She barked out a laugh. “Well, the two of you did that when you decided not to follow through. You still had another two weeks of dates to go.”
“Sorry to ruin your big story.” I wasn’t sorry in the slightest about the story. “I’m sure you’ll find something else to write about.” It suddenly occurred to me that as much as I didn’t want Erica writing about Sarah and me anymore, I didn’t want to mess anything up for the donations it had been generating. “You’ll still keep the information live about how people can donate, right? This won’t mess that up, will it?”
Her expression softened just a little. She seemed to get how much it mattered to me. “I’ll still keep it up. And we’ve really been getting a lot of traffic from people posting pictures of their own love stories. I think that will continue.” She smiled. “I’d like it to, anyway. I think that’s really become my favorite part of the whole thing…seeing so many people happy and wanting to do their small part to change the world.”
I exhaled, relieved.
“You and Sarah should really be proud of that part of the whole thing. It was your idea, after all.” She shook her head. “You know, I really was rooting for the two of you. I thought you might have really had something there.”
You and me both.
I turned to head out of the room.
“Chance!” she called.
I looked back.
“I’ll be holding a space for a picture you send in of the two of you,” she said.
“What do you mean?”
She smiled. “Call me a sucker for a happy ending, but I still believe in you two. Don’t give up.”
She smiled one more time and went back to marking red slashes on the paper in front of her.
As much as I wished her words were true, I didn’t believe she had her facts right on the story of Sarah and me. I sighed and walked out the door.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Sarah
I know you don’t think that I am trying.
I know you’re wearing thin down to the core ~ Secondhand Serenade
I’d done it.
There should probably have been some huge sense of relief now that I’d worked up the courage to walk into the newspaper office and tell Erica that I quit, but there wasn’t. Instead, I was left with an aching feeling in my chest. Even so, I really believed I’d made the right decision. I couldn’t keep torturing myself, spending time with Chance, having him do sweet things for me, kiss me, not when I knew it wasn’t real. It hurt too much.
I knew I had to talk to Chance, tell him what I’d done, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it yet. I promised myself that I’d call him tomorrow and try to explain everything. Well, not everything, not how I felt about him. I’d have to come up with some kind of excuse. I pulled an old sleep shirt over my head and twisted my damp hair back into a messy bun to get it out of my face. It was chilly, so I tugged on a pair of yoga pants to wear under the long tee while I read. Maybe escaping into a favorite book would help me relax.
The house was quiet. Scotty was already in bed, and my mom was probably in her room, watching television. I padded down the stairs to grab a bottle of water. Just as I’d placed a foot on the bottom stair to head back up to my room, a knock sounded on the front door. I glanced up, surprised. It was almost nine, and I didn’t know who would be coming over. I’d just talked to Megan, and she was busy studying for midterms. And I knew Emma would have let me know if she were stopping by.
I checked the living room to make sure my mom wasn’t actually downstairs expecting someone and I just didn’t know it. The room was empty, with only a small table light illuminating the room.
I walked to the landing and peeked through the glass next to the door. When I saw the figure standing on the front porch, I sucked in a breath.
Chance. What was he doing here?
I debated just sneaking back upstairs and not answering, but then he looked back at me through the glass pane. Crap. Busted.
I slowly slid the chain through the lock and opened the door. “Hi,” I said softly.
He stood with his hands in his pockets. His eyes looked tired. “Hi,” he answered.
We stared at each other, neither of us moving. When the night air hit me, I remembered what I was wearing. I crossed my arms. “It’s cold. Do you want to come in?”
He looked almost surprised at the invitation, but he nodded. “Sure, thanks.”
I swung the door open wider and motioned him inside. He stepped in, and I closed the door. I tugged awkwardly at the hem of my shirt. “Um, do you want to sit down?”
“Okay.”
I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t really want to sit in the living room and talk, in case my mom came downstairs, but it felt weird inviting him up to my room, too.
He shifted, clearly waiting for me to lead the way.
I sighed and headed for the stairs. He followed.
We went into my room, and I pushed the door mostly closed. I figured that was my best bet. If my mom happened to come in while the door was closed and found Chance inside my bedroom this time of night, I’d have a lot of explaining to do. This way, I could at least stay sort of on the safe side and tell her about it later.
“Have a seat.”
He looked around my room, taking in my space.
I walked over and sat down on the futon. “What are you doing here?”
He turned and joined me, but I noticed he kept several inches of space between us. “I’m sorry about just showing up and coming over late. I just…wanted to see you.” He paused. “I wanted to talk to you.”
Which probably meant that Erica had told him the news about me quitting. I waited for him to continue.
He looked me in the eye. “What’s going on, Sarah?”
I didn’t know what to say. How do you tell a guy that likes you only as a friend that you’re pretty sure you’ve fallen for him? If the night of the auction, someone had told me this would happen, I would have laughed and said they were reading too many romance novels. But sometimes life sneaks up on you when you aren’t looking.
Actually, I’d come to believe that love mostly worked that way.
“Nothing. I’m just busy right now with school and work and everything.” It was a blatant lie, but I was petrified to tell him the truth…to admit I had real feelings for him. I couldn’t bear it if he didn’t feel the same.
“I don’t get it. What’s different now from when we started, then?”
He didn’t get it. Everything was different. That was the problem.
“I just don’t want to keep doing it, that’s all. I mean, six weeks is a really long time. And for them to just expect us to put our lives on hold to go on all these fake dates is just silly, don’t you think?”
I waited for him to tell me that the dates may have started fake, but he didn’t feel that way anymore. I prayed he’d tell me that.
His jaw flexed, and his eyes darkened just a bit. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you were putting your life on hold while we were spending time together.”
“I didn’t mean it like that.”
“How did you mean it, then?” He shoved his hair back, a now-familiar gesture.
“Just that, well, we both said in the beginning that we weren’t looking for a relationship, right?” Tell me I’m wrong, please. Tell me you don’t feel that way anymore.
After a few seconds’ pause, he said, “Yep, we did.”
I waited. I wanted him to tell me I was being stupid. To tell me that what we had was real. I knew it wasn’t fair, but I desperately wanted him to somehow see what I needed without me saying the words. I wanted him to want me back.
I’d noticed he hadn’t reached for my hand or made any effort to touch me in any way.
When he didn’t say anything else, I shrugged, doing my best not to let my hurt show. “Then I guess I just don’t see the point of waiting it out for another two weeks.”
“What about the whole ‘everyone loves a love story’
thing?”
I shook my head. “They can find their own love story. There clearly isn’t one here.” I paused for a few seconds. “Why did you agree to all of this, Chance?”
“Being in the auction?”
“No, I get that your coach asked you to be in it. But I mean, why did you agree to do six weeks of dates with anyone?” I was genuinely curious. From what I’d gotten to know about Chance, I couldn’t imagine that finding someone to be with would ever be an issue for him. He had too much to offer any girl.
He stared at the floor for a minute without speaking. I could tell I’d somehow upset him. “Chance?” I said softly.
“I did it for my brother.” He looked me in the eye, pain etched in his face.
“I didn’t know you had a bro—” I stopped. Realization dawned. “Oh god, Chance, I’m so sorry.” I couldn’t begin to imagine what he was feeling. I took his hand, desperately wishing I had some magic words that could make it all better.
He bowed his head. “Alex was eight when he died. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of him.” He looked up at me. “So when I heard which charity this was supporting, I knew I’d do anything I could to help.”
I leaned over and wrapped my arms around him. I blinked back my own tears. Seeing his pain, knowing what he’d gone through, there weren’t words.
We sat together, silent, for a long time. Finally he pulled away. “I better go.”
I didn’t know what to say. My heart broke for him. But I didn’t want to use his pain over his brother to make him stay in my life, either. That wasn’t fair to him.
I nodded.
He stood up. “I guess I just thought—” He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter.” He looked at me, still sitting. “Good night, Sarah. I guess I’ll see you around sometime.”
I started to stand.
“Don’t. It’s okay, I can find my own way out.” He turned and walked out of my door, and out of my life.
I burst into tears. I cried for the pain I knew Chance had gone through. I cried for losing the best guy I had ever known. I cried and cried until I had no more tears left.
I didn’t blame him for walking out. I’d followed my safe go-to of pushing someone away before they could leave me. I wasn’t oblivious to the fact that either way, it landed me right where I was now…alone. But even understanding that didn’t give me the courage to do what I wanted to do…follow him, and stop him, and tell him how I really felt. Because I was too afraid that he might stay with me for all the wrong reasons.
So instead, I crawled into bed and prayed that at least in my dreams, we could still be together.
Chapter Thirty
Chance
If I could, baby, I’d give you my world
How can I, when you won’t take it from me ~ Fleetwood Mac
I lined the nail up and swung the hammer, hitting it square on the head. I was getting better. Today would be my last day of official community service hours, but I was thinking about sticking around and helping once in a while even after I was done.
It seemed strange not to see Sarah on-site. I glanced around, still half expecting to see her dark curls poking out of a yellow hard hat somewhere…to hear her laugh as she joked with the other workers. But she wasn’t here. All I knew was that she was no longer volunteering for Habitat. I kept meaning to ask her about it, but every time we’d been together, I’d gotten distracted by other things and the subject never came up. And now, with the way things were between us, it probably never would.
I’d asked a few people on-site, and they’d said they heard it was something about a scheduling conflict. But that didn’t make sense. She didn’t usually work Saturday afternoons. I’d been hoping that even if we weren’t doing our dates anymore, I’d still see her here, that I’d have the chance to try to talk to her and understand what had happened between us. But she never showed.
I’d even gone by the bookstore the other week after we’d finished for the day, and the girl at the register told me that Sarah hadn’t been in all day. It was a different girl working than the one on the day I’d been in to see the store with Sarah. This cashier chewed gum like a camel. She’d asked if I wanted her to give Sarah a message, but I’d said no and left.
I stood back and inspected the deep shelves I’d just finished sanding down. We were working on the interior of the house now, and I was helping install a built-in bookshelf in the living room. It reminded me of Sarah. Hell, most things reminded me of Sarah these days.
I just couldn’t figure out why she’d pulled away from me. I’d been ready to tell Erica I didn’t want to do it anymore the day I’d walked into the newspaper office. But I wanted to stop so that I could be with Sarah for real, without people constantly watching and recording our every move, since I knew how uncomfortable it made her. But the night I’d stopped by Sarah’s house, she’d been so distant. When she’d told me that our dates were too much of a drain on her time, something inside me that I hadn’t even fully realized was there had broken. I hated to even imagine not being with her.
“Ready for a break?” Rick entered the room and motioned for me to join him. I pulled off my gloves and walked to meet him in the entryway.
“What do you think? Looks pretty good, if I do say so myself.” I remembered my first day on the site; I’d learned a lot since then.
He nodded and smiled. “Looks great. Here ya go.” He handed me a bottle of water. I nodded my thanks and untwisted the cap to take a long gulp.
“I just wanted to thank you for all the hard work you’ve been putting in.” He motioned toward the room with his chin. “I appreciate you coming in early today, too.”
“No problem.”
I knew they wanted to get the house finished by Easter. They were hoping to be able to have it ready for the family to move in before for the Easter holiday.
“Think it’ll be done in time?” I asked, looking around. Sounds of hammers and drills carried our way, mixed with the stomping of boots on the floor and chatter of the other workers.
He nodded. “I think we will.” He smiled and rubbed the scruff on his jawline.
Rick impressed me. He seemed to always be here, and not only organized and kept all of us moving and on track, but had no problem getting his hands dirty and doing the work with us. He seemed to thrive on it.
I took another swig of water. “I’m really glad Mr. M told me about this. I’ve really enjoyed my time here, helping. I understand why so many of the others stay with it for so long.”
He eyeballed me. I wondered if he knew I was trying to work the conversation around to Sarah. He nodded.
I decided to just go for it. “I was surprised that Sarah stopped volunteering here.”
Rick turned to face me. He studied me, not saying a word at first.
I waited.
“So she didn’t tell you, then?” he finally said.
My stomach tightened. “Tell me what?”
He shook his head and sighed. “I don’t know if this is really my place. You should probably talk to Sarah about it.”
I knew she hadn’t stopped because of a scheduling conflict. There was something else going on. “Please, just tell me what happened.”
He studied me another long moment. “It was the day that girl came out here to take those pictures.”
Of course. Hannah. It had to do with the freaking website series.
I nodded.
“I don’t know how well you read all of those papers we have you sign when you first come on board, but after all her time here, Sarah knew the rules.”
“What rules?”
“That no one can come onto the site unless we’ve approved it. And they have to wear appropriate safety gear.” He paused. “That girl with the camera wasn’t.”
I looked at him, comprehension dawning. “You had to let Sarah go.”
“We did.” He nodded. “But she made sure to tell me that you had nothing to do with it. She was real upset about that. She didn’t
want you to lose your hours. I think she was more upset by the thought of you getting in some kind of trouble than anything.”
I stared at him.
“Now, I don’t know what’s going on between you and Sarah, and I’ll just say this and then I’ll mind my own business. But that young lady is probably one of the best girls you’ll ever meet, and if you don’t see that, then I don’t know what’s wrong with young people these days.”
He gave me a final, wizened look, nodded, and walked out of the room.
Oh, I saw that all right. I saw that crystal clear.
I saw it each time I saw how hard she worked so selflessly at the Habitat site. I saw it each time she smiled at me. I saw it in her appreciation for small things, in her huge heart, her intelligence, her goodness. And I planned to fight for her, to show her exactly how amazing I thought she was…how amazing I thought we were together.
I had a plan, but for it to work, I needed to get ahold of someone.
I pulled out my phone.
“Hey, Erica? It’s Chance. Remember how you told me you still believed in my story with Sarah? Well, I need your help.”
Chapter Thirty-One
Sarah
If you change your mind, I’m the first in line
Honey I’m still free
Take a chance on me ~ ABBA
“I’m sorry, Sarah.”
I turned from my locker to face my friends. Megan reached out and rubbed my shoulder. “I feel like this is all my fault. If I had never bid on him in the first place…”
“It’s not your fault.” I shook my head. “It’s not anyone’s fault.” I adjusted the strap of my purse and lifted my messenger bag from the hallway floor. “It just happened. I’m not mad at either of you.”
Emma took my arm as we walked. “I have an idea.”
Megan and I both stopped and stared at her. “No more of your ideas,” Megan said.
“Not like that.” Emma laughed. “Come on.” We resumed walking, headed outside after the final day of class now that spring break had officially begun. Classes had dismissed early, and everyone rushed to leave, anxious to be away from school for the week.
The Boyfriend Bid (The Girlfriend Request) Page 15