by Claire Frost
‘No! Funnily enough it wasn’t on the list of questions I asked potential suitors. And I don’t remember you explicitly mentioning it as something to be avoided. But the questions I did ask your Toby have led me to believe he is not a mooner.’
‘You’d better be right. Also, you’ve used the phrase “your Toby” twice now. It sounds weird.’
‘But he is about to be your Toby! Would you prefer “your husband-to-be”? Because that isn’t weird at all, obviously.’
‘Point taken. What about “Toby-to-be” as a compromise?’
Jess laughed at her friend. ‘Fine, if that makes you feel better. And just so you know, you definitely won’t find him on Facebook because I made him deactivate his social media accounts, or at least make them private. Now you need to do the same, I’m afraid. I know how lax you are with your Facebook settings, so you’ll need to change those, and make your Insta and Twitter private too.’
‘What? We never discussed this. I’m barely even on Twitter anymore, and I only use Facebook to check up on mad exes and potential dates.’
‘Well, thankfully, the only potential date you need to worry about now is your Toby-to-be.’
‘I thought we were dropping the “your”?’
‘Sorry, I got confused with all your demands. Right, come on, change those settings and I might even let you in on an exciting part of the plan.’
‘The plan?’ Hannah asked, her voice an octave higher than she’d intended. ‘What plan?’
‘Questions, questions!’ Jess replied oh-so smugly. ‘Sort those privacy settings and I’ll explain all.’
‘You are loving this far too much,’ Hannah grumbled, but nevertheless she did as she was told. The problem was her best friend knew her too well and there was no way she was going to jeopardise finding out some vital information by trying to break Jess’s rules at this early stage – she’d save that for later when she really needed it.
‘Well, I’ve got to get my kicks somewhere, haven’t I? You do realise I’m going to be living my life vicariously through you for the next six months? It’s the most fun I’ve had since Tom and I decided to start “practising” trying for a baby!’
‘Ha! I remember those few weeks when all you did was grin dreamily at me when I asked how Tom was. That was when I saw you at all – most of the time you were at home, naked, with a self-satisfied smile on your face.’
‘Until I got pregnant with twins and quickly found myself unable to waddle up the stairs never mind shag on them!’
‘Jessica Taylor, did you just say the word shag?’ Hannah laughed. ‘All this talk of getting your kicks has clearly got you overexcited. I’m not sure I’ve ever heard you say that word in my life!’
‘Maybe I’m not as prim and proper as you think!’ Jess said in what Hannah could only presume was her seductive voice and therefore made her burst out laughing. ‘What? I love that the idea of me being anything other than a boring old mum has you wetting yourself.’
‘No, it’s not that, it was that voice! It was like a cross between Marge Simpson and Elvis!’
‘And there was I thinking it was like Marilyn Monroe…’
Hannah snorted and they both convulsed with giggles, leaving them unable to speak for the next few minutes, until Hannah started hiccupping and had to grab an emergency glass of water.
‘J, I love you,’ she declared between gulps. ‘This is why you’re the person to find me The One.’
‘What, because the closest I’ve got to using my “Marilyn” voice recently is to gently try to wake my husband up when he’s fallen asleep in front of the TV at nine p.m., only for him to wake up in an absolute panic as he was having a nightmare that someone was whispering threats to kill him into his ear?’
‘Yep, that’s exactly why,’ Hannah replied. ‘The very fact you’re trying to be seductive towards the man you’ve been with for two decades means you must know something millions of others don’t. And now you can pass the secret to a happy marriage on to me. And my Toby-to-be.’
‘So he is “yours” after all, is he?’ Jess grinned, before more seriously adding, ‘If you’re looking for the secret to a happy marriage, I definitely don’t have all the answers, believe me.’
Hannah looked up from her computer and stared hard at her friend. ‘But you and Tank are happy,’ she said, raising her voice a little at the end of the sentence but refusing to make it a proper question. ‘You still make each other laugh, you have two beautiful kids who make me unbelievably proud to be their godmother, and you both run successful businesses.’
‘Well, one of our businesses is a little more successful than the other,’ Jess replied with a wry smile. Hannah didn’t smile back. ‘Han, look, of course me and Tom are fine, stop worrying. Haven’t you got enough to think about with the small matter of your engagement, anyway? Although at least you’ve stopped that stupid Facebook search. And as a reward I’ll explain the next part of the plan.’
Hannah was immediately like a dog that had been promised a walk and was waiting for its owner to pick up the lead. ‘Yes, tell me the plan, finally!’ she panted.
‘All right, well, although you can’t contact each other on social media – and I will be checking, believe me, so no underhand messaging, okay? – you are allowed to learn a little more before you walk down the aisle. I’m going to get both of you to write letters to each other every few weeks, which I’ll publish on the Save The Date blog for the world to read.’
‘Right, but when is the big day?’
‘Oh yes, that’s the other thing I was going to tell you,’ Jess laughed.
‘Hold on,’ Hannah said, rising from her chair. ‘You cannot just casually slip into conversation when my wedding day is! It needs a build-up, a fanfare, or at least a drum roll, you heathen!’
‘Sorry, it’s not as if I’ve ever arranged a blind-date marriage for my best friend before. I didn’t realise there were rules,’ she shrugged. ‘But if it makes you happy…’ She drummed her palms rhythmically on the desk. ‘I am pleased to announce the wedding of Hannah Laura Edwards to Toby Something Something – no, I’m not going to tell you his full name, no matter how hard you stare at me – on Saturday the fourth of September at Castlefield House in Manchester at three p.m. Ta-dah! Do you think you might be able to make it?’
‘If I can’t, then Houston, we have a problem!’ Hannah laughed. ‘Although do you mean September the fourth this year, as in just’ – she counted off the weeks on her iPhone calendar – ‘four months away?’ She looked up at Jess with a frown.
‘I do indeed, Han! Lots to do and so little time to do it. I remember when Tom and I got married, his mum spent months and months telling me I should only have traditional roses and freesias in my bouquet. I got so annoyed I ordered some out-there tropical things, which inevitably they couldn’t source, so I ended up with boring roses and freesias like everyone else.’
‘I honestly can’t remember the roses or freesias at your wedding – although I’m sure they were lovely,’ Hannah added quickly. ‘I think I was more interested in the fit barman. Oh, and the fact the bar was free until we sat down to dinner!’
Hannah thought back to that weekend and it seemed like a different lifetime, even though it was less than ten years ago. Jess had appeared so grown-up to her, sweeping down the aisle of the small but pretty church she’d been christened in as a baby, in her huge, heavy dress that pulled her in in all the right places and then sprayed out in a full, hooped skirt she had to be careful not to fall over. Hannah had been her bridesmaid, tripping up the aisle in heels she wasn’t used to wearing, clutching the stalks of the bouquet that had been shoved into her hands as she’d got into the car with her mum and Jess’s mother. Although she couldn’t remember the flowers thanks to the vast number of pints of lager she’d sunk in an attempt to impress the hot barman, she would never forget the calmness that had washed over Jess that day and her absolute certainty she was doing the right thing in marrying her childhood sweetheart. Hann
ah knew that even now in her thirties she’d never felt that sense of serenity and contentment, and it certainly didn’t look like her wedding day in four months’ time – four months’ time! – was going to be filled with any sense of calm. She glanced over at Jess, who had a faraway look on her face.
‘Earth to Jess!’ Hannah laughed, waving her hand in front of her friend’s face. ‘I’m sorry that I have to pull you out of your reverie, but what happened in your honeymoon suite stays in the honeymoon suite, okay?’
Jess snapped back into the present. ‘Ha! I hate to be the one to smash all your clichés, but by the time I’d managed to get myself out of my straitjacket – I mean dress – Tom had fallen asleep, slumped on the chair in the corner of the room, midway through getting undressed. I had to practically drag him into bed, take off his socks and shoes for him and prise the bow tie he was somehow clutching from his hand – he’d been wearing a neck tie so I still have no idea where that came from – and then he started snoring. By that point I was so exhausted, I couldn’t even be bothered to take my make-up off and brush my teeth, so when we woke up the next morning, I had dragon breath, panda eyes and a fake eyelash sticking to my cheek. Welcome to married life!’
‘Classy, J, classy. Although at least you made it to breakfast. I remember I took one look at the scrambled egg the hotel had laid out and had to run back to my room! Much to the disgust of my mother, obviously, who lectured me for weeks afterwards about the etiquette of sipping “champers” at weddings rather than gulping down pints of Fosters, and how I would never be asked to be a bridesmaid again if I carried on being such a “ladette”. It was during her Daily Mail phase and she blamed a lot of the world’s problems on pint-drinking girl-power women, to be fair. I’ve a good mind to ban champers-sipping from my wedding entirely and only serve Stella.’
‘Are you turning into Bridezilla already?’ Jess laughed. ‘Although it’s almost worth it to see Joan’s face when she’s handed a pint of lager!’
‘That’s if she comes to the wedding – you can guess how she’s going to feel about the idea of a blind-date marriage.’
‘She’ll calm down and she’s got four months to get used to the idea, what could go wrong? Plus, you’re her only daughter, so she’s not going to miss out on her mother of the bride moment, is she.’
‘She can be pretty stubborn, can old Joan.’
Jess grinned. ‘Like mother, like daughter, then.’
‘Me? I’m not stubborn!’ Hannah cried.
‘Okay, not stubborn, but you’re definitely strong-willed,’ she replied calmly. ‘There aren’t many people who would force their best friend to find them the man they’re going to marry in the ultimate blind date.’
‘I’m not quite sure I forced you.’ Hannah smiled. ‘Anyway, enough talking about my mule-like behaviour. What’s all this about a blog?’
‘Well, as you can’t actually meet or see what the other looks like before the big day, I thought you and Toby could write to each other and talk about how you’re feeling. But instead of it just being between the two of you, I’ll post the letters on the website so everyone can read them. That way we can build on the publicity and buzz we’ve already started to create and hopefully get the public excited about the wedding of the year. As we discussed, at this point you’ll both be completely anonymous, other than your first names and any information you choose to share with each other, and whoever reads the posts, obviously. It won’t be until after the wedding that we reveal your photos to your adoring public.’
Hannah noticed Jess shifting uneasily in her chair, a sure sign she was worried what her friend would think about putting her feelings and emotions out there, not just for Toby to see, but for anyone who clicked on Save The Date’s website.
‘Writing publicly to each other makes sense, I guess,’ Hannah said thoughtfully. ‘After all, this isn’t just about me finding a husband, it’s about me finding a husband thanks to Save The Date and telling all the single people out there that they can do it too, right?’
‘Yes, but I want to make sure you’re happy first and foremost,’ Jess replied quietly. ‘You might want to think about exactly how much you give away, and I’ve said the same to Toby.’
‘It’s not as if we’re going to be identifiable to anyone who doesn’t already know us and know the situation though, right? The whole idea is that we only give away to each other bits about our personalities and how we’re feeling, not our names, addresses and jobs. I’m interested to know what Toby thinks about the whole plan though,’ she added, raising her eyebrows at her friend and smiling sweetly in an attempt to get her to spill some more information about the stranger she was due to marry in just a few months’ time.
‘Understandably, he has been pretty nervous about the whole thing,’ Jess admitted. ‘As you know, I read through every single applicant’s reasons for wanting to be part of this, and once Tom and I had narrowed it down, I emailed Toby some extra questions to find out a bit more about him, then we went for coffee and finally I called him at the end of last week to tell him I thought he was the right man for the job – your Mr Right, in fact. Every time I’ve spoken to him and seen him he’s become more and more invested in the whole process and he was so excited when I called him the other day. Shocked, yes, but then immediately ridiculously excited. He’s so lovely, Han, he really is.’
‘Well, I should bloody hope so if I’m going to spend the rest of my life with him!’ Hannah grinned. ‘But if you told him at the end of last week, how come you’re only telling me now?’ She glanced at her friend suspiciously.
‘I wanted to give him a cooling-off period. It’s a big thing he’s agreeing to and I wanted him to be sure it was what he wanted. Plus, I wanted to give him a chance to tell his family and friends what he’s signed up for. But don’t worry, I spoke to him again last night and he said he was surprised at how behind the idea everyone has been, even if they do think he’s slightly unhinged – his words, not mine. He was a lot calmer about it, although he asked lots of questions about the blog. I think he found focusing on the details he can control rather than all the things he can’t was the best way forward – which is what I know I would do, too.’
‘Oh my god! Jess, have you matched me with basically the boy version of you? Other than me marrying Jason Momoa, that would be my absolute dream!’
‘Don’t get too excited – I’m not sure I’d go quite as far as to say he’s the male version of me. For starters, there is no way on this earth I would agree to marry someone I had never met!’
SAVE THE DATE
Meet our blind-daters with a difference…
Save The Date is the dating app for people seeking The One. If you’re looking for someone you’ll be celebrating your golden wedding anniversary with fifty years later (#oldromantics) then we’re the app for you – and we can prove it …
To show you that it really is possible to find true love online, we’re putting the app to the ultimate test: one girl, one boy and one happily ever after. But, there’s a twist. The only things our couple know about each other are their first names, and that the first time they’ll meet will be at the altar on their wedding day!
You can follow our blind-daters on their journey to wedded bliss right here on our Save The Date blog. And if you’re still looking for that special someone to share your life with, download our app and become a member – and make sure you take advantage of our discounted subscription fee.
So, without further ado, let’s meet the bride and groom to be…
Dear Hannah,
My name is Toby and I’m… well, I’m very soon going to be your husband (that is definitely one of the strangest sentences I’ve ever written! And somehow typing them into a blog on the internet that will instantly leave a digital footprint makes this whole thing excitingly/scarily real). I can’t believe how nervous I am, writing this all down, knowing you will read it, but for what it’s worth, here are my answers to Save The Date’s first three blog questions:
Describe yourself in three words:
Kind, tech-loving, work-in-progress
What fictional character are you most like?
I’d love to say Mr Darcy after he stops with all the Pride, but I’m probably more Donkey from Shrek.
What’s your favourite hobby?
As I work in IT, I spend a lot of time staring at a computer screen, so when I’m not in the office I love getting outdoors, playing five-a-side after work, maybe taking one of my sister’s dogs for a walk, going to gigs (both comedy and music) and winning the pub quiz with my mates (or, if I’m being honest, losing the pub quiz with my mates).
I’m looking forward to reading your answers…
Until next time,
Toby x
Dear Toby,
Right, well, I hardly know where to start with this. I think it might be the weirdest letter I’ve ever tried to write, but I suppose the first thing to say is: hello! I’m Hannah, Han, or even Spannah, depending on whether you’re talking to my mum, my friends or my brother. And, I’m going to be your lawful wedded wife in a few weeks! Which is both crazy and amazing! I’m not really one for exclamation marks, but if any situation calls for copious amounts of them, it’s this one!
Describe yourself in three words:
Fun, adventurous and up for breaking the rules!
What fictional character are you most like?
Nancy Drew. I’m pretty nosy, love a challenge and often find myself a bit out of my depth, but obviously I triumph in the end.
What’s your favourite hobby?
I love to travel. I’m aware this sounds both privileged and #basic – who doesn’t like to go on holiday a couple of times a year? – but I really love visiting different countries and finding out about different cultures, even if that’s just what locals like to drink and where they like to drink it. I’ve been to the worst of places – I will never forget the flea-infested hostel in Colombia I went to on my three-month backpacking trip after I graduated and had used my last remaining credit card to buy the flights and only had twenty quid of my overdraft left to play with. And the best of places – the tiny shack I shared with three other girls overlooking the beach in Chubut, Argentina, beats any five-star hotel, not that I’ve stayed in any.