by R S Surtees
“You are, I believe, huntsman to Mr. Jorrocks, the defendant in this action?” observed the learned counsel.
Pigg.— “Yes ar is,” replied James, brandishing his hat over the brass rail of the witness-box, “but ar de believe gin ar had me reets, ar’d be a gen’l’man this day, and huntin’ me own h’unds, only ye see, mar foreelder John — John Pigg, ye see—”
“Well, never mind about your foreelder, John,” interrupted Mr. Bolster, “We want to know about Mr. Jorrocks; and you say you are huntsman to him. Now, tell me, do you remember a horse he had, called Xerxes?”
Pigg.— “Nicely!”
“Now, what became of that horse? Raise your voice and speak out, so that the gentlemen of the jury, many of whom are deaf, may hear you,” pointing to the jury-box.
Pigg.— “He dee’d!” roared Pigg.
“He died!” repeated Mr. Bolster. “Ah, but before he died, whose hands did he pass into?”
Pigg.—” Ard Doleful’s.”
“Now, then, Pigg, you seem an honest, intelligent sort of man,” continued Mr. Bolster, smoothingly, “try if you can recollect what passed between Captain Doleful and you as to that horse.”
“A! ar ken nicely— ’twas just twenty-five pund.”
Mr. Bolster.— “No, that’s not what I mean — I want to know what inducement you held out to Captain Doleful to buy him.”
Pigg.— “Sink ar said nout.”
“What does the witness say?” exclaimed Baron Botherem, who had been fidgetting about ever since Pigg appeared.
Mr. Bolster, very obsequiously.— “He says, my lord, that there was nothing the matter with the horse.”
“No, I beg pardon,” interposes Mr. Chargem, “I understand him to mean that he said nothing to Captain Doleful.”
“Precisely, what I say,” rejoined Mr. Bolster; “Captain Doleful asked him what was the matter with the horse, and he said, ‘nothing.’”
“The question, as I understand it,” said Baron Botherem, “was, what inducement he held out to Captain Doleful to buy the horse? But what answer he gives, I cannot for the life of me make out.”
Mr. Chargem.— “Precisely so, my lud. My learned friend asks what inducement the witness held out to plaintiff to buy the horse, and the witness in the language of the colliery country from whence he comes, replies, ‘Ar said nout;’ meaning, I did not say anything. Perhaps your ludship would have the kindness to put the question yourself.”
“Witness — Pigg! — attend to me!” exclaimed his lordship. “Tell the gentlemen of the jury what you said in praise or commendation of the horse to induce Captain — What’s his name, to buy him.”
Pigg.— “Ar said nout — T’ard man was aye comin’ to wor stable, and he axed me yen day gin hus had had meazles.”
“I can’t understand a word the witness says!” exclaimed the judge, shaking his head in despair.
Mr. Bolster.— “He says, my loord, that the plaintiff inquired if the horse had had the measles — Now what did you say to that?”
Pigg.—”’Measles!’ said I— ‘aye hoopin’-cough tee!’”
“Measles and hooping-cough too,” repeated Mr. Burley Bolster, with great gravity, to the convulsion of the jury.
Cross-examined by Mr. Chargem.
“I suppose, Mr. Pigg, you are a pretty good judge of a horse?”
“Pigg.— “Top judge.”
“What sort of a judge is that?” exclaimed Baron Botherem in despair.
“My lud, he says he is a good, or supreme, judge;” adding sotto voce, though loud enough to be heard by the bench, “Much such a judge as your ludship, in fact.”
Baron Botherem.— “Humph! — really we ought to have an interpreter. Well, now go on.”
Mr. Chargem. — Now, Mr. Pigg, will you have the kindness to tell the gentlemen of the jury, if, in the course of your experience, you ever knew a horse have the measles?”
Pigg.— “Niver!”
Mr. Chargem.— “Or the hooping-cough?”
Pigg.— “Niver!”
Mr. Chargem.— “So that, when you told Captain Doleful that this horse had had both, you meant to say that he had had neither?”
Pigg.— “T’ard gouk was aye axin’ me about the hus, whiles if he slept well, whiles if be had the lumbago, whiles if he liked eatin’, and ar was tied to tell him summut.”
Mr. Chargem.— “But what you said was merely loose, off-hand conversation, and not intended as an inducement to get him to buy?”
Pigg.— “Diel a bit! It was nout to me whether t’ard sinner bought him or no, se lang as he held his gob, and didn’t keep fashin a’ me about him.”
“Oh, dear, this subterranean language puzzles me exceedingly!” exclaimed the judge, weary in mind and body; “I didn’t catch one word of that sentence.”
Mr. Chargem interprets.— “He did not care, my, lud, whether Captain Doleful bought the horse or not, so long as he held his gob — which, I presume, means his tongue.”
Benjamin Brady was the next witness.
“Now, Mr. Brady,” said Mr. Burley Bolster, eyeing him through his spectacles; “you are, I belive, a servant with Mr. Jorrocks?”
“I’m first vip,” replied the boy, with great dignity.
Mr. Bolster.— “You remember the plaintiff in this action, Captain Doleful, coming to your master’s stable about a horse called Xerxes?”
Ben.— “Yes; he came werry often.”
Mr. Bolster.— “Well, what did he say?”
Ben.— “The first time he came, he inquired most about the other ‘osses, and only axed the pedigree of Xerxes.”
Mr. Bolster.— “And what answer did Pigg give him?”
Ben.— “He gave him our usual pedigree — said he was by President, out of a Vaxy mare.”
Mr. Bolster.— “Your master keeps but one pedigree, then?”
Ben.— “One for ‘osses; he has another for ‘ounds.”
Mr. Bolster.— “Then all your horses are by President, out of Vaxy mares.”
Ben.— “Yes, sir.”
Mr. Bolster.— “Now you say the plaintiff came very often to your stable; can you tell the gentlemen of the jury how many times, on the whole, he might be there?”
Ben.— “Perhaps ten or a dozen times.”
Mr. Bolster.— “Did he come alone?”
Ben.— “No; he always brought one or two chaps with him, — Miss Jelly came once.”
Mr. Bolster.— “And what used they to say?”
Ben.— “Oh, they would look, first at one horse, then at another, and ax about them.”
Mr. Bolster.— “And Mr. Pigg, I suppose, was very glad to see them?”
Ben.— “No, ‘deed wasn’t he! He used to swear very hard.”
Mr. Bolster.— “He’s a heavy swearer, is he?”
Ben.— “Uncommon!”
“Very improper,” remarked the judge, with a shake of the head.
Mr. Bolster.— “And what questions, in particular, did the plaintiff ask?”
Ben.— “Oh, why, he used to ax if this orse was a good ‘un, and that a good ‘un; and Pigg used to swear they were all good ‘uns, there wern’t no choice among ’em.”
Mr. Bolster.— “Was that said of any horse in particular, or generally of the stud?”
Ben.— “He said it of whatever horse the captain was axing about.”
Mr. Bolster.— “Can you remember the words he made use of?”
Ben.—”’Best ‘orse goin’,’ he used to say; ‘best ‘orse goin’.’” Mr. Bolster.— “Do you remember the captain inquiring if a horse called Xerxes had had the measles?”
Ben.— “I can’t say I do, — remember his axin’ if he had been innoculating him.”
Mr. Bolster.— “What made him ask that?”
Ben.— “The horse had been bled, and there was the mark on his neck.”
Mr. Bolster.— “Now do you remember the plaintiff coming to the stable for Xerxes?”
Ben.— “Yes.”
Mr. Bolster.— “What did he say?”
Ben.— “That he had come for Xerxes.”
Mr. Bolster.— “And what said Mr. Pigg?”
Ben.— “He axed for the brass — he could not let him gan without.”
“He asked for the what?” inquired the judge.
“My lord, witness says that Pigg asked for the brass, which is a north country corruption of the word money.”
“Oh!” said the judge, who thought it was part of the bridle.
Mr. Bolster.— “Now, when Pigg asked Captain Doleful for the brass, what took place?”
Ben.— “The captain paid him five-and-twenty golden sovereigns, sayin’, ‘I s’pose he’s all right;’ and Pigg said, ‘Sound wind and limb.’”
Mr. Bolster, repeating after the witness, eyeing the jury all the time, “And Pigg said, ‘Sound wind and limb.’ You give your evidence very creditably,” observed Mr. Bolster to the boy.
“Yez-ir,” replied Benjamin.
Cross-examined.— “Is not on the best of terms with Mr. Pigg, Pigg has given him too much of what he calls ‘cobbler’s-wax oil’ — thrashing with a strap. Was not in the stable when the sale of the horse took place, — was in the loft, playing cards with Tom Turnbin, Mr. George Smith’s helper, and Joe Haddock. Saw what took place through a hole in the floor. Is certain Pigg said, ‘Sound wind and limb’ — heard him say it twice.”
John Scott is a helper and occasional groom.— “Remembers accompanying Captain Doleful to Mr. Jorrocks’s stables, when he bought the horse. — James Pigg was there. The captain said he had come for Xerxes. Pigg asked if he had brought the brass for him, as he could not let him gan without. The captain produced twenty-five sovereigns. Pigg was very angry, swore that his master was an ard gouk, and had sold the best horse in the stable. The captain said, Mr. Jorrocks would soon pick up another. Pigg swore very much. The captain paid the money, saying, ‘I suppose he’s all sound.’ Pigg swore he was sound wind and limb, and it would be lucky for the captain if he were half as sound. Witness then led the horse away. In going along he coughed.”
Cross-examined.— “Witness has lived in several situations, but has been out of place for three years or so, — maybe for want of a character. Looks after six horses and two flys. Servants in place think two horses and one fly enough at a time. — Makes a great difference whether a servant is in place or out as to the quantity of work he can do. Had a blow-up with James Pigg about the merits of their masters — that is to say, about Mr. Jorrocks and Captain Doleful. Pigg complained that the captain had not given him a glass when he bought the horse. Witness told him, perhaps the captain didn’t know the custom. Pigg said it was all his eye, and that he was a nasty, mangy beggar. Witness replied, that the captain was as good a man as his master, and that he, witness, wouldn’t stay in a place to be ‘bused as he understood Mr. Jorrocks ‘bused his servant. Pigg said, he’d rather be d — d by his master than dine with mine. Then he said, he wouldn’t borrow half-a-crown to get drunk with mine, that he was fit for nout but a Dorm (Durham) farmer, and a great deal more wulgarity of that sort.
“Will swear positively that the horse coughed on his way from Mr. Jorrocks’s stable to Captain Doleful’s. When he got him to the latter place, Captain Doleful borrowed a saddle and bridle, and rode the horse to Bumpmead. Had him in harness the same evening to take him to a tea-party. The night might be wet, but witness does not remember. Does not know how long he waited for the captain, — might be half-an-hour, — might be an hour, — does not think it was two hours. The captain rode the horse to Deepdeene Park the next day, — fifteen miles, and back. Had him in the fly again at night. There was a party at Miss Fribble’s, and the captain conveyed all the young ladies from Miss Birch’s seminary, there and back, by ten at a time.”
Mr. Horsman, veterinary surgeon.— “Has been in practice three years. Remembers being sent for to attend a horse that Captain Doleful had bought of Mr. Jorrocks. Found him labouring under idiopathic fever in its most malignant form, which soon turned to inflammation of the lungs. Did what he could for him, but without avail. The horse had then been some time in Captain Doleful’s possession, but from the appearance he presented on his being first called in, witness has little doubt but he had the seeds of the disease upon him at the time he was sold.”
Cross-examined.— “Is not a member of the Royal Veterinary College, — is a self-dubbed doctor. Found the horse in a stable along with a monkey and bear belonging to a travelling showman. The stable was cold, perhaps damp, and witness will not say that the horse might not have caught cold by his removal from a warm to a cold stable. Horses soon catch cold, inflammation quickly follows, and death soon comes after. Is certain the horse is dead, — knows it, because he skinned him.” This was the plaintiff’s case.
Mr. Burley Bolster having resumed his seat with great self-complacency, Mr. Chargem gave the front of his wig a pull, and his gown a hitch at the right shoulder, and turned to the “specials.”
“May it please your Ludship, — Gentlemen of the jury,” said he, “I hardly know whether I am justified in trespassing upon your valuable time, particularly at this late period of the night, by rebutting a charge so feebly sustained as the case my learned friend, Mr. Burly Bolster, has laid — has presented to your notice. I hardly know whether I should not be best discharging my duty to my client, by closing my brief, and submitting to your verdict, which I am satisfied will be for the defendant, instead of exposing those fallacies that carry a too palpable conviction along with them. But, gentlemen, lest by any chance it might be inferred that I have not the satisfactory evidence invariably required by a British jury, I will hazard a brief trespass on your time while I glance at the evidence now before you, and call a few witnesses in disproof of the statements of my learned friend.
“The case, gentlemen, I take to be simply this. Captain Doleful, no great conjuror in horse-flesh, treats for a horse in Mr. Jorrocks’ stud. There is a good deal of haggling, as you have seen, about the transaction, Captain Doleful offering Mr. Jorrocks less than he asks, and Mr. Jorrocks, on the other hand, insisting on his price. And here let me draw your attention to the fact, that, throughout the transaction, the plaintiff is the anxious party. Mr. Jorrocks holds out no temptation to get him to buy; on the contrary, he admits the horse is not first-rate; but, speaking of him in the language of friendship, Mr. Jorrocks says he is calculated for much honourable exertion in many of the minor fields of horse enterprise, which, I suppose, is a figurative mode of saying, that if he is not fit for a hunger, he will make what the defendant would call a werry good ‘chay-’oss’ (laughter.) And again, when the plaintiff hesitates about the price, does my client evince any anxiety to get him to give it? Surely not! So far from that, he says, in one of the letters you have heard read, that if the plaintiff does not like to give the twenty-five pounds, he is to ‘say no more about it:’ and again, when the plaintiff bothers him to take fifteen pounds, and give a receipt for twenty-five, he scouts the idea, and desires ‘the plaintiff will make up his mind one way or other, as he hates haggling.’ Does all this, I ask you, bespeak the man anxious to foist a bad horse off upon a friend, or a man anxious to get rid of a horse at all? I need not tell you who the defendant in this action is. Despite my learned friend’s sneering ignorance, and talking of him in the disrespectful way he did as this Jorrocks and that Jorrocks, he could not conceal from himself, — still less from you, gentlemen of the jury, that he was keenly alive to the celebrity and importance of my most distinguished client, — a gentleman whose name precludes the idea of his being mistaken for any other, and who, in every relation of life, has worn the broad arrow mark of probity and honour!”
“Keep the tamborine a rowlin’!” exclaimed James Pigg, causing a roar of laughter throughout the court, and procuring James the promise of a commitment from his lordship.
“And now, gentlemen,” resumed Mr. Chargem, as order was restored, “we come to the gist of the action, as regards the
plaintiff. Captain Doleful says he will take the horse, ‘provided, of course, he is all right, et cetera.’ That et cetera, gentlemen, was once described by Lord Mansfield as the largest word in the English language, and assuredly the plaintiff is of the same opinion, for he intends to make it cover a most comprehensive range over an unlimited period. That et cetera is to guarantee the horse from all illness and infirmity, not only at the time he was sold, but for ever after, under whatever treatment he may be subjected to, or to whatever vicissitudes exposed. It is to guarantee his safe career over Bumpmead Heath by day, his health in harness at night, and his convalescence in that comfortable abode which he enjoyed in common with the monkey and bear belonging to a travelling showman. (Laughter.) All this is meant to be covered by this little et cetera!
“My learned friend, well knowing his weak point, anticipated the failure of his evidence of warranty, and bespoke your verdict on the supposed terms of the agreement; but I also submit, under the guidance of his lordship, that, in an action on a breach of warranty, distinct and positive evidence of an undoubted warranty must be given to entitle a plaintiff to recover, and no constructive evidence will supply the place of clear and distinct warranty. I grant, that if the plaintiff had wanted a diseased horse, he would probably have asked for one; but, then, you must also take this along with you, that if he had applied to my client for a horse that would stand all the racketing that this poor beast was exposed to, he would have said that nothing but an iron horse would stand such work, and have recommended him to an engine-builder. So that, even supposing my learned friend had made out a case of distinct warranty, still I would submit that the plaintiff’s treatment of the animal was not such as a prudent man would adopt, and that so far from the result being matter of surprise, it would have been much more singular if it had not happened. My learned friend places Mr. Pigg, the huntsman, in the witness-box to prove his warranty, with what success I need hardly say. I think his evidence went as much against the plaintiff as for him. Next, we have the boy whipper-in, who seems to come in for a share of the whip himself, who speaks to a conversation he overheard while playing cards in the hay-loft; and you are expected to believe that this boy could distinguish which horse Mr. Pigg was praising, when, upon his cross-examination, he admits that Pigg was in the habit of praising them all.— ‘Best horse goin’!’ he used to say of them all.