Jason looks at me like he doesn’t believe my story, but what can he say? He can’t prove I left the house. “Since all the doors were locked, I suppose we will have to believe you,” he sighs at last. But something in his eyes bothers me. I wonder if it was him that knew about the Fenians robbing the armory, and that was why he had been away, in order to make sure the armory did not get robbed.
Loraine turns from the room but Jason comes over to the bed and he touches my neck. “Perhaps you have found a lover among your farm friends,” he murmurs. “Someone has been sucking against your neck.” He leans over and kisses me on the spot he had touched. “Perhaps you need a husband to take the place of Ferrell, after all. You are not even out of mourning and you are looking for the touch of a man already?”
“Get out of my room,” I hiss. “And don’t you ever touch me again!”
Jason straightens up and merely chuckles, low in his throat, as he looks into my eyes. “You have the look of a satisfied lover,” he whispers. “I envy the man.” Then he leaves my room.
I am sitting shaking, to think that Jason has guessed what I have been doing. I don’t feel ashamed to have made love to Jamie, but I feel angry that Jason knows and wants me to feel guilty. Now he will never let up on me to find a husband and my excuse that I will never marry again, will not deter him. He will remind me that I need a man in my bed, so I don’t have to go out looking for one at night. I am beginning to hate Jason even more.
I am tired. I had been up most the night with Jamie, and I don’t want to face Jason, so I turn over and go back to sleep.
CHAPTER FIVE
When I come down for lunch, I wear a high-necked black dress that Loraine had brought. The collar covers my blemish but from the collar down to the top of my breasts, it is black lace with roses worked into the pattern. Jason smiles as I sit down at the table to eat.
“Roses suit you. Even black roses,” he says in a low voice. “Loraine and I have been discussing your future. Since you seem eager to be in a man’s arms, we are going to accomidate you by giving you dancing lessons. Loraine will be leaving for a couple of days to find a suitable instructor for you, and while she is gone, I will be your instructor. It seems you wish to come out of mourning sooner than we supposed,” he says, then he reaches over and touches my neck at the collar, exactly where he had seen the red blemish on my neck where Jamie had sucked against it. “You can continue to wear black, if you prefer. You look lovely in black,” he almost whispers.
“When must these dancing lessons begin?” I ask.
“This evening, after dinner. Loraine will be leaving right after lunch and she should return by tomorrow, or perhaps the next day. Since you have managed to discover a way out of the house, that I do not know about, I need to keep you entertained so I will not leave your side and the adjoining door between our rooms will be left open as well.”
“So now you are my jailor?” I murmur.
“Not because I wish to be, but for your own good,” he tells me. “Did you know that the group called the Fenians tried to rob the armory last night? It was lucky that someone gave the guards a tip and it was prevented. It is not safe out and about at night. I wouldn’t want you getting involved in such interprises. Considering you were involved with another interprise, I will not question you about it,” he smiles. “But be assured, I plan to discover how you managed to slip out of the house.”
“Perhaps someone slipped into the house,” I suggest.
His eyes darken. “If that is the case, I may end up having to lock you in your room, instead of just in the house.”
“If I have found a lover, as you seem to think I have, then why not just let me go and marry him?” I ask. “Isn’t that the whole purpose of this whole silly plan of yours?”
“Not unless I meet him first and make sure he is worthy of you and you are not making a mistake in choosing him,” he informs me.
“He would not choose to step foot in this house. Especially to meet you,” I say under my breath.
“So he didn’t slip in?” Jason taunts.
“May I be excused? I find this conversation tireing,” I mumble.
“If you are through, of course. Just don’t run out to meet someone in the woods. I don’t want to have to send servants after you to hunt you down,” he cautions.
“If you believe me to be so satisfied from my escapades, why would I want to?” I ask.
“Perhaps for more satisfaction?” he asks with a smile.
Loraine laughs and I have almost forgotten that she is listening to the conversation. She must be happy to discover I have been indulging in some kind of amours affair. I believe she thinks I have eyes for Jason. It makes her chances all the better to have his attention, she must think.
I look at her and smile. “Jason is all yours,” I say under my breath as I pass her, and she looks at me as though she doesn’t know what I am talking about. It is my turn to laugh.
I see Jason and Loraine at the door talking before she is ready to depart. They both glance over to me and it seems that what ever they are talking about is amusing to both of them, because they are both laughing as they glance my way. I do not like people making jokes about me and I turn my back and walk over to the piano and start to practice it.
“You are doing much better,” Jason’s voice interrupts me as I play. “I actually enjoy listening to you play now,” he says. I don’t believe him, but I smile. “Don’t let me distract you,” he says. “I will just sit here and watch you.”
“You mean guard me,” I return, and he laughs.
“Why don’t we play some chess?” he suggests, when I get up from the piano.
“I don’t know how to play chess. There was not a lot of free time when I lived on the farm,” I tell him. “I was even too tired to make love with my husband sometimes,” I admit.
“In that case, with more leisure time on your hands, it will give you time to make love, once you get married again. Or perhaps that is why you are out looking for love elsewhere. Too much time on your hands? I will have to correct that. Come here and I will teach you how to play chess. Then, after dinner, we will dance. You will discover that perhaps you will be too tired to think about making love to someone in the future,” he smiles.
“You are making a mistake about me taking on a lover,” I tell him. “That young man you saw me hugging, you know is my husband’s best friend. He wants me to marry him. I let him kiss me and suck on my neck, if you must know.”
“Well we are not going to allow you to marry another farmer. Especially one who might try to rebell just like your husband did,” he states.
“I do not want to marry him. But I was lonely and it felt nice for him to be kissing me,” I lie.
“If you want someone kissing you, I could easily accomidate you,” he whispers. “You didn’t seem to mind me holding you when you first came here,” he reminds me.
“You are supposed to be my guardian, not my lover,” I remind him. “Perhaps you are thinking of teaching me something you don’t think I already know?” I quip.
“How would I know, unless I sampled it?” he asks.
“Which you are never going to do,” I inform him.
“Well in that case, since you frown upon me showing you more about a man’s touch, I suppose I should have to be satisfied with a game of chess,” he chuckles. I know he is just trying to embarrass me and discover for sure if I had been out making love to someone.
Jason starts to show me all the moves and I try to remember them. It seems difficult and he laughs at my mistakes, but after a few games, I start to catch on and do a little better. By that time, it is time for dinner, and Jason promises me that after the dancing lessons, if I want to, we can play some more chess.
We eat in silence. There seems to suddenly be a strain in the air as Jason sits and studies his food while he is eating. I think he is becoming bored with trying to entertain me so I won’t go out and do something he doesn’t want me to do. When dinner is finish
ed, though, he smiles and comes around and helps me from my chair.
“I have a very sophisticated music box,” he tells me. “It plays waltzes, so we will put it to work and I shall teach you the steps.”
Jason takes me into the ball room, which I have only been in once, when he first said I could explore the house. He sets the music box on a table, after winding it, and lifts the lid. Then he comes and puts one hand on my waist and lifts my hand to his shoulder. Then he takes my other hand in his and tells me to count with him as we take the steps. Eventually, I am being twirled about the floor non stop, and I am laughing as I become breathless, since he will not let me rest. “Since you don’t want me to make love with you, I might as well tire you out so you won’t run to someone else to do it,” he whispers in my ear and then he winds the music box up again and opens the lid. This time he holds me closer to him as he turns me about the floor and puts his cheek next to mine. My heart is not only beating from twirling about the floor, but it is beating out of nervousness of having him holding me so close to his strong hard chest, where my breasts are crushed against him.
His breath on my ear sends shivers down my neck and his grasp on my waist almost burns at the touch, but he does not seem to tire of turning me about the room, until the music box finally winds down.
“You are catching on quite nicely,” he whispers, “but I perceive you are not wearing a corset. Any man with his hand on your waist will realize it. It would excite him too much, so from now on you need to have Shannon put it on you.”
“It’s not enough that you regulate my every move, but now you intend to tell me what kind of under dresses I must wear?” I say between clenched teeth.
Jason takes his hand and smoothes it over my waist and then up to my breast, as he stands holding me in his arms. “The feel of a woman’s skin, so close to one’s touch, could be dangerous,” he whispers. His hand rests on my breast, as he pulls me closer to him. “And since you claim to have enjoyed your friend kissing you and sucking against your neck, then perhaps you will allow me,” he says, and his mouth comes down over mine, then slowly slides down against my upper neck, just below my ear. I can feel him sucking my skin into his mouth as his hand caresses my breast. I am pushing against him, but he holds me fast, then chuckles when he lifts his mouth from my neck. “And a very nice tasting neck you have my dear,” he says, and then he releases me. “Wear your corset after this,” he growls, and I turn from him, running out of the room and up the stairs. I can hear him laughing behind me, and I think I should have slapped his face, but I was so shocked at the moment, I didn’t think of it. He is merely trying to humiliate me because he has accused me of forgetting about Ferrell in order to have a love affair, when I had said I would always love Ferrell and would never stop mourning him. Even I feel confused. But I would gladly give my kisses to Jamie, even if I knew he would be killed tomorrow, before I would ever allow Jason to have them.
Shannon helps me get dressed for bed and then leaves the room. No sooner has she left, when Jason comes into the room. He is wearing his nightshirt and he looks at me, sitting in my bed. “It has occurred to me, that after I fall asleep, you could be sneaking out without me knowing it,” he states, as he walks over to the bed. “So I think it is only safe that I sleep in your bed, just to make sure you remain there.” I glare at him, but he merely smiles. “It is not as if I have not held you in your bed before,” he whispers, and then he comes over and lifts the covers, blows out the candles, and lays down beside me, bringing me into his arms, as he had before. “I wouldn’t want you to slip out of the other side of the bed,” he tells me, as he holds me against him.
I can hear his heart beating under my ear and he sort of chuckles low in his throat, as I stiffen against him. He does not losen his grasp though, and I am so tired from dancing half the night, that I eventually fall asleep.
In the morning, unlike the other times Jason had been in my bed, he is still there holding me and when I open my eyes, he is looking down at my face. “Such a beautiful face to wake up to. I do envy the man we finally find for you, Rose,” he whispers, and then he gets out of the bed and leaves me.
My anger at Jason begins to sizzle, when I realize that he is going to try and keep me from ever leaving the house again, unobserved. On top of that, he wants to make me feel ashamed that I ever weakened to a man’s touch when Ferrell was so fresh in his grave, and I even wonder why I did it?
As much as I loved Ferrell, there is something magnetizing about Jamie, that Ferrell never had. Something that draws me, in spite of my love for Ferrell. Ferrell was the only man I had ever really known. We grew up together. No other man had ever touched me. I didn’t know there was anything beyond what I shared with Ferrell.
Now I do know, and as much as I loved Ferrell, I realize that it was not a passionate love we shared. It was a comfortable love. It was like being a farmer. There was nothing beyond that, so why even try to better yourself? I didn’t realize there was something beyond the way Ferrell made love to me. Or that there was something beyond the way I felt about Ferrell.
I was breaking out of my shell, discovering something beyond just working the land and surviving. Fighting for a cause was broadening my horizons and teaching me things about myself I never knew before. Jamie was the one who gave me that new insight, I think. Perhaps that is way I feel so drawn to him, I decide. Thinking of him makes my heart quicken and I have to distract myself somehow.
Shannon comes to dress me, but when she lifts the corset, I refuse it. “But the master gave me instructions that you should wear it,” she tells me.
“Your master is not my master,” I tell her. He is lucky I put on any of the undergarments that are foisted upon me. If the farmer’s wives wore those things, they wouldn’t be able to get a single thing done. Besides, trying to cut my breath off, it rides against me in a distracting way.” I sweep it aside and Shannon puts my dress over my head.
When I go down for breakfast, Jason comes up to where I am standing at the side bar, where the dishes are laid out for us to choose from. He stands behind me and runs his hands over my waist. Then he pulls me roughly against him and places a hand over each breast. “I see you are only half dressed this morning,” he whispers in my ear, as he clutches my back against his hard chest, and crushes my breasts in his hands. “It will not do, Rose. Go back upstairs and put your corset on, unless this is an indication that you wish to share more of your body with me,” he almost smirks.
He releases me and gives me a little shove. I glare at him and turn from the room. I am so angry I just want to shock him, so I go upstairs and take all my under things off except for my shift, and put the dress back on, and return to the dinning hall.
“And just what are you trying to prove?” Jason asks, when he sees that the dress falls against me limply as I walk into the room.
“That you can’t dictate to me! I may be your ward, but I am my own person and will not be handled like a little china doll that you choose to dress and teach to dance.”
Jason rises from the table and comes to where I am standing. “There is a purpose for the way women dress,” he tells me. “It keeps one’s imagination from working overtime, when a woman’s legs are hidden away under petty coats and her skin is not as accessable as a man would like it to be.”
Once again, Jason pulls me roughly against him, my back to him, as before, but this time his hand goes down to my stomach and then pushes between my legs over the thin material of my dress. I can feel his fingers caressing me through the material. I take in my breath, with shock at his forwardness. Jason chuckles in my ear. His other hand pushes down beneath my neckline, caressing my skin beneath his fingers. “Yes, it would be lovely if women dressed this way all the time, my Rose. In a moment I could lift those skirts of yours and give you more demonstrations of how easy it would be for a man to take advantage of you when dressed like this.”
He turns me to him, and I glare up at him through unshed tears. “How dare you!” I gro
wl, in humiliation. “Are you indicating that a man has no control over his bodily impulses, so a woman must compensate for his lack of self control? If that is the case, it is the man that should be restrained, not the woman!”
He gives me a slight frown at my accusations, but he surprises me by leaning his lips against my eyes and kissing them. “Go upstairs and get dressed properly, now Rose, or I shall be carrying you up there, and helping you do it,” he whispers in a low voice. Then he puts his mouth over mine and sucks against my lips. I almost fall over, for the way it grabs my stomach, but when he feels me weakening, he pulls his hands away from my waist and his mouth away from mine, giving me a little shove towards the door. “Don’t ever let this happen again,” he warns, and goes to his plate at the table, sits down and starts to eat.
I am so angry, I can barely breath. He was taunting me, and then showing his disgust! Maybe he is angry at me because he thinks I have found some farmer to make love to, and he wouldn’t be far off the mark. He certainly is not interested in me, except to keep me from joining the rebels or marrying a farmer. After all, he has Loraine to satisfy his manly needs, and he doesn’t have to worry about how she dresses, because she would gladly disrobe for him, I fume in anger.
I do go upstairs and change, but I first make a detour to the wine cellar, and get Ferrell’s clothes. I put them on instead. Then I go through the main hall and out the door, running to the stable. I don’t even have the groom saddle my horse. He looks astonished at me as I place the bridle over the horse’s head, then swing up on his back and gallop away.
A few minutes later, I am aware that another rider is catching up to me. I see it is Jason who comes up besides me. “Where are you off to, dressed like a hoyden?” he asks. “Off to look for your lover? Did I excite you too much?”
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