“Bloody hell, Blake, it’s been four years. I decided to let that shit go. My mum was right. Hanging on to all that anger was only making things worse. I’m done with that. I’d think you’d be happy for me.”
He’s still looking at me like I’m nuts. “There’s a big fucking difference between not letting your past fuck you up now, and fucking the same fucking girl who caused it to be fucked up in the first place by fucking her.”
If I were in a different mood, I’d say that’s a lot of fucks he’s spewing out right now.
“She’s an adult now,” I reply defensively.
“Yeah, and you thought she was an adult back then too,” he says, apparently not satisfied until he’s rubbing my face in it. “How in the fuck are you ever going to trust her again? You think about that?” he fumes.
“Look, we had sex. Don’t make it into something bigger than it is. I have no idea what’s going to happen today, tomorrow, or the day after.” All I do know is I want to see her again. I want more, and I’m pretty sure she wants the same.
Blake throws up his hand, his exasperation complete. “Bullshit, you don’t know. You know exactly what’s going to happen. Today you’ll be making eyes at each other at work. Christ, I wouldn’t be surprised if you nail her on the desk in your office.”
“There’s a security camera trained on the safe,” I reply, my tone deadpan.
He responds by rolling his eyes and giving me the finger.
“She’s sorry for what she did. All of it. And I’m done being mad at her. I’m tired of it.” Something happens to you inside when you let go of the anger. A heaviness is lifted and you feel lighter. That’s how I feel. And I’m not going to lie, the sex definitely sweetened the pot.
“You know you can stop being mad at her and not sleep with her,” he states. “The two aren’t mutually exclusive.”
Now it’s my turn to roll my eyes at him. “Like I said, don’t make a bigger deal about this than it is. I like her, that’s it.”
“That’s it, huh? What about her parents? You know her father’s not a big fan of yours.”
Christ, he’s the last person I want to think about. “Believe me, it’s not that serious. She won’t be taking me home for a meet and greet.” The sex is good. Great. Out of this world fantastic, but that doesn’t mean it’ll ever be anything beyond that.
“Right now, my first priority is finishing this goddamned degree. Nothing has changed since Liane and I split. I’m not looking for anything long term, and that includes with Emily.”
“Have you told her that?”
“There’s nothing to tell. She’s not pushing for anything.” And with our history, I doubt she will. Like me, she’s probably going to sit back and see how things go. No expectations and no pressure.
Holding up both hands in surrender, he wearily shakes his head and retreats a few more steps. “I hope you know what the fuck you’re doing. And know that when it all goes to shit, I’ll be the first one to say I told you so.”
“Right. Thanks,” I reply without rancor.
Nothing is going to shit because I won’t let it get that far.
Chapter 24
“Are you sure you don’t want me to go with you?” April asks, her green eyes filled with remorse.
I push my arms through my jacket sleeves as I regard the woebegone expression on her face. She’s sorry, I know, I know. But honestly, Troy behaved worse than my brothers. Even Cole and Tyler know when to toe the line and possess a little thing called manners.
Not appreciating the way he’s been treating me is fine. We’ve all been there. Just don’t be a jerk to his face about it, especially when you don’t know the whole story. I’m paraphrasing, but that’s the gist of what I told my well-meaning roomie.
“No, Kelsey’s going with me. You stay here with Troy and play nursemaid. I think I hurt his feelings.” Well not hurt per se, but he gets that I’m not particularly happy with him right now and has made himself scarce for the moment.
April gives her most sincere puppy-dog look. “This is all on me. I shouldn’t have told him about the problems you were having with Graham. But he knew something was wrong and we don’t keep anything from each other so…” She gives a helpless shrug. “And since you swore me to secrecy, I couldn’t tell him about your history.” Her gusty sigh is then followed by, “I’m sorry.”
Shaking my head, I roll my eyes and hook my purse over my shoulder. “You know I can’t stay mad at you or Troy. Irritated and annoyed, yes, but not mad.”
“He did it because he cares.” Of course, she’ll go to the mat in defense of the love of her life.
“He did it because he’s way too overprotective,” I grouse, amusement tingeing my voice. April said it was all on her but in truth this is my fault. I should’ve given them a heads up instead of springing Graham on them like that; in the hall half-naked.
“Can I tell him about…you know what?”
“Since you’ve told him everything else but that, go ahead.” I begrudgingly give my permission, trusting that Troy won’t judge me too harshly. “But tell him not a word to anyone. And that includes Zach and Scott. And tell him if he’s been badmouthing Graham to them, he needs to cut it out. I don’t want a repeat of this.”
An impish grin spreads across April’s face as she walks with me to the front door. “Does that mean there will be a repeat of that?” She jerks her head to the side, gesturing toward the bedrooms.
“I don’t know. Maybe.” He’d kissed me goodbye and said he’d call, but what if that’s only to tell me what happened was a one-time deal? Although, he acted like he wanted to see me again.
Last night I didn’t want to know why he’d come over, all that mattered was he came. Now, I wish we’d at least talked about what’s going to happen today and tomorrow.
April nods sagely. “If it makes you feel better, I think you’re the reason he broke up with his girlfriend.”
I’d informed her of that as soon as Graham had gone to my room to get dressed. The relief on her face had been priceless. My friend’s not a home-wrecker. Yay.
I choke out a laugh. “Gee, I hope not.”
“Em, it’s obvious he’s not over you.”
I stare into her eyes and after a beat, reply softly, “We’ll see.”
She gives me a hug. “Have fun with Kelse. Tell her I said hi.”
I say goodbye and the second I hear April lock the door, Kelsey steps out into the hall.
Glancing over, her eyes light up when she sees me. “Hey, girlie.”
She’s decked out in fitted jeans, a pair of to-die-for camel-leather, knee-high boots and a short jean coat trimmed in the same camel-leather. As always, she looks ready to attract another slew of admirers.
“Hey, Kelse. Love the outfit.” I walk over to her, and watch as she finishes locking her door.
“Why this old thing?” she says, fluttering her eyelashes. “You don’t look half bad yourself. Did you have a hot date last night? You’re kind of glowing,” she teases.
My face gets hot thinking about what I’d been doing hours earlier and the resulting soreness between my legs. Do sexy times with Graham constitute a hot date or a booty call?
“No date. But enough about me, how are things with Alex? You guys still hot and heavy?”
Kelsey’s smile falls.
“Oh no. Did something happen? Don’t tell me you’re not seeing him anymore.” The last time I saw them together, they looked totally into each other.
“I’ll tell you when we get out of here.”
“Come on then, let’s go bra and panty shopping.” Stripping for Graham had made me painfully aware that I need sexier underwear. The lace-trimmed bra and panty set I’d been wearing is one of the only remotely sexy ones I own, and now is definitely the time to change that.
Kelsey frowns as we make our way to the elevator. “The way things are going, all I’m going to need is a couple of burlap bags. It doesn’t matter what I wear underneath all these fabulous
clothes, no one but Abby and Portia are ever going to see them.”
True. Her roommates undoubtedly have very little desire to see Kelsey in her underwear.
“I’ll drive and you can tell me what’s going on with you and Alex,” I whisper in her ear as we step onto the elevator currently occupied by a middle-aged couple.
“There is no me and Alex,” she mutters in response.
Uh-oh. This sounds bad.
Outside, it’s colder than normal for September. The wind has a lot to do with that, with the wind chill factored in. Kelsey and I let out a simultaneous squeal of shock at the bracing blast of cold air hitting our faces. We make a hurried dash to my car, hair flailing behind us like the tail of a kite at the mercy of gusting, swirling winds.
We scramble into my car, closing the doors with a slam. I start the engine and immediately John Legend’s latest song sounds from the speakers. I quickly turn down the volume and switch the heat on low.
“Damn, it’s cold,” Kelsey says, her teeth chattering as she rubs her hands together.
“And watch, tomorrow it’ll go back up to the seventies.” I glance over at her. “So tell me. What happened?”
Kelsey immediately drops her hands onto her lap and takes a deep breath. “The only reason he’s interested in me is because he thinks I’m easy and I’m not looking for anything serious. He’s graduating next year and doesn’t want to leave behind any loose ends. Did you know he was accepted into Harvard Law?” she says absently.
She has mentioned it more than once but I don’t mind listening to her brag about him again. “Impressive. He must be smarter than I’d given him credit for.”
Kelsey gives an emphatic nod, her expression earnest. “Oh he is. The smartest guy I’ve ever gone out with.”
“But I think you’re wrong. I’m sure he doesn’t think you’re easy or that’s why he went out with you.”
“It is. He told me so himself.”
“No,” I exclaim, horrified.
“Yes. Well, not in so many words, but that’s what he meant.”
I turn up the heat before reversing the car out of my parking spot. “What exactly did he say?” She must have misunderstood him. There’s no way I believe that’s what he meant.
“He said he likes me because I know the ropes, I don’t play games, and I’m not expecting anything beyond graduation.” Her expression and tone dare me to come up with some other meaning to his words.
Sadly, I can’t. I interpret it exactly the way she has. Well almost.
“Where are you getting that he thinks you’re easy?”
“Know the ropes?” Kelsey cries indignantly, staring at me aghast. “What else could that mean except he thinks I’ve been around a lot?”
Yeah, that was a shitty thing to say. What a jerk.
I attempt to smooth it over with the softening agent called tact. “Maybe what he meant was he’s glad you know the score.”
Crap. It seems I could use some of it myself.
I stumble on, hopefully this time without putting my foot all the way in my mouth. “In the sense that you’ve dated enough guys to know what you do and don’t want, and what you’re willing to accept. Which is a good thing. I know I wish I’d dated more.” Then maybe I wouldn’t be still so hung up on Graham. Although right now, that’s not the worse thing in the world.
“Is that what you think?” she asks.
I make a right on Main Street before shooting her a glance. “What? That you date a lot?” I know for a fact she does. It’s not exactly a secret.
“That I know the score?” Her use of air quotes is disconcerting, as is the thinness of her smile and her oddly self-deprecating tone.
Where ordinarily I would have said yes, I’m not sure anymore. I get the sense I’m on unfamiliar ground and need to tread carefully.
“Are you saying you don’t?”
Kelsey falls silent and stares straight ahead. I glance over at her several times as the silence stretches into cause-for-alarm territory.
“What’s wrong? What did I say?” I’m more than a little worried now.
Know the score. I rack my brains. Maybe it’s happened to her before, guys assuming she’s known the score and maybe one of them did something to her.
My stomach gets queasy. “Kelse, did something happen…?” It’s hard to get the words out because just the thought of it is making me sick. When I don’t receive an immediate response, my alarm grows. Could I be right?
“I’m a virgin.” She delivers the statement matter-of-factly but the deep exhalation that follows belies the emotional effort the admission must have cost her.
To say I’m shocked would be an understatement. I’m on automatic mode as I drive toward the front entrance of the mall and pull into the first empty parking spot I see. I don’t care that it’s nowhere near the entrance doors.
After I turn the radio down some more, I angle in my seat to face her. “You’re a virgin?”
If she’d told me the earth was flat and global warming was a Chinese hoax, I’d be more apt to believe her. Well, okay, not really, but you get my point. Her admission upends every preconceived notion I’ve ever had about her. Kelsey oozes sexual confidence and I’ve known my fair share of models and actresses who do it for a living. I’m also pretty sure Kelsey would be able to bring sexy back better than Justin Timberlake did. Guys love her and from all appearances, the feeling is mutual.
Kelsey cuts her eyes at me. “Gee, Em, could you make me feel more like a freak?”
I wince at that. “I’m sorry. I’m just…surprised,” I finish weakly.
She crosses her arms over her chest. “I’m twenty-one, which isn’t that old.”
“You know that’s not the way I meant it. It’s just that you’re so—so— Such a…”
This, as you can see, is not going well. Every time I open my mouth, words come out that can and probably will be misconstrued. I swear, I’m trying to compliment her.
“Yeah, I know. I’m a flirt. I’m not afraid to show off my assets. I date a lot. Go ahead, I’ve heard it all before. But that doesn’t mean I’m giving it up to every guy I go out with. Every guy who crosses my path.”
I stifle a laugh. That’s an understatement. She hasn’t given it up at all. And to think, I’m the more experienced of us two. My day simply can’t get crazier than this.
“I take it Alex doesn’t know.” That is the whole point to her confession, isn’t it?
A shake of her head sends her blonde hair rippling over shoulders. She looks the most anguished and miserable that I’ve ever seen her. “And you know he’ll never go out with me again if he finds out.” Her gaze drops to her lap.
No kidding. Alex won’t touch her with a ten-foot pole. Make that twenty and throw in a bushel of garlic for good measure. During his sophomore year, I heard his frat brothers posted one of those Help Wanted signs on his bedroom door in the frat house. But instead of Help Wanted it read, Virgins Need Not Apply. I heard someone still has the sign, and pictures of it are still up on all of the social media sites. I don’t know the whole story behind it, but the incident was talk of the campus—the sign and the rumored reason behind it. The girls got the message loud and clear, though. Alex Benton doesn’t do virgins. Literally or figuratively.
“The whole him not dating virgins thing might be a bit of a problem,” I murmur sympathetically. If she tells him the truth, she’ll lose him. I understand that, but I don’t want her making the same mistake I did.
Angling her head, she lifts those gorgeous green-blue eyes up to mine. “I want him to be the one.”
Oh crap. This is worse than I thought because the chances of that happening—with him in full knowledge of the facts—is slim to none.
“What about him going off to law school next year? If you’ve saved yourself this long, why give your virginity away to a guy you know you don’t have a future with?” That’s the part that doesn’t make sense.
“Precisely because I’ve held onto it this
long.” She blows strands of hair from her eye. “I don’t know. Lately, I feel as if my virginity is this barrier—no pun intended—that’s getting in the way of me having a real relationship, if that makes any sense.”
Actually, it doesn’t.
“With all the guys I’ve dated, I would ask myself, is he worth it? Will I regret giving it to him? Until Alex, the answer has always been yes. I want him to be the first no matter how long we last. Even if he calls it quits the next day.”
I raise a skeptical brow. “I highly doubt that.”
“I’m serious. Even if he’s lousy in bed—although I’ve heard he’s fantastic, so I’m not expecting that to be a problem.”
“But Kelse, you’re a virgin and he…” I sigh. I feel for her. Really I do. But when it comes to this, I wouldn’t go there with Alex Benton. Scott says Alex stopped looking at freshman girls when he stopped being a freshman himself. Whatever happened to him, spooked him good.
“But he doesn’t know that,” she says with a stubborn lift of her chin.
I shake my head emphatically. “No. No. No. You don’t want to do that. Believe me, you don’t. Whether you lie to him outright or by omission, they’re both wrong. Take it from me, that’s not a place you want to go.”
Interest lights her eyes as she turns her body toward me. Now I’ve gotten her full attention. “Who did you lie to? And what did you lie about?” She doesn’t so much ask as she demands to know. In fairness to her, I did open the door but only in trying to save her from making a monumental mistake.
“I lied to a guy I was dating and that lie got him into a lot of trouble.”
“What? What did you lie about?” She’s unabashed in her curiosity.
Should I tell her or not? I debate the question for a few seconds before deciding that if she can trust me with her secret, I can trust her with mine.
With the motor still running and Nick Jonas crooning in the background, I tell her about Graham. I even tell her about last night. When I’m finished, I watch and wait for her reaction. She was abnormally quiet during my recitation, never interrupting me once.
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