by Emjay Soren
“What’s up?” Cassa and Carrie ask as I turn my back realizing I am not dodging Jenny Pope, the craziest most infamous fangirl I have ever met in my entire life. It wasn’t unheard of that this crazy local girl would follow my TAT guys as they toured the US, but along the way she popped into a bunch of other bands busses. Jenny Pope is my biggest pain in the ass, but one that almost all the bands I represent have had their fun with. Jenny is the VIP of the fangirl population. And she makes me sick.
I had on more occasions than I’d ever like to remember, taken the cue from the man I love to give her the backstage pass to come party. Better yet, I had seen enough between her and Cal to ruin me, let alone the nasty she got into with Shame (before Cassa) and Noah as well.
“It’s this crazy fangirl that is relentless. She’s always looking for an easy in to the lifestyle. She’s from Gig.” I say, and I direct my eyes at Jenny as she calls my name. “Her name is Jenny Pope; do you know her?” I ask, and I watch as my besties lose all color from their face and Carrie looks like she may vomit.
“That’s Jenny Pope?” Cassa says, and I assume she knows that Shame had used Jenny to curb the loneliness in the past.
“Yeah, ugh she drives me fucking nuts.” I say just seconds before I put my game face on and spin to intercept Jenny. The last thing I want is Cassa being hurt because of this snipe of a woman. “Jenny, hello.” I say and hold my hand out.
I am always the face of PR for my bands, not just TAT. I haven’t seen her in a while but that could mean she had a long run with someone. Regardless I keep my expression polite and interested. “How are you?”
“Fucking livid that’s how.” She says and smears at Carrie and Cassa who are behind me, still completely shocked. I finally see Cassa with shaking hands grab her phone and start texting. Fuck this is going to get ugly fast.
“Well what seems to be the problem?” I ask and grasp her by the elbow gently trying to steer her away from Carrie and Cassa.
“That son of a bitch thinks he has a say in our son’s future he is dead fucking wrong!” She spits the words through clinched teeth and I am racking my brain trying to think what guy knocked her up and when. “All I want is to get paid for the last two years I have been on my own and he is demanding that I sign my rights away?”
Completely stumped on what the fuck she is talking about, I want to ask but Cassa intervened with just as much disdain for Jenny that Jenny has for the nameless father of her child.
“How dare you come here and start mouthing off a bunch of nonsense Jenny.”
“Fuck you Cassa nobody asked your opinion.” Jenny snips back. My heart sinks because Shame must be the father. How Cassa can look at this woman is beyond me. The fact I know nothing will blow up on Cassa and Shamus after I get Jenny out of here.
“Whatever is going on here, and trust me,” I say and pin my stare on Cassa, “I will get to the bottom of it, but this is a children’s clothing store, you are both making a scene. Jenny, go home and once I have every fact about this entire thing I will sit down with you, Shamus and Cassa and we will come to an agreement.” I go to nudge her out the door when I hear Carrie whisper an “oh fuck.”
“Fuck Cassa and Shame, this doesn’t concern them. This is between me and Cal and no one else. I don’t fucking care if Cal and Shame are close. Axe is our kid and it will stay that way.”
I can’t breathe. I am standing in a public store, a crowd has gathered, I am with wives of one of my bands and the mother to the child of the man I desperately love. “What?” I whisper and choke on the humiliation of the moment.
“You are a fucking bitch.” Cassa spits and steps toward Jenny. “You better run far and fast Jenny. You will never see Axe again. We all know you want money and you can go suck more cock to get it, Axe isn’t for sell and he never was. If you think you will ever see that sweet boy again you are as crazy as you are cheap.” Cassa is seething in fury, and I will look back on this and know why this woman pisses her off, but right now I watch stunned as little Cassa Rae James steps up into Jenny Pope’s face and stands nose to nose. “Women like you make me sick. Cal will do everything in his power to protect him, as will I and the rest of us. No amount of used up nasty trashed pussy will change that, but I cannot wait to watch you land firmly on your back like usual.”
“Cassa enough!” I say and though I am shaking and sick and crying inside, I state my point with the edge I use every day when I fight the egos of famous men. “You need to go home and wait for a call Jenny that is all I am offering right now. You want to push this issue I will have the cops here faster than you can get to your car. I will not leave you in the dark. I have no idea what is going on, but I will before I go to bed tonight. Go home and wait for my call. Now.” I give her no room to argue as mall security walk up to us.
“Is there a problem here ladies?” He asks, and he is looking at me, as I am the one standing between Jenny and Cassa. Carrie is right behind her, on the phone and I am betting a dozen dimes that it’s Chad and she is making sure he gets to Cal because his world is going to explode real damn fast.
“Tayla please wait!” Cassa is crying behind me, but all I can do is force my feet to move faster. I can feel my eyes’ burning like someone has poured salt water in them, the need to burst into tears is so painful. I can’t look at Carrie or Cassa right now. There are so many betrayals playing out in this situation I can’t even process them all.
I couldn’t not kiss you... you mean everything to me... I’ll win you back...
Cal’s promises and words of pleading heartache flash through my mind in tune to my rapid heartbeat. Oh my God, it’s like a never-ending experiment in pain. How can he tell me all these things, try to kiss me last night and beg for my kiss in return...knowing there is a child in his life?
Oh my God, the skinny boys’ jeans. It’s there I stop and spin to face Carrie and Cassa. I am in the parking lot so there will be less of a scene and it’s in that instant my anger and humiliation combust into crocodile tears streaming down my face. “How long have you known?” I ask through my sobs, looking at them with shock.
“Honey since about five hours after he found out, and that was four days ago." Cassa says and she is breathing heavy from chasing me.
“Tay, we have known but there is so much that you need to know before you think that we betrayed you. Me and Cass were gonna talk to you today. It wasn’t our place to tell you, but we were going to let you know that something major was happening and that we knew but wanted to explain our silence. When we got here today you were so checked out from the events last night, we didn’t get a chance. It’s why we were in Talon.” Carrie is panting just as hard and I want to process what she is saying but I am so upset I can’t.
“A baby?" I look around shocked to my core and wait for anyone to scream 'Gotcha' or some other tacky line that tells me this is all a joke. But no one says a word, they just watch me as tears fall from my eyes. “With that piece of shit?” I cry, and I lean back against my Rover and feel a panic attack coming on and the levee that has contained all this painful shit just breaks. “How come I keep doing this to myself? Why do I keep falling for his talk when his actions tell me I am nothing?” I scream the last part through my tears and I am so thankful that the lot isn’t crowded because I am in full blown diva mode right now.
“Tayla please, it isn’t what you think. Cal doesn’t know anything other than Axe is his name and he is two.” Carrie says and sits beside me and wraps and arm around me holding me tight as I unleash the heartache.
“He is so malnourished Tay. He doesn’t talk or walk, and Cal is taking him to the doctor on Monday to get him a full well-child check because he was so neglected his head is misshapen.” Cassa tells me and I am disgusted by the picture she just painted.
I grip my chest as if trying to will my heart to unfreeze. “What?”
They both nod and I feel like a fool for so many other reasons. “So, she showed up four days ago with this sick little boy and what? B
ailed?”
“She showed up at the Dorians and gave them a five-minute rundown before leaving.” Carrie says, and I am aghast.
“I need to get to the bottom of this.” I say shaking my head and trying to place every piece of this shocking puzzle in its place.
“We are on the north end of the parking lot standing outside of Tayla’s car.” Carrie says, and she is looking around the lot and I am back to the panic and the anger.
“Carrie!” I say pissed that they have all brought Cal smack dab into my nightmare.
“It’s just Chad and Shame, Tay.” Carrie says and right then I see Chad’s monster GMC black truck roar into the parking. That truck defies everything that Washington stands for when he parks it in compact parking next to a lot full of fuel efficient cars.
I don’t care that they are there. I am too busy forming a list in my head of everything I need to get done before I can call Jenny tonight. I know very soon I will need to get in touch with Cal and discuss the variables on the legal end, but for now I need facts and these guys wont anti up.
I call my assistant George and start giving him the rundown on need to know info. “I need to know as much as possible about that God-awful fangirl Jenny Pope and her son, around the age of two give or take a few months. I need to know any complaints on Coven’s end as far as she is concerned. Look through the bands, Our time now, Gone, Black Label Life and the Sinners of the Slipstream. I know she hangs on those bands as hard as she does TAT. I need to know if any of my guys have complained about not letting her through the rope, if possible over the last two years is key. Anything George, even if it seems obsolete I need everything you can find. Google, Facebook, twitter Pinterest, all of it.”
I end my call with him and pull up the number for Child Protection and call Linda who I deal with often in cases like these. She doesn’t answer so I leave her a message. “Linda, its Tayla Livingston with Coven Relations. I have a case we need to see if one has been opened and if not, I need it opened immediately. Jenny Pope, I don’t know her middle name, but she has a child named Axe around the age of two. I don’t have any other information than that, but she is claiming that Calvin Dorian is the father and from the info I have gathered this child has been severely neglected and then was dropped off no word and abandoned by the mother. I need to see if we can get temporary placement for the child with Cal until we can get an official report and a court date.” I look to my friends who are all watching me in fascinated shock. “I am under the impression he wants full custody and in regard to the child’s health, no visitation at the time being.”
I see Cassa and Carrie nod at my assumption, but I do know Cal and there is no way he would let this child get out of his sight from here on out. “It is 1:22pm Monday December 3rd. Please call me back as soon as you can, if I don’t answer my calls will forward to George and he will gather all the information.”
I end the call and use my FOB to unlatch the back of my Rover. There I have my laptop and I immediately boot it to get the notes entered into my on-line calendar.
“Tay...” Chad says, and I hold my hand up to stop him.
“No. You guys have taken your loyalty to a whole new level. This affects your business. Four days you have kept me in the dark and I look like a fucking fool to that bitch.” I spin and face him, all of them. “I have always had the bands best interest at heart. I have never once mixed business with our friendship. Cal and I have been separated where business is concerned and this is no different. Had you even thought of what she might do from her end? Clearly, she is unstable; she tracked us to the damn mall for Christ sake. What would have happened had she called Coven? That would very easily cost me my job, because this shit,” I indicate them and the mall and the computer in a grand gesture with my arms. “This is what I do for a living. I manage you and your lives, and I handle all the crazy ridiculous shit that goes down daily. I have done this so many times it is ridiculous.”
“It was Cal’s choice Tay. He didn’t want to tell you until he had the facts because he knew you’d do this and go into micro manage mode and take it all on.” Shamus says with a note of aggravation and it sets me off.
“What do you guys pay me for? Is it glorified because I allow Cal into the fold simply because it keeps him calm to be a part of the business end? I handle more crazy fangirls in one day, all with the various lies looking for a dime and it is every day. I handle calls and emails from women claiming that two weeks ago Shamus was in a Hotel in Bellevue with a fangirl who claimed she was drugged by him. I had it handled how fast Shame?” I ask pointedly.
“Within an hour Tay.” He says, and I can tell he is now seeing my side, they all are.
“Within that hour I had Hotel records, credit card purchases and enough insight to ask you outright where you were that night. Mike and Roni verified that you were with them for dinner, they gave a basic description to Coven and the fangirl huffed and puffed and had no choice but to give it up.”
I shake my head. “Every day I deal with this shit. Hell, last week I had a fangirl claiming Henley Forrest the lead guitarist of Gone was the father to her twins. I have a relationship with lawyers, child advocates and child protection. I can get the answers in mere days. But no, you guys completely forget how good I am at my job and agree to hide it.”
“Look Tay...” Chad says but I stop him again.
“No Chad-” He cuts me off with a loud, “Enough!!”
I stop and look at him. “We listened to you now you listen to me. This isn’t a hoax for one. Axe is Cal’s there is no denying it Tayla. I would bet every dollar I have that he is the father. Cal wanted to do this how he was comfortable and if you could get off your fucking soapbox for a minute you’d see he had a valid point. He knew you would push everything aside and make this your mission. He knew that it was going to rip your heart out. He knew this little boy would be someone you fell in love with, and you will Tay, the minute you meet him. He knew he would lose you for this.”
“You don’t get it, none of you do. I am not his. I never was. You can’t lose something that was never yours. All he lost was the chance I’d hear him out. Every time I think I need to hear him out and let him back in something else happens and I am ripped to shreds. So yeah, he is right. I am the one who provided the VIP passes to her to get back on the bus and fuck him. I did. Every time it killed me but again it was my job. I did it knowing he was in my bed the night before, but I also did it knowing that was who he was. So, no, this isn’t something he can explain away. He was fucking me while fucking her and countless others. I feel like trash and worse, it’s the knowledge that he let that disgusting excuse for a woman touch him and kiss him knowing I would have given anything to one day be the mother of his children, and I am not, she is!”
I can’t look at them right now, this is deep betrayal. “What you guys aren’t realizing or acknowledging, is that because of my personal relationship with TAT you kept this from me. Life altering information you kept from me. Had I been just the manager of TAT, I would have been the first call not Shamus.”
They say nothing in response to that and it’s because they know I am right.
“Tay you can be mad no one says you can’t, we just want you to see his side.” Carrie says, and it bothers me on a visceral level.
“See his side? Fuck that, see my side!” I snap.
“You want to know what his side is you stubborn shit?” Noah who I had no idea was even here, jumps out of Chads truck. He is like a fucking ghost at times, popping in from nowhere.
“Excuse me?” I say in my most offended and bitchy tone.
“You heard me. You want his side? Fine I’ll tell you because I am sick and tired of the games and the lies and the secrets. Seriously it is so fucking over played. He didn’t tell you because he is twisted up with fear and anger and sadness, all because his biggest fear is losing you for good. Any possible way he can buy some time to have a chance at being with you he will. I don’t fucking blame him for it; I fucking
respect him for it. In the last four days he has watched over that little boy, fighting with the notion that he was going to win you back and put you before every God damned thing in his life when that whore dropped his boy off. No information, no explanation. He is a sick little boy Tayla and Cal took him, held him and promised him he had his back, all the while knowing all his hopes and dreams for the two of you were up in smoke. He knows that he cannot put you first now and he hates himself for all the time he wasted. Do not sit here with your righteous indignation and make this about you.”
“Righteous indignation?” I say, my voice pitching in anger and shock.
“Yeah. You aren’t seeing his side at all. He may have done the wrong thing on the business end. We all did. We didn’t think Jenny would come looking willing to talk to anyone for answers and in that sense you’re right. If it was anyone one of us and not Cal you would have been the first call, but that’s because we aren’t pining over you and we didn’t fuck you for three years. He did. Game point Tayla, he did what was best for him and Axe and with the intention of telling you everything when he had all the information. He didn’t come to you because he felt like shit asking for your help in it and having you do the dirty work and again I agree. If this was me and Candey was still here, I’d have done every fucking thing I could to protect her in it and no fucking way would I let her handle it.”
I say nothing because he used the Candey card. I don’t think he did it to shut me up or win the argument but used it because she was his world and she isn’t here anymore. The reason though, that I say nothing, is because the minute I reversed the roles I saw what everyone was telling me. It now made sense and I can do nothing but cry. I cry for Axe and the fact that what I know this for is that he has a very sad story behind him. I cry for me and the fact that what I am most angry about is that Jenny Pope has the one thing I want the most and she isn’t worthy. I cry because I was so dignified in my fight that it brought Noah in and slamming the argument shut the minute he switched the scenario. I cry because I love Cal Dorian and if what Noah just confessed, Cal loves me too.