by Claire Frost
‘Okay, what about Hannah’s good points,’ Jess asked, raising her eyebrows. ‘What do you think she brings to a relationship that other women don’t?’
‘God, do you know how weird it is thinking about my sister getting it on with someone!’ Scott made a vomit noise and Jess wondered whether she should just give the whole thing up and go home and scroll through the Save The Date database for men who were nothing like Scott, as clearly that was now her first prerequisite. As Hannah’s best mate, she surely had to actually like her husband-to-be.
‘Maybe just think about their first date, rather than them “getting it on” then,’ she said.
‘Right, got ya. Okay, so I’ll say one thing for Hannah and that’s that she always has good chat. Some women look ten out of ten but as soon as they open their mouth they drop to a five out of ten, you know what I mean? Hannah always has something to say or a great story about when she went travelling or whatever. And obviously she’s a good-looking girl – she is related to me after all!’ Scott found his own joke hilarious and chuckled to himself for a good sixty seconds before carrying on.
‘So, yeah, she’s funny, got something to say and is pretty. Any bloke would be lucky to have her, I’d say. Though you might want to let them meet me first and I can check them out for you and see if they’re sound.’
‘I’ll keep that in mind.’ Jess smiled politely. ‘Right, thanks so much, Scott, it’s been lovely catching up and thanks for all your help, it’s been invaluable.’ Invaluable in helping her realise that Scott seemed to be just as much of an idiot as he had been when they were teenagers and he had been Hannah’s hot but stupid older brother. She could only hope for Leo’s sake that Julia was less of an idiot, otherwise she pitied the poor child’s chances at school.
‘Ahh, mate, it’s been so cool. Say hi to Han from me and tell her Julia will text her tomorrow, yeah?’
Jess wasn’t sure why he couldn’t send his own sister a text saying hi, but she nodded and hurried to catch the bus back to the safety of school pick-up and snacks on tap. She and Tom might have their problems, but at least he wasn’t a misogynistic little idiot like Scott.
* * *
The following day, she was glad she’d left her visit to Hannah’s grandma till last as she knew it would be a welcome relief after her coffee with Scott. She drove over to Vera’s sheltered-accommodation flat after doing the school run and was touched to see she’d gone to the trouble of getting her best china out for her arrival.
‘When you’re my age, you take every opportunity possible to use the posh tea things,’ Vera said, waving away Jess’s protests. ‘And anyway, it was Carla who set it all out nicely like this – she’s the lady who comes in to help me twice a day, and she’s a total sweetheart, except when she’s trying to get me to do something I don’t want to do, and then she’s a nightmare!’
‘I can’t imagine you doing anything you didn’t want to do, Vera!’ Jess smiled as she poured the tea and helped herself to a biscuit from the plate the older lady had pushed towards her.
‘No, well, you’d be right there,’ Vera chuckled. ‘Now, what can I do for you, young Jessica? This is about our Hannah, I presume?’
‘That’s right. She might have told you that I’ve promised to find her a man through Save The Date, my dating app? Yes, so I wanted to chat to you and the rest of her family to see what kind of man you think would be most suited to her.’
‘Now this is the kind of conversation I like!’ Vera rubbed her hands together. ‘Although I do have to say that I wouldn’t count myself as an expert in these kind of matters. As you know, I have only ever loved one man in that kind of way – and I’ve never met a better man than my dear Robbie.’
Jess saw her eyes start to mist over and cursed herself for not being more thoughtful. ‘But you are an expert when it comes to Hannah,’ she said quickly.
‘Well, in my opinion what that darling girl needs is someone who will not only treat her right, but who will also make her think differently about things from time to time. I often think Hannah has quite set views and she isn’t one to change her mind once she’s decided something. That can obviously be a very positive thing, but I get the sense my granddaughter isn’t very good at compromise. You remember that boy she brought back from god knows where and she was all set on marrying after some walk on a beach in Wales? Well, she told me she split up with him because he thought playing the guitar was a profession not a hobby and she disagreed. Now, she may well have been right as I never had the pleasure of hearing this boy play, but it was definitely her way or the highway, so he chose the highway. I remember talking to her at the time about letting people have the space to be whoever they truly are, but if I’m honest, I’m not sure she took much notice of what her aged G-ma was telling her!’
‘I can’t remember what she told me was the reason for them breaking up,’ Jess confessed. ‘Especially as about a week later she flew off to Argentina or somewhere and it was a struggle to even get her to text me regularly!’
‘That sounds like my granddaughter!’ Vera smiled. ‘Anyway, you’ve also been talking to Joan and John, I hear – you must tell me what they said when you asked them these kind of questions!’
Jess laughed but did as she was told and Vera did a lot of nodding and eyebrow-raising to show she did or didn’t agree with what other people had said, as well as doing some uncanny impressions of her own daughter.
All too soon it was time for Jess to jump in the car and make her way back to the office for a phonecall with the web developer. Before she left, she washed up the tea things and put them away, and made sure that Vera was going to eat the sandwich the Meals on Wheels team had left with her that morning.
‘You are a good girl, Jessica.’ Vera smiled at her. ‘But you make sure you find darling Hannah the right man, won’t you. Or you’ll have me to deal with!’
Jess laughed as she let herself out of the flat, though she knew that G-ma had only been half-joking.
Chapter 6 Hannah
‘So, how have your interrogations of my family been going?’ Hannah asked Jess on Monday morning, trying her best to sound nonchalant. ‘Scott mentioned you’d gone for a coffee?’
‘Why, are you worried they’ve divulged your darkest secrets to me?’ Jess teased. ‘It was interesting actually, though some were more helpful than others.’
‘God, tell me. Did Scott spend most of the time talking about himself? Did Mum tell you what a disappointment I am to her? Was G-ma incredibly nosy? And did Dad get all soppy?’
‘Maybe, a bit! Although your mum never said you were a disappointment – if anything it was the opposite – so shush.’
‘What did they all say? Come on, tell me,’ Hannah ordered.
‘I’m not going to sit here and replay every conversation for you, I’ve got better things to do. As have you, Han, or have you finished updating all the certificates and permissions you were working on yesterday?’
‘All right, boss, I’m on it!’ she replied. ‘But I’m finding it really hard to concentrate on anything except what my nearest and dearest spilled about me. I don’t even know what you asked them.’
‘Just questions like what they thought of your previous boyfriends and what qualities they thought you should be looking for in a long-term match.’ Jess shrugged, continuing to tap away at her keyboard.
‘And? Did they say they hated everyone I’ve ever gone out with and thought I should set my sights on a sugar daddy so I never have to work again?’
‘Hannah! How many coffees have you had this morning?’ Jess sighed. ‘Look, they were all really supportive, although your mum and dad admitted they didn’t know much about the guys you went out with when you were travelling, but luckily Johanna and Dee helped fill in the gaps over email. The consensus was you probably tend to go for men who aren’t that well matched to you in terms of life goals and plans. It’s almost like you’re protecting yourself from having a long-term relationship by choosing guys who won’t
make it beyond six months. It feels like you’re waiting for men to do the dirty on you, so you tend to get in first and end the relationship early.’
Hannah’s eyes widened. ‘Ooh, listen to you, Dr Freud!’
‘But you’re not denying it’s true? Interesting…’ Jess said, pushing her laptop away.
‘Don’t be ridiculous. I just haven’t found someone I want to be in a long-term relationship with – which is why I’ve asked you to find me The One as you’re so successful at everything and clearly I am not!’ She stuck out her tongue and Jess laughed. ‘Don’t you think you should be asking me the same questions you asked everyone else? Surely my views on what’s gone wrong – and what’s gone right – with my exes are even more important?’
‘But, on past evidence, you don’t seem to be the best judge of who’s right for you – hence why I’m in charge of finding you a husband,’ Jess reminded her.
Hannah nodded in defeat. ‘I know and you’re right. I definitely don’t trust myself to find the right man and I definitely do trust you, and possibly Tom. I meant it about you being successful in everything you do – that’s just who you are and always have been. So, yes, I’m glad you’re in charge of finding me a husband, it’s just a bit weird not to feel part of the process. I am the one marrying this man, after all.’
‘Right, okay, if it makes you happy.’ Jess consulted the notebook she’d been jotting down thoughts in all week. ‘What do you think was missing from all of your previous relationships that meant they didn’t last?’
‘God, have you ever heard of leading someone in gently? Okay, well I think none of my relationships have lasted long term because of the situation. Either I’ve been moving to another country or he’s starting a new job that means working nights, or something like that.’
‘Right. And not because you’ve got bored or he is happy working in the same bar in the same town and you want to spread your wings somewhere else?’
‘I mean, maybe,’ Hannah shrugged. ‘Sometimes I do get bored in the sense I suddenly realise I don’t really fancy them after all. But you know how much I’m up for settling down now.’
‘Are you, though?’ Jess asked, eyeballing her closely.
‘What, me saying I want to get married to a stranger isn’t enough evidence for you?’ Hannah replied incredulously.
‘I’m just checking you haven’t changed your mind, that’s all. What qualities do you think are important in your future husband? Obviously I called him “long-term boyfriend” not “husband” when I was talking to your family, but I did also mention I was searching for The One for you. Anyway, qualities?’
‘Tall, dark and handsome is far too obvious – and I’m definitely not bothered about the tall bit, being five-foot two myself – but I do definitely need to be attracted to him. I want the infamous spark – and when I say spark, I mean complete fireworks, obviously. And he needs to make me laugh until my stomach hurts. I’ll never forget seeing you and Tom belly-laugh on your wedding day. I can’t remember what it was about, but seeing the two of you sharing some secret joke together was just as heart-warming as watching you say your vows, to be honest. What else? Oh yes, he needs to be happy sharing a bottle of wine of an evening – is it too shallow to say someone who doesn’t drink is immediately out of the running? Oh well, I’ve said it! But beyond all of that, I want someone who I can love as much as he loves me, so we’re on an equal footing. If he’s too good-looking or successful, I’ll feel like I’m punching above my weight, but if he’s lacking in the attractive stakes and has a job he doesn’t care about, I worry I’ll think I can do better.’
‘That’s quite a list! Though it’s interesting you haven’t mentioned about him needing to be kind,’ Jess commented. ‘Yet it’s a word that came up time and time again when I spoke to other people.’
‘Christ, what are you, my therapist?’ Hannah said, wriggling around in her seat. ‘Of course I’d like him to be kind. No one in their right mind would say they want an unkind partner, would they?’
Jess raised her eyebrows but didn’t respond. ‘One last question then: what is the ultimate deal-breaker? What’s the one thing that would immediately make you run back down the aisle screaming “I don’t”?’
‘That’s a great question.’ Hannah grinned, but slowly her face become more serious as she really thought about her answer. ‘God, it’s actually really hard. I mean if they opened their mouth and spoke like Jacob Rees-Mogg then that would probably send me sprinting out the church. Or if they were a massive cokehead or already had four children by four different mothers, that might make me reconsider.’
‘What if they already had one child or had been married before?’ Jess probed.
‘I guess as long as they were divorced it wouldn’t matter. And I suppose them having a child would complicate things, but I haven’t really thought about it. I think if they didn’t like dogs, that would be a deal-breaker; you know how much I want a border collie at some point in my life.’
‘Really, you’ve never mentioned it!’ laughed Jess, turning round Hannah’s computer to see her screensaver of five border collie puppies playing in some long grass. ‘What about if they didn’t like travelling, would that be a deal-breaker?’
‘Do you think there are people out there who don’t like to go places?’ Hannah frowned. ‘I mean, I’m not saying he has to agree to a year backpacking in the Himalayas, but I might struggle to have anything in common with someone who has never left Manchester, as much as I’m a Manc through and through.’
‘All right, our kid!’ Jess giggled, doing a rubbish impression of the Gallagher brothers.
‘Why have I got a stronger Manc accent than you and I’ve spent the last ten years travelling around the world?’ Hannah shook her head.
‘I’m just well-posh, me. Anyway I’d better take another look at this press release, then I’ll get you and Tom to look at it tomorrow, before we send it out on Wednesday.’
‘This is quite a weird thing to do, isn’t it?’ Hannah suddenly said twenty minutes later, breaking their companionable silence.
‘You mean someone else finding you a husband? I guess it is for us, but in India and Pakistan, women’s families often introduce them to a man they think it would be good for them to marry.’
‘True,’ Hannah said. ‘And I’m always reading articles about British Muslims who’ve had arranged marriages and are really happy twenty, thirty years down the line, so it happens in this country too. It just feels strange leaving the decision of who I should marry to someone else.’
‘You can always say you don’t want to marry whoever I choose for you – you know that, don’t you, Hannah? Whether we’re two months before the big day or two minutes before you walk down the aisle. No one is going to think badly of you, I promise. And even if you do get married, you still have the options of an annulment or divorce. Again, no one is going to judge you.’
‘I know.’ She nodded. There was silence for a few moments, before Hannah spoke again. ‘Kindness is really important in a husband, you’re right,’ she said. ‘I hadn’t really thought about it before, but I’ll never forget that old-fashioned gentleness and chivalry Gramps always had. I don’t mean holding doors open and stuff, but small things like bringing each other cups of tea in bed and writing little love notes to each other and showing you’re thinking about the other, that’s what’s important to me; a man who is kind.’
Jess smiled at her. ‘Then that’s who I’ll find.’
Chapter 7 Jess
It had been quite a fortnight. After the press release had gone out, Jess had somewhat naively expected her inbox to go crazy with groom applications within the first fifteen minutes, or at least for the media to come calling. Neither of these things happened. But while they may have got off to a slow start, by the time the deadline for applications was up, Save The Date had created a mini storm – online at least.
The company’s Instagram post featuring a cute picture of Andy proposing to Pippa
had racked up more than five thousand Likes, and their Facebook post had been shared thousands of times. While it might not have made front-page news, a couple of online sites based in the north-west had picked up the story, and Pippa and Andy’s local paper, the Bristol Post, had run a feature about them, which had boosted subscriptions, too, so much so that membership numbers were up by thirty per cent. And although they obviously hadn’t hit the magic figure the bank had set them, not to mention the fact that most of the new members had made use of the discounted subscription fee, they were pretty pleased with themselves.
‘Now we just have to keep hold of these members and build on the figures. Easy, right?’ Jess said as she, Hannah and Tom sat in the summerhouse chomping on biscuits and toasting their success with large mugs of coffee.
‘Oh, and there’s the small matter of sifting through over a hundred applications from men eager to be Hannah’s husband!’ Tom grinned.
‘Just a small matter,’ Hannah agreed. ‘I think it’s only fair that I have a quick scroll through the applications inbox and weed out any no-hopers.’
‘Absolutely not!’ Jess shook her head. ‘This is a blind date, remember, and you’ve put your trust into my hands. And Tom’s, I guess. I’m going to whittle the list down to ten, at which point I’ll ask them some more specific questions to help us eliminate seven more. Then, I’ll meet each of the three remaining potential grooms for a coffee. Basically, Han, I’m doing all that pre-date getting-to-know-you chat and the actual first date for you. It’s going to be so much fun!’
‘Is it, J?’ Hannah grinned. ‘Can I remind you how long you and Tank here have been together? It’ll be nineteen years in May, won’t it? That is a long time. A long time in which you’ve clearly forgotten how tedious it is weeding out the time-wasters, mummy’s boys and perverts. Wait! You’ve never actually had to do that, have you? Oh my god, welcome to my world! Tom, she is going to need all your support, believe me!’