by Vicky Jones
“My momma died when I was real young so I didn’t really have anyone to help me to be who I wanted to be. Until I met Dorothy. She never had no family either, just her husband Walt. They’re together now, for always. And I know we’ll all meet again one day.” She swallowed hard to try and steady herself as she concluded her speech. “Dorothy was the mother I needed in my life when my own passed, and the grandma David was blessed with having, even if it wasn’t for very long. Not long enough. She gave me so much more than I could ever thank her for. She gave me her kindness, her wisdom, her patience and her heart. And you know what?” Shona pointed at Chloe and David, her hand trembling. “We gave her the one thing she always wanted. A family she could call her own. The family she deserved. I love you, Dorothy. I’ll always love you. And I will never, ever forget you. Thank you for being my best friend.”
Chapter 23
Shona returned from work and trudged up the porch steps as if her boots were made of lead.
“Hi, baby, work OK?” Chloe’s soothing voice was accompanied by a gentle rub of Shona’s shoulders as she embraced her.
“Same as always.”
“Oh, OK. Well, I’ve made your favorite dinner. And I’ve got a bowl of warm water ready with some salts in it to soak your feet.” Chloe took Shona by the hand. “Come, sit.”
“No, it’s fine. I’m not really that hungry. I think I just wanna get washed up and go to bed.”
Chloe nodded, feeling completely helpless as to how to mend Shona’s shattered heart.
The sound of soft weeping was the first thing Chloe heard when she came into the bedroom later that evening after bathing David and reading him his story.
“Oh, honey, come here,” she said rushing over to the bed to gather Shona up in her arms.
“I just can’t believe she’s gone. She promised she’d always be here. She said she’d always look after us.” Shona heaved between sobs.
“She was an old lady, Shona. She couldn’t have lived forever. She just knew it was her time. And that day she passed, she couldn’t have been happier, watching us all together. That was the last thing she saw. She’ll always be with us. Always telling us off for something,” Chloe added, her voice cracking as she reminisced. “We just have to honor her memory by being the best we can be. Be a family. That’s what she always wanted for us. She loved you more than anything, you know that.”
For the rest of the long night, Chloe held Shona as her sobs ebbed and flowed until, exhausted, they both fell fast asleep.
Shona had spent most of the following afternoon banging drawers and slamming tools back into the chest. She’d trapped her finger in one of the hinges of the tool chest more than once that day and this time kicked it over in sheer frustration. Finally, the last customer of the day decided to find out what was going on with her.
“Shona?” Minnie Barker’s soft voice sounded. “Are you OK, dear?” She walked over to Shona, who was now sitting on an upturned bucket nursing her bloody finger.
“I cut my finger. That’s all,” Shona replied. She rose up off the bucket and leaned against the garage wall.
Minnie looked down at her hand and saw an oily rag acting as a makeshift bandage. “Here, let me see that.” She inspected the wound, then looked around the garage for a first aid box. Locating it, she took out a Band-Aid and patched Shona up. As she did so, Shona caught a whiff of Minnie’s scent, rosewater. It was unmistakable, the smell so familiar to her these last few weeks after holding Dorothy’s favorite cardigan to her nose night after night.
“How’s things at home?” Minnie asked.
“I don’t know what to do, Minnie. I know Chloe’s feeling Dorothy’s death too, but I kinda feel like I should be feeling it worse, you know? Like it should be mine. She didn’t know her as long as I did. Does that sound strange that I should feel that way?”
“No one really gets the monopoly on grief, Shona. It affects different people in different ways. Chloe cared a lot for Dorothy, but in a different way to you, that’s all. Dorothy was like a mother to you. It should hurt you more, but it doesn’t always work like that.” She clasped Shona’s face in her wrinkly hands. She was so like Dorothy it made Shona’s heart ache. “You all need to remember the good times and work together to grieve. Ain’t nothing so lonely as a time like this when you’re doing it in different rooms. Close up for a few days. Be with your family.”
Minnie stroked Shona’s cheek, then nodded her farewell. Thinking over what she’d said, Shona sat back on the upturned bucket, her thoughts a swirling mess in her head.
Chloe looked up at the little Mickey Mouse clock on David’s bedroom wall. It was past seven and she had just finished reading him his bedtime story, all the time wondering what time Shona would eventually find her way home. For the last few weeks now, it had been the same routine and Chloe couldn’t help but feel the pang of loneliness in her heart, especially since Dorothy had passed. Switching off the bedroom light, she looked down at David’s angelic sleeping face. It broke her heart to see how like Kyle he was. Same black hair, same dark eyes, but his personality was completely different to his father’s. David was much more like Shona. He was kind, playful, cheeky but with such a spirit inside of him that he could have easily come from her as much as he’d come from Chloe. But lately, the one thing Chloe was missing the most was Shona being present in their lives like before. For the fourth time that evening, she broke down in pitiful sobs and buried her head in a couch cushion.
“I need you, Shona. I’m breaking apart,” she wailed over and over again, the cushion muffling her enough so as not to wake her son.
Shona had been lying back on the roof of the truck staring at the setting sun for over an hour. No matter how much she knew she loved Chloe and David, she couldn’t shake the feeling of being trapped in the same routine. Minnie’s words had struck a chord with her, but going home just seemed like an argument over something trivial would always be waiting for her. She understood that Chloe was feeling trapped herself, but Shona had to work. They’d discussed the way things were going to be before Chloe had given birth but now it felt like the rot was setting in. Knowing she needed to talk things over with Chloe, Shona climbed down and set off for home.
When she got there, she took a few moments to settle herself, then jumped out of the truck and hopped up the porch steps.
“I’m home. Sorry I’m late, I had a few drop-offs to make,” Shona shouted down the hallway into the empty atmosphere. “Chloe?”
Shona popped her head around the doorway into the living room but there was no sign of Chloe. What she did see was a complete mess. There were cushions out of place and a dirty dinner plate, complete with congealed gravy stains, left on the coffee table. Lots of David’s toys hadn’t been put away and a huge pile of creased clothes sat in a heap on one armchair next to three days’ worth of newspapers littered up the sideboard.
“What the hell?” she whispered to herself, bemused at the state of the room. On closer inspection, the hallway was in an equally messy state as she turned into the kitchen. There she found the sink filled with unwashed dishes and the floor sticky with whatever David had splashed out of his dinner bowl.
“Chloe?” Shona repeated, louder this time.
Chloe came whizzing into the kitchen, her face like thunder. “Quit your yelling. I just got David off to sleep.”
Shona looked at Chloe and for the very first time ever she was surprised, almost repulsed. Her hair was matted with grease. She had a huge gravy stain down the front of her grubby white short-sleeved blouse and her face was completely devoid of make-up. Her eyes looked hollow, with dark circles hovering underneath them.
“I’m sorry for shouting. Are you OK?” Her own gaze travelled around the messy kitchen. “Can I help?”
“Maybe if you weren’t out until late every night, I might be able to manage to get everything done around here. I need help every day, Shona, not just when the mess gets too much for you to stand.” Chloe’s face was bright red from
the exertion of trying to keep her voice low so as not to wake David. “Where you been anyway? In that bar again?”
Shona put her hands on her hips and clenched her mouth. “No, actually,” she replied. She strode out of the kitchen and into the living room and began sorting through the pile of clothes on the armchair. “I was just thinking about stuff and pulled over for a bit, you know.” She found the pair of jeans and blue denim work shirt she’d been looking for, then frowned. “Honey, I don’t mind the pants being creased, but I really ought to be wearing an ironed shirt for work.” She held out the creased shirt. “Doesn’t give off a good impression to customers now.”
Chloe, her face quivering like a rumbling volcano, took the shirt off Shona, looked down at it, then moments later threw it back at her in rage. “Are you serious? I tell you I need help and all you can come back with is that?”
Shona peeled the shirt away from her face and held her hands up in defense. “Hey, settle down, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it. I can do it myself if it’s that big a deal.”
They stood glaring at each other. Shona relented, throwing the shirt back onto the clothing pile. “Look, why don’t I run you a bath, huh? I’ll keep watch on the boy.”
“I look like shit,” Chloe huffed as she looked down over herself.
“Give me five minutes,” Shona replied in a quiet voice, then padded into the bathroom.
Chloe came out of the bathroom wearing a pair of yellow cotton shorts and a crisp white undershirt, looking and smelling completely brand new. She wandered into the living room in search of Shona, a dreamy relaxed smile draped across her face. Shona was busying herself plumping up cushions, the pile of creased clothing now ironed and folded, all the dirty dishes now gone.
“Wow, you have been a busy little bee,” Chloe marveled, letting her eyes drift around the neat and tidy room.
“I just wanted it to be all nice for you when you came out. You enjoy your bath?”
“It was perfect. I feel much better now. I’m sorry I snapped at you. I just miss you sometimes when you’re out all day. Is that so bad?”
Shona sashayed over to her. “Well, I’m here now. How about we reacquaint ourselves.” She wrapped her arms around Chloe. “Gosh, you smell so good, I could just eat you all up.”
Chloe squirmed a little in Shona’s grasp, pulling away. “Baby, I’m not in the mood. How ‘bout we watch a little TV, snuggle up?” Her face looked weary, and normally Shona would want nothing more than to do that, but she felt her own frustration bubble over this time.
“We ain’t been together for months now,” she fumed. “Is this how it’s gonna be forever now we got a kid?” As soon as she’d let those pent-up words leave her lips, Shona immediately regretted it.
“A ‘kid’? His name is David,” Chloe shot back. “You don’t have the first clue how tiring it is bringing up a ‘kid’, as you call him? Or what I’m going through right now?” She drummed her finger against her temple, her eyes shooting wildfire at Shona who looked on bemused as Chloe began pacing the floor. “I’m dealing with a lot of crap in here at the moment. I’m stuck in these four walls every goddamn minute of the day thinking about what happened to me back in Alabama. Every time I look at David, it’s a reminder of what Kyle did.” Chloe stopped, her body swaying before she regained her focus. “I’m so lonely, Shona. I’m not coping. My head. It hurts.”
“I didn’t mean to say any of that…” Shona began, her feet frozen to the spot.
“Yes, you did. The truth comes out when you don’t get what you want, doesn’t it? Yes, this is how it’s gonna be now we got someone in the house who’s old enough to walk in on us doing stuff he might not understand. And after what I’ve just told you about how I feel? How can you be so selfish?”
“Selfish?” Shona yelled back. “You make it sound dirty what we do in the bedroom. We might not be conventional like other couples, but what we are ain’t wrong.” Shona paused, remembering their first night together at the Fortua. “You taught me that.”
“Yeah, well, I’m just getting sick of your bellyaching about not getting your own way.”
“It’s not my fault you had a kid!” Shona retorted.
The air in the room seemed to completely evaporate.
Chloe stared open-mouthed at Shona, stunned into silence. “It wasn’t my fault either. Shame on you, Shona.”
She turned and disappeared into the bedroom.
Shona sat in the bar draining her fourth beer. She’d walked around town for an hour or so after storming out of the beach house, devastated at the cruel thing she’d said to Chloe about that fateful night with Kyle. It was the last thing she’d ever wanted to say, especially after she’d seen the state Chloe had gotten herself in, yet the strain on both of them at the moment was becoming too much to bear.
“Beer, not Coke? Rough night?” Lula asked after sidling up next to her.
“You could say that,” Shona replied without turning to look at her.
“Next one’s on me.”
Shona lowered her eyes to her almost-empty bottle and nodded her thanks, unaware that Lula was moving her arm closer and closer to Shona’s, inches from touching her hand.
After settling him back off to sleep, Chloe had come out of David’s bedroom, half an hour after her argument with Shona, to find the living room now empty. She looked through the drapes to see the truck still in the driveway. Without thinking, she picked up the keys from the table by the door, slipped on her shoes and jumped into the truck.
Sitting on a bench not too far from Bertie’s bar, Alan Walker sat watching the front door carefully. The conversation he’d had with Sheriff Lawrence a few days earlier still resonated loudly in his memory.
“So I want you to keep eyes on that place. I wanna know everyone who goes in, how long they’re there for, everything,” Lawrence had said to him before his smile turned nasty. “You know what’s at stake, Walker. I could have your little diner closed in a heartbeat. Terrible rat infestation down that alleyway next to your place, ain’t there? Or how about an inconveniently timed outbreak of food poisoning?”
Walker shuddered as he remembered the cold sweat trickling down his back as Lawrence had threatened his livelihood. Now, as he sat watching the door to Bertie’s bar, and the alleyway to the side, he knew he had to come up with a list of names for Lawrence to interrogate. Walker had heard the rumors about the clientele there, but it still didn’t give him any pleasure when he wrote the seventh name down on his notepad.
The next hour or so dragged on. It was almost nine o’clock at night when a pale blue truck roared down the street and parked underneath a light. He saw a brown-haired young woman leap out of the truck and stride up to the large window on the front side of the bar. The young woman pressed her face to the glass and stared in, recoiling in what looked like anger, then walking over to the entrance. As she disappeared into the bar, Walker licked the nib of his pencil and pressed it to his notepad.
“So then she went straight in there, didn’t come out for a while so she must have been meeting someone. Chloe Clark, that’s right. I guess what Marion told you about her and that broad from the garage has been right all along. Yeah, of course I wrote her name down too. Don’t worry, I’ll stay here until closing.”
Walker replaced the receiver and stepped out of the telephone booth at the corner of the street, his eyes still fixed on the front door of Bertie’s as he lit up another cigarette.
Chloe exited the bar five minutes after entering. She’d stood just inside the entrance looking over to Shona, who was sitting at the bar talking to a black-haired girl wearing a trilby hat and leather jacket who seemed to be laughing at everything Shona said, but before she had plucked up the courage to go over to her, her anger had turned to confusion and hurt. One time I didn’t want it? Is that all it takes for you to go elsewhere? Dazed by that crushing thought, Chloe had turned back around and left.
It was almost two a.m. by the time Shona returned home. Mindful not to t
urn on the light and wake the house, she held her palm against the wall to trace her way into the living room but as she did so the moonlight shining through the window caught the outline of a strange shape on the floor parallel to the couch.
“Chloe,” she exclaimed, racing over to her.
Opening her heavy eyelids, Chloe started to come round. “What? Oh, I fell asleep on the couch waiting for you. Must have rolled off,” she slurred, still waking from her deep sleep.
“Shit, I thought…” Shona began, lifting Chloe up and laying her down on the couch. “I’ll go check on David. You just rest, OK?”
Peeking around David’s door, Shona could see he was fast asleep. She came back into the living room to find Chloe crying. Sighing, Shona walked over, sat next to her and slung an arm around her quivering shoulders.
“Don’t cry. I shouldn’t have said what I said earlier. It was unforgivable. I’m sorry.”
“I saw you,” Chloe said.
Shona looked surprised. “What?”
“At that stupid bar. That girl in the hat drooling all over you. I know I don’t look like when you first met me but I never thought you’d lose interest so fast.” Chloe’s words came thick and fast before Shona could process what she was saying. After several seconds of her rant, Chloe coughed and spluttered.
“You came over to the bar?”
“I had no choice.” Chloe stood up and paced the floor. “I needed to know why you go there all the time and now I do. Look at you now, you’re drunk.”
“And you’re suspicious.”