by Cole, Fiona
"And Jake?"
I was thrown by his change in topic. "What about him?"
He gave me that intense stare again, and this time it was harder to hold. "Is he going to be a problem?"
My stubbornness reared its head. "I don't know what you're talking about."
I dropped my eyes and looked at my hands loosely clasped in front of me.
"I can't remember a time I've ever seen you look at someone like that."
"Like what?" I scoffed. When he didn't say anything, I chanced a look up to find him giving me a look that called bullshit.
Because it was bullshit.
"It's nothing to worry about. Nothing that will affect business with Voy."
"Even if anything was there, I trust you. I know I don't need to hover like a regular boss and remind you of boundaries in the workplace. Not that you'd obey them anyway."
Daniel knew I was a flirt, but that I'd never let it interfere with business. "Are there many boundaries at Voyeur?"
"Not really." He raised his eyebrow and gave me a hard stare. "But I'm sure you'd find them if they were there." I only shrugged, not denying it. "Just…be careful. Okay?"
"Nothing to worry about."
Daniel gave me another hard stare, not having to call me on my bullshit again. I was sure everything I felt was written all over my face.
I knew how I probably looked when I stared at Jake.
With longing and frustration, knowing I'll never have something I desperately craved.
4
Jake
"Jake," Luke called my name, trying to focus his glazed eyes on me. "Truth or dare?"
"And don't be a pussy. Choose dare," Jackson piped in. I was on the edge of drunk and he knew me well enough to see it. All I needed was a challenging nudge and I wasn't backing down from anything. So, dare it was.
"Alright. Bring on your dares. I'm not scared."
Luke's smile grew as he stared me down with a look of victory. He was falling headlong into drunk territory, so I could only imagine what he was coming up with. "I dare you…" He paused for dramatic effect, which worked because everyone in the living room leaned forward in their seats to hear what came next. They knew I never backed down, so the anticipation of what I'd be doing that night heightened the game. "To kiss Jackson."
The group of friends in the room broke out into a chorus of "oohs.” I gave Luke a glare that could have been taken as "hell, no" or "is that the best you've got." Honestly, I wasn't sure what it was. My heart thudded heavily against my ribs as I tried to keep a neutral face.
Jackson was my best friend. Had been since the first week of freshman year. We'd bonded immediately over our love of pizza and cocky attitudes that were mostly just for show. I'd folded over in laughter when he took me to his dorm and I saw the stacks of crossword puzzles piled in the corner. That had earned me a punch in the arm and a glare until I told him I had matching stacks in my own room.
Each day we spent together, we found we had more and more things in common. And we spent a lot of time together since both of us were business majors, and we were taking almost all the same classes.
The only big difference was that while I loved women, Jackson loved everyone. He was bisexual and didn't care who knew. Not that anyone we hung out with cared.
Jackson was a breath of fresh air and he just…got me.
"Awwww," Jackson said. "He's afraid he's going to kiss me and fall in love. Can't say I blame him."
"Fuck you," I tossed back with humor. "I'm worried you're going to fall in love with me. I'm not the one into guys." And I wasn't. But there was something about Jackson that always made me happy to be around him, made my chest feel tighter and lighter all at the same time. It reminded me of the feeling I had about my crush in high school. I just pushed it aside and excused it as being best friends. Having someone who got me for what seemed like the first time in my life.
But, at times, when I found myself staring at his profile as he furrowed his brows, bent over a puzzle, I couldn't help but let my eyes drop to his lips and wonder if they felt as soft as they looked. If they'd be softer than the girl I'd kissed the week before.
"Hmmm, is this going to be the dare that breaks Jake's streak?" Cade, another friend, shouted.
I never backed down from a dare, and the past two and a half years of college had found me in some interesting predicaments.
"Aww, c'mon Jake," Jane, one of the few girls in our group, taunted. "We all watched you and Genevieve have sex a few months ago."
Like that. That was an interesting—hot as hell—predicament. Fucking a girl on a couch in the middle of the living room with everyone milling around.
Genevieve just shrugged from her position on the couch before taking a drink of her beer.
"Hell of a show, sweetheart," Jackson said, winking at her.
She tipped a fake hat and bent her head in a bow. My friends were all just as crazy as me. It's why we fit.
"So, what's it going to be, lover boy?" Jackson asked, smiling at me. "Lay one on me—possibly fall in love? Or back down like a little baby-bitch and live your life in shame. Will you truly ever be able to move past the pitying looks as we always remember your fall from truth or dare grace?"
I rolled my eyes. "Way to lay it on thick, Jackson." I stood from my spot on the recliner and held up my hands in mock defeat. "Alright, alright. But don't say I didn't warn you. And when you fall in love with me, I want you to buy me pizza and carry my books to class."
"Oh, I'll do more than that," Jackson said, his eyes already on my mouth. It was all good-natured fun, and I made a show of licking my lips.
"And I want tongue. None of this pecking bullshit," Luke warned.
My body vibrated, and it spread like electricity to my chest, shocking my heart into overdrive. Jackson stood right in front of me. Eye to eye. His six-four matching my own.
Jackson had broken us all from our stereotypical thoughts about what a gay man should look like. He'd laughed when he'd heard our assumptions that he had to be feminine. Jackson was the furthest thing from feminine. He had a broad chest with muscular arms and legs. I could only imagine how he would fill out as he settled into being a man. Not that I noticed how hard his legs were when we sat too close together and I let my leg brush his.
"You don't have to do this," Jackson said low enough so only I could hear, the playfulness in his tone mixed with something heavier. Like he was just as nervous. Was he nervous about how I'd react? He knew I didn't have any issue with his bisexuality.
Staring at his chocolate eyes, I wasn't ready to back down. Maybe a part of me finally wanted to know what his lips felt like against mine. Maybe I was using this game as a perfect excuse to find out and not have to question my reasoning behind it. It was just a dare.
"Lay it on me," I said loud enough for everyone to hear the taunt. "Try not to suck."
His hands moved fast as he took charge of the situation, shocking me into stillness. One hand moved to my hip, and the other dug into the hair at the back of my neck as he pulled me in and pressed his lips to mine.
Fuck they were soft. As soft as I imagined they'd be. Softer than Genevieve's feminine lips. But they moved with the power and demand of a man. Pressing hard into mine, moving roughly as they parted, and his tongue pressed between my lips. On instinct, I opened, and the taste of beer and the pineapple pizza Jackson loved so much, exploded on my tongue.
He took a step closer and I mirrored his actions, almost bringing us into contact. My cock jerked beneath the denim of my pants like it was trying to get closer to him. The way it lengthened against my leg caused a jolt in my brain and my lips fumbled for a moment. I wasn't supposed to enjoy this. He was Jackson. A guy. Not a girl. Not someone with boobs and a pussy to fuck and play with. I wasn't supposed to be getting hard.
I went to pull back, but he held me tighter, jerking me until we pressed tightly against each other. So tight, I could feel the erection straining his pants and my cock jerked harder in excite
ment that I did that to him.
Jackson, my best friend, was hard for me. It should have scared the fuck out of me, but when his tongue tangled with mine and his moan vibrated against my lips, I couldn't remember why.
Too soon, the kiss slowed until he pulled back. With one last peck, his hands slid from my body. With my ability to finally breathe air again, the cheers around the room came roaring back. Oh fuck. Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck. I'd kissed Jackson. I'd kissed him, and now I was hard as stone pressed against him. There was no hiding it. No denying it. And once he stepped back, everyone would know. Everyone would know and then what? What, what, what? What was happening?
My heart thudded, and my vision darkened around the edges as panic set in.
"Breathe, Jake." Jackson's words caressed my lips on the soft breath he spoke them. "I've got you."
And with that, he stepped away, but in front of me, hands wide like he'd won a victory. The panic began to soften my cock, and with all the attention on him, I had time to adjust the remaining bulge before anyone could see.
"Nice hard-on, Jackson," one of the girls commented.
"Hey, a good kiss is a good kiss. I can't help my body doesn't know it's not getting any more than that." He made a show of reaching his hand beneath his waistband and adjusting his cock. That shouldn't have made my dick jump again in my pants. But it did.
"After that show, I'd be happy to ride you again, Jake," Genevieve said. "That was hot as fuck."
I laughed like everyone else, but grabbed a beer, taking as long a pull as my lungs would allow and sat back on the couch. No one asked me to do another big dare as the night progressed. I guessed I'd hit my quota for the night. Thank God, because I was too consumed by the events that seemed to be on repeat in my mind distracting me from most of the action going on around me.
Soon, people began to call it a night. I was about to call an Uber when Luke reminded me one of their roommates was out of town and I could crash there. It sounded like a plan. The beer was hitting me, and I was too tired to wait for a ride and make it to my own apartment.
Stumbling, I made my way up the steps and tried to remember which closed door was the one I was supposed to sleep in. I think Jackson's was the second on the right. Or was it the left? Their roommate's was on the opposite side of Jackson's. I knew that. But everything was fuzzy and left and right seemed really hard to figure out right now.
Fuck it. I was going with the right.
I stumbled into the room to find Jackson laying on the bed with a crossword puzzle book propped on his thighs.
No shirt.
"What's up, man?" he asked, barely looking up from his book.
"Oh, sorry," I said awkwardly. The kiss from earlier loomed heavy in my mind and made me stumble over my words. "I, uh, I thought this was your roommate's room. Luke said I could sleep there rather than call a cab."
I went to turn around and head across the hall when he stopped me. "I wouldn't go in there if I were you. Cade and Genevieve are doing God knows what."
"Shit. I'll just call a cab."
"No, Jake. Just crash here."
He made it sound so simple, but I couldn't stop remembering the feel of his lips pressed against mine or the way his cock brushed rigidly against my own. This was my best friend and it was a stupid dare, and I couldn't stop my brain from replaying it over and over again.
"I've got a sleeping bag in the closet." He was already standing from the bed, his bare chest flexing under the movement.
Great, now I was staring at his bare chest. I ran a hand over my tired face, the buzz from earlier fading into exhaustion. When I pulled my hand away he was standing right in front of me, reaching behind me to shut the door. Our faces were inches apart and for a moment, I thought he was going to kiss me again. I should have bolted out the door and told him to back off. I wasn't gay. Instead, I stood there, frozen, unable to do anything but wait for the next move.
The next move was him flicking his eyes down to my lips before pulling back, breaking the moment like it never happened. Had it happened? Had I made it up? Was my mind going to constantly overthink and shift every moment we spent together into something sexual?
"Relax, dude. I'm not going to force myself on you," he said with a laugh, turning to head to the closet. "I just don't like sleeping with the door open."
I ran a hand over my face again and moved further into the room. Jackson flicked out the sleeping bag onto the floor before reaching over to grab a pillow from his bed and tossing it down.
I was stripping my shirt off just as he asked, "Do you want a puzzle book?"
Laughing at how well he knew me, I said, "Yeah."
Again, he stepped close and reached past me toward his desk. Again, I should have moved to make room for him. Again, I should have done anything other than freeze; but then his arm brushed against my side, and I sucked in a breath through my nose. He froze and looked up to meet my eyes.
Maybe it was the residual alcohol. Maybe it was the connection I felt to him like no one else. Maybe it was just sheer curiosity. Whatever it was, without much thought I leaned down and pressed my lips to his.
* * *
I jerked awake, sucking in breaths.
Fuck.
I ran a hand over my face and tried to calm my thumping heart.
Jackson.
Just his name made my stomach flip. He always evoked a slew of emotions in me—even just thinking about him. But seeing him? Seeing him brought them all back at once fighting for dominance, drowning me in them. There was always this yearning that seemed the most prominent, but I shoved it aside or brushed it off as yearning for the friend I'd lost.
That night had changed me. Embedded a deep confusion about who I was. I'd considered myself straight—never even looked at another man with interest, until Jackson. I was the man who was going to carry on the Wellington name, make my family proud by continuing our legacy to run Wellington and Russo. That was who I was.
Was.
After that night, I wasn't sure anymore and it scared me. I became unsure of what people would see when they looked at me, and in turn, I'd closed myself off.
At least until Carina.
I looked over at her still sleeping form curled on her side. She'd stormed into my life after graduation, and our friendship had been fast and fierce.
Being with her reminded me of the man I was, her bold confidence bringing out my own. She was beautiful and easy to love. She laughed at my cockiness and challenged me in every aspect of my life. She made me forget that there was a side to myself I didn't understand.
Although it came roaring back when I saw Jackson for the first time after college. He'd strolled into the office like he owned the place, full of confidence I'd known so well. When our eyes locked, that confidence wavered, and he'd stumbled.
Forgetting my own boldness, I'd been a coward and gave a nod before ducking behind a door. It ended up being the copy room, and Carina had looked up with wide eyes at my sudden entrance. Not thinking it through, just needing to escape that familiar rush of uncertainty, I'd buried my hands in her hair and kissed her. She'd not only let me—she'd kissed me back.
We'd locked the door and fucked fast and hard like we were both desperate for an escape. When we left that room, we didn't mention it again, until she allowed me to seek solace in her again after my dad's death. This time I never came out.
I'd never regretted my decision to be with her. I loved Carina, but sometimes it felt like something was missing, and I couldn't help but wonder if both of us saw it but ignored it, instead clinging to each other because it was easy and we both cared so deeply.
But I had to wonder if us coming together was only the illusion of being fated from the beginning. Our supposed arranged marriage, that began as a joke, became an ending point that was inevitable. But if Carina and I were fated, then why did I keep seeing Jackson? What was our fate?
I didn't want Jackson. I wanted the gorgeous woman next to me who would help me fulfill my ro
le in our family. Babies, a new generation. I needed her.
And after that dream, I needed her comfort. I looked down at her dark hair fanned across the pillow, some flowing onto her cheeks. Leaning down, I pushed the strands back and pressed my lips to her neck. She arched and rolled to her back in her sleep and I began to wake her up with my mouth, slowly sliding down between her legs and losing myself in her.
5
Jackson
"Hey, Dorothy," I called.
"Morning, Jackson."
"How's he doing today?" I asked as I closed the door behind me to Andrew's first-floor apartment.
"Good, good." She laughed a little. "Ornery as ever."
"I'll have a talk with him." She waved me off with a smile and went back to wiping down the kitchen counters. I'd hired Dorothy when Andrew had pleaded for his independence and asked to move out. We'd been living together for two years after the accident so I could help him. But I watched it wear on him to see his friends go to college and move on to the independence he was supposed to have. I'd agreed as long as he kept up with his physical therapy, let me attend his doctor's appointments, and took some online courses for college.
It had been a hell of a struggle to make enough money to pay for a second household and the in-home physical therapy appointments, cleaning lady, and college courses. But seeing the spark in his eyes had been worth it.
It hadn't been easy to find an apartment to fit his needs either, but I'd downgraded my own apartment after he moved out to make sure I could afford a handicap-accessible one for him. I made my way down the wide hall to the living room. Walking in, I saw him sitting in his chair, watching The Price Is Right. "Hey, bro."
He turned the same brown eyes I had back at me and smirked. "Hey, asshole. Jack off for any cougars lately?"
I laughed at his joke about my job at Voyeur and flipped him the bird. "Have you?" I tossed back. My brother was not being dealt the best hand in life, but he somehow managed to make jokes and enjoy the day. At least most days.