by Emjay Soren
“That’s where Dorothy will be.” He pushes against me with his hand sliding deeper when he pulls back and moves his finger to his mouth sucking my wetness away.
“And Dorothy is who?”
He smiles his rockstar smile and winks at me. “Don’t know yet. Dorothy is my symbol for home. I don’t know what home is yet. Might be in LA if we ever make it big, might be a woman. I won’t know till I find home, when I do that will be my Dorothy.” He didn’t say anymore, just slipped inside of me with painful slowness and made love to me, mind heart and body. There were no more words left to be said.
*
“What time is it?” I ask and I kind of hate breaking the silence.
He holds me tighter but rolls to his side to look at the alarm clock. “Nine-thirteen.” He rolls to his back again and resumes kissing the top of my head.
“I think I need to get home.” I groan not at all wanting to leave him.
When he shifts to move me from his chest I am overwhelmed with embarrassment that he is so quick to take me home. I sit up immediately and start looking for my clothes, taking his gray quilt with me. “Any clue where my clothes are?” I ask but avoid eye contact.
He starts laughing and combs his fingers through his hair. It is so unfair that he is devastating to look at. I know he is naked under the sheet, know what he has beneath it and it just sucks that I got caught up in the moment and believed it was real. “I think their scattered from the kitchen to right there.” He laughs again and points to the floor where my bra is lying across his guitar.
“Oh no what if Harvey came home?” I ask completely horrified by my behavior in Harvey’s house.
Chad laughs again and shakes his head. “Me and gramps have a code Carrie. He knew not to come home tonight.”
“That’s despicable.” I scowl and strap on my bra followed by my tank top.
“What’s up Carrie girl?” He asks when he see’s I’m fuming and trying my best to get out of here.
I don’t answer and just wrap the quilt around my waist and move to the door. He flies from the bed dropping the sheet and grabbing me from behind stalling my departure. “What the hell baby?”
His breathing is fast and he sounds panicked. “Where are you going Carrie?”
“Home obviously!” I snap and try my best not to cry.
Were you gonna wait for me or just run?” He sounds more like himself now but there is a distinct edge in his tone.
Suddenly I feel foolish for jumping to assumptions. He didn’t sound happy when I said I was leaving and he seemed surprised by my attitude. “I’m sorry.” I whisper feeling the shame roll in like a comfort blanket.
“For what?” He asks and there is no hiding his annoyance.
“Nothing just forget it.” I try to drop it but apparently Chad wanted me to embarrass myself further.
He only pulls me closer to his chest. I can feel his breath on my neck and I don’t bother hiding my shiver at his closeness. “No, no forgetting. What happened that freaked you baby?”
He drops a kiss below my ear and I bite back my groan but have fully relaxed into his chest. “I had a momentary lapse in my confidence is all.” And then I hiss as he presses his hips against my ass and I feel how hard he is.
“Tell me why.” He says and his teeth find the lobe of my ear. “Tell me or I’ll test a theory here and now Carrie.”
Theory? What?
“When I said I had to go… you seemed relieved.” I couldn’t help but shift my weight when his hand slipped beneath my bra and pinched at my nipple.
“That makes no sense baby.” He presses against me again and this time I fall forward the front of my body is pressed against the door. “Tell me or I’ll fuck it out of you?”
Holy fuck!
“You said you and Harvey have a code. It reminded me of the fact I am one in many.” His free hand falls between my legs where I am soaking wet and so completely vulnerable. I have been trapped before and how he had me here in this position and desperate to be fucked was beyond me.
Was I becoming a masochist?
“Your right, you’re the exception and the rule baby. I have fucked a lot and I don’t deny it or hide it. Maybe I should show you the benefits of my experience. Then you can get a taste of all the shit I plan on doing to this hot little body of yours.”
I came right there. He had barely touched my clit and I lost myself to his words and the way I was trapped against him. I was disgusted and turned on at the same time. Chad felt me come, heard my cry and spun me before I could take a deep breath. “Fuck yeah Carrie.” He groans in appreciation to my orgasm.
“Something’s wrong…” I choke but the passion is dancing the Tango with my fear at the moment and it’s a Molotov cocktail to my mind and my sex. “I’m so confused!” I gasp when he slams two fingers inside me. He is reaching with his free arm in the dresser drawer next to the door. I hear a crinkle and then a jingle of change and trinkets of some kind as he slams the drawer.
He places the condom wrapper at my mouth and I know instinctively to open it. I bite down and twist my neck as Chad drops to his knees. He buries his face between my legs and starts licking me while he takes the condom from between my lips and stands back up. “Fucking wet as hell baby.”
He drops a rough kiss to my lips and it doesn’t last nearly as long as I would have liked. “One day I’ll teach you to roll these on with your mouth but not tonight.” He says and I watch between our bodies as he rolls the condom down. I can’t help but wonder why if he had been celibate for the last few months that he had condoms in his room? But I can’t even process the toxic thought when he thrusts inside me and yells my name.
He looks at me, his body cradled between my legs. His whiskey eyes looked passed my defenses and forced through any walls I intended to rebuild. Chad was here to stay. His look told me so… in a ‘back-the-hell-off-and-let-me-in’ kind of way.
He slid himself up my body, snapping his hips back before sliding against me again. I gasped at the feel of him thick and stiff against me, my wetness coating him making his slip and slide easier each time he moved. “Look at me Carrie.” He growled, and not like erotic growls he had spoken to me with earlier. Chad was angry and totally sexed up.
“I could be in a number of different women tonight.”
Whoa. Where the fuck did that come from?
I stiffened immediately and tried to pull back from him but he locked my feet under his hands and wrapped them around his hips and shoves inside of me again. My traitorous body made it ridiculously easy for him to slip deeply in me and though I wanted to curse said body, I was too busy trying hard not to moan, turned on by the forceful intrusion. What in the ever loving hell is wrong with me? This should literally have me in a panic attack, not about to come!
“Don’t flinch or fight me Carrie. I would never hurt you. If you want me out of you, just say the word.” He timed his words to a heavy thrust as he held himself deep inside me. When I said nothing he pulled back nearly slipping free of my body then snapping those narrow sexy hips, cutting into me deeper again. “I could be in a number of beautiful women. They would let me in, scream and shout in ecstasy and be just as gritty and dirty as I wanted then leave me with nothing more than a request for another night another time.”
Thrust.
“I have never wanted that.”
Sharp withdraw… thrust.
“I have wanted desperately to be here with you. Even if I were leaving with blue balls and a broken heart I would chose you over them.”
Thrust.
“I say again that you can take what you want from me.”
Thrust. Thrust. Thrust. And I gasp.
“Take everything that I am, because without you I am a vacant shell.”
Withdrawing almost entirely…
Still holding me against the door, only the thick cap of his erection inside of me he stayed there against my body, looking more intense then I had ever seen before. “There are many times I tried to
walk away from you. To stop you from owning every part of me, and those moments flew out the window and blew far from existence the second you said ‘all in’. When I tell you to take what you want, that you own me, entirely. I mean it Carrie. I’m yours and you should feel free to touch me and demand from me anything you want. I am truly and utterly yours to have for as long as you let me in.”
Tears rimming my lashes, his words still clinging around my head. “Chad…” I choked. He took my hand in his, entwining our fingers as he held my hands above my head.
“Take what you want from me Carrie.” His eyes were pleading, demanding more than he was saying. This looked a hell of a lot like forever.
I laughed nervously. I was terrified of being held like this but I couldn’t even imagine making him stop. “I wouldn’t know where to begin.”
He took my hand in his from above my head and placed it over his left peck. The feel of his skin sent chills over my own flesh. He was lean but cut, every muscle carved perfectly like the body of a swimmer. His hair was down and somewhat tangled from my fingers. Now though, I was focused on where he was going with this.
“Just touch me baby. Your touch ignites me Carrie, gets me so fucking hard.”
I did as he asked and let my hand drift over his perfect chest, my other hand making a statement of its own and starting low against his abs. I watched him roll his neck back and sigh as I slid my hands against my most favorite part of his body. There was this V pattern just below his hips that came to a point right above his now pumping erection, an erection that I wanted to touch and realized I could. So could many others too; always another woman ready and waiting for me to fail him. His point hit home right then. He was here now, he didn’t fail in choosing me. How would I ever let him know that it was a miracle what he was doing to me?
“You’re in control here Carrie. I may be fucking you baby but you have the control.”
I flew apart at his words. “I have never had control!” I cry out gasping for air and more.
He stopped thrusting leaving me on the precipice of a black out orgasm. “You will always have it with me baby. You say stop and I stop. You say fuck me and I will. I will always bend to your needs but you never fear me Carrie.” He slipped back in before I could answer.
“Do you understand Carrie?” He demanded through clenched teeth.
“Yes!”
He lost his restraint and pounded against me. “You never walk away like that again!” He pleads and explodes.
I know he will never know, but right now I wish I could tell him just how deep I am in. He is my exception but he is also the rule. I swore no man would ever touch me again. Then the time came when I was ready to meet someone and I decided that it would be on my terms. Chad Blake blew my plans clear the hell out of the water.
“I’m sorry I don’t know what I’m doing?” I cry feeling shamed by my lack of experience in the emotional that is completely fucking up the physical.
He snapped his head up from the crook of my neck and looked at me with half lidded black eyes and spoke with a lust driven plea. “God Baby just talk to me. I can’t stand seeing that fear in you Carrie. The way it morphed into something even scarier.”
Oh. So he noticed that?
“Talk to me baby?” He asked and still inside me he brought us both to the floor, me on his lap my legs splayed over his thighs as he crouched before me on his knees. My back to the door I rested my head between his pecs and sigh.
“I didn’t think I would be okay like that, restrained. At first I was upset because I thought it was about sex and you fooled me. Then when you came at me I didn’t panic. My lack of fear scared me. The harder you got it did the opposite and turned me on more.”
I was all out crying now and I absolutely hated my brother right then. Noah had been right; I was nowhere ready for a relationship with Chad.
From every one thing we're ignorant of
A thousand more things beat the maze, yeah
You saw the apple hanging on the tree
But missed the orchard in your gaze
Incubus
Chapter Thirteen
Chad brought me home after our epic fail at intimacy. He had been nervous and jittery since leaving and I felt like I had failed him. I didn’t know how to tell him that I loved what he did to me, how he made me feel. I hated knowing that the rougher and dirtier he got the harder I fell.
“I have a few things I need to do before I come back.” Chad said as he pulled into our drive and slipped the truck in park.
“You’re coming back?” I loved the thought but I couldn’t figure out why he wanted to come back for more torture.
“Of course I am baby.” I sighed and he turned the engine off. He turned to me and put my hands in his. “Carrie I need you to feel safe with me, to want what I do to you. This is just as new to you as it is me.”
I laugh at that because no, not even close. “You never had wild and crazy sex before?” I never expected him to answer me as honestly as he did.
“No baby, wild and crazy is my thing. I fucking love that you want me that way. What’s new to me and you both is fucking while your dad’s in the room. That I’m not used to and I don’t think he’s going anywhere until you come clean with it all to me.”
He was a bull in a china shop the way he blurted shit.
“You want the gory details and that’s not something I can do.” I run my fingers through my hair for the millionth time tonight and want to scream. He was right but I wasn’t fessing up.
He looked sad, like I had broken some vision of me being perfect. It sucked but he was falling for an illusion of me and he needed the true vision. I was so fucked up.
So fucked up.
“I have made myself clear Carrie. In the last thirty-six hours I kissed you for the first time, touched you for the first time, been mad at you for the first time, confessed my fucking love for you and learned you were abused so give me some credit here!”
My hand on the door I looked at him just as pissed off as he was. “Abused? Oh baby not even close. That is too friendly a word. I was raped Chad, not once, not a dozen times but fucking thousands of times!” I opened the door after yelling that little bomb but he grabbed my arm.
“Stop it!”
“No!”
“God … for the love of God… Stop, please Carrie.” It was a plea and hearing him like that turned my stomach with guilt. I was pushing him and I hated that I was doing it. “Please don’t do this. Don’t end this on a bad note because you’re scared.”
“I’m not scared Chad. I’m right.” He shook his head no and we were stuck at an impasse.
“Carrie listen, I have been with a lot of women. I have tied them, gagged them spanked them if they asked. Most of them are into that shit because of some man done wrong; maybe not to your extreme but wronged just the same. Just because you liked me being controlling doesn’t mean you want me controlling your life baby. It just means you like me controlling that sexy little body of yours.”
He was calm and gentle and I could see the love in his eyes and I wanted to tell him to stop! Don’t waste your love one me. I was greedy though and I needed his love like a dying man needs breath. “Maybe but we are a long way from me accepting it.” I opened the door and he caught my hand before I fully jumped down. I was leaning into his truck now with just our fingers laced.
“I’ll get you there baby.”
I nod and he smiles. I know we are ok for now and I will take it like the greedy fool I am. “I’ll call you when I’m on my way back over. I have a few things to sort out before gramps gets home.” I nod and shut the door. He hasn’t left yet and I know he won’t until he sees me in the house safe.
He needed to run his errands and I felt bad for making him bring me home tonight, forcing him to run his errands now so that Harvey was set and Chad could come back and stay with me. I wish I could have stayed but I need Noah right now. I am on a ledge about to fall into that awful darkness and he is the only
person who has ever been able to get me out of the dark. Noah would rip me out and fight at my side until I saw the light. He would never leave me here alone and scared.
*
“Noah?” I yelled scared to death he would be high in the bathroom. I slowly made my way to the stairs but saw him sitting at the table with a bottle of Skyy Vodka in front of him. “Bubba?” I asked in case he had drunkenly passed out. I needed to see his face to know if he was ok.
He must have just cracked the bottle because he looked like himself. “Hey what’s up?”
“Why didn’t you answer?” I asked and took a seat at the table beside him, playing with the thin black hair tie I had kept on my wrist all day.
He set his cell phone down and poured a shot. “Reading a message from Candy.” He sounded sad and suddenly my sexual hang ups seemed less important. Had I been anyone else it would be weird to talk to my brother about most the shit we talked about. Considering we ran out of hell hand in hand it made sense that he be my safe place. Only thing wrong now was that Chad wanted to be my safe place too.
I placed my hand on his wrist to get his attention. “You guys ok?”
He shook his head no and sighed, pouring another shot. My brother is a beautiful man, his blonde hair messy in the most perfect way. His blue eyes always full of excitement and a smile that had made the girls swoon, even when his lips were swollen and cracked from dads punishments, Noah knew how to shine and he did it often. “Probably not.” He looked at me then and I could see the absolute sadness he was trying to hide. Fool, he knew I could read him. “I fucked up Sissy.”
He sounded hellish and that scared me. Noah had been through enough in his life that not much got him down. I knew he was hurting which meant Cans was too but I found his broken heart endearing.