Murder’s gaze meets mine. Filled with fury but I see resolve there too.
Filthy, naked, and possibly deranged I force myself to keep my eyes on Lion up until the moment his head rolls across the floor.
Chapter Seventeen
“No fair. Why do you get an apartment?” Rochelle pouts, and Colter shoots me a knowing but sympathetic smile as he drops my last box on the kitchen counter. We’ve seen each other in passing at The Devil’s Playground. The clubhouse of the Royal Bastards MC. He knows all about my secrets I’m sure.
Rochelle doesn’t know her grandfather raped me nor that her own father killed him for what he did to me. Ruthie wants her kept as far away from the club as possible. She made me promise not to tell her, but one day she will find out. She’s dating Colter, and I hate keeping this a secret from her. She’s happy with him. I just hope that when the truth does come out that she’ll accept my being with James. That she’ll be happy we found each other.
Ruthie brings in my new bedding. It makes me feel super shit that the wife of the man I’m sleeping with is decorating my apartment. James told me to smile and go on. Said that one day things will change, and we’ll be together for real. I want to believe that with all my heart. I trust him. It’s just sometimes they share these looks I’m not part of. They whisper, and she’ll smile at him the way I do.
I keep wondering what she would have done had I confessed the truth when she asked me if I were fucking her husband. Would she have washed her hands of him? Would she have fought me for him?
“Alexa, James and the guys will be here in about fifteen minutes with the last of your furniture. If you don’t need anything else, I’m going to take Rochelle out for lunch. Some mother daughter time.” Pain flashes behind her eyes, and I realize she must be taking her out to break the news that her grandfather is gone.
“I’m all good. Call me later, Ro?”
“I’ll probably be back over. No way is my bestie getting her own apartment without me.”
“Slow down. Your dad isn’t ready to let you fly from the nest just yet.” Ruthie guides her daughter toward the door.
“You coming with us, Colter?” Rochelle grins at him and my stomach drops. That joy on her face is about to be snuffed out.
“No,” Ruthie answers first. “It’s just you and me today, kiddo.”
“Dad wants me here to help carry the heavy shit.” He flexes his muscles, and I roll my eyes.
“Catch up with me after then?”
“You know it, babe.”
“All right enough of that. Let’s go, Ro.”
They leave and I start to work on unpacking the kitchen stuff Ruthie gave me. She said it gives her an excuse to get new stuff for hers. Colter’s gaze pierces through me. “What?” I look over at him and he shifts his focus out the kitchen window to the parking lot.
“They’re here.”
“That doesn’t answer my question.”
He scrubs a palm over his head, then pulls his dark hair back to show off the shaved sides. “How long are you going to lie to them?”
I stare at the floor. “I don’t like doing it.” I meet his gaze, hating the judgment being thrown back at me. “She’s my best friend, but you need to understand that I love him.”
“Doesn’t make it right.”
“I never said that it did. Are you going to tell her?”
He scowls. “No. It’s not my place, and I don’t want to be the one to hurt her like that. I’ll leave that to you. I’ll be there for her when it’s all said and done. But you need to tell her.”
“I know that. I just can’t. Not yet.”
He nods and the front door opens. I smile at James and hope he can’t tell its forced. “Someone order a couch?”
“You didn’t have to do that.”
“I wanted to.” He enters followed by Colter’s dad, Papa. If I didn’t know better, I would swear they are brothers. Both of them are tall and muscular but not in that body builder way. They’re lean and tone. Tattoos of dark elements. Reapers. There is something otherworldly about them. I can’t put my finger on it.
“Colter,” his dad calls him over. “Let’s get this furniture moved and there might be some date money in it for you. We passed Ruthie and Rochelle on our way in. Your girl mentioned wanting to go to a movie.” He wraps an arm around his neck and roughs up his hair.
They disappear out the door.
“Shouldn’t you be helping them?”
“I will but first, I’ve been dying to do this for days.” Stepping into my space, his hand cups my jaw, then he kisses me soft and slow. It’s been two weeks since everything went down with Lion. James has been busy being named the new Prez of the Royal Bastards. I don’t know the details because well its club business. I only know he’s been taking a lot of meetings and cleaning up Lion’s mess.
Then there’s Ruthie. I know she’s suspicious, and we have to tread carefully. I mostly worried about Rochelle. I told her that I thought he was hot once and she pinched me so hard I had a blood blister.
Breaking away, he grins at me. “Things are going to be different, Lex. You’ll see, baby. This is just the beginning.” I pray he’s right. I don’t know how much more bad I can handle. “I better go help.”
“Yeah.” I nod. “You do that.” I kiss him again.
It didn’t take them long to bring up the couch and get my bed set up. Colter and Papa are gone and now it’s just James and me. I collapse on the couch, and he drops next to me, slinging an arm around me. His lips meet my forehead and I let out a happy sigh. I wish this meant he’d be living with me. I know better though a girl can dream.
I stare at the kitchen and imagine myself preparing him dinner and him coming in after a long day with the club. I’d have him a cold beer waiting next to his plate. He’d smile at me and tell me about his day over dinner.
Someday we’ll have that.
One day we won’t have to hide our love.
One day I’ll be his Old Lady, and he’ll be my man for real.
His cell phone goes off. I shift so he can dig it out of his pocket. Mouth turned down he swipes a finger across the screen. “Yeah? Just finishing up putting this shelf in the closet. I’m almost done. Gimme’ about ten minutes. I’ll get it. That bad, huh? Right.” He pauses. “Love you too.”
I stiffen at his words. Hearing him say what I long to hear so freely to her hurts more than I want it to. The call ends and he goes to his feet.
“You’re leaving, already?”
“Yeah, Ro isn’t taking the news of her grandpa that great and Ruthie needs me to grab her favorite ice cream on my way home.”
“Of course.” I attempt to smile, but I know he sees through me.
“What’s wrong, babe? You not like the apartment or something?”
“It’s fine. Great really. I just I’ve missed you is all. I feel like I never see you.”
“I’ll come back later tonight or in the morning.”
“Okay.”
“Don’t be a brat. You know I’ve got a family.”
“Then you should go. Don’t let me keep you.” I lick my lips and he looms over me, dropping his knees to the cushion on either side of me.
“You know I’d stay if I could.”
“You gotta go. I understand.” I turn my head to stare at the wall, folding my arms across my chest.
“Don’t be mad.”
“I’m not mad.”
“Babe, you’re totally pouting.”
“Am not.”
“Fucking are too.” He grabs my chin and jerks my face toward him. “Give me a kiss. I gotta ride out.”
“I’m sure Ruthie’d be glad to.”
“Fuck,” he groans and goes to get up.
I grab his arm. “I’m sorry.”
“No, you aren’t but you can make it up to me before I go.” He places my hand over his crotch. “Want in that mouth.” He undoes his zipper. “And don’t fucking tell me to go home to Ruthie for it.”
I lean back on the couch and yank his jeans from his hips. His erection juts in my face and he rubs the head over my lips. Tongue darting out, I taste the saltines of him.
I part my lips as he grips the back of my head. “Open wider. Good girl,” he praises me, and all those bad feelings slip away.
If loving him were a religion, down on my knees worshiping his cock is how I'd pray.
My mouth burns, stretching to accommodate his girth.
“God damn, pretty girl. That feels good.” He tugs my head back to glide in and out slowly. I flatten my tongue against him and suck. James makes love to my mouth. I’m lost to him. There isn’t anything I would do for this man. My heart is so full I could burst.
He works his cock in out slow then fast building the tempo with each time he passes between my lips, hitting the back of my throat. I gag on him. Tears burn in the crease of my eyes ready to fall any moment now. He pulls out, smearing precum over my lips.
“You gonna swallow like a good girl for me?”
I nod and murmur, “yes,” wrapping my lips around him again.
“Fuck.” His phone goes off again. “So damn close.” He freezes and goes for his phone. “What?” he barks at whoever is on the other end. “I said I would. When I get there.” He ends the call and slings the phone. “Let’s test out that new mattress.” James kicks off his boots and drops his jeans. He loses his shirt somewhere between the living room and bedroom. Laying back on the bed he holds his cock up. “Get up here and ride me till I come.”
I undress quickly. Sinking down on him. I roll my hips, moving side to side in slow motion. “Was that your wife again?”
My man slaps me on the ass. “Shut up and keep doing that right there. Last thing I want to think about when I’m inside you is another woman.”
I smile big at that. Using his shoulder for leverage, I bend forward to kiss him. His breath fans over my lips. “You taste like my cock.”
“Then I guess I better not kiss anyone else tonight.”
He shoves me to my back and moves into missionary position, settling between my legs to guide himself in once more. “You go around kissing anyone else and I’ll kill them.”
“That a warning?” I gasp when he smacks my clit.
“No. It’s a fuckin’ promise. Don’t toy with me and say stupid shit like that, Lex. Not now. Not ever. This pussy.” Thrust. “Belongs.” Thrust. “To me,” he says breathily, his warmth spreading through me as he gets off. Lips to mine, James kisses me briefly and rolls away. “Gotta go.”
I flop down on the bed wearing a pout.
He smirks. “Yeah. I owe you one. I’ll take care of you next time.”
“You’re not coming back?”
“Probably not with the way Ruthie is breathing down my neck.”
“She asked me you know...about us. I told her there was nothing going on of course.”
“She believe you?”
I shrug. “I guess so. She did buy all this new stuff.”
“Right. I’ll call you.” He starts out of the bedroom.
“James?”
“Yeah, babe?”
“I love you.”
He fucking winks at me in response, but he told Ruthie on the phone. My heart cracks, and it takes everything in me not to cry. My bottom lip wobbles. I hear him cursing under his breath in the living room. Part of me wants to scream at him and tell him not to come back while the other half wants to beg him to stay. All I want is three words, and he refuses to give them to me.
Chapter Eighteen
“What’s up with you?”
“Nothing.”
“That’s the third nothing I’ve gotten from you since I got here.” Alexa is being all funny. She’s not even dressed like she normally would be. Wearing an oversized sweatshirt and workout pants, her hair is piled on her head in a messy bun.
“It’s not important right now.”
“Babe, look at me. I’ve not seen you in weeks. So whatever it is, I want to know.”
Alexa chews on her thumbnail, refusing to look me in the eye.
I let out a sigh and pull her to my side of the couch. “I can’t fix it if I don’t l know what’s wrong.” Ruthie has been clingy as ever since the shit with her old man, so I’ve kept my distance from Alexa though it’s killed me to do so. “Is this because I’ve not been around much lately?”
“No,” she answers quickly. “I know you had your reasons. There’s something I want to tell you, but I’m afraid of how you’ll react.”
“Whatever it is we’ll figure it out.” I kiss her temple, and she hugs my waist.
“You say that now...” she trails off.
“Lex, cut the bullshit and spit it out.”
“You know how Rochelle told you I wasn’t feeling so hot.”
“I remember you had that stomach bug or whatever it was that’s been going around. You still feeling sick?”
“Um...the thing is...it’s not a stomach bug. I was late.”
I go rigid. “You were late.”
“I didn’t get my period, and I kept getting nauseated every morning. I took a test.”
“You telling me that you’re pregnant?”
“Yes,” she whispers.
I sit forward, resting my elbows on my knees.
“Are you mad at me?”
“Why would I be mad at you?”
“Because you’re married, and Ruthie’s already asking questions about us, and now...”
“It’s mine?”
“I’ve not been with anyone else if that’s what you’re asking.”
“I’m asking.”
“Wow. Okay. If that’s what you think. That I went and got pregnant to try and trap you then...”
“Then what?”
“Then you can leave.”
“You want me to go?”
“Do you want to go?”
“Fuck.” I flop back on the couch. “I don’t know. It’s a lot to take in.” I scratch the back of my neck. “You want to keep it?”
“You want me to have an abortion?” Unshed tears glitter in those gorgeous green eyes, and I know I’m acting like a complete dick.
“There’s a lot going on with the club. Timing is bad.”
“I get it. You don’t want us. I don’t need you, Murder. Go ahead and be like everyone else in my life I ever gave a damn about. Use me and throw me aside. It’s all I’m good for, right? A hot piece of ass on the side because your wife got fat. You don’t care about me. Do you?”
“Shut your fucking mouth,” I warn. Her using my road name is pissing me the fuck off right now. I know she’s doing it to be a smart ass.
“Just go. I’ll be fine. I’ve survived worse.” she sniffles.
“You don’t know shit. Putting words in my mouth. Telling me how I feel.”
“That’s the problem. I don’t know how you feel. Do you care about me at all? Do you love me?”
“Do I love you?” I snort. “What do you think this is? That I just put up anyone I fuck in an apartment and pay their bills. That I’d risk everything for a piece of ass.”
“You never tell me.”
“Tell you what?” I grit, getting in her face.
“That you love me!” her voice goes high, and she chokes out a sob.
“I show you, pretty girl. I bust my ass every day trying to get closer to divorcing Ruthie so we can be together.”
“Then why won’t you leave her?”
“I can’t lose Rochelle.” She blanches at my words.
“Rochelle would want you to be happy.”
“There’s things you don’t understand.”
“I’m trying, but you aren’t giving me anything in return.”
“Ruthie knows something I did, and she can use it against me to send me away for the rest of my life.”
“What did you do?”
“I can’t tell you.”
“Can’t or won’t?”
“Both. But it’s because you’re better off not knowing. I’m
trying to protect you.”
“Protect me. Protect me from what exactly? I watched you kill Lion. I know you killed Todd. Who better to keep your secrets than me? I’m the one who loves you. I’d never use any of it against you. I’m not your wife. I’m not her. I’m nothing fucking like her.”
“Be patient with me.” I tuck her back into my side. “I don’t want to fight with you.”
“I don’t want to fight with you either, but this baby is real, and I need to know that I can count on you. You’re either with me or you’re not. I’m all alone here.”
“You deserve better than me, Alexa.”
“I don’t want better. I want you. The question is do you want me? You swore to me that I’m yours. Are you a man who goes back on his word?”
“I’ll always take care of you. I don’t want you to worry about that.”
“Take care of me. Do you hear yourself right now? I don’t want you to take care of me. I want you with me. I need you.”
“Shit. Lex, do you know how scared I am to be happy?”
“You’re scared?”
“I’m terrified, babe. Anytime I get a little good I fuck it up. You’re more than good. You’re the best God damn thing that’s ever happened to me. So yeah, you scare the fuck outta me.”
“Do you want to be with me or are you going to be a coward?”
“C’mere.”
“No. No more. You tell me how you feel about me or leave me alone. I can’t keep going like this. I need to know where I stand in all this.”
“Fuckin’, love you, Lex. I can’t get any realer than that. That what you want to hear?”
“I want you to be honest with me. Honest with yourself. Don’t tell me what you think I want to hear to spare my feelings. If you don’t love me then say it. I want to hear it come out your mouth.”
Tempting The Biker (Royal Bastards MC: Charleston, WV Book 3) Page 11