morning, along with a bunch of pre-recorded podcasts and trailers shot around the island over the last week.’
‘So Daisy’s sticking around but you’re leaving?’
I don’t like where this is going. I thought we were discreet but Kevin sounds like he knows.
‘Yes.’
I don’t offer more than a curt affirmation, hoping he’ll leave it at that.
‘But I thought...’ He gives a rueful chuckle. ‘Never mind.’
Relieved that Kevin isn’t probing, I turn my computer screen so he can see what I’ve been working on. ‘This is the reason I’m going to Melbourne. To meet with the founder of the Australian foster kids association and get the ball rolling on my idea.’
Kevin peruses the screen, reading quickly, before meeting my gaze head-on. ‘What do you have in mind?’
‘You know those old villas at the back of the property?’
He nods.
‘I want to turn those into a holiday destination for foster kids and their families. Give them something that most never have, time away from the drudgery of their lives. Open up new horizons. Let them see there’s more to life.’
‘Wow, impressive.’
Kevin’s audible admiration encourages me to continue.
‘I want it up and running sooner rather than later, and I want to advertise the fact. But Daisy didn’t agree initially.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I wanted to add this onto the resort’s main website so when prospective families look this place up they can see what’s on offer. She agreed, but only if I’m the face of both campaigns to pull them together.’
‘Sounds sensible—’
‘It’s not.’ I shake my head, residual anger making me grit my teeth. ‘I’m a private person. I don’t want my face bandied around as some do-gooder. So the kids’ programme needs to be an adjunct of what we’ve already come up with.’
A small frown appears between his brows. ‘Isn’t that muddying the message?’
My expression tightens but I give him a chance to elaborate.
‘I mean, the whole aim of this PR campaign was to re-establish faith in consumers that the Rochester brand is being reinvigorated and going from strength to strength despite your grandfather’s death. We want to promote the hell out of his island, use it as some kind of flagship resort, increase bookings by fifty per cent, and to do all that you hired a PR firm.’
Annoyed by his logic telling me nothing I don’t already know, I say, ‘And your point is?’
‘While I think your idea for foster families is brilliant, I agree with Daisy. To make all this work cohesively, the rebranding and your idea, we need to make you the new face of the brand.’
I open my mouth to respond and he holds up his hand. I should be outraged but all I can think is he’ll make a damn fine manager.
‘I don’t mean that to sound snobby or to reflect badl
y on the foster programme at all, but I think we have a great opportunity here to do something for those kids and why would you want to rush it without giving the programme due diligence?’
I nod, begrudgingly admitting he’s made a valid point. ‘I’m not trying to rush anything but the way I see it, why not make use of the launch to gain free publicity rather than having to duplicate all over again when the programme is up and running?’
‘But won’t you just have a vague outline of the programme if you add it onto the new website, with a “coming soon” label? Is that really the publicity you want when you could make a much bigger impact when there’s actually something to see and links to bookings? Unless your ugly mug is plastered all over the website, only then will everyone know what you represent. High-end glamour for tourists and generous lodgings for kids in need.’
Fuck, he’s making sense.
‘You’re right, but we’re going ahead as planned.’ I thump my desk in frustration and he jumps. ‘Sorry. I fucked up with Daisy over this.’
‘She’s a professional, she’ll do what’s best for the Rochester brand.’
Yeah, but what about what’s best for me?
I’ve never had anyone see through me the way she did. Even Pa didn’t know the root of my problems and why I could never fully trust him. But she mentioned my abandonment issues with my dad like they were the most obvious thing in the world and the moment she said it, everything seemed so clear. My residual resentment, my quickness to push people away, my repressed emotions... I still blame my dad even though I dismissed him years ago as having no relevance in my life whatsoever.
Daisy helped me gain clarity and how did I repay her? By pushing her away like I do with everyone else. My gut churns and I grimace.
Kevin chuckles. ‘I knew I was right. You two are an item.’
‘We’re not...’ The automatic refusal dies on my lips.
We’re something, but I don’t know how to label what we are. Were. Considering I’ve fucked up deliberately.
‘She’s a nice girl. Good head on her shoulders.’ He snickers. ‘And anyone can see you two combust whenever you’re near each other.’
‘Is it that obvious?’
‘Yeah, though only if you’re looking for it.’ He taps his chest. ‘I’m an old gossip from way back. Your grandfather always said so and now that he’s gone I’ve switched my busybody ways onto you.’
He pauses and stares at me with open speculation. ‘So what are you going to do?’
I know what the right thing to do is. Go and find Daisy and apologise, yet again, for my appalling behaviour.
But what will that solve? She’s about to leave like everyone else has in my life; starting with dear old dad who’s done a stellar job of fucking me up for life. Even Pa, who I let into my heart, left me. Through no fault of his own, and it’s irrational to feel this way, but it hurts so much harder when I actually care about the person who leaves.
And I care about Daisy.
I need to leave before she does.
It’s my only option.
‘I’m flying to Melbourne as planned to set up the programme properly with the governing bodies, then I’ll investigate further options for the PR.’
Sadly, it won’t be with Daisy because I know after I’ve fucked up this badly she’ll never want to work with me again.
Kevin’s eyebrows rise again. ‘You won’t consult with Daisy before you leave?’
No way in hell.
I can’t see her again because I’m at risk of wavering and seeing her in person will make my resolve crumble.
This has to end, on my terms.
‘I’ll consider all options when it comes to the PR for this programme.’
Kevin makes an odd disapproving sound that I ignore.
‘I’m taking off within the hour so I’ll leave all this in your capable hands.’ I stand and offer him my hand, needing to get the hell out of here before he asks any more probing questions. ‘I’ll be in touch and feel free to contact me if there’s any problems.’
‘Shall do.’ He shakes my hand, a powerful squeeze that tells me more than any words do. I admire a man with a strong handshake. It hints at hidden power. ‘And good luck with your kids project.’
‘Thanks.’
I’m looking forward to getting my idea off the ground but I can’t shake the feeling that I’ve made a major mistake with Daisy. And I have no frigging clue how to fix it.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Daisy
I WORK LIKE a maniac for the next few hours after my confrontation with Hart. It’s the only way to ensure I don’t curl up in a ball and rock forward and backwards.
He’s hurt me. Badly.
And I brought it on myself.
I’m the stupid one for developing a full-blown crush. I’m the idiot who fell for him. I’m the moron for believing I had the power to invoke a change.
Men don’t change. Any woman worth her XX chromosomes knows that. But I foolishly believed otherwise and now I’m paying the price.
I did the same with Casper—trying to invoke subtle changes in the hope he’d love me the way I loved him. But nothing I did was ever enough and I’m now dealing with the same emptiness, like my heart has been drained and stuck back in my body for purely biological reasons. It’s aching. Not a metaphorical ache but a full-on pain in my chest that won’t quit. It makes me work harder because focussing on work rather than my stupidity can only help.
After three solid hours, my work is done. The Gem Island campaign is complete. All I need to do is hit a few buttons for the website and the preloaded social media posts to go live and I’m set to go.
But I need the client’s final approval to do that; a physical signature on company documentation.
Damn. The last thing I want to do is face him again but I’ll keep this professional: get the go-ahead, thank him for his business and be on my way.
However, when I reach his office, he’s not there and his right-hand man, Kevin, is behind Hart’s desk.
‘Hi, Kevin. Is Hart around?’
‘No, sorry, he’s gone to Melbourne.’
Shock makes me almost drop my laptop. ‘When?’
‘He left a few hours ago.’ He hesitates, as if evaluating the wisdom of saying more. ‘And I don’t know when he’s coming back.’
My heart plummets and I know it has more to do with how appalled I am that he’d leave things so badly between us than wondering how he’ll sign off on the campaign now.
‘He’s a headstrong young man, but I’m guessing you already know that?’
Kevin beckons me in and I step into the office, trying to avoid looking at the desk where our mutual anger sparked sensational sex.
‘He certainly does have strong opinions,’ I eventually say when Kevin stares at me expectantly.
‘For what it’s worth, I’ve never seen him look as happy as he has these last couple of weeks.’
Heat flushes my cheeks. Kevin knows? I can’t imagine Hart telling him so that means we’ve been too obvious despite trying to keep our fling under wraps.
‘Being back on the island has probably helped,’ I say, my nonchalance failing when Kevin flashes a knowing grin.
‘I think his happiness had more to do with you than Gem Island.’ Kevin leans back in his chair, his expression that of a benevolent god controlling his minions. ‘You’ve been good for him and he needs a woman like you in his life.’
I remain mute, not willing to corroborate his theory in case he’s fishing for information regarding his boss.
‘You’re as strong-willed as him. You’ll stand up to him and not take any of his crap. He needs that.’
I finally break. ‘What he needs is a swift kick up the ass.’
Kevin laughs. ‘See what I mean? You’re perfect for him.’
Unfortunately, only two of us feel that way and we’re both currently in this office.
‘I need to discuss business.’ I also need to get this conversation back on track because dwelling on what can never be isn’t helping my already fragile state. ‘If Hart’s not around, can you help me?’
He nods. ‘I’m the new general manager, so sure.’
‘You’re in charge?’
Wow, Hart really has done a runner. I shouldn’t be surprised. It’s exactly how I’d expect him to deal with anything unpleasant. We’ve been doing the weird push-pull dance for a while now and this ultimate withdrawal should cement what I already know.
He’s not a keeper.
Then again, he never professed to be one. He warned me right from the start and I agreed because I couldn’t keep my hands off him. More fool me for expecting things from a guy, things he was never willing to give.
‘I sure am, so what can I help you with?’
I place my laptop on the desk, flip open the cover and type in my password, while sliding the paperwork out of my bag. ‘The campaign is ready to go live but I need final approval and only the client can do that.’
Kevin stares at the screen for an eternity before shaking his head. ‘I’m sorry, I can’t approve this.’
WTF? I’ve put in countless hours of work on this project, it’s the best work I’ve ever done and I need this job to finish successfully. It can’t stall now.
‘What do you mean?’
Kevin closes down my screen. ‘What I mean is, even though I’m the new general manager, I can’t give final approval on a project that is essentially Hart’s baby. He needs to approve this, not me.’
He’s looking way too smug and for a moment I wonder if this is some lame ploy to push us together.
‘But I need his physical signature on the paperwork.’
‘Then I really think you should get his approval in person.’
And I really think Chris Hemsworth should be my personal butler for a week. Neither is going to happen.
But I ask the question regardless. ‘Why?’
‘Because if you give up on him now you’ll be yet another in a long line of people who’ve given up on him and we both know you’re not a quitter. If you were, you would’ve already left the island the first time he tried to push you away.’