by Cole, Fiona
I fell back into the chair and closed my eyes. This was why I never dated anyone—why I never made any promises—while I worked at Voyeur. Not that I had made any promises to Carina or Jake, but I wanted to.
Fuck. I ran a hand over my face, overwhelmed by my emotions. Fear ran rampant inside me about how much I cared and how much I wanted more from this. It also hurt me that Jake would think that I’d actually fuck someone. That he didn’t know me well enough—that he couldn’t feel how much I cared for him enough to not fuck someone tonight. I wouldn’t do that to him.
Or Carina.
Trying to hide the storm inside me, I texted back a joke because that was the safe way to communicate between me and Jake.
Jackson: Suuuure… Carina was hurt. Are you sure it isn’t you who doesn’t want me to fuck around?
Jake: You wish.
My fingers flew across the screen without thought.
Jackson: I do wish.
I hadn’t meant to be so honest. It went beyond the banter. Sweat beaded along my hairline as I waited for his response. The dots would appear, then disappear. Then appear again before disappearing. On the third time, regret sat in and I began to backtrack.
Jackson: Forget I said that.
Jackson: I didn’t think before sending. So ignore it.
Jackson: I don’t want to complicate things.
Jackson: Please.
Jackson: Alright. I’m leaving before I dig myself in a deeper hole.
Jake: Jackson.
My heart froze in my chest at the one message. Just my name.
Jake: It would hurt me too.
I couldn’t have stopped the smile if I’d been given Novocain all over my face. My heart pounded, and I even giggled—fucking giggled—the happiness that consumed me was so big. I felt like a little school girl with her first crush. And damn it felt good. Smile still firmly in place, I rushed to reassure him.
Jackson: I’m just working the bar and floor.
Jackson: I already told Daniel no performances.
Jackson: I just couldn’t do it.
There was another long pause of bouncing dots where I thought I’d said the wrong thing again and the smile slowly slipped. But it quickly reappeared when Jake’s response came through. Back to the banter.
Jake: Can’t get it up?
Jackson: I’ll show you later how well I can get it up.
Jake: Promises, promises.
Jackson: Later. ;)
I had an extra pep in my step that night on the floor. A smile for everyone. How could I not? Jake cared if I slept with someone. Not because of Carina, but because he cared. I could have floated away with the amount of happiness filling me up. I couldn’t wait to get over there. I was going to suck his cock so hard. I’d let him fuck my face and make me choke on his cock. He always got off on dominating me, knowing how much I hated to surrender like that.
But he always made up for it. He always fell to his knees and let me hold his head as I thrust deep. He never let me come in his mouth, but I didn’t really care. I enjoyed lasting longer. Maybe I’d try something different tonight. Maybe I’d sneak my hand behind his balls and press against that tempting hole I kept dreaming about. Maybe I’d lift his cock and slip my tongue between his cheeks. Lube him up before I pressed my finger inside him.
I was so lost in my daydream, I almost shouted when a warm hand landed on my shoulder. Turning around, I recognized one of my regulars. She was older, maybe fifty. She dragged her hand down my chest and pouted at me from beneath her lashes.
“I didn’t see you on the selection tonight, Jackson.”
I gripped her hand and held it, just so it couldn’t go any further down my body. “Sorry, Candace. I’m not performing tonight.”
“Not even for me?”
“Not even for you.” I gave her my best charming smile to soften the rejection.
She gave me an assessing look. “What if I paid you double? Just to jack off for me.” She was purring her suggestions, trying to seduce me into it. She was definitely forward, which I usually ate up. “No one has a cock quite like yours. So long. So thick.”
It was tempting. That was a lot of money. But then I thought of Jake and my heart fluttered like a fool. I was shaking my head before I’d even finished the thought. “Not tonight. But Aaron is available. I’ve heard he puts on a good show.” I knew he did. I’d topped him a time or two for a performance. No one ever complained.
“Okay,” she said. “Maybe another night.”
Probably not, I thought as she sulked away.
“Wow,” Charlotte said behind me. “I’ve never seen you turn down a performance.”
I didn’t answer, just shrugged. “Besides, it’s time for me to take off anyway.”
I practically skipped back to the office and put my shirt back on, racing over to check my phone. A message sat, waiting for me from Carina in our group message.
Carina: No matter how late, come over if you’re up for it.
Jackson: I’m always up for you, babe.
17
Jake
“What did you get for twenty down?”
I cocked my eyebrow at Jackson across the couch cushions. “You really want me to answer that?”
He flopped his head back on the arm of the couch with a heavy sigh. The movement pushed him further down the couch until his feet pressed against my hip. We’d been sitting like that for the past hour as we worked through some puzzles.
“Yes. I’m stuck and it’s pissing me off.”
“I’m never going to let you live this down.”
“Whatever, I’ll just beat your ass in finishing the next puzzle first. It’ll be even.”
“Keep telling yourself that.”
He poked my hip with his toes. “Just tell me.”
“Curio.”
He rolled his eyes. “Of course, it is.”
“You guys are nerds.” Carina laughed from her perch at the kitchen table.
“You love it.” I blew her a kiss over the back of the couch.
She smiled at me over the rim of her glasses and caught my kiss before pressing it to her cheek. I looked down at my puzzle and stared at the empty space of thirty down. I refused to ask if he got it after the shit I just gave him.
This was how our past two weekends had gone. Jackson came over for dinners and sexcapades. Sometimes he came over during the week, and he mostly stayed the entire weekend. We woke up, shared coffee, and did crossword puzzles. We’d run errands together, watch movies, eat, laugh, fuck, and then repeat it all over again until he left for his own place on Sunday.
It was very domesticated in an unusual way, but I loved it. I had the best of both worlds and didn’t have to look too hard at what those worlds included. I just knew I was happy with both Carina and Jackson by my side, and they seemed happy with the situation too.
“Okay, done!” Carina said, shutting her laptop. She took off her glasses and rubbed at her eyes. “I’m gonna go hop in the shower.”
“You want us to join you?” Jackson asked.
“As tempting as that sounds, I just want to stand under the water and forget what my job is for a while.”
Jackson nodded. “Understandable.”
“Are we doing anything today?” she asked, walking up to the back of the couch.
“I have to leave here in a little bit to take Andrew to an appointment.”
“Can you come by later?”
“Sure. Dinner okay? I can grab some wine.”
“Perfect.” She leaned over and pressed a kiss to my cheek before walking off.
I always took note when she didn’t kiss Jackson. It seemed they acted differently than how Jackson and I acted around each other and I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. It was like Jackson and I were more intimate at all times.
We all fucked and enjoyed each other’s company. It was just that Carina and Jackson reminded me of my earlier friendship with Jackson. A connection between two people who really liked each othe
r. A solid friendship and trust. They flirted and shared sexual banter, but it lacked the heat he had with me. He never made her feel anything less than the center of his focus when we were in bed together. But once the sex was over, it was like a switch was flipped and he was back to friends.
That switch never flipped when he was with me. He was always flirty and sexy when we interacted.
A poke to my ribs stole my attention from my book.
“Asshole.”
“Ticklish?” Jackson asked with heavy lids.
“No.”
He poked me again and I jerked. This time he didn’t stop, and a bark of laughter escaped my lips before I gripped his foot in my hand and held it down.
“I love it when you’re rough with me.”
“Liar. You always fight me.”
“Because I love the fight. It’s why I love being with men.”
“Huh?” I thought about how aggressive we were when we came together. “I do like asserting my dominance over you.”
He tossed his head back and laughed. “That’s cute.”
His admission to liking the challenge had my mind spinning. “So, you’d never be with a submissive man? Someone more feminine?”
His lips pinched as he thought it over. “Nah. I mean, never say never. But that has never drawn my attention before.”
I kept my eyes glued to the puzzle as I asked the next question. “Are you looking for anyone to draw your attention right now?”
I could feel his eyes burning a hole in my skin, but I refused to look over.
“No. I’m not looking for a relationship.”
I didn’t want to admit the amount of relief that gave me hearing him say that.
“Are you okay with our … situation?” I did look up then to see his reaction. We hadn’t had a real talk about what all of this meant. We just went with the flow, but I wanted to be able to read his face when he answered me.
“Yeah. I’m really good with the current situation.” A slow smile spread across his face as he burrowed his feet under my ass.
“What if you meet someone?”
“I have no need to meet anyone.”
“But it could happen.”
“Jake.” He breathed a small laugh and shook his head. “I’m happy here and now and that’s enough.”
I swallowed hard and nodded, still holding his gaze. He dragged his teeth over his bottom lip and inhaled.
“What if you or Carina want to stop this?” The question was low and filled with more doubt than mine. Not that I blamed him. He had a lot more to lose, and I hated that I’d put him here.
“I don’t see that happening anytime soon.”
“But you’re getting married. You don’t want to continue this forever.” His tone turned dry. “Especially when you make those babies your mom wants.”
I hated hearing the pain in his voice when he said it.
I looked away, trying to hide my cringe. I didn’t like to think too far ahead at that future. And I didn’t like to think about why I didn’t think that far ahead. I just wanted to let it all be and enjoy the moment. Thinking of not being with Jackson and not having these easy weekends of the three of us didn’t strike up a feeling I wanted to dig deeper into.
His whole body tensed when I moved my hand on top of his foot, loving the smooth skin that met the rough hair on his leg. “I’m happy here and now and that’s enough,” I repeated his words back to him.
“Just promise to stay my friend no matter what. I can’t imagine losing that again.”
“Always.”
“Whew, I feel so much better now,” Carina said, coming into the living room.
I jerked my hand away from Jackson’s foot, not sure why I didn’t want her to see. I wouldn’t mind if I found either of them touching so innocently, but I had to admit the touch was meant to offer an intimacy, a promise. It didn’t feel innocent.
Jackson looked at his watch. “I guess I better get going. I need to run by my place first before heading to get Andrew.”
Jackson stood from the couch and put on his shoes and jacket before coming back to place a gentle kiss on Carina’s lips. “Red or white wine for tonight?” he asked softly, holding her cheeks.
“White.”
One more kiss before he turned to me. I wasn’t lucky enough for a soft kiss goodbye.
No, I was luckier. He dug his hand into my hair and gripped it tight, pulling my head back to attack my lips. I sat there at his mercy and let him eat his fill, trying to take back as much as he took from my prone position on the couch. Before he pulled away, I bit his lips, smiling at his quiet ‘ouch’.
“Later,” I said once he released me.
He just harrumphed before heading out.
Carina came to fill the spot Jackson had vacated, curling her bare legs under her. I went back to my puzzle, finally solving thirty. Tactful. Smiling, I was glad I hadn’t asked Jackson for help.
Carina sat quietly on the other side of the couch, only the click of her nails coming together letting me know she was deep in thought. But in her silence, I knew there was a roar taking over her thoughts. I didn’t have to wait long for her to finally speak up.
“What’s on your mind, beautiful?”
“Nothing.”
I slowly turned my head, giving her a doubtful stare. I watched her work her bottom lip over with her teeth and waited her out. She’d break eventually. I’d begun turning my head back to my puzzle when she finally spoke, sucking the oxygen from my lungs.
“Would you ever do more with Jackson?”
“More what?” I asked slowly. “We already do a lot.”
“Have sex.”
No hesitation. Like she was asking if I’d like to try raspberry jam instead of my usual strawberry. Like she wasn’t asking me if I’d like to have sex with a man. I blinked, taking my time to center my thoughts.
“I don’t think I’m ready to be fucked.” I tried to laugh, but it came out strangled.
“What about fucking him?”
“Carina. . .” I couldn’t wrap my head around this conversation. No matter how many deep breaths or pauses or blinks, I still sat there, damn near dumbfounded at each thing she said. My heart was pounding in my chest at the thought of fucking Jackson. I had to concentrate on not letting my cock stiffen underneath my sweats at just the thought of him bent over, presenting his firm ass to me. Imagining his tight warmth welcoming me.
My mouth opened and closed, floundering for words.
“If you say you’re not gay, I’ll slap you. Sex is sex, Jake.”
“I...I don’t know if Jackson would be open to that,” I said, giving the simplest answer I could think of.
“We can ask. There’s just something about two strong bodies moving together. So hot,” she said, squirming in her seat.
Okay. Her getting turned on by the thought, talking through her fantasy, I could handle. Ignoring the racing heat because of fucking Jackson, I focused my thoughts on her.
“Oh, yeah? What would you be doing? Joining in?”
Her heavy-lidded eyes looked my bare chest up and down. “Not the first time. I’d want to watch. Play with myself while I enjoyed the show.”
I set my book aside and began to prowl over to her, caging her in against the arm of the couch. “Would I be able to watch you?”
She slid back and spread her legs to make room for my hips. “Maybe.”
“I’d bury myself in him and watch you bury your fingers in your tight cunt. Would you imagine it was me fucking you?”
“Yeah,” she breathed.
My hand slid up her thigh.
“Once I was done with him, I’d fall to my knees and eat up every drop of your orgasm.”
“God, Jake,” she moaned.
“Go to the bedroom,” I ordered.
She clamored up and I slapped her ass, ready to forget all the doubts of the morning and get lost in my fiancée.
18
Jake
“You really outdid you
rself, Carina. Chicken Carbonara is one of my favorite meals.”
Carina beamed under Jackson’s praise. She was a hardworking businesswoman, but her father wanting her to be a man’s wife had only encouraged a part of her that was already there, because she loved taking care of those important to her. She blossomed under praise, which I always made sure to give her when she took care of me.
She was a perfect woman. My equal. And I wanted to give her everything she desired. Which was why I couldn’t keep my eyes off Jackson—at least why I told myself I kept looking at him. I couldn’t stop imagining the scenario she’d painted with such clarity earlier on the couch.
“How’s the behind the scenes at work going?” Jackson asked.
Carina finished her glass of wine and set it down before answering. “It’s good. I’m excited to finally start seeing Voy come together.”
“Yeah, I can’t believe it’s only a couple weeks away now. I’m nervous.”
I watched Jackson rub at his eyebrow as he made that admission and it reminded me of all the times before we took exams. It was always his nervous tell.
“You’re going to do amazing,” I said, striving to put him at ease. “Voy is going to be amazing.”
“Thanks, man.” He dropped his nervous movement and took a deep breath. “So, any other exciting jobs going on?”
“Not really,” Carina said. “We are each checking in on other teams’ projects, but our focus is mainly on Daniel and Voy. He’s a prominent client with far-reaching contacts.”
“Carina’s already talked to Kent, Daniel’s partner, about working with him on future projects. He’ll be another lucrative client to have.”
“Much to my father’s chagrin, I’m kicking ass.”
I raised my glass to her. She sat up, proud. She had every right to be. While I loved her father, it killed me that he doubted Carina so much. So, when at the last meeting she dropped a new client she was bringing on herself, I’d had to hold back my laughter at seeing her father’s stunned silence. “You’re a shark, babe.”