Alice rubbed at the edge of the bandage lightly. “But … but what if I’m really scared?” She stole another glance at the bike.
Dad sighed and scratched at the bushel of hair along his chin as his nose scrunched. He was thinking. “If you’re ever really scared, I want you to take a deep breath. Like this.” He inhaled, then exhaled slowly. “Go on.”
Alice mimicked it.
“Again.”
She took another breath.
“That’s right. When you’re really scared, just breathe, Baby Moon. Then you say to yourself, I am Alice Kingston. Go on.”
“I am Alice Kingston.”
“And I am afraid.”
“A-and…”
Dad nodded.
“And I—I am afraid.”
“But fear cannot stop me.”
Alice blinked. “But fear cannot stop me.”
“Now, all together. I am Alice Kingston, and I am afraid, but fear cannot stop me.”
“I am Alice Kingston, and I am afraid, but fear cannot stop me.”
Dad smiled wide. “That’s right. Can’t nothing stop you, and that’s the truth. Remember that, and that I love you, and you’ll be all right.”
“And Mommy, too?”
“Yeah, I guess Mommy loves you, too.” He chuckled, kissing Alice’s forehead. “Okay. You’re afraid you might fall again. But?”
“But fear cannot stop me!”
“That’s my girl. So what you gone do, Baby Moon?”
Alice looked to the bike … and smiled.
Her eyes fluttered open. All around her the shards of memories floated in the black, illuminated by arcs of lightning stabbing through the darkness.
“A-A-Alice…” Reflection-Alice was coming apart, her body fissuring the same way the memories had. “Alice … g-g-get … get up … Alice … Alice…” She was fading.
Pushing against the cold and hurt pouring through her, Alice reached out to latch onto her reflection’s hand. With a sound like shattering glass, Reflection-Alice solidified. She gasped, her glow returning. Panting, Reflection-Alice glanced around, then at her. She smiled softly. “You did it…”
“I did … and I’m still afraid…” She held out her other hand.
Reflection-Alice took that hand. “But?” Her light poured down her arms and into Alice’s, filling her. Warmth spread through Alice’s body, like feeling returning to sleeping nerves. Her skin tingled. Her heart pounded. Both of them glowed now, brighter and brighter. Alice knew this light. It had filled her hands and then her sword. It had come to her rescue when she slayed the Nightmare in the football field. It had cradled her when she fell from Chou’s basket. It was her. This entire time, it was her. It was hers.
“But fear cannot stop me,” Alice whispered.
Reflection-Alice smiled. “It never could.” Then her entire body went white, bright and blinding, until there was nothing left but her shine. That shine poured into Alice through where they held hands, flowing up her arms, filling her from the top of her head to the soles of her feet.
What you gone do, Baby Moon? Dad’s voice echoed all around her.
Thirty-Six
THIS
Alice opened her eyes. She stared at stone overhead, the stone on either side of her. Stone pressed against her back, cold and unyielding where she lay on the floor. Her body was heavy, clumsy, but under her control as she struggled to sit up.
To her left, Humphrey lay on the ground, unconscious. Ribbons of shadow pulsed where they circled him, binding him. Red lightning jolted through him, his body jerking. To her right, Addison was similarly trapped. Fear spiking through her, Alice threw her body forward, crawling toward him.
“A-Addison…” She reached him, hands pressing his face. His skin was pale and cold to the touch. He didn’t respond when she shook him. “Addison! Ah!” Red lightning zapped her fingertips, stinging them.
“I-impossible…”
Alice spun. At the far side of the room, the Bloody Lady tilted heavily against a pillar. Her skin had nearly washed white, her bright red hair like flames around her head. Her eyes had darkened to complete pools of black. Her veins stuck out bright red beneath her skin, a webwork of bloody coils and curves, like she had been tattooed with it. She looked … like a wraith, a pale shadow of herself. At the center of her brow, the eye pulsed dimly, flickering, dying. Whatever she’d done, it’d clearly taken a lot out of it and her.
The Bloody Lady panted with effort. “You…” She clutched at her chest.
That was when Alice saw it, the faint pulsing of red between her fingers.
“You dare!?”
The Heart pulsed again. A sort of buzzing filled Alice’s ears. Her own heart fluttered.
The Vorpal Blade went snicker-snack …
There, on the ground between them, the Black Knight’s sword lay against the stone. Darkness hovered along the edge, but there was something else. A faint hum shivered along the length of the blade, wavering. Alice reached for it.
“Who are you to deny me?” the Bloody Lady snarled.
Her knees trembling, Alice pushed to her feet. “I am Alice Kingston…” The hilt of the Vorpal Blade warmed in her hand.
“You … are nothing.” The Bloody Lady flexed her fingers, and darkness spread between them. It crackled with red lightning. “I don’t know how you broke free of my Verse, but I will suffer your impudence no longer.” The pulsing around the Heart increased.
So did Alice’s heartbeat. “And I am afraid.”
What you gone do, Baby Moon?
Before Alice could think, she was moving, legs wavering but holding, her joints aching with the sudden force of her strength. Her eyes stung. Her chest tightened as her lungs struggled to take in air for the briefest moments. Heat bled through her body, to the palms of her hands. The Vorpal Blade went white. She swung.
The Bloody Lady screamed as she flung up a hand. The blade collided with a wave of darkness that had formed like a shield. Alice lashed out with a kick aimed beneath the shield, driving her foot into the woman’s stomach. As she stumbled back, Alice drove forward with another swing of the Vorpal Blade. The Bloody Lady threw out another shield, but this time Alice was ready. She angled the blade to glide along the darkness, then used the momentum to swing around in another swipe. The Bloody Lady scrambled backward, barely avoiding being cut in half.
She pressed a white hand to her stomach, her chest heaving. The Heart pulsed. The Eye flickered. “No.” The Bloody Lady shook her head, her eyes wide, the red lines in her flesh bulging. “No! I have … the Eye, I have the Heart! I am fear incarnate! How … are you doing this? You cannot … unless…”
Alice took a slow breath and shifted her stance, gripping the sword with both hands. “Fear cannot stop me.” Alice clenched her fingers. The light in the Vorpal Blade brightened. With a swing, it burst forth from the blade, driving toward the Bloody Lady, who raised her arms, another shield at her fingertips. But she hadn’t seen Alice dart forward, hiding in the arc’s wake. The light had concealed her, and now she was too close for the Bloody Lady to do anything about it. Her dark eyes flew wide as Alice drove the sword into the woman’s chest.
The Bloody Lady gasped, the sound a mix of pain and surprise. The power in her fingers sputtered away. The stone at the center of her chest cracked up the center.
Alice snatched at the Eye. Her fingers latched on. Pain tore through her hand, a feeling like holding broken glass, but she didn’t let go. Instead, she tightened her grip and yanked. The Eye came away with a crack. The Bloody Lady’s eyes, the pupils rimmed in flame and shadow, found Alice’s.
“You,” she snarled, her voice a rasp.
Alice, her entire body trembling, twisted the Vorpal Blade where it dug into the woman’s body. SNAP! The handle came away with Alice, the blade protruding from the woman’s chest.
Alice stumbled back, nearly falling over. The Bloody Lady grasped at the broken blade with both hands. With a squelch, she pulled it free and let it clatter
to the floor, coated in pitch and blood. The same welled up past her lips. Clutching the wound in her chest, she stumbled backward, her breath hitching, before she crumpled to the ground and lay still.
For a moment, nothing and no one moved. The only sounds in the room were Alice’s labored breaths as her chest heaved. She stared, her nerves buzzing, her muscles tight. Was that it? Was it over? She needed to make sure.
Ever so slowly, her fingers trembling, she extended the jagged edge of the sword toward the dead woman. Then took a step. And another. And another, until she stood over the body.
Still, nothing happened.
Okay. Okay … Alice tightened her grip and raised the broken blade overhead. One more time through the heart should do it.
Fwoosh. With a sound like water slouching down a drain, the surrounding shadows leaped forward. Two Not-Fiends slithered past Alice. She jumped back as the creatures swarmed around the Bloody Lady, hissing and snarling. Alice held the broken sword in front of her. She didn’t know if she could use it to kill these creatures, but she would sure as hell try.
Only, they didn’t attack. Instead, they nosed at the body, giving soft sounds that were almost whines. Then they laid on either side of her, stretching their bodies to press against hers. Alice stared, not … entirely sure what to do, what she even could do, especially on her own. That’s when the Not-Fiends, their inky forms prostrate, started melting.
Skin slackened and slid loose, pouring outward and over the Bloody Lady, swallowing her up until she was cocooned in darkness and there was nothing left but a large mass of gently writhing shadow. Alice’s stomach churned at the sight. The mass gave a loud crack that made her jump, then it began to dissolve, soaking into the ground. The shadows hissed and steamed, not unlike a dying Nightmare.
Alice stared, eyes wide, as all of it vanished from sight, leaving nothing but a dark stain against the stone.
For a moment, she didn’t move. She didn’t speak. All she could do was breathe. Then she looked to her throbbing hand, her fingers split where they clutched the Eye. It was cracked, but whole. The hilt of the Vorpal Blade shivered in her other hand, the darkness falling from it, melting away to reveal a polished, bright red stone where the tang of the sword was snapped into pieces.
“A-Alice?”
She glanced over her shoulder and met Addison’s slightly darkened gaze. Stumbling toward him, she dropped the Eye and the hilt and reached to curl her arms around him. The shadows and the lightning had faded, but he still looked like hell.
“You did it, milady…”
To the side, Humphrey groaned as he started to come around. Chess did the same.
“Go on,” Addison said.
Alice pressed a kiss to his lips, then hurried over to drop beside her friend. “Chess?” she called softly, her hands hovering over him.
Chess rolled onto his back, hissing as he winced. His eyes found hers, and Alice started. They were … bright. Impossibly bright, glowing even.
“Alice … what…” He glanced around, then moved to push up, flinching.
“Go slow,” she murmured, reaching to help him. To the side, Addison was doing the same with Humphrey, who sat up with a hand to his head while Addison said something she couldn’t quite hear.
Braced against one hand, the other pressed to his middle, Chess lifted his gaze to her. Those violet eyes of his practically shimmered with emotion. He shook his head, shifting backward slightly. “I … I’m so sorry.”
“Chess…”
“I saw … what she made me do. I heard it. I didn’t want to do any of it, but I … she…” His throat worked in a thick swallow.
Alice swallowed as well, trying to ease the burn rising at the back of her throat and pushing behind her eyes. “It’s okay.”
“But it’s not!” He flinched and pressed a hand over his face. “I tried to fight it, fight her, but it was like I was drowning, and no matter which direction I swam, I couldn’t come up for air.” His voice trembled, and when he lowered his hand to stare at his fingers, she noticed the rest of him did as well. “I wasn’t strong enough. I couldn’t control myself.”
“You did, at first. When you…” Kissed me. “First came back. That time in the parking lot.”
Chess shook his head slowly. “I wasn’t in control then. Not much. I was supposed to go after someone. A … princess?”
Odabeth, Alice figured. That was who he went after when he tore into the pub. Did he remember doing that? “You were yourself, at least briefly.”
“Not enough for it to matter.”
Alice set a hand to the side of his face. “Enough that you were still in there. And you’re here now. We’ll figure out the rest. Here, let me see.” She reached to gently peel his shirt up. Beneath the fabric, his skin was still torn, ragged, and bleeding black. Her throat tightened at the sight.
“How bad?” Chess murmured.
“You’re alive.” Alice lowered the shirt. “That’s what matters.” Maddi will be able to do something about this, Alice told herself. And she clung to that as she glanced to where Addison and Humphrey were struggling to their feet. “You two all right?”
“In one piece, for the most part.” Addison winced, pressing a hand to his chest. His face twisted with pain, and he blinked, as if confused.
Alice stiffened. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” he said, a bit too quickly. “Just a bit banged up.”
He took a step that ended with him faltering and dropping to his knees.
Humphrey scrambled to catch him as Alice clambered toward them.
“Addison? What’s wrong?” She pressed in at his other side, helping keep him upright. “And don’t you even think about telling me no ‘nothing.’”
A smile pulled at Addison’s lips. It was tight, his expression still pinched. “No harm in … thinking.” He lifted his gaze to hers, and Alice nearly recoiled. All of the color had been bled from his irises, the black of his pupils cracked across the whites. The amber ring flared brighter than before. It was like his insides were turning to ash and embers right in front of her.
“What is this?” she breathed.
“Naette’s potion wore off.” Addison flinched.
Alice shook her head. She didn’t understand this, any of it.
“The Verse … my exile. I’m too far in.” He chuckled faintly. “The potion was staving off the worst of the effects—now the Verse is … basically melting me from the inside.”
“Potio—exile…” Her mind tumbled over Addison’s words, picking out their meaning and then tripping right into a full-blown panic.
He was too far from the Gateway. He was still in exile. There was no way to get him back in time. He coughed, so hard it shook his entire frame. His hand came away stained red and black.
“N-no.” Alice pressed in closer as he sank toward the ground, his skin paling out to a sickly gray right in front of her eyes.
“I-it’s all right, milady.” His chest heaved. His breaths came quicker, the sounds thick and wet. “It’s all…”
“What do I do?” This couldn’t be happening. “Tell me what to do!” She wouldn’t let this happen! She pushed his hair out of his face as he struggled to breathe.
“Pardon,” Humphrey said, his voice tight. Alice had forgotten he was there, standing over them. “He needs to be pardoned, or it will kill him.”
Pardoned? How were they going to—“Odabeth,” Alice realized. In the next instant she was on her feet, yanking Humphrey after her. “Go get the princess, she can do it.”
Humphrey turned and limped toward the stairs.
Alice dropped to her knees once more just as Addison gave one last rasping breath before falling still. “Addison?” Her insides went cold. “Addison!” She gripped his shoulders and shook them. When he didn’t respond, she shook harder, her vision blurring, her eyes and throat burning.
Voices drifted up from the stairs. The Duchess, Maddi.
“They’re coming. You have to hold on, o
kay? H-hold on, they … they’re…” She bent to press her face to his motionless chest. “They’re coming … Don’t you leave me. Don’t you…” The fire in her eyes filled the rest of her. The burn spread, merciless, unyielding.
Someone dropped in at her side. She didn’t bother opening her eyes to see who. Hands pressed in against his chest, fingers brushing hers.
“Addison Hatta,” Odabeth said, her words rushed and airy around panted breaths. “You are hereby pardoned of all crimes against Wonderland. I release you.”
Alice straightened, swiping at her eyes and nose.
He didn’t move.
Seconds ticked by.
He didn’t … move …
“N-no.” Alice’s voice crumbled. Pieces of her broke away, scattering like dust. “No, you can’t—Addison. You hear that, you’re pardoned. Addison!”
Odabeth sat back, her face pinched with sadness.
“It requires two,” the Duchess said from somewhere behind Alice, her voice cracking. “Two royals banished him. The pardon requires—”
“No!” Alice screamed. “He’s dying. Do something…” But no one moved. Everyone just stared at her, wearing sadness like masks.
Not again …
A hand fell to her shoulder. “Alice,” Haruka murmured.
Alice shook her off. The action flung her face-first into the memory of that night … She stood in the waiting room, the doctors saying there was nothing more they could do. Her father was gone. Her mother reached for her, and Alice … Alice ran. Away from the hospital. Away from the truth. Into the night. Into the dark. Into the monstrous fear.
Into Hatta.
With a shaky breath, Alice brushed dark green strands from his pale face. “W-well done … Sir Knight…”
Thirty-Seven
PARDON?
The last time Addison felt pain like this, he stood on the terrace of the Western Gateway. The stone was bright and blazing in the daylight. The silvered trees glittered and sparkled. It was beautiful, a gorgeous backdrop for his shame to play out.
“Addison Hatta.” The White Queen drew her shoulders back and lifted her chin. She stood on the platform with him. Beside her stood her sister, the Red Queen. The two wore equal expressions of schooled indifference, but their eyes betrayed their pain. This hurt them.
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