Married at First Swipe

by Claire Frost

  Jess nodded politely, tuning out as quickly as she could. As she sipped her drink, she took a second to study the man she was now reluctantly sharing a table with. He was a little older than her and his dark hair was greying seductively around his temples and down into his beard. His startlingly green eyes seemed to twinkle at her and she reached for her wine, feeling her face flush beneath his gaze.

  ‘As I said,’ he continued, clearly not put off by her lack of response, ‘it’s not the most dynamic of jobs, but it pays the bills. What about you? What do you do, Jess?’

  ‘I run a dating app. For people who want to get married.’

  Simon opened his mouth and roared with laughter. ‘No one on dating apps wants to get married, they just want a shag, surely! Most of them are married already and not getting any at home so they swipe right on someone who looks like they might be up for it. Isn’t that what Tinder and Grindr and all that are about – find someone halfway good-looking who happens to be in the pub down the road, meet them for a drink, go to their place and shag. Job done!’

  Jess smiled tightly. ‘Well, not on my app they don’t.’

  ‘Really? Is it full of a load of freaks then? I should look it up and try it out next time I need the services of a devoted wife.’ He continued to laugh at his own wit.

  ‘No, actually, it’s full of respectable men and women who just want to find The One,’ Jess said primly, feeling her cheeks grow hot as she tried to control the anger bubbling beneath the surface.

  ‘Well, good for you.’ He raised his glass to her then nodded at the rings on her left hand. ‘What does your husband do while you’re running your little app?’

  Jess stared at him. She was embarrassed that she had allowed herself to find those evil piercing eyes and scraggy beard in any way handsome just minutes before. She knew if she stayed a moment longer she would end up lamping Simon, so draining her wine, she grabbed her coat and bag before saying haughtily, ‘It’s not a “little” app as you put it, and what my husband does or doesn’t do has nothing to do with you!’ and swept out of the pub.

  It was only when she was several metres down the road that she realised she’d left her book on the table. She was two-thirds of the way through Wolf Hall – she’d tried and failed to finish it many times, but it took so long when she could only read in five-minute bursts as and when the twins decided to behave – and she was determined this time she would get to the end. So she summoned up her courage and marched back into the pub to retrieve it.

  It seemed Simon-but-everyone-calls-me-Si had already moved on, having wormed his way into a group of women near the bar. He gave her a sneering grin as she came back into the pub, so she hurried over, grabbed her book and raced out again. Despite him making no move to follow her, she didn’t stop looking over her shoulder until she was safely inside her room at the B&B.

  * * *

  The next day, Jess felt oddly out of place in her smart trouser suit as she went to catch the bus to her meeting with Save The Date’s potential buyer. The roads were full of people dressed in walking boots, fleeces and bobble hats, and the more adventurous even had professional-looking poles. As she wriggled around in her uncomfortable jacket and looked out of the window at the crisp autumnal day, Jess longed to be out walking the ‘non-challenging’ looping trail through the fells the tourist information assistant had suggested the previous day. But Save The Date was at least one of the reasons she was here, and she knew she couldn’t back out of the meeting now.

  Thankfully, two hours later she was on the same bus, threading its way along the narrow roads back towards the B&B. The meeting had been far more successful than she could ever have imagined, and the company involved had been so excited about her ‘little dating app’ that she had started to wonder why on earth she was selling it. And then she’d remembered everything that was going on back home and all her feelings of being overwhelmed. Plus as soon as the finance people had started talking money, Jess had realised it was a complete no-brainer; there was no way she could turn down that kind of cash.

  Once she’d got back to the B&B and changed into her comfy trousers and fleece, she set off on the walk she’d promised herself that morning, only stopping to raise her face towards the gentle sun that shone down into the valley. The de-stressing power of the great outdoors propelled her round the trails, and she was slightly out of breath when she arrived back in the town. Keen to avoid any sight of odious Simon, she had an early tea in a pizza restaurant, before treating her now-aching limbs to the bubble bath she’d been fantasising about all day.

  It was amazing how quickly she’d got used to spending time on her own, she mused later as she snuggled into a double bed all to herself. She’d actually finished Wolf Hall and had decided she’d make a trip to the independent bookshop nearby tomorrow and pick up a copy of the latest Marian Keyes. She was proud of the fact she’d barely looked at her emails, and as the B&B had Netflix, she’d caught up on the new series of Queer Eye without any of the eye-rolling and tutting she’d usually get from Tom if she watched it at home.

  Speaking of Tom, the only contact she’d had with the world outside her lakeside bubble had been a daily text from him telling her the kids were fine but missing her, and she’d replied earlier saying she’d FaceTime the twins the following afternoon. She’d also received a WhatsApp from Hannah reassuring her that everything was fine with Save The Date and she hoped she wasn’t too lonely on her own. Jess felt a gnaw of guilt in her stomach that actually the opposite was true, but being away had already made her realise how little time she ever had to herself, and she couldn’t help but luxuriate in the feeling of no one asking for a snack, or what was for tea or how she was going to make enough money to keep her business afloat.

  It was total bliss.

  The next morning marked the third day she’d been away from home and she woke to grey skies and the kind of constant drizzle that left you cold, wet and miserable after anything more than ten minutes outside. So she contented herself with a late breakfast and a mooch around Ambleside’s shops. She was just sipping a caramel latte and enjoying huge forkfuls of lemon drizzle cake in one of the many coffee shops on the high street when her mobile buzzed with a FaceTime call.

  ‘MUMMY!’ a loud voice screeched out of her phone, before she could plug in her headphones and turn the volume down. ‘Me and Sam just heard some boys swearing really loudly in the street, but Dad says if we’re good he’ll take us to McDonald’s for tea and—’

  ‘Lil-yyyy, you weren’t supposed to tell Mum that! Dad said we’ll have to have the fruit bag instead of chips if you tell Mum and I really want chips! Mum, pleeeeeeeease can we have chips?’

  Jess watched her children on the screen talking nineteen to the dozen in her ears and couldn’t help a huge smile spreading across her face, despite the imminent trip to McDonald’s she wasn’t supposed to know about. ‘It’s fine, Sam, you can both have chips this once, if Dad says you can, and I hope you just ignored those boys being silly in the street. Have you both had good days at school? Is Dad there with you now?’

  Lily raised the phone above her head so Jess could see Tom weighed down with lunchboxes and bags but waving at her in the background as they walked through the park. Suddenly, the picture went fuzzy and all Jess could hear was ‘Sam, stop it! Get off me, Lily! Dad, tell him to stop!’

  ‘Sam and Lily Taylor, if you don’t behave, you won’t be going to McDonald’s and I won’t be bringing either of you a present home from my trip,’ Jess boomed, much to the surprise of her children and the rest of the coffee shop. She flashed a quick apologetic smile at the elderly-looking woman on the next table, who smiled back at her in return and raised her hand in a ‘don’t worry about it’ gesture.

  ‘Sorry, Mum,’ chorused the twins in her ear, and their little faces appeared back on her screen. ‘Have you really got us a present?’ asked Lily. ‘What is it?’

  ‘You’ll have to wait and see when I’m back later in the week,’ Jess laughed.
‘Now, how did you both do in your spelling test yesterday?’

  She listened to them both chatter on about making insect hotels, how Lily’s friend Clara was getting a Hermione costume for her birthday and that the teacher who had taught their class last year had brought in some slices of her wedding cake, but the greedy Year Three children had eaten it all before they could get some themselves. They never seemed to mention doing any actual work at school, but Jess loved hearing all their stories – especially when she could sit back in a coffee shop and listen rather than having to clean lunchboxes, make the tea and supervise their maths at the same time.

  ‘When are you coming home, Mum?’ Lily suddenly asked amid the background noise of Tom telling Sam to stop dragging his jumper sleeve along a dirty wall.

  ‘Not too long now, sweetheart,’ she promised, feeling the guilt stir in the bottom of her stomach.

  ‘Old Ted misses you at bedtime,’ she said quietly, before Sam loomed back into view and foghorned, ‘Dad said to tell you that I miss you too, and even though he told me to say it, I actually do think it’s true. We’ve run out of proper Weetabix and Dad bought the Tesco ones that taste like cardboard that you said we’d never have to have again. So please can you come home soon?’

  Jess laughed but felt her eyes fill with tears. After promising both children she would be home as soon as she could and watching as they made Tom bend down so he was on the screen so they could all blow her kisses, she eventually ended the call. Her face ached from smiling so much, but her eyes stung as tears streamed down her cheeks.

  The elderly lady on the next table looked across in concern and shuffled her chair closer to Jess.

  ‘Are you okay, lovey? I couldn’t help overhearing some of your conversation and it sounds like you have a couple of livewires there! Here, have a tissue.’

  ‘Thank you,’ Jess sniffed. ‘And you’re right, they are very much livewires, bless them! They definitely keep me on my toes when I’m at home. And they’re probably running rings round their dad right now.’

  The woman smiled gently. ‘It must be hard being away from them.’

  ‘Yes, I didn’t think I was really missing them until seeing them on my phone just then. Technology, eh!’

  ‘But we’re so lucky to have FaceThingy and Skypey, or whatever it’s called. When my Geoffrey was away back in the day, we only got a few moments to chat while he fed his ten pences into the payphone, and all too soon the pips would sound and you’d be saying goodbye again. But still, you make the most of what you have, don’t you?’

  ‘You do,’ Jess agreed. ‘How long have you and Geoffrey been married?’

  ‘We only got twenty years together before he was taken away from us, god rest his soul. Cancer, and in the days before all these new-fangled immuno-wotsit therapies and cures those clever scientists are finding now.’

  ‘Oh, I’m so sorry,’ Jess said, her eyebrows rising in sympathy and her hand instinctively moving to her chest.

  ‘Thank you,’ the woman nodded. ‘But I can look back now and know I was lucky to have every one of those twenty years with the best of men. I might not have thought it every day of every week, when the girls were newborns and so demanding of our time, or when Geoffrey was working up in Scotland and I was left at home with three kiddies under five. But he was – and still is – the kindest, most gentle man I’ve ever met. My only regret is that it was only after he died that I realised just how kind and how gentle he was.’ She stopped and looked at Jess through glassy eyes. ‘All I’m saying, lovey, is that the old adage is true – you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone. Anyway, you don’t want to listen to an old lady like me rabbiting on, I’ll leave you to finish your cake. Nice to meet you, lovey.’

  Before Jess could pull herself together to say any more than ‘you too’ through the tears that had started falling again, the lady had shuffled off to the counter, had a quiet few words with the server, paid for her drink and walked off down the street. Jess stood up, and sat down again abruptly when she realised she had gone, then started when she felt a hand on her arm.

  ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you jump,’ the waitress said gently. ‘I wanted to tell you that the lady who just left paid your bill.’

  ‘Oh, gosh! Thank you for letting me know,’ Jess managed, before succumbing to more inevitable tears. She wished she’d stopped sniffing long enough to tell the lady what a lovely man Geoffrey sounded like he’d been, to sympathise with her about how hard it must have been bringing up three teenage children without her husband.

  She instinctively reached for her phone to text Tom, but then quickly put it back on the table. She gathered up her things, gave the waitress a watery smile and went out into the street.

  ‘Hello, you’ve forgotten your phone!’ the waitress called from behind her a few seconds later. ‘It was ringing so I noticed it on the table.’

  ‘Thanks, you’re a lifesaver!’ Jess sighed. As she took it from the waitress’s hand it started vibrating again. ‘I’d better get this, thanks again,’ she said as she hurried to answer it. ‘Hannah! Is everything okay?’

  ‘Yes. No. I mean yes,’ came Hannah’s voice into her ear. ‘I’ve forgotten the password for the membership spreadsheet and thought you might know it off the top of your head?’

  ‘Of course, it’s SamAndLily2.’

  ‘Damn, of course it is, I should have known that, sorry, J. Anyway, how are you? How was the meeting?’

  ‘It was good, thanks. Lots to think about. How are things there?’

  ‘Yeah, fine. I saw Tom earlier. Oh, Jess, he’s not in a good way. He’s missing you something chronic, I’ve never seen him like this.’

  ‘Is he? He seemed fine when I FaceTimed the twins earlier.’

  ‘He was obviously just putting on an act. Jess, believe me, he needs you. And I know you need him, too.’ Jess heard Hannah’s voice wobble, but she seemed to catch herself before launching into an impassioned speech. ‘Look, you’ve both probably said things in the heat of the moment that you now regret, and although you can’t unsay them, you have the power to say new things that can bring new life, new happiness to your marriage. But you have to talk to Tom and tell him exactly how you’re feeling, J, he can’t read your mind. All those things you’ve been saying to me over the past few weeks, you need to say to him. And of course there’s no waving a magic wand and making everything all right overnight, but the more you invest in a relationship, the more you get out of it, right? And you and Tom just need to give yours some TLC. Tell him how stressed you’ve been and that you need him to step up at home, but realise you have to be there for him, too; you’re a team. Without you he’s unbalanced, not himself. Like the Ancient Greeks said, once you find your other half, you never want to be separated from them.’ Hannah’s voice shook again.

  ‘What have the Ancient Greeks got to do with anything, Han! Are you going mad down there without me?’ Jess said in a vain attempt to lighten the mood.

  ‘Yes, I am a bit. Just say you’ll come back tomorrow, J, please. You and Tom need to talk and you can’t do that from a hundred miles away.’

  ‘But what if we can’t work things out?’ Jess whispered, fear creeping into her voice. ‘What happens then?’

  ‘You can always work things out if you both want to enough. And I know Tom does, so the question is, do you?’

  Jess’s breath caught in her throat and she swallowed hard. ‘You know I do, Han.’

  ‘Then come home! Promise me you’ll get on the train in the morning? Promise me, J?’

  ‘Okay, all right. I’ll come back in the morning, I promise.’ Jess heard her friend let out a long ragged breath and she felt tears prick her own eyes. ‘Thanks for talking some sense into me.’

  ‘Any time, J.’

  ‘And, Hannah? You’re wiser than you give yourself credit for, you know. I’m not sure what’s going on with you and Toby at the moment, but it seems to me that you should listen to your own advice sometimes. And stop roll
ing your eyes at me – I might not be able to see you, but I know you, Han! Fine, if you don’t believe me, will you at least go and see G-ma and talk to her?’

  Hannah sighed. ‘Right, I will, but only because I was going to see her tomorrow anyway.’

  ‘Great. Make a day of it and shut the office for once. Our inboxes will still be there the next day and the one after that. Your happiness is too important.’

  ‘If you say so, boss!’

  Jess could hear the slight smile in Hannah’s voice. ‘I do say so, yes. Now, go home, call G-ma and tell her you’re coming to spend the day with her tomorrow. Go, now!’

  ‘I’m going! Love you, Jess.’

  ‘Love you too, Han.’

  Chapter 23 Hannah

  Hannah woke up on Thursday morning feeling strangely refreshed. The previous day had seemed long, what with her emotional phone call to Jess and her tough conversation with Tom.

  She’d been shocked when he’d put his head round the door of the summerhouse and asked if she fancied a cup of coffee. She’d never seen him look so wretched and broken. She’d followed him inside the house and listened to him spill out how unhappy he was. Instinctively, she’d pulled him into a hug then said fiercely, ‘You have to fix it, Tank, you don’t have any choice. You know even better than I do that the two of you belong together – you’re a team. Plus you have the twins to think about. You can’t throw all of that away because of one rocky patch.’ Her words had seemed to have little effect, however, and she’d banged down her coffee cup in frustration. ‘Tom, I will not sit here and see twenty years of happiness go down the drain! You love Jess, right?’