by Lisa Doughty
“We should leave here. Someone could come at any moment and…ahh!”
Cordelia moaned as Rhys slowly pulled out of her. Her head fell back against the door. Good lord, everything this man did felt glorious, including leaving her. Rhys’ his mood had not improved after her apology. How she wished he would say something, anything, to let her know that she had not ruined things. He paused before dropping one of her legs. Her heart dropped to the floor with it.
More than anything, Cordelia wanted him to kiss her and tell her everything was alright. She could not stand his silence, not knowing what he was thinking. She decided to be bold and slipped her hand around the nape of his neck then brushed her lips against his. At first, he did not respond, other than squeezing the thigh he was still holding. He was still mad.
“Please do not be angry with me,” she whispered, pleading against his lips. “I’m sorry.” He had to forgive her. He had to!
He growled, pressed her against the door and kissed her hard. His tongue plunged into her relentlessly. Cordelia let him do whatever he wanted. She threw her arms around his neck to hold herself up during the onslaught. He dropped her other leg, pulled her to him urgently, squeezing her tight against his chest. She felt his heart beating rapidly before he pulled away slightly.
“You are wrong, Cordelia. I have never given this much of myself a woman before. Only you,” he said, sincerely.
Tears welled in Cordelia’s eyes. She swallowed them back, knowing that was the best he would ever be able to give her. Rhys pulled back further and let her go. When her dress dropped between them, she knew that was the end of their intimacy. They would never share it again. A man like Rhys would not put up with her silliness. Rhys tucked in his shirt as she pulled up her undergarments. She was happy to have a moment to compose herself. What had she expected, really? He had a sexual playbook, whatever that was. The fact that she had no idea proved her naïveté. Frankly, she did not want to know. So be it. She preferred to live in ignorance of his world since he would be leaving soon anyway.
Rhys looked dejected. It was evident that he was just as despondent as she was. It could not end this way. They were both acting a little silly, after all. She smiled, then slowly started to laugh as she realized just how juvenile they were being. They were grown adults who had met and had a whirlwind affair. They should be happy about it instead of mooning over a bad jest. They were as daft as her clients, staring at each other from across the dance floor. The thought tickled her, and she laughed even harder. Confused, Rhys raised an eyebrow at her.
“What a pair we are.” She stepped forward and pretended to fix his cravat, even though it was perfect. “We have officially turned into the childish girls and boys we made fun of earlier. I believe we are working backward, my lord.”
She peeked at him to judge his reaction to her jest. He smiled at her, then ran the back of his fingers down her cheek. She closed her eyes at the tenderness of the gesture. Lord above, this man was good at seduction.
“Never.” He cupped her cheek. “We will talk later. Tonight, after dinner?”
“Alright,” she agreed, but sincerely hoped the subject would die here.
Chapter 32
Cordelia made a beeline for her study when she left the tack room. She needed a moment alone and hoped she would not run into anyone before she could get to the seclusion of her office. The closer she got, the more her emotions overwhelmed her. She barely made it there with her composure intact. She forced a smile for the footmen as they opened the doors for her.
“I do not wish to be disturbed, is that clear?” she managed, before she stepped in and they shut the doors behind her.
She laid her head on the back of the settee and let the tears come. She hadn’t cried in so long, had not even shed a tear when her father or husband died. And now she was crying over the end of a liaison? What was wrong with her? She had known what she was getting herself into with this man. She may be naïve of sexual play, but not of liaisons. Within the old codger’s club, she had seen many start and end right before her eyes. Neither party had ever shed a tear. They had their fun and moved on. Why couldn’t she?
It was Rhys. Everything about him affected her differently than any other man. There was no denying that her heart had become entangled in the affair. Those tender moments, his intimate gestures, the way he held her and kissed her as if he never wanted it to end, had wormed their way into a place no man had ever been before. And she had ruined it! She could have had those wonderful things for at least one more day. She could have gotten her fill and made it last a lifetime. But no, she had to go and let her emotions get the best of her. Push him away before he could hurt her.
She leaned back on the settee and covered her eyes with her arm. Now what would she do with herself? They would be forced together because of the Duke and his sister. Somehow, she would have to conduct herself properly, as if nothing had happened between them. But how? The man was a menace to her senses. She had no experience with these emotions, and apparently did not know how to stow them sufficiently. She sighed. No doubt he would have no trouble at all. He was always in control. In control of himself and, in the end, of her. He only had to give her a look, and she would be putty in his hands.
But he was not wholly unaffected by her either. She thought back to their first night together. To when she had turned the tables on him. Emelia had been right. Women did have a measure of power over men. Why could she not exercise it to her advantage? Instead of hiding like a silly girl he threw away, begging for his attention, why not make him the simpering one? Balance out the playing field, as they say. Then he could be on his way, none the wiser of her heartache. They would both be better for it. That was the solution!
Cordelia would exude confidence. It had never failed her before. Besides, it wasn’t as if she wasn’t practiced in rebuffing a man’s attention. She could handle this. They had gotten what they needed from each other, hadn’t they? There was no need to act shy because she had lost her heart to the man. Time would see her over it, and there was only one dinner and a ride left to contend with. He could easily be avoided at the ball. She should be able to do this in her sleep!
The clock chimed three. The whole afternoon had slipped away from her! She had much to do! The ball was tomorrow night, and she had not once checked on the arrangements. It was time to re-engage herself in her life. First, she would stop by the courtyard and check on the décor, then the kitchens, and anything else she could think of to keep her mind busy before going up to dress for dinner.
Cordelia realized she was not adequately dressed for company and decided to take the servant’s passage to the courtyard. She gasped as she entered. Ladders and scaffolds were everywhere, hanging extra-long candles on wire from the glass ceiling. The effect would be stunning at night. In the dark the candlelight would appear as if floating in midair. As it was, she could barely see the wire. It would look magical in the space. The white sheers draping from end to end would only enhance the effect and help to hide the mechanics. It was going to be spectacular. Mr. Flagon, the man she had hired to help with the design came sauntering up to her with a big smile.
“I will admit it, my lady, I never thought your idea would work, but now I can see it. It will look like the stars have penetrated the glass ceiling and lit your courtyard. Brilliant, absolutely brilliant. This ball will be the talk of the season. No one will be able to recreate it, because the glass ceiling is the key,” he announced, exuberantly. “We will test a small corner once night falls to see the effect. Shall I call you when we have it ready?”
“No, I have to attend dinner with the Duke of Hanover. I trust you to make any required adjustments. Did the roses arrive?”
“Yes. They are in the greenhouse being prepared as we speak. We will set them as soon as all the candles are lit tomorrow evening.”
“Splendid. It sounds as though you have everything under control, Mr. Flagon. That is why you are the only person I trust with the arrangements, you and Rupert, of course,
” she said putting a hand on his arm. “If you will excuse me, I must go and check in with the kitchen before I dress for dinner.”
“Of course.” He bowed. “It is always a pleasure, Lady Cromwell. It is sure to be the most romantic evening of the season, a tribute to your style and grace.”
Cordelia smiled and curtsied, as she gulped back the lump in her throat. Usually, setting up a romantic evening was a joy, and a signature of her profession and how good she was at it. Now, it was a reminder of what she would never have. Her composure lasted through a visit to the kitchen, where everything was in order, as usual.
Was she not needed anywhere, by anyone? Self-pity started to rear its ugly head, so she gave up and made her way to her suite. Angry now, she was determined to rip Rhys’ shirt to pieces when she got there. How could she have let him do this to her? She would burn it too, then throw the ashes out her window and watch them scatter in the wind! She burst through her door, resolute to rid herself of these feelings and the man behind them. She stopped short when she saw both Emelia and Roddy waiting for her.
“It’s worse than we thought,” Emelia stated, after taking one look at her.
“I told you,” Roddy said, with concern. Cordelia held up her hand to stop them.
“Please do not talk about me if I was not here,” she said, irritated that they knew her so well. “Besides, you are too late. It’s over,” she declared, hoping to put an end to the conversation before it started.
“It’s over? What? But...,” Roddy started, and Emelia cut him off.
“It does not look that way to me, dear. Far from it, I’d say,” she said, calmly.
“Well, it is, alright? I just made a complete ninny of myself in front of him. I’m sure you will witness his utter indifference to me at dinner tonight since I requested that he sit next to me before making a fool of myself!” Cordelia plopped in the nearest chair and buried her hands in her face. “Oh lord, just shoot me now!”
Emelia waved toward the bar cart, indicating for Roddy to pour her a drink.
“I am sure it is not as bad as you imagine, dear. Let us examine the situation unemotionally and see…”
Cordelia lifted her head and stared Emelia in the eye.
“I accused him of treating me like all of his other women, Emelia. Even I know that is a sure way to kill a man’s ardor. I have used the tactic many times, just as you taught me, I might add!” Hearing herself say it out loud made it even worse. “Oh god, what have I done? Just as the Duke and Esme were…now I have made it uncomfortable for everyone, especially myself.” She flopped against the back of the chair. Roddy handed her a drink, and she drank it all in one gulp, relishing the burn going down her throat. She handed the glass to Roddy and waved her hand in a circle “More.” She gasped through the burn. He rushed to the cart and poured her another glass.
“He could have taken the comment differently than you assume, dear. It would depend on the context.”
“There was no mistaking my meaning, Emelia. You will have to trust me…”
“Surely, a man with his experience, could have taken it as a jest, or as part of a larger conversation perhaps?” Emelia continued hopefully.
“Not if was delivered in the throes of passion, Emelia, or directly thereafter…,” Cordelia confessed, no longer caring if they knew. They would find out eventually. If it would put an end to this conversation, then she would gladly confirm it now.
“You mean you….” Roddy was wide-eyed as handed her the glass. Cordelia looked at Roddy, then Emelia, who wore a similar expression. It would have made her laugh if she did not feel so utterly wretched.
“Yes. We no longer need to hide my condition. The stigma is gone. I gave it to the only man I have ever wanted, then turned around and insulted him to the core.” She downed the contents of the glass, disappointed it did not burn as much as it had the first time. “It is what you’ve always wanted for me right? To give in to my passions and experience the bliss that follows? Well, I did! Are you not proud of me?”
“Not of the insult part, dear, surely Lord Roth did not…”
“Oh, shut it, Emelia! Details Cordi, we need details…”
“Roddy! Now is not the time for that! Can you not see her distress? We should be concentrating on…”
Cordelia tuned their argument out and walked to the bar cart to pour herself another cognac. The first two drinks warmed her belly but did not achieve the numbness she was seeking. She poured a small pull and drank it. Still nothing. The decanter clicked on the glass as she tried to pour another, and Emelia took it from her hand.
“This will not solve your problem, Cordelia. It will only make it worse.”
“Nothing will solve it, Emelia. It’s over. I bumbled my way through my first affair. I knew he would see right through me and he did! I knew better than to let it get to me, and now I must suffer for my mistakes!” She walked to her bed and fell on it dramatically, face first. “I will get over it. Just give me a minute,” she said into the mattress, in a pitiful voice.
Emelia and Roddy looked at each other and smiled. They took each other’s hands and danced in a circle. When Cordelia started to rise, they stopped short and looked at her sympathetically. Emelia was the first to speak.
“Come, dear. Let’s get you cleaned up. Everything will seem different once you have had a chance to freshen up.” She walked Cordelia over to the vanity and sat her down. “Tilly!” The maid stepped into the room much too quickly making it obvious that she had been eavesdropping. “Water for washing, please. And Tilly....” Emelia gave her a stern look, warning her that gossip would not be tolerated.
“Of course, my lady,” Tilly responded, indicating that she understood, and left to do her bidding.
Cordelia rubbed her face and took a deep breath, trying to fortify herself.
“I only have to make it through dinner tonight and the ride in the morning. Roth may have much more experience than I do, but I can hold my own, right? This will not be the first uncomfortable situation I have faced, nor will it be the last, I dare say.” She tried to muster as much bravado as she could, even though she started to slur her words.
“That’s the spirit, dear,” Emelia encouraged as she started undoing Cordelia’s braid.
Cordelia rubbed her cheeks. They were slightly numb. The cognac was taking effect.
“Roddy! I need a hat for dinner.”
“No hats!” Roddy and Emelia shouted together. Emelia was the first to recover. She put her hands on Cordelia’s shoulders.
“You wouldn’t want to give him the satisfaction, would you dear?” she placated.
“No, I wouldn’t. A fan then. A parasol would be too obvious.”
Emelia looked at Roddy in the mirror. He shrugged.
“I’ll see what I can do. I hadn’t planned on…”
“I need something! I can’t sit next to him all night with those green eyes of his staring at me like I’m a silly little chit from a convent! He will see right through me again!” She quipped, becoming more and more agitated.
“Alright, alright! I will find something,” Roddy agreed, hoping to reassure her.
Cordelia instantly felt better. She licked her lips and pinched her cheeks. She needed to look stunning and appear as if nothing was bothering her. That, and stay a reasonable distance from him at all times. She could do this, she vowed. She could do this!
Chapter 33
Roddy had outdone himself. Even after all these years, Cordelia was still amazed at what he could do with cloth and beads. His creativity had no bounds.
The silver satin gown’s bodice hugged her curves in a way that was alluring without being immodest. The matching silver chiffon cap sleeves had just enough glass beads to catch the light, and small silver tassels, which hung against her arms were the perfect touch. Although, the tassels forced the sleeves lower, baring her shoulders and chest more than she was accustomed. The matching tassel at her cleavage, held by a diamond brooch, made it impossible for one’s e
ye not to be drawn there. The laces down the back were tied in a bow at the bottom, and the tails had matching silver tassels which called attention to the way the gown hugged her derriere. Cordelia was insecure about drawing so much attention to her curves. It was not usual for her to adorn herself like this. Other than the strategically placed tassels, the gown wasn’t any more revealing than the other dresses she typically wore, but somehow, she felt more self-conscious than ever before. The matching silver satin gloves, which also had a tassel on the rim, did give her some comfort.
“You do not need this, lovey,” Roddy said, as he handed her a silver fan.
“If I do not, then I will put it away, I promise,” she vowed, and he nodded, satisfied.
“Are you ready to visit Lady Esme?”
“Oh, lord, I almost forgot.”
“She is still the client, lovey.”
“I know, I know. Oh, Roddy, I am not sure I am cut out for this business anymore. So much has changed. You and Emelia have been doing all the work lately, it hardly seems fair.”
“We may be doing most of the entertaining, but it is you making the matches, lovey. We need you,” Roddy held the door open and they headed to Lady Esme’s room. “Why is it you can see who is best for others, but when it comes to yourself…”
“Do not say it, Roddy. You know as well as I, the man is not relationship material. He is a rake. I am one of many before me and many more to come. I can see that clearly enough. I only wish it hadn’t ended so badly,” she said woefully.
“Well, I have heard that rakes make the best husbands.”
“Why do you refuse to see to see the truth, Roddy?”
“Because I can see you are not done with the man yet. Call me a romantic, but I can’t help wishing for a happy ending.”
“Well, he is done with me, so stop wishing for something that cannot be.”
“Ha! We will see…” Roddy knocked on Lady Esme’s door.
Cordelia gave herself a mental shake. Time to put aside her personal strife aside and pay attention to Lady Esme. After all, she could not be caught mooning over her brother!