by Gemma Rogers
I was sure it was paranoia, but from the minute I walked through the double doors into the school, it seemed like I attracted the stares of onlookers.
I did my best to shrug it off and engaged my form to tell me what I’d missed since I’d been away. Apparently, they didn’t like having a substitute teacher cover for me as she made them sit and read their textbooks quietly until the bell rang.
The first couple of lessons ran fine, with no awkward questions to field. By the time lunchtime came, I couldn’t wait to get into the staffroom to see Matilda and Susan and thank them again for the beautiful flowers. I held my head high as I entered, reminding myself that, for all intents and purposes, I had done nothing wrong and I was the aggrieved party. They were already seated, and I squeezed in beside Matilda, placing my lunch box on the table in front of us.
‘Thank you so much again for my flowers,’ I whispered.
‘You’re welcome, are you OK? I’m so glad you’re back,’ Matilda said, reaching over and patting my hand.
‘We were worried, and to think we were only talking about it a couple of days before. The problem is, everyone is so hypersensitive now since the last time,’ Susan said, leaning forward, keeping her voice low.
‘Who was the boy in question?’ Matilda asked and I felt myself sit bolt upright. They didn’t know? Perhaps it wasn’t around the school like I thought it had been. Maybe Mr Scott had managed to keep it contained.
‘I’m… I’m not supposed to say,’ I stammered.
Susan nudged Matilda’s arm reproachfully.
‘Ah well, it’s done now,’ Matilda sighed.
‘Yes, over and done with. It’s not gone on record, so technically no harm done,’ I said, not wanting to make a big deal of it.
‘God, I’d be shouting from the rooftops, Izzy. You’re too nice. I’d be making a right fuss, compensation, the lot,’ Matilda stuck out her chest, reminding me of a pigeon on the prowl. I wasn’t sure if she was joking or not.
The rest of the day was uneventful, and I managed to forget I’d been the centre of the latest scandal. I offered to be the monitor for break time so I could get some air, but hardly any of the pupils gave me a second glance. Nicky was nowhere to be seen. Perhaps Mr Scott had asked him to leave? I had no idea and I couldn’t ask anybody as I wasn’t meant to know him at all, but it was for the best, this way we could both get a fresh start.
I parked my car on the driveway later, relieved to be home. I’d been dreading returning to school, worried I would receive a hostile reception, but had been pleasantly surprised by the support from Matilda and Susan. Mr Scott had popped in to see me as I was packing up and getting ready to leave. He’d thanked me for my patience and understanding in what I could see had clearly been a stressful time for him as well. This made my insides knot together, knowing I’d caused it. I’d repay him in hard work and exam results, which seemed to be all the governing bodies cared about these days. As a result, I was late to leave school; Charlotte had text to say she was getting a lift.
Pushing open the front door, I heard voices coming from the kitchen, it must be David and Charlotte. I was amazed she hadn’t shut herself away in her room. Dumping my keys on the console table by the door, I slipped off my shoes and padded towards the kitchen. I was two steps away when I heard a familiar voice. Unable to register it initially, I walked into the kitchen to see Nicky leaning against my fridge with a can of Coke in his hand and an ingenuous grin on his face.
39
My mouth dropped open and my body solidified, leaving me unable to move.
‘Hi Mum,’ Charlotte sang, not noticing the look of terror etched on my face.
I recovered quickly, wide eyes meeting Nicky’s as his narrowed, just for a second, before his smile returned and he took a tiny step towards me.
‘Hiya,’ he said, lifting his hand in a kind of wave.
I moved back, turning my body away from him to put my handbag on the worktop, using the few seconds to recover myself as I tried to work out what was going on. I looked first at Charlotte and then David, who’d I remembered telling me in bed this morning that he was working from home. Everyone was smiling and seemed at ease.
Was I going mad? What the hell was he doing here? The rollercoaster of emotions meant I was struggling to speak. I shivered, icy fingers caressing my back.
‘Hello,’ I managed.
‘Nicky gave me a lift home,’ Charlotte piped up, pleased with herself.
‘I was hoping to take Charlotte to the fireworks tomorrow, if that would be all right with you both?’ His voice was sugary sweet. He had David sucked in for sure, I could tell by his appraising smile.
My head began to spin, and I steadied myself with a hand on the worktop as I counted slowly in my head. I couldn’t allow this to happen, but before I could protest David spoke.
‘Sure, I don’t see why not. Charlotte has to be home by nine thirty though,’ he said, and Charlotte beamed from ear to ear. Her father had just made her year.
I wanted to scream and inwardly I was, but everything was happening so fast, I couldn’t process the information quick enough to act on it. Nicky was here, in my kitchen, talking to my husband and asking to take my daughter out. The idea was so ridiculous, I couldn’t get my head around it. Adrenaline shot around my system like a rocket and I pulled myself up straight, about to let him have it.
‘I’d better be off, I’ve got homework to do,’ Nicky said, eyeing me curiously before strolling towards the door.
Charlotte followed behind him like a lost puppy.
‘Nice to see you again,’ he said, turning back to look over his shoulder.
I glared at him, ignoring David’s quizzical look at my lack of response.
‘You too, Nicky,’ he called after them. They stepped outside together, Charlotte pulling the door closed behind her.
‘Where is she going?’ I dashed down the hallway, desperate to keep Charlotte where I could see her.
‘Saying goodbye that’s all, she’ll be back in a minute. What’s got into you?’ David wrapped his arm around my waist. ‘He seems nice, don’t you think? Good of him to come and ask if he could take her out.’
I shot him an incredulous look. If he only knew.
‘He’s too old for her, David. He’s eighteen, you do realise that, don’t you?’ I snapped, hoping if I played it that way, perhaps he’d feel more protective over his only daughter.
‘She’s growing up, Izzy, she’ll be sixteen in a couple of months, whether we like it or not.’ David seemed surprised I was making a big deal out of it.
I grabbed the packet of cigarettes out of my bag I’d bought on the way home and headed for the conservatory door.
‘I thought you quit?’ he called after me, irritated to see I was still smoking. I didn’t bother answering.
Lighting the cigarette, I paced around the patio, straining to hear any voices coming from the front of the house. What was Nicky playing at? It had to be about us, about me. He was punishing me for ending the affair. Showing he could have whatever he wanted and there was nothing I could do about it.
We were supposed to be keeping our distance. No unnecessary contact, Mr Scott said. Well, this was bloody unnecessary. What was I supposed to do? Charlotte obviously didn’t know that Nicky was the other party in the harassment claim. David didn’t know either and I didn’t want to tell him. I couldn’t risk making him suspicious.
One thing was for sure, Charlotte wouldn’t be going to the fireworks with Nicky or anywhere else. I had to talk to him, perhaps I’d be able to convince him to leave her alone. I could see she was already smitten, all doe-eyed around him. I could hardly blame her for failing victim to his charm, he’d won me round too but now I knew he was dangerous and unpredictable. Had he been the one to give her the love bite? The thought made bile rise up in my throat, to think he’d had his hands on my daughter.
My head whirled, but I needed to keep calm, carrying on the way I had just now would be foolish. David would
soon suspect something was wrong.
When I went back into the house, Charlotte still hadn’t returned, and I forced myself to not to go and look out of the window to see what was going on. Instead I wrapped my arms around David’s waist, pressing my face into his back as he stirred something in the slow cooker.
‘You stink,’ he said, patting my arm.
‘I know, I think I may have to quit again.’
‘Hmmm, I think so,’ he agreed.
‘Sorry I overreacted; I just wasn’t expecting it. She’s our baby,’ I whispered into David’s back.
‘Well, she’s going to start having boyfriends, she’s getting to that age. It’s something we’ve got to get used to.’
‘Smells good, what is it?’ I asked, changing the subject, amazed at how domesticated my husband could be when he wanted.
‘Teriyaki pork. I thought I’d give it a bash and threw it in the slow cooker at lunchtime.’
‘So talented,’ I said, giving him a playful squeeze before turning back to my bag. I replaced my cigarettes and rummaged for the Motorola, slipping it into my pocket as I heard the front door close.
Charlotte wandered back in to the kitchen, a dreamy look on her face.
David turned around as he heard her come in.
‘Think she’s in love?’ he teased.
Charlotte turned pink and sat at the table, retrieving books from her school bag.
‘Is he your boyfriend now?’ I asked, unable to keep my voice from sounding incredulous.
Charlotte scowled at me and shrugged.
‘He’s a bit old for you, honey.’
‘Not that old, Mum, he’s eighteen, I’m almost sixteen,’ Charlotte protested, instantly on the defensive. I could tell she’d expected this kind of objection, but perhaps more from her father than her mother.
‘I’m not sure I like it,’ I said stiffly, knowing full well I didn’t. He’d pursued two teachers and likely knocked up a girl in Charlotte’s year. Did she have any knowledge of Amelia’s pregnancy? I couldn’t ask as it was confidential information.
‘You don’t have to like it,’ Charlotte retorted indignantly before grabbing her bag and storming up the stairs.
David rolled his eyes at me. I made to follow her, but he interrupted.
‘Leave her be, hon.’
‘I’m going to get changed,’ I snapped.
I took the stairs two at a time and closed my bedroom door to put on some comfy clothes. I sat on the bed retrieving the phone from my trouser pocket before slipping them off. There was some battery left, but still no texts or calls from Nicky. I punched the keys hard, my anger rising again.
Stay away from my daughter
I hit send and waited, but a couple of minutes later there was no reply. Once I’d slipped on some leggings and removed my make-up, I checked again, but still nothing. I balled my hands into fists and paced. Nicky was infuriating and I was determined to catch him the following day at school. He had to call off their date. I couldn’t have him corrupting my daughter. Charlotte was too sweet, too innocent, to be chewed up and spat out by him.
I stewed on it all night. I had a feeling in the pit of my stomach things were going to get worse. I couldn’t shake it off.
On Wednesday morning, I woke as though I was on a mission. Finding Nicky had consumed my thoughts as David slept beside me. Blood boiled in my veins, keeping me awake late into the night. Eventually I’d passed out, waking up tired but motivated to shut down Nicky’s attempt to destabilise our family.
I tried to engage with Charlotte over breakfast and on the drive to school, but she wasn’t giving anything away. I had the distinct impression something had been going on between them before now and felt stupid for not realising it sooner.
I could tell Charlotte thought I was trying to rain on her parade. When I said I was worried about the age difference, that older boys expected more, Charlotte sank into her seat. I knew I wasn’t going to get anywhere, there was no way she was going to walk away from Nicky. I had to hope I could convince him to call it off. Either that or wait until he got bored and dumped her. It made my heart sink. There was no doubt Charlotte was going to get hurt if I didn’t stop it before it started.
At first break, I wandered around looking for Nicky but couldn’t find him. During lunchtime, I walked the perimeter again. Slower this time, paying attention to every corner, but I didn’t have to look too hard. I found him sat on a bench, watching his teammates play football. He only looked up when I was right beside him.
‘Oh, hey Miss,’ he said dismissively, turning back to the football.
I gritted my teeth. Cocky little shit.
Keeping my voice low, I leaned in. ‘Call off tonight.’ It was an order not a request.
He turned to look at me, using his hand to shield his eyes from the afternoon sun.
‘Why would I want to do that, Mrs Cole?’ His blue eyes squinted, a smirk beginning to form.
I crossed my arms, tucking my hands in to stop myself from slapping him around the face. I smiled tightly, so anyone looking would think we were having a pleasant exchange.
‘Just do it,’ I hissed.
He tutted. ‘I don’t think we should be seen together like this, do you? I think you’d better go, Miss.’ He smiled sweetly and I turned on my heels and marched away. I felt my blood begin to boil; he was right. The two of us seen together would give weight to the accusation against me. As well as the fact that Mr Scott had advised me to steer clear.
40
I got back to my desk, all the time grinding my teeth. I tried to keep calm by counting, but nothing worked. I opened and shut my bag so many times, the zip broke and I swore loudly. My anxiety hadn’t been too bad lately, but now my hands trembled. Fire burned in the pit of my belly, continuing after break concluded. I couldn’t dwell on it, I had to settle my year-eight class into deconstructing one of Shakespeare’s sonnets. I wandered around each table, assisting where necessary, but my mind was elsewhere.
Nicky had been so nonchalant, and I had played right into his hands. His intention was to wind me up and I’d let him. I imagined him laughing at me behind my back. Had he told his friends too? There was no way I could stand by and let him take my daughter out. What if he forced himself on her? Had he been the one to get Amelia pregnant or was that just gossip? I had to hope he’d take my advice and call it off. What would my next move be if he didn’t? Did he want me to beg? There were no limits to what I would do to protect my daughter.
It continued to play on my mind as I drove home. I fidgeted in my seat and received monosyllables instead of sentences from Charlotte when I tried to broach the subject. I’d been stupid to make my feelings about Nicky known. I had to get her back on side.
‘Want me to straighten your hair for you tonight?’ I offered and, although Charlotte politely refused, she did soften a little.
She disappeared upstairs when we got home. When I went up, twenty minutes later, she had on a checked shirt, skinny jeans and boots, with a small amount of make-up. She looked beautiful and under any other circumstances I would have felt happy for her, but when the doorbell rang at half past four, my heart leapt into my throat. I slipped into the front room to peak out of the window, letting David, who’d walked in five minutes previously, answer the door. Perhaps if Nicky realised he wasn’t getting a rise out of me, he’d soon get bored and leave Charlotte alone.
‘Hi, Mr Cole.’ Nicky remained on the step, like a vampire unable to cross the threshold.
‘Call me David please.’
Charlotte rushed down the stairs, grabbing her coat from the bannister.
‘I won’t be late,’ she said as she whizzed past.
‘Drive safely,’ David called after them before closing the door.
I saw them walk out on to the road. Nicky looked smart in his brown leather jacket; he’d made an effort. I bit my lip, caught in a mix of hatred and jealousy, turning away from the window.
Perhaps once he’d taken her out tha
t would be it. He would have made his point and he would move on. I’d be there to pick up the pieces if Charlotte needed me to. Kids fell in love so quickly at this age and first love was always the hardest to hit.
I couldn’t concentrate on the television after dinner, checking my watch every ten minutes from eight o’clock onwards. Where were they? Had he parked somewhere? Or taken her to the lake? Somewhere we used to go together?
‘Relax,’ David said, shaking his head at my fidgeting. He assumed I was reacting badly to Charlotte having a boyfriend. The whole situation made me squirm. Nicky touching Charlotte the same way he touched me made me want to vomit.
I ignored him, going upstairs to keep a vigil at our bedroom window, where there was a full view of the street below. If I kept the light off, I wouldn’t be seen staring out.
At nine, Nicky parked up, walking around to open Charlotte’s door for her to get out.
‘Nice touch,’ I muttered bitterly under my breath as I stepped back from the window to ensure I couldn’t be seen. He took Charlotte by the hand and pulled her towards him. I watched them kiss as they held hands. He was pretending to be the perfect gentleman, but I knew better. They got in range of the sensor and the outside light beamed against the front door, forcing them to pull apart. I watched Charlotte giggle, my heart shrinking in my chest.
I heard the key in the door and moved into our en suite, locking the door behind me. I could hear muffled voices in the hallway and Charlotte’s footsteps on the stairs before her bedroom door creaked as it closed. I took off my make-up and cleaned my teeth, settling on the duvet and leafing through my book. A pointless exercise, I couldn’t concentrate on the words and spent most of the night tossing and turning even when David came to bed.