Perfect Protector

by Lauren Wood

  “No problem, Sir. Are you okay?”

  I agreed, but I wasn’t able to pull my gaze away. Could she tell what I was thinking about, how I wanted to be with her?

  “I’m good. Thanks.”

  I handed her the list and she looked at me a little strange. Now wasn’t the time that I wanted to discuss this, but I knew I had to say something. Her expression was telling me that she wasn’t going to let it go without an explanation.

  “I just have a lot on my mind.”

  “About this list?”

  “Yeah, just make sure you get everything.”

  She said that she didn't mind and Ellie was out of the office rather quickly. I don't know why I felt so strange to send her on such an errand.

  It was done now. I wasn’t going to worry about it anymore. I had a meeting to get ready for and Ellie’s flowery hand-written notes to go over. She really was pretty spot-on about picking up and recording the important stuff.

  I received a call a little while later, and since I didn't have either one of my assistants at the office manning the phones, I had to answer it myself. That was certainly not something that I wanted to do on a regular basis. That was why I paid someone to do it for me. I needed a clear space of time, where I thought of nothing else but work. Now, even though it was almost time to leave, I was still getting distractions.

  “Hello?”

  “Harvey, sorry to bother you, but I had a question about something on the list.”

  “Yeah?”

  “It says DIP. I'm not really sure what it is. Did you want me to bring some sort of dip with me? And if so, what kind did you want?”

  My mind took a moment to realize what she was talking about and I told her that it was just a shorthand way to put diapers.

  “I didn't know that you had children.”

  “I don't. It’s for an orphanage.”

  My voice came out gruff and I wished that I could take it back, but the tone was already out there and she had a certain sound she made afterwards. I didn’t like it at all and I knew that it was because I had reacted too strongly. I was not only frustrated that I wasn’t getting my few minutes of zin time that I needed, but also because it was a sore subject for me.

  I was coming to realize that all of the feelings that Ellie had awakened inside of me were also bringing up all of the rest. I could have lived without that.

  “Right, sorry...”

  “No, I'm sorry. It's been a long day. This is not for me or anyone in my household. Every Saturday I bring the stuff over to the orphanage. I came in contact with the place a few years back. I thought it was a great establishment and I like to go visit the children. Just get an array of sizes. They are all different ages.”

  “Of course, Sir. I am sorry to have bothered you and I will have them waiting for you for when you’re done with the meeting. I know you’re busy. I will figure out the rest of it.”

  She was off the phone quickly and I knew that it was because of how I had reacted to such a simple question. Of course, that would be what her mind automatically went to. I had diapers and children's toys on the list. Of course, that is what she would think, but it still got to me.

  What surprised me the most was how much it affected me. Before, it had bothered me a lot to even think about it, but it had been so long ago now, I wasn't quite sure why I had snapped the way I had.

  And then I knew the answer right away. It was because I was starting to feel everything again and that just wasn't going to do. Considering how I had reacted to her simple question, the best thing I could do was stuff all the feelings back down. I did better when I didn't feel. If I didn't feel anything good, I did not feel anything bad either. I felt like that was a worthy sacrifice in the end.

  The only sadness I felt from the thought was the loss of opportunity. Ellie was someone special, I could see that now, but what does that mean for us?

  Simple, there could be no us. I found that to be the saddest idea of all, and it made my foul mood even worse.

  It was awkward once again when I saw Ellie. She was barely looking at me but pleasant as ever. She got close several times while she was bringing the bags in, so close that I got a whiff of the gardenia perfume that she was wearing. It really did something to me, and I don’t know why, but I let myself take it all in, one time nice and deep and then tried to pretend like her presence didn’t bother me. It did. It bothered the hell out of me, but I was going to take it in stride.

  When I got tired from working, not long after she left, I decided that I wanted to go home. I lived upstairs sometimes, but once in a while, I wanted to get away from the bustle of the company, and I liked to get back to the other property that I had in town. It was in a quiet neighborhood and for once, it felt like I wasn’t being pushed there. I went willingly.

  This was the house that I had lived in before. It still held a lot of memories for me, and tonight, was one of those nights where I wanted to remember. I don’t know why, but I went inside, and for the longest time, I just sat at the table. I had to come to peace with the place once again.

  The maid kept the place ready for me whenever I was ready for it and I went upstairs to take a shower. Every room held memories that I had to stave off most of the time, but not tonight. Something had changed inside of me and I don’t know what it was, but it made me feel like it was time for me to do more. It was the only way that I was going to be able to move on, though this was also the first time that I decided I actually wanted to. It was a lot of firsts tonight for me.

  Hours ago, I had decided that I wasn’t going to deal with Ellie or my feelings for her. I was going to shove them down deep, like I had before. But that thought was so unappealing, that I had run it through my head many times. I couldn’t live with it. I knew then that I had to change it.

  Once I got to bed, I waited for the racing thoughts and guilt to run through me, but they didn’t come. Instead, it was nothing but blissful sleep, something I was certainly not used to any longer. I don’t know what was different, but for the first time in a long time, I was able to sleep all the way to the alarm clock. I didn’t wake up once, and that in and of itself was a miracle.

  9

  Ellie

  The next morning, I got up early, even though it was Saturday morning. Chauncey was still staying over and that gave me a little bit of time to go for a run. I usually went a little later in the morning, but it was harder for me to sleep than usual. The more I found out about Harvey, the more I couldn’t get him out of my mind. He was too perfect to forget about and it was frustrating me to no end.

  So, the best thing I knew to do for frustration was to run it out. It had been my way of doing things for a long time and I was hopeful that it would still work. I had too many things on my mind and I needed a way to get them off.

  It wasn't just Harvey at work that had me sidetracked. It was also Michael. He had called several times now and I was starting to get the feeling that he was going to be more trouble than I’d originally thought. I kept hoping that he would at some point get with the program and realize that we were in different places now, but he was still calling pretty much every night. He wasn't calling to speak to Anna either. He kept calling me, wanting to know all sorts of information. I have a feeling that he is just being nosy, but I don't know how to tell him that all the conversations were starting to get to me. We were divorced and as much as I wanted us to be friends, at the same time, I wanted some distance as well.

  When I finally left the house, I was feeling pretty good, but I was weighed down pretty well. The air was a little bit colder because it was still pretty early, and I knew that would help later when I started to heat up. I hoped that the crisp air would help settle my mind and give me some clarity. Not just about my ex-Michael, but also with what I am supposed to do about my boss. The two men were constantly on my mind, for very different reasons.

  As soon as I put a little distance between me and my new house, I was able to fully appreciate the silence that en
veloped me. I always liked coming out at this time of day, simply because it felt like I was the only one awake. It was easy to get a good pace going and I wasn't paying too much attention to what was going on around me.

  I had taken for granted that nobody was out at this time of morning, even though there were a couple of people I just didn't notice. I obviously did not notice one of the people that was running past me. It took me a minute to realize that I knew the person.

  “Harvey?”

  He stopped when I said his name, touching his shoulder. He looked at me a little funny. It was clear that Harvey had not expected to see me. I would have thought that it was too much of a coincidence, but he was just as shocked as I was. Maybe my mother was right about the running thing. The right guy indeed.

  He had something in his ear that he was listening to and he pulled it out with a surprised look still on his face. It was a genuine look and it made me wonder what he was doing around here.

  His attire was shorts that showed his strong legs and other parts of him that made me blush. The man’s broad shoulders were even more defined in his top and my eyes were glued to the scene in front of me. I could see his lips moving, but I was too busy wondering how those massive hands of his would feel on my body.

  “Huh.”

  Harvey smiled and I melted a little bit.

  “Hey, Ellie. What are you doing here?”

  “I was just about to ask you the same thing. My house is right there.”

  I pointed back.

  “Well I have a house not too far from here as well.”

  I just shook my head to myself. Of course, he did. He probably had several houses all around and of course one of them would be right where I live. That seemed to be about my luck. The more I tried to get away, the harder it was going to be.

  “I did not know that. We just moved in last week and are still trying to get used to the neighborhood. So far, so good.”

  It was awkward and then he was mumbling about having to go play golf. It was weird and I think I caught him off guard, but I had not been expecting his response.

  Again, Harvey left me with more questions than before, and just like before, I did not think that finding them out will help matters any. The best thing I could do was stay away from him, because the more I found out about Harvey, the more I wanted to break every rule. I was a little upset with myself that I hadn’t already. It was too much of a mix of emotions. I wanted him, but I knew better.

  Harvey had this sadness in his eyes that I wanted to ask him about. Honestly, I wanted to help fix it, but I did not know how to do that, not with how I felt about him. He made it clear in everything that he did, that he did not want more than a work relationship with me.

  As much as I tried to forget about Harvey, it seemed like the universe kept putting him in front of me for one reason or another. I just did not know what that reason was.

  I went home and immediately Chauncey had something to say. “What happened?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean, you leave for a run and you come back like that. What is going on with you?”

  I tried to wave it off like it was nothing, but she must have seen something, because the next thing I know, she was asking me about Harvey.

  “Harvey? Why would you even ask about him?”

  “Because that is the same way you looked when you were around Harvey. Tell me that I'm wrong.”

  I sighed out loud and she clapped her hands. “You have to tell me what happened.”

  “Nothing really happened because I just ran into him during my run. Apparently, he has a house not too far from here.”

  “Of course, he does.”

  I smiled and sat down at the breakfast table. Anna would be up soon, and I knew I didn't have too much time to get it all out. It was good to have someone close to talk to about this stuff. Heather had been out of town and unreachable since I got back.

  Chauncey had a unique way of looking at things and I was thankful for that, but what I needed right now, was Heather. I appreciated my cousin’s help, but I needed to talk to Heather. She would know what to do.

  She picked up and I sighed out loud.

  “You don’t know how good it is to hear your voice.”

  “It has been a while. What’s going on, Ellie? I’ve been meaning to call you, but things have been crazy with the new baby and all.”

  “I know. I wish I was there. I miss you guys. How is everyone?”

  Heather started into her life and I found myself jealous. She’d found love, had the baby and was now blissfully happy. I’d thought that she was too young and maybe her decisions were rushed, but seeing how happy my friend was, gave me hope that there really could be a happy ending. I liked to think so anyways.

  When she had run herself out and she had sent me a bunch of new pictures to look at, the conversation got over to me and what was new. I told her about the move and the new job. It was a huge change, though she knew that I’d been wanting to leave Michael and start fresh.

  “You’re really doing it, Ellie. I knew you could. You weren’t happy, so why stay?”

  Ellie agreed, but she didn’t want to talk about Michael. He barely got any of her mind space as of late. She was usually far more worried about Harvey. He was the topic that she was most interested in.

  “I have been over Michael for a long time, way before we got divorced. I will always love him, but I’m ready to move on.”

  “Is that so?”

  “It is, but I wonder if I am moving too fast.”

  “How far?”

  There was a silence and she giggled. “I would say that you’re not moving fast enough. When you find love Ellie, you have to hold on for the ride.”

  “He’s my boss.”

  “So what? Do you like him?”

  “Yeah, I do. A lot.”

  “Then that is all the answer you need, Ellie. You just wanted to hear me say it.”

  I knew that she was right. “It sounds better when you say it.”

  We talked for a little bit longer, but her life was hectic and I knew that I wouldn’t hear from her again for a while. I was going to heed her words though. I needed something new, and I knew that it was Harvey that I had my eye on, right or wrong.

  The rest of the weekend was spent with Chauncey or with my parents. I went out with Chauncey on Saturday night because Anna stayed with my parents and then I spent most of Sunday over at their house.

  My mother had way too many opinions about my personal life, but I could certainly see the advantages of living so close to family again. I know that Anna liked the extra time that she had with her grandparents. It just made me believe once again that I was making the right decision. It was a nice feeling, considering the last few conversations I'd had with Michael had made me feel otherwise.

  He had been against the move to begin with, but now he was finding more reasons why it was a bad idea. I was pressing forward, trying to ignore all of the negativity, but it still got to me. I think that was the whole point of it. Michael had been doing a good job of getting in my head.

  To see everything come together finally, made me feel like I might actually be getting somewhere. I still wasn't sure where that place was yet, but I was getting there.

  By Monday, I was refreshed, but it didn’t take long at all to remember all of the complications that I had left behind at work. I got a call from Joseph late on Sunday. He was letting me know that he was not going to be in for the next couple of days. Even though that was the very definition of my job, I was not as excited about it as I should have been. Not only was it working later, but it was working together with Harvey again. That was never as easy as it sounded.

  10

  Harvey

  “You’re going to be gone again?”

  Joseph had to be kidding me. “Now I know that you said you needed more time off and I agreed to it, but you didn’t say it would be right away. Is she even properly trained?”

  He scoffed an
d I could hear his judgement through the phone. The sound did not settle me at all.

  “Is that really what you’re worried about, if she is trained properly?”

  I growled and asked him what he was getting at.

  “I thought it was pretty clear, boss. You have some feelings for Ellie and for some reason, you are running away from them, when you should be running towards them.”

  I sighed and told him that he didn’t know what he was talking about. I hated the idea that my innermost secret emotions were that easy to read. It was like it was written across my forehead or something and there was nothing that I could do about it. I hated the idea of that the most.

  “You are so full of it. It’s nothing like that. I just have two meetings.”

  “You need assistance?”

  He had a snicker in his voice and again, I felt like I was being set-up. I didn't like the feeling at all.

  “You know that I do. I like to have a page to go off of later. It is always easier when they can visually see my assistant taking notes. Everyone seems to speak a little more clearly and I don't have to worry about them changing their minds later. They know that I have it written down and it has helped me many times in negotiations. “

  “Well, imagine how impressed they will be when you bring Ellie with you? I know that they may respect me, but they're going to feel a lot different about her. She's beautiful and I'm sure with her as a distraction, you will be able to get a better deal. Wasn’t it you who told me about that before?”

  I was the one with a tone now.

  “I know you think you’re so clever Joseph, but it’s not going to work.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  I didn’t believe him, not one bit, but that didn’t really matter. None of it mattered in the end. He was getting off the phone and I was left with a very intimate week with Ellie. When she got into work later that day, I was sure that she would already know, but she seemed surprised that she would have to go with me to meetings in Joseph’s absence.