TAT Box Set
Page 157
Chad pulled me against his chest and tucked my head under his chin, his hands clasped together just above my bottom. His lips continued to kiss me upon my head and said nothing for long minutes, content to hold me. “Eight days baby, the fucking longest eight days of my life but it’s just a week and a day.” Chad rasped dropping kisses along her neck as he spoke between kisses.
“I know.” I replied but continued to hold him tighter.
“Take all that fear running through your mind, throw it away, because none of it will happen. I’m always coming back to you Carrie, whether I’m a fucking Tattoo artist or a Musician. If you let this negative fear shit in your head, we are gonna fall apart no matter how much we love one another.”
It was the exact argument that we had this morning with nothing resolved other than the fact we were hopelessly in love. “I know.” I whisper this time and slam my eyes shut terrified my tears will burst free.
“Don’t placate me baby, I see through your shit.” I could hear the seriousness of his words even though he said them jokingly. He grasped my chin between his fingers and lifted my face. “Look at me Carrie.”
I opened my eyes knowing they were glistening with unshed tears. “Tell me you love me Carrie.” I nod unable to speak due to the lump of fear and sadness in my throat. Tears fall against my efforts and Chad leaned in to kiss me softly. “Tell me baby. Please.”
It was the please that did me in and the levee broke. “I love you Chad, more than I thought I ever would or could. I was told I was nothing and useless for so long and I fought to free myself of that feeling and you make it effortless for me. I feel amazing with you, I am happy and cherished and so fucking safe Chad. I do love you, no matter how scared I am…” I choke on the words as more tears fall unbidden. “No matter how scared I am that I’ll wake up tomorrow and learn that you finally realized that you were always too big for Gig Harbor and me, I’ll still be thankful I was yours for that time.”
He crushed me to him then and held me tight enough to shut off my airflow. “You’re my home Carrie, my Emerald City and my dream come true. I waited for you and I know what life is like when it’s spent pining for you and I don’t relish the idea of ever going back to it. You’re its baby, no matter where we live or what this path leads, you baby, are with me on it. Feel me Carrie?”
“I feel you.” I say with a smile and sniffle through my tears before he slants his mouth over mine and takes my mouth with the same demand as he took the rest of me. When his tongues slides against mine I know that I am powerless when it comes to Chad Blake, know that I will wait my entire life if I must, for him to come back to me. This whole fear inside of me isn’t ruled by the amount of time he will be gone; it’s ruled by the hundreds of YouTube videos posted of what a ‘Sinners of the Slipstream’ tour bus party looks like. Women in nothing but skin, sex in every corner, bunk and even the main room in the back of the bus. Women with no moral compass or concern for the women who love these guys left at home while trusting them. I knew that two members of Sinners were married, and they were also in the videos of the sexcapades on the tour bus.
I wasn’t a fool to think I could ever keep Chad or any guy faithful, I lived by the theory that nobody could ever stop someone from cheating. No amount of love, passion or trust could ever guarantee it. I saw Candy in utter devastation over Noah, watched Cal and Chad both play women like card games. I had always believed it was all up to fate. Now that I am with Chad, in love with him, I find my reasoning a hard pill to swallow.
“You keep thinking of the bad baby but remember the good.” Chad said, a lusty glint in his eye. “Remember that your fear drove you all night, but we came together with lust and passion and probably the best sex of my life.”
Oh yes… it was a particularly good round of sex. Its bordered violence and desperation.
I nod blushing and he laughs. “I love you Carrie and we got this right?”
There was no question about it from him, he had faith in us I wish I had. I had to play by his rules and his belief, or I would indeed ruin us. “We got this, throw caution in the wind and get the show on the road.”
He smiled and kissed me gently, sweetly believing me and my words. I just hope I could believe them too.
Chapter Sixteen
Chad
I was going to puke. I might even pass out, but I was going to puke. I stand in the dressing room with the guys watching Shame ralph into the wastebasket. Cal laughs at him and I flip him off for him.
“How did I never know you guys were such pussies?” Noah looks at Cal and laughs with him at Shame and me.
“How the fuck are you guys not nervous?” I wonder the same thing Shame asked.
“We are fucking East of Awesome. Have been even in the garage days playing Alice in Chains.” Cal tells us and I want to feel as confident.
“I wish I had your confidence.” I say and open another beer as Noah hands me a shot of whiskey.
“Dude.”
I look at him. “Dude.” I repeat and roll my eyes.
“You are Chad fuckin Blake. Gods gift to women, GQ. You know how to do this.”
I stand and start pacing again. “I know how to do this with a crowd under two thousand. This is twenty thousand Cal.”
A knock on the door and a guy yelling it’s time to go.
Shame pukes again.
I rub my hands together and try to breathe.
Shame pukes again.
Cal laughs hysterically.
Noah pukes.
And then I do the same.
The lights were down, and the crowd was cheering as we took the stage and our rightful place on it. We weren’t big on covers because we believed in our music. Tayla the PR for the Sinners gave us some tips before we signed on with them and one was to play songs that were recognizable as we open.
The minute that I heard Cal start out AC/DC’s Thunderstruck my nerves left. Cal is a monster on that guitar, and he played it like it was just a mediocre Tuesday night at The Aloha House. Shame right there with him as we sang the intro. The crowd went crazy as he played, and the lights stayed out until those drums came in heavy. The guys chanting thunder until I joined in and the beat kicked up…the stadium went fucking nuts and I just did what I knew how to do best.
I turned it on and let it throw through me, the energy, the amount of people unable to even see in the cheap seats. The stage was massive, but I used every inch as I wove them under my spell, made the women in the front row think I came to sing just for them. My boys in the mosh pits were spinning their own web and I loved every minute of it.
I step to the side as Cal took them on a ride of his own playing his solo, marking his territory in this industry. I sound nothing like Brian Johnson, but I can sell anything with my voice and my skills on stage and they loved every second. By the end of the song, they were screaming for TAT and we fucking delivered.
MTV wanted to talk with us, radio stations were giving out swag we didn’t even know we had. It was such a different environment, they treated us like we were big shots and not the good old boys from the Harbor.
I guess we delivered our asses off.
Chapter Seventeen
Carrie
“Carrie so help me God!” Noah roared trying to stop the flow of blood gushing from his head. Dad had beat him unconscious and then came after me and then Noah again, passing out after he had enough of beating on us. Tonight, however I tried to save Noah.
“Don’t yell at me Noah!” I cried but kept my voice down to just above a whisper. “I am so scared one day he will kill you Noah.” I could see the deep gash above his brow from our father slamming his head against the wooden steps leading upstairs. He was so mad coming home having learned of our sneaking out the night before when we snuck out to go see one of Seattle’s best bands play live before they hit the road to success.
Noah and I hitched a ride to the University district and were planning the same thing on the way home when one of his officers saw us and dr
ove us home. I was so scared of what dad would do I offered myself blatantly to my own father to keep him from going after Noah. I had never felt more low or filthy in my life than begging him to let me apologize. A shiver crawled up my spine remembering the feel of his rank whiskey breath against my neck.
“Noah he is going to kill you one day. Look at what he did Noah! He has never left you visually beaten, he’s beyond control now. He’s gonna kill us before he lets the truth come out.”
Noah was fidgeting and looking off in the distance. I knew he was high and that he had been getting high for months now to cope with the things he saw, things done to me and him. “I know.” He whispered and I could see and feel the awful reality of those words. “Trust me, yeah?”
I crooked my brows not understanding what he meant because there was no question, we knew what he would end up doing one day. “With?” I ask annoyed.
“Trust me to be able to keep us safe without using your body. Jesus fuck Carrie, trust me to get us out of here and to be ready when I say it’s time.”
It was ominous and certainly didn’t tell me anything he had planned, but I trusted him as he asked, and I ran the minute he said it was time.
Stepping over our fathers crumpled beaten body two nights later… we never looked back.
My phone ringing Bad Girlfriend by Theory of a Deadman pulled me from the dreadful memories of my last days before coming to Gig Harbor. With blurry eyes and a racing heart I answered the call, nervous he was going to tell me he cheated.
“‘Lo…” I grumbled into the phone.
His soft chuckle had my legs scratching against one another because Chad’s sexy morning voice was one of my new favorite things. It was, just as his smile was, panty dropping sexy. “Hey baby.”
“What time is it?” I asked more alert and capable of looking at the clock but too lazy to roll over in my big empty bed.
“Noah said he talked to you last night.” He sounded apologetic and that didn’t bode well.
“Yeah, but it was after I saw the MTV news do the interview with you.” I purposely avoided telling him I had watched it. Noah called me to tell me all about it, but Chad didn’t call or text all night.
“I wanted to call you first dammit! I called Gramps because he had sent me a text saying he needed to talk to me, and it was important. I guess he was in the hospital with chest pains and didn’t want me hearing it from one of his many girlfriends who I guess were draped in the halls waiting on news for the old player.”
My heart sunk. Oh God I was by far the worst girlfriend ever. I had been ready to crucify him thinking, certain he had cheated to find out Harvey Blake was sick and in what sounded to be dire straits. Immediately I started thinking of fitting in time with Harvey while Chad was gone so that I could care for him and keep the girlfriends at bay.
“Baby you there?” Chad asked numbly from the end of the line.
“Sorry I was thinking. I don’t go into the Joint until five tonight so I can go and take him dinner if he’s home and if not, I’ll head to the hospital and bring him his favorite magazines and stuff till he’s home. Do you know when they are releasing him or if he is home yet? If not, I can call him.” My guilt was at full capacity and I wanted to fix this for him, feeling terrible that something great happened just to be ran over by something awful.
“That’s why I love you baby.” He said his voice cracking, but I could tell he was hiding his emotion.
Feeling even worse and biting my lips, eyes closed I asked him why. “Because you immediately jump in to help me out knowing I’m freaking out over this. Gramps is all I have Carrie.” He said the last part so quietly my heart broke.
“You have me too Chad, and Noah and the guys. Harvey is so stubborn even if he died, he would find a way to negotiate a second chance with the All Mighty himself and probably find the loophole.”
I smiled when I heard his soft chuckle. “Your right I know it. I’m probably overreacting because I’m not there and my thoughts are getting away from me.”
I knew exactly how he felt, my thoughts had painted him as a cheater at the first chance. I felt awful. “I’ll take care of him baby I promise.” I meant those words fiercely.
“They should release him later today so maybe swing by before work, make sure he eats something healthy. You may have to hide the healthy from him though.” He laughed again and I could hear the relief in his voice, relief that I was going to keep close to Harvey until Chad was back. “Any changes though baby call me immediately and I can be there in a few hours.”
“I will I swear. Where are you anyway?”
“Tri-Cities tonight and Spokane tomorrow. I’m fucking nervous baby, all this shit with Gramps, missing you and your fear that I could hurt you- all on top of a fucking stadium gig. It freaks me the fuck out.”
Ah so there it was, and he did it sneakily too. My text from last night must have been like a slap in the face after his call to Harvey. “Forget that text Chad. It was stupid and childish of me. When you said Cal was with a harem of fangirls I got scared. I trust you Chad.”
Those words, words telling him I trusted him were huge and it was when I said them that I truly meant them. I had only ever trusted Noah and Candy with all of me and I realized my insecurities were mine and not because of Chad. I did trust him, couldn’t even imagine him cheating on me or hurting me. It was like a weight had been lifted with those words.
“Do you really trust me?” He asked and the skepticism in his voice didn’t go unnoticed.
“Chad, you know what trust means to me, it means everything, and you mean everything. I trust you to love me and to come home to me. Promise me you won’t break it and it’s yours forever.”
“It’s all I have ever wanted from you baby. You’re my it, my all, my everything.”
“You too.” Just shoot me I said lame shit when he riled me. He was the song writer for the band, had a serious way with words… I had emotions and chills and butterflies. It wasn’t fair that I couldn’t respond with such emotion and love. “I know that doesn’t seem like much when I just agree, but your words become my words when you talk to me like that.”
“I miss you so much Carrie. I really think I was okay before and able to handle eight days, but now with my Gramps… I just miss you but I’m glad you’re with Gramps when I can’t be.”
We talked for over an hour about the bus, about Cassa and Shame rocking the bus all day and all night. I was jealous that she was able to run off and chase Shames dream with him. I longed for an all-day session in bed with Chad. I wanted to be to Chad what Cassa was to Shame.
“Will you call me after your show tonight and tell me all about it.” I ask wishing I could be watching him on the sideline cheering and letting that excitement release when he got inside of me.
“Yes.” He sighed but sounded astonished at how far he had come. “I can’t wait to see the crowd babe.”
I was in awe of all they had accomplished. “I can’t wait for the Seattle show. All anyone has been talking about when they come in the Joint is getting to see you guys at Quest Field.”
“Awesome! Carrie, really?” He was so excited I could almost see his smile, his dimples digging into his cheeks making me melt from memory alone.
“Yeah and I can’t deny how much I love letting the fangirls know your taken.” It was the only highlight in his being away. I loved seeing the hate these women had for me, knowing I attained the unattainable Chad Blake.
“Mmmm.” He groaned. “I love jealous Carrie.”
“Not jealous Chad, possessive.”
“Mmmm, even better. Possessive Carrie.” I could hear fabric shifting and I knew immediately he was still in bed.
“Are you in bed?” I ask silently as if everyone in the bus could hear me.
“Mmmmhmmm. Alone in bed, in the bus and thinking of you baby.” He groaned and I could imagine him stroking himself.
“Really?” I ask totally shameless when he started running his mouth. “I’m in bed
alone too, empty house, empty bed…empty Carrie.”
His following groan was one of torment. “I can’t wait to fill empty Carrie plum full.”
I laugh because he defines sexy and makes me laugh at the same time. “Me neither. I hate this big old bed.”
“Well your big old bed can stay empty- better stay empty, until I come to fill all things involving Carrie Beckett.”
I laugh a throaty sultry sound, “I like jealous Chad Blake.”
“Not jealous baby, possessive.”
I laugh again and find myself rubbing my legs together in longing of possessive Chad. “I hear you breathing baby, heavily. What ya thinking?”
I smile knowing full well what I am doing. “Thinking of you…filling me…up.”
“Let’s do this tat fucker.” I hear Noah’s voice from the distance. I hear Chad shuffle around cursing. “Your brother is a cock blocker baby.”
I laugh. “He needs payback and soon.” I roll from the bed and make my way to the bathroom knowing my time with Chad is ending for the morning. “What tattoo are you getting?”
He laughs and I can tell that he is about to play with me some more. “Remember the last night when we stayed at the cabin and you let me fuck you for hours?”
I felt chills race along my spine thinking about our last night together and how long he held out on me before letting me come. I came so hard I dug his skin beneath my nails roaring his name. He had spent so much time building me to a grand finale of screaming, crying, panting, begging mush. “Yes, I doubt I could ever forget that night baby.”
“Well that night you dug them teeny tiny nails into my skin so deep baby I have claw marks down my back. I couldn’t help but ask your brother nicely to please tattoo those claw marks in my back.”