by Claire Frost
‘No, I don’t think anything’s definite. They need to check out the offer in detail, so it’s unlikely to happen quite yet. Which at least gives me some time to think about what I want to do. Maybe this is the push I need to start that process anyway,’ she said, echoing Jess’s words in an attempt to sound grown-up. ‘Although all Dee’s talk about the reef and the sunshine in Cairns has kind of made me want to go back to Oz,’ she added dreamily.
‘That would be a long commute from Manchester.’ Toby smiled tightly.
‘True, but I could totally see myself living out there again at some point. I’d hate to think I’ve done all the travelling I’m ever going to do. In fact, I can’t even imagine that! What about you, do you think you’re settled in Manchester for good?’
‘Well, it makes sense when my parents and Melissa live nearby. And obviously my job is here. But I’d love to live near the sea at some point. There’s something so calming about it, I think.’
‘Totally. Right, let’s move down to Cornwall and instead of doing my PADI I’ll learn to surf well enough to become an instructor, and you can sort out all the iPad problems the wealthy people who live in Padstow and Rock have, and we’ll go and visit Dee in Oz on holiday and invite all our families down to our picture-perfect whitewashed house overlooking the sea. Deal?’
‘Deal!’ Toby laughed, his eyes crinkling as he glanced at her. ‘Sounds like my idea of bliss, other than the fixing iPads part, but I’m sure we can tweak that bit. Oh, and we’ll need to get a dog. You can’t live in Cornwall and not have a dog – it’s basically the law.’
‘And it’s a law that I’m very much on board with. What about a collie? Or even a Weimaraner?’
‘Are they the big ones that need loads of exercise but then come and put their head on your feet? Then I’m in! I think we’re nearly at your mum’s, do I turn right here?’
‘Yep, and then she’s just a couple of hundred metres down the road on the left. Perfect.’ Hannah felt almost giddy after their conversation in the car. She’d decided to put that awkward night at Toby’s behind them and try to just enjoy things more. She grinned at Toby. ‘Right, you grab the flower garden and I’ll put on my best dutiful daughter face and I’m sure we’ll be fine!’
They walked up the path and Hannah’s energy immediately began to sag, but she forced herself to smile at Joan when she opened the door.
‘Hi, Mum, nice to see you. Mmm, something smells yummy! This is Toby,’ she said, stepping aside to give him some space and almost clocking herself over the head with the flowers he was holding. ‘Though obviously you know that as you met him at the wedding,’ she added awkwardly.
‘Mrs Edwards, lovely to see you again,’ Toby said enthusiastically. ‘And these are for you.’ He handed over the impressive bouquet and Hannah watched as her mum beamed and actually simpered.
‘Toby, they are gorgeous. Oh you shouldn’t be spending all your money on me. But they are so beautiful, thank you. And I’ve told you, do call me Joan.’
Hannah let Toby follow her mum inside before she brought up the rear. She laughed to herself as her mum continued to titter and simper away in an unnaturally high voice and Toby complimented her about everything from her hair to her house.
‘And you remember Vera, don’t you. Mum, this is Toby,’ Joan announced grandly, while Hannah rolled her eyes at her mum’s obvious attempt to pretend to G-ma she already knew her son-in-law better than she did.
‘Of course, Joan, I’m old, not senile. I’m hardly likely to forget Hannah’s new husband, am I? Toby, it’s lovely to see you again, and these flowers are gorgeous, thank you.’ She smiled as she clutched the bouquet he had presented her with.
‘What kind of tea would you like?’ Joan asked Toby as she gestured for him to sit down. ‘I’ve got English Breakfast, Earl Grey or camomile.’
‘Camomile? Earl Grey? Who are you and what have you done with my mum?’ Hannah sniggered as she gave G-ma a kiss on the cheek and squeezed her hand.
‘I’m quite partial to Earl Grey, actually, and Mary can only have camomile now as the doctor says caffeine does something funny to her insides, so I have it to keep her company when she comes round,’ Joan sniffed.
G-ma winked at Hannah and she stifled another giggle.
‘I’m happy with just normal tea, thanks, Joan.’ Toby smiled. ‘Would you like any help at all?’
‘No, no, you sit down. I was doing a bit of baking for Mary’s church sale so I thought I’d knock up a little Victoria sponge to have with your tea. You do like cake, don’t you, Toby dear?’
He grinned. ‘I do. It’s like you read my mind, Joan.’
This time Hannah couldn’t stop herself from giggling as her mum busied herself in the kitchen.
‘This special treatment is all for you, Toby my lad!’ G-ma whispered loudly. ‘I don’t usually get the home-made cake treatment.’
‘And I never do!’ Hannah laughed. ‘Not even Jess does, and Mum never stops telling me how great she is, so she must really love you already.’
Hannah was surprised how much she enjoyed the next hour, the four of them chatting and laughing together. Joan was definitely on her best behaviour and seemed to flourish in Toby’s praise of her baking. Seeing her mum’s eyes shining as she nattered away about going to the theatre with a group of women from Mary’s church, Hannah felt a deep guilt that she didn’t try harder with her. It wasn’t that they didn’t get on exactly, more that Hannah always felt her mum was judging her for her life choices, and that she didn’t live up to the daughter she wanted her to be. And Joan had never really lost the bitterness and anger she had felt at the breakdown of her marriage, even though it had happened almost a decade before and the relationship had been unhappy for many years prior to that. Hannah looked at her mum’s smiling face now and vowed to see her more often and maybe even suggest a day out somewhere together.
She also noticed her grandma had been a little quieter than normal, so as Toby and her mum were chatting, she squeezed her arm and whispered, ‘Are you okay, G-ma?’
‘Yes, lovey, I’m fine, I’m just watching your delectable husband charm the three of us women. He is quite a chap!’
‘Ha! Glad you think so.’ Hannah smiled.
‘Well, it doesn’t really matter if I think so – it’s what you think that counts, darling.’
‘Would I be able to use your bathroom, Joan?’ Toby asked at that point.
‘Of course, Toby dear. Upstairs, first on the left.’
Joan barely waited for him to leave the room before she said loudly, ‘You’ve done okay for yourself there, Hannah! As you know, I was less than happy about your and Jess’s ridiculous scheme, but she seems to have come up trumps for you with Toby there.’
‘I’m really glad you like him, Mum,’ Hannah replied warmly. ‘It’s important to me that you both do.’
‘As I said, Hannah, it’s not about what we think,’ G-ma piped up.
‘How are things going on the marriage front?’ Joan asked, giving her an all too familiar piercing stare.
‘Good. They’re good,’ Hannah reassured her. ‘It’s early days, obviously, but it’s nice to get to know each other properly.’
‘Nice? Good? Talk about damning with faint praise, Hannah!’
‘Mum! What do you want me to say?’
‘Well, I don’t know what expressions young people use nowadays, but do you fancy him?’
‘Mum, shh!’ But she couldn’t help but giggle, especially when she caught G-ma’s eye and saw her face starting to twitch too.
‘Come on, Hannah, I may be getting on a bit, but I do remember what being in love feels like, you know. The butterflies, the tingling, the passion…’
‘Mum, stop, please!’ she laughed. ‘Enough about the tingling, okay? Look, we’re just sussing this whole marriage thing out and I don’t want us to rush. We’ve potentially got the rest of our lives together for those butterflies and, um, tinglings to grow.’
‘I suppose you�
��re right.’ Joan’s smile faded and she fixed her with another piercing stare before saying quietly, ‘Don’t forget, if it’s not right, there’s always a way out, Hannah. Don’t settle for second best if you don’t feel the way you think you should.’ She leaned forward and touched Hannah’s arm. ‘Believe me, it will only lead to unhappiness for you both. Ah, Toby, there you are, what about another slice of cake? And Mum, you’ll have one too, won’t you?’
Half an hour later, when Hannah was putting her coat on and watching G-ma say something she couldn’t hear to Toby, she turned to Joan.
‘Thanks for this afternoon, Mum. It was lovely to see you.’ She hugged her that little bit harder than she would normally. ‘And, G-ma, I’ll pop round to see you during the week.’
‘You’d better!’ Her grandma wagged her finger at her.
‘Thanks so much for the tea and delicious cake, Joan,’ Toby added, also giving her a hug. ‘You’ll be applying for Bake Off next!’
‘Well, I hardly think so, but that’s kind of you to say,’ she replied, touching her hair self-consciously.
‘You are such a suck-up!’ Hannah laughed once they were both in the car and the box of her stuff from the loft her mum had left out for her was on her knee.
‘No, I think you’ll find I’m just a model son-in-law,’ Toby said, smirking.
‘Otherwise known as a suck-up,’ Hannah said. ‘Anyway, what were you whispering to G-ma about before we left?’
‘If you must know, I was just reassuring her that I would take good care of you,’ he replied.
‘I’m not sure I need taking care of, but you definitely managed to charm the pants off the pair of them, so you’re doing something right. Which means you’re definitely a suck-up.’
* * *
Back home, she managed to shoo Toby away with a quick peck on the cheek and the promise of a late brunch the following day and a walk round Tatton Park if the rain held off for long enough.
She poured herself a glass of wine, turned on Strictly and settled down on the sofa to look at her phone. WhatsApp groups had a lot to answer for, she thought as she surveyed the 145 messages she knew would largely be irrelevant. Although she also knew that to delete herself from the lists would be making a huge statement and she couldn’t bear the individual messages that would follow asking her why ‘Hannah has left the group’.
Finally, she was able to put her phone down and rifle through the box of bits and bobs her mum had given her when she left. Sometimes it felt like Joan was trying to erase all evidence of Hannah from her childhood home – even though her bookshelves were filled with photos of both Hannah and Scott when they were kids, and more recent ones that also included Julia and Leo. Hannah still remembered the strange feeling when she’d returned from travelling and found that her mum had cleared out her old bedroom and asked her to take her stuff with her. But as Toby was apparently such a hit with Joan, Hannah decided she’d get a couple of their wedding pictures framed for her to at least bring the photos up to date.
The box seemed to mostly contain Hannah’s old schoolbooks, and while she instantly threw away the maths and science ones, she pored over the creative writing notepads she found, laughing at the stories ten-year-old Hannah had written. There were a few old pens, including one of those with four colours that you click down at the top, which she put to one side as she recalled Jess had been obsessed with them when they were younger. There was also an old homework diary, which she flicked through, before doubling over laughing when she saw the inside back cover, which was covered in bubble writing declaring ‘Hannah Edwards luvs Kiran Jones’, whoever he was.
At the bottom of the box was a small pamphlet with a large title written in different coloured pencil: What We Can Learn From The Older Generation by Hannah Laura Edwards, aged eight and a half. She opened it and began to read.
Interview with Vera Watkins, AKA G-ma
Hannah: Hi, G-ma, thank you for being part of my project on what it’s like to be old. What do you think is the biggest thing you’ve learned in your long life?
Vera: Well, that’s quite some question, young Hannah. I thought you were going to give me some easy ones first!
H: I know, but I couldn’t think of any easy ones that would be interesting for my project so I fibbed a little. Sorry G-ma, though Dad says it’s only a white lie, I think.
V: White lies are sometimes okay, that’s true, that is actually one of the things I’ve learned during my very long life! Right, what else? I suppose another thing I’ve learned is that if you’re a good person then generally good things will happen for you.
H: Does that mean if you’re a bad person then bad things will happen?
V: Maybe. But I’ve always focused on the good side of things. Sometimes it’s hard to choose to do the thing you know is right, but it pretty much always turns out to be the best thing in the end.
H: What else do you think you learn when you get as old as you?
V: Well, I think you learn that it doesn’t matter what anyone else says, if you want to achieve something then you can, or you can certainly give it a very good go. But it takes hard work, dedication and passion. I suppose the same could be said for a long and happy marriage!
H: You and Gramps got married a VERY long time ago and you both always look happy, except when I eat too much of the cake mixture before it goes in the oven, but you don’t look like you’re working that hard?
V: We might not look like we are, but underneath the surface we’ve both been working hard at our marriage every day since our wedding day all those years ago. And it’s not always easy, believe me.
H: What kind of work do you and Gramps have to do?
V: Well, we have to talk all our problems through with each other and try to solve any big issues with each other’s help. Like any couple, sometimes we fall out over something, but we always try to find a compromise that both of us agree on. There are a few rules we have that we both try to live by.
H: Rules? Like what?
V: Rules like always being kind to each other, remembering you can afford to lose an argument, always talking to each other even about the difficult things, remembering you’re a team and one half of a whole. And finally, which is the one I think is the most important, remembering to say I love you every day. When you care so deeply about someone it’s important that you tell them how much they mean to you as often as possible.
H: Wow, that’s a lot of rules, maybe even more than we have at school! How do you remember them all, G-ma?
V: I suppose once you know someone really well and care about them you WANT to follow the rules so they become a positive thing in your mind and you never forget them.
H: I don’t get it…
V: You will one day, Hannah, sweetheart. You know, the Ancient Greeks believed that humans were originally spherical creatures and one day the gods were so angry with them that they hit them all with thunderbolts and separated each human into two beings. They believed that’s why grown-ups always want to find their ‘other half’ to make them whole again. And when they find that other half, they never want to be separated from them, just like Gramps and I never want to be separated from each other. One day, Hannah, you’ll meet someone who makes you realise you were only ever half of a person before you met. And I can’t wait to be here to see that happen.
H: Me too. Thank you for being a very good interviewee, G-ma!
At the bottom of the page the teacher had written:
What a brilliant interview, Hannah! Maybe you should think about being a journalist when you grow up! 10/10.
Hannah gazed at the pamphlet in her hands. Reading G-ma’s words about her love for Gramps was amazing, but it also served to highlight just how paper-thin Hannah’s own relationship with Toby clearly was. Her grandparents had both known immediately how they felt about each other and had been able to build a marriage based on pure love. Hannah still had no idea how she felt about her husband – so where did that leave the foundations of their re
lationship?
Chapter 20 Jess
As she stamped her wellies into the grass in an attempt to get some feeling back into her frozen feet, Jess wondered for the millionth time what drove people to jog round a muddy field at nine o’clock on a Sunday morning. If it wasn’t for her vivid memories of lugging the twins round in her belly for nine long months, she’d think they couldn’t possibly be related to her. But apparently her children delighted in taking part in ParkRun with their dad, come rain or shine – although only if Jess promised to come along and give them an encouraging whoop from the sidelines. She supposed she should be pleased they were fit and full of energy; she only wished they were less inclined to show it off on one of the few precious mornings she didn’t have to work.
She risked removing her gloves briefly to sneakily send a couple of urgent emails while she waited at her agreed cheering-on point. It had been quite a couple of weeks, especially with the potential sale of the business moving quicker than she’d expected. And Hannah had definitely been distracted, though Jess couldn’t pinpoint why. Toby seemed to have effortlessly won over Joan of Bark and G-ma a few weeks ago, and although she knew her friend was apprehensive about seeing Toby’s parents for lunch today, she had no reason to think they wouldn’t be just as enamoured with her. Jess had so many plates to keep spinning at the moment that it was impossible for her to be fully on top of any one part of her life.
She looked up just as Lily and Tom flew past.
‘Woo, keep going, Lily, you’re doing brilliantly!’ she shouted, then she scanned the crowd for Sam, who appeared a minute and a half later. He would not be pleased if Lily beat him again and she wished Tom had chosen to run with him and encourage him on, rather than prioritising being at the front.
‘Go, Sam! You can do it, you’re nearly there!’ she screeched, clapping her hands violently as if that would somehow make his legs go faster. After checking he was safely on his way, she began to trot as quickly as possible over to the finish line to cheer them all over. She squelched through the park as best she could, but quickly the mud became stickier and her right welly stuck to it like glue. As she took her next step, she completely left her boot behind. Her pink and yellow stripy sock with a large hole in the heel dug deep into the mud and she only just managed to save herself from falling face-first into the quagmire by grinding her surviving welly into the ground for dear life.