by Raythe Reign
“Of course.” Elda tipped her head. “Get your affairs in order. We will search for The Gash and meet you later.”
With that, Liam carried Cameron over to the motorcycle that had seemingly formed out of mid air. His wings had returned, but he would never use them again to flee from his Cameron.
CHAPTER ELEVEN: THE NATURE OF BELIEF
With the thrum of the motorcycle’s engine between his thighs, Cameron leaned his cheek against his older brother’s broad back. The sun had warmed the bizarre yet beautiful tunic Liam was wearing. He drew in a deep breath and smelled his older brother: spice and citrus. He felt unreal. He felt good. He felt like he was flying. He should be in shock or something. He should be gibbering that all this couldn’t be true. But he wasn’t. Because this was exactly what he’d always wanted.
The ribbon of blue highway stretched out ahead of them just like it had when he was a child and he had this bizarre sense that he and Liam had only left the highway for a short time to return to it like they were always supposed to. As if they had gone to a rest stop, went to the bathroom, grabbed some snacks, fueled up and taken back off again. That their time in the rest stop had been over a decade was no nevermind. Fate had made a plan and this was it.
Fate is Frigg weaving on her loom. She better be weaving a happy life for Liam and I now.
He cuddled tighter against Liam, feeling the smooth brush of the tunic against his cheek. Thor’s tunic. The tunic had actually become a point of contention as to where they were going to go first.
“Is Harlan’s still in business?” Liam had asked after gently setting Cameron on his feet in the mesquite grove. He had held onto Cameron’s arm to make sure he was steady before he mounted the bike. That simple act had Cameron nearly tottering into tears. Liam caring for him in the way that only Liam could and did was something he had imagined happening a million times, but had thought would never happen again.
He’s just like I remember. Maybe better than I remember.
“Uh, yeah, Harlan’s is still open and serving greasy, delicious diner food to the unwary.”
Cameron’s heart did a funny lurch at the mention of the old diner. Their father had taken them there every Sunday for lunch. It was a tradition that the Blake boys spent that time together just the three of them. Was their father a Valkyrie, too? Was everyone who died in Valhalla? Even if it was reserved for just the warriors his father had certainly been one. It would have warmed Cameron’s heart to think of Liam supping at huge wooden tables groaning with food with their father and the other warriors in their family.
But if Dad was a Valkyrie he would be here. I know it. And Liam hasn’t mentioned him … so where is he? Where has his soul gone?
Cameron was about to ask, but then Liam was talking about Harlan's again and the moment seemed wrong to speak of their dead father.
“Do they still make those awesome buttermilk pancakes with crispy bacon and lemon Cokes?” Liam sounded hungry as he said that. His brother’s eyes actually lit up as he talked about the bacon.
“I guess. I haven’t been there in awhile.” He hadn’t been there since Liam’s death, but he wouldn’t — couldn’t — mention that. Not yet. Liam was here. He was alive no matter what that Elda person said. If Liam could be thinking of pancakes, bacon and lemon Cokes he must be alive.
I’m not dreaming this. He’s real. This is real. No matter that they talked about old gods. No matter that Sigurd is Loki! Fuck, Sigurd is Loki ...
His mind did a loop and he felt slightly nauseated and excited at the same time like one does on a rollercoaster. But he didn’t let himself fly off the rails. Thinking too deeply about what he had learned was so not a good idea yet. He was drawn completely out of his thoughts by Liam revving the powerful Valkyrie motorcycle.
“Uh, did you choose the Valkyrie brand of motorcycle because you’re a … Valkyrie?”
A small smile lifted the edges of Liam’s lips. “Maybe.”
“You totally did!” Cameron laughed.
“I did. Our wings … well, in the past they would become horses, but I suggested we change with the times.” Liam shrugged.
Cameron’s eyes widened. “The motorcycles are your wings?”
“They’re … a manifestation of our ability to travel,” Liam said, a few faint lines forming between his eyebrows. “They could turn into anything I suppose. But it’s easier for them to become something about the same size.”
“So turning them into a jumbo jet would be difficult?”
“And unnecessary. We only need local travel. We’re able to open doors between Valhalla and every place on the globe,” Liam explained. Cameron knew he must have been staring and blinking a lot when Liam gave a shy smile and ducked his head, adding, “I know it’s a lot to take in.”
“I have so many questions and I have no clue which ones to ask first,” Cameron said. He ran a hand through his hair and was displeased to feel a sheen of sweat on his scalp. He normally had no problem with the heat. Actually, he was hardly feeling the sun at all at that moment. The heat seemed internal to him.
“Why don’t we go to Harlan’s to eat and talk?” Liam suggested.
Harlan’s. Liam and I in our old booth with him wearing Thor’s tunic … That last bit had him thrown out of the vision.
“I’m all for going to Harlan’s, but you do realize, Liam, that you look like a Renaissance Faire survivor,” Cameron remarked dryly. He was amazed at how easy he had fallen into a familiar banter with his brother. He should be jumping up and down, screaming his joy to the universe, but he was managing to act cool. Like, hey, my big brother’s back from the dead and he’s a Valkyrie! It’s all good. I’m totally cool with it. The truth was that he was cool with it. Liam was back. Cameron was cool with all the crazy that came with that one, solid, amazingly good thing.
Liam looked down at his clothes and uttered a soft curse. “Thor lent me these as my clothes seemed to have been destroyed when I went to Asgard.”
“Thor lent you clothes?” Cameron couldn’t help but goggle at that. He also thought about how weird it must have been for Liam to appear before the old god naked. That must be a story.
Liam gave a shy smile. “We’re almost the same size though he’s bigger than me.”
“Yeah, well, he is a god,” Cameron pointed out though he honestly thought that no one was better proportioned than Liam. Thor would be simply too big in his mind.
“He is.” Another flash of a smile that was as bright as the sun. That was a smile that Liam usually used only for him and their family. Thor was family but Liam had just met him.
“You … you really like him,” Cameron heard the jealousy in his own voice. “I mean that’s good. He’s family and all that, I guess.”
Liam blinked, clearly confused about where Cameron’s jealousy was stemming from. He touched the back of Cameron’s hand briefly and the bare brush of fingers left a haunting burn on his skin. “You’ll like him, too. He’ll be another older brother to you.”
“I don’t need him. I only need you.” Truculent. Angry. Perhaps even petulant. Cameron didn’t like how he sounded. He took in a deep breath and expelled it. Liam was back. Liam loved him. He had to chill. Why let bad emotions in when there was so much good going on? So he forced himself to say evenly, “I’m sure he’s great, but I …” He swallowed and admitted, “I just need you to myself, Liam. For a while anyways.”
Longer than a while. Always. But saying that might have you looking at me like Mom does when I say something she thinks sounds a little too crazy.
But Liam had never been like that. He had to remind himself that this was his brother he was talking to. His older brother who had known all his secrets and never laughed though his secrets at ten were laughable. But Liam had always tried to treat him like an adult whose feelings and thoughts mattered.
Liam’s expression softened as he said, “I’m here, Cam. I’m not going anywhere.”
Cameron gulped in a few breaths as he realized that —
like a little kid — his eyes were threatening to let a waterfall of tears loose. Liam saw those and his fingers circled Cameron’s right wrist. Liam’s hand was so much bigger than him that he still had room to spare even as he gently squeezed.
Cameron cleared his throat. “When you died … I wished I had.”
Liam let out a pained breath. He was halfway off the bike, ready to embrace Cameron again, but as much as Cameron wanted his touch, he didn’t want it in front of the other Valkyries. He pushed his brother back down on the bike.
“I’m sorry,” he said quickly. “That’s too dark. I’ve had a lot of dark thoughts since then. I’m afraid I’m not … not quite the same kid you knew. I’m trying to be though. The bright, happy Cameron.”
“You can say anything you feel to me, Cam. There’s nothing you can’t tell me,” Liam said firmly.
How about that I used to pick up guys who looked like you and had sex with them pretending that they WERE you? We sort of did that last night. Shit, last night. How will we talk about that? Should we talk about it? Liam … Liam can’t want what I do … Maybe I should just hope he forgets about it.
“I know,” Cameron lied. “It’s just … I don’t want this to be about the dark inside of me. You’re back. I should be able to let the past go now.”
“Just because I’m back doesn’t mean you weren’t wounded by what happened.” Liam’s chewed his inner cheek and it was clear that he was feeling guilty about something.
Cameron laid one hand on Liam’s broad left shoulder, loving how the muscles flexed and bunched under his palm. This was so like his older brother to blame himself for things that likely weren’t his fault.
Especially when it comes to me. He always has felt so responsible for every single thing that’s befallen me. Even when I was the one at fault. Like the time I tried to ride the Bopper by myself. Yeah, he felt guilty especially when the bike fell over on me. Bruises, cuts, nearly a broken arm and Liam looked so damned stricken even though he told me a million times not to ride the bike without him, but I did it anyways.
“Whatever it is you’re feeling guilty about, don’t,” Cameron said sternly. “Even if … if you’re even tangentially to blame for whatever’s hurting me the past is the past. Can’t undo it. We just need to go forward.”
Liam’s blue eyes lifted to his and his heart did that corny thing and skipped a beat. The words he’d just spoke used to be a complete lie. Cameron had existed almost fully in the past. He had never thought of letting it go and moving forward. But with Liam? Suddenly, the vision of the open road under a cloudless sky appeared in his mind. He imagined Liam riding them out of town and into the distance on the Valkyrie motorcycle. His heart leapt at that thought and he found himself smiling and believing what he said. There was a future now, because there was Liam. His brother cocked his head to the side, not sure what Cameron was so happy about.
You. You are what I’m so happy about.
Liam patted the back of the bike behind him. “Come on. Are you too old to ride on the back of the bike with me?”
His heart had nearly danced then. “It’s where I belong. Though just so you know I ride the Bopper now. All by myself. Though it needs a tuneup bad. I have it in the shop, but none of those guys can fix it quite like you used to.”
His older brother’s eyes lit up. “You still have the Bop?”
“Of course I do!”
Mom got rid of all the rest of your stuff, but I kept that bike. I wouldn’t let her get sell it. The only reason though that it survived was that it was in Evidence for a long time. She couldn’t toss it. I get that seeing your things was too painful for her. But I wanted to remember you even if she didn’t. Maybe that’s why she didn’t see it know it was Liam when she saw him.
“Ready to go or are you just going to stare at the bike? I’m going to start thinking that you’ve forgotten how to ride second on a bike,” Liam teased him.
“I haven’t since you. Aren’t you glad about that? That I only rode with you?” The question had meant to be just as light and teasing back, but his voice dropped an octave and Liam’s reaction to both caused Cameron to pause.
“Yes,” Liam said quietly. “I guess I am glad about that.” He turned so that he was facing forward on the bike, away from Cameron. “I wouldn’t trust anyone else with you.”
A trickle of pleasure wound around Cameron’s spine. He found himself easily swinging a leg over the back of the bike like it was just yesterday he’d ridden on the back of one with Liam. His head though throbbed and weakness stole over him, but because he was nearly sitting down Liam didn’t seem to notice that he practically fell down. Cameron gritted his teeth. What was wrong with him? Still side effects from the drinking binge last night? That didn’t seem likely. He’d gotten trashed loads of times and while he always felt bad this really was the worst he’d ever felt.
Maybe I’m coming down with something.
Cameron had another vision of him tucked in bed and Liam feeding him soup. That had him grinning. It was something Liam had done when he was little and sick, which was really rare. The imagined Liam feeding him soup was suddenly replaced with a more adult image of Liam sharing his body warmth in bed with Cameron. He could almost imagine was it would be like to pillow his head against Liam’s naked chest, to feel his big brother’s brawny arms encircling him, and to have the soft gusts of Liam’s warm breath against the side of his neck. He shivered. Cameron wrapped his arms around Liam’s middle almost lightly, but his brother had tapped the back of his hands.
“Tighter, Cam. You’ll fall off otherwise, don’t you remember?”
Cameron wanted to hold him tight so that command was easy to obey. He was just uncertain what Liam would feel if he had cuddled against him like he so wanted to. He had already sort of done that already when he felt sick earlier. Liam had held him back like it was nothing, like it was normal, and Cameron had dared to hope that maybe his brother didn’t completely regret what had happened between them the night before or, at least, he didn’t hold it against Cameron.
“I won’t let go, Liam,” Cameron said.
But he was keenly aware of the other Valkyrie watching them. They had remained where he and Liam had left them — his bike was about fifteen feet away — but he felt their eyes upon him, speculating. Nafari especially was sure to be suspicious after being there last night and witnessing their flirting. But Liam had said to hold tight and so he pressed his front fully against Liam’s muscular back and wrapped his arms around that trim waist, linking his fingers. It felt good to just rest and rely on Liam’s strength. He felt so bad. Feverish and ill. Maybe getting some food in him would help.
“That’s better,” Liam said in satisfaction.
“I have a suggestion. Let’s go to Target and get you some normal clothes and then we head to Harlan’s,” Cameron said. “That way we don’t have the good people of Holten giving us the side eye.”
Liam nodded. “I do have things in Valhalla, but shopping here will be easier.”
My brother has clothes in Valhalla. Because he’s a Valkyrie. Oh man, if I think about this too hard I really will fall off this bike.
Cameron closed his eyes and snugged tighter against his older brother. He really didn’t want his big brother heading to the hall of dead heroes for jeans and a t-shirt. Target was hellish enough all by itself.
“I have your leather jacket at my place,” Cameron said softly.
“Oh, good, I love that jacket.”
So do I. Because it was my first link to you.
So they had ridden to Target, the powder blue asphalt streaming out behind them and unendingly in front of them. Cameron was relieved that he was able to get off the bike without trouble. The weakness had retreated enough that his legs only trembled once beneath him. He gave his brother a too bright smile as if to say, “Move along. Nothing to see here! I’m perfectly fine.” Liam gave him a concerned frown, but Cameron pulled him towards the automatic doors to the store, praying that he surv
ived shopping and then getting to the restaurant.
“Come on. Let’s get in and out. This place needs a warrior’s strength,” Cameron said.
He was surprised when Liam actually took his hand and held it. A flutter of uncertainty went through him. His gaze snapped around the people in the parking lot, wondering if any of them saw him and his brother holding hands.
But they don’t seem Liam and I holding hands. They see me holding hands with a hot guy who likely is my boyfriend.
A wave of relief went through him. He laced his fingers through Liam’s. Maybe his older brother had forgotten he wasn’t ten any more and didn’t need his hand held to cross a busy parking lot, but for him this would be the fantasy of being with Liam romantically. Surely it wouldn’t hurt to pretend. Liam couldn’t read his thoughts. Another frown crossed his lips. There had been times after Liam had exited the burning rainbow — the Bifrost, he reminded himself — where he had sworn he had heard Liam’s thoughts, indistinctly. He had known his brother’s feelings and intentions was the best way to put it.
“I keep looking for people I know,” Liam said, breaking him out of his thoughts. “But then I have to remember that over ten years has past. I don’t know if I would recognize many people. I didn’t recognize Peter Stanley and his visit to our house was pretty memorable.”
“The years haven’t been kind to Peter. Nor all the drinking and the not sleeping and barely eating,” Cameron said quietly. “I wonder what he would think if he knew the killer of his son wasn’t dead and gone? Wasn’t Reggie at all?”
Liam’s hand tightened on his. “You can’t tell people about any of this, Cam. It’s against the rules and it truly wouldn’t help them.”
“Knowing the truth helped me,” Cameron pointed out as they dodged around a car.
Liam made a soft sound of dismay. “You’re special, Cam. Maybe because of our heritage. Maybe because you’re an artist and seeing beyond all this.” Liam gestured to the mundane parking lot with people going about their every day business. The unreality of what he now knew contrasted with all of this normalcy had Cameron’s head nearly spinning again or maybe that was just this sickness getting worse. “These people won’t be happy if they knew that monsters and gods really existed.”