by Cole, Fiona
Jake: How’s Andrew?
Jake: I called Daniel. He let me know Andrew was okay. I’m glad.
Jake: I’m sorry, Jackson. I’m so sorry.
Sorry seemed to be the only words we’d been saying lately, and I was getting tired of it. Tired of saying it, tired of hearing it.
A grunt from the bed had me jerking upright in my chair, my hands hovering over Andrew in case he needed me.
“Fuck,” Andrew groaned, the word barely scraping free of his lips.
“Hey, man. How you doing? Water?” I stood over him, so he could see me. His eyes blinked open, and I had to close mine to hide the tears building.
“You crying? Am I dying?”
“No. I’m just happy you’re okay.”
“Don’t feel okay.”
“You want some water?”
He gave a nod, and I brought a straw to his lips. I’d buzzed the nurse at his first sound of waking and they came in to check his vitals and ask questions.
“We’ll be back with some pain meds for you in a bit.”
When she left, the room was silent except for the beep of the machines and sounds from others walking around, voices drifting in through the cracked door. I drank in the sight of Andrew, alive, if not worse for wear. But I consoled myself with the fact that his eyes were open, and he was breathing.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
He took a labored breath, and I saw his fists clench at his sides. “It was just a bad week.”
“I’m so sorry, Andrew.” I moved my hand and curled my fingers around his fists, squeezing to reassure him he wasn’t alone.
“Why are you sorry?”
“I was so damn busy with my own shit to even pick up on it. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there.”
He chuckled which led to a cough and ended in a groan, pain etched across his face.
“You okay?”
“Yeah, yeah.” His chest rose and fell over a slow labored breath. “Don’t be sorry. You’re always there for me. Always. And I knew you’d be there if I called, but I didn’t. Which is on me. It’s okay to take care of you, Jackson.”
“I know. But you almost died and I—” I took a moment to swallow the lump threatening to choke me. “I can’t lose you.”
Another laugh, softer this time. “I’m too stubborn to die in case you haven’t noticed by now.” I laughed with him, memorizing his smile in case I didn’t see it for a while during his recovery. “I’m sorry I didn’t let you know and talk to you.”
I wanted to say more, but the nurse walked in with his meds ending the conversation. She put something in his IV and said she’d be back in a few hours to check on him. His eyes slid closed and he relaxed. I was sure he was asleep when Andrew spoke up in the only way he could.
“Hey, does my dick still work? Because I can’t lose that again. Otherwise pull the plug now.”
I shook my head, laughing. It was exactly what I needed to hear from him. But he must have seen something on my face.
“Hey. What’s going on? That laugh was weak-sauce for such a good dick comment.” I rolled my lips between my teeth, not even sure where to start. Not even sure I wanted to. Andrew needed to focus on feeling better. Not my shit. “Talk to me. I can see you justifying holding back and the road goes both ways. Talk to me. Distract me until my meds knock me out.”
“Are you in too much pain?”
“I’m okay. Stop avoiding the question. What’s wrong?”
I started telling him about the past week. As soon as I began, it all came pouring out of me, every detail about Jake and I finally making it to each other and every painful event of the past twelve hours.
Andrew’s hand was holding on to mine by the end, supporting me. “Damn, man.”
“I don’t get it. I mean, I do, but I thought we’d worked through it. I can’t deal with him bolting any time he has to admit our relationship. I won’t be a secret.” My chest ached at the idea of never being able to hold his hand, never being able to attend parties together, never being able to kiss him unless we were in the privacy of our home. No dates. I couldn’t live like that.
“Well, there you have it. He knows you love him, Jackson. He knows you’ll stand by him. But he also knows your stipulations. He’s got to come to you.”
A stone sank to the bottom of my stomach. “What if he doesn’t?” I whispered, too scared to say it louder.
“Then at least you know.”
He was right. I’d done all the chasing in the past week, and I didn’t want to continue it for the rest of my life with him. He knew what I needed, and he knew what he needed. He was the one that needed to make the move. The ball was in his court.
“You suck,” I joked. “Can you pass out from the drugs now?”
His eyes slid closed, but not before he was able to raise his middle finger.
I wanted to ring the nurse and ask her to give me some of those drugs, so I could black out from my misery. If only for a little while.
The wait was going to be hell.
31
Jake
It took me two days to make it outside of Voy.
I’d messaged him all day yesterday with no response. Not that I expected one. I didn’t deserve one. Then I went to his apartment late last night, but he wasn’t home. He had probably stayed with Andrew because that’s what you did for the people you loved. You stuck by their side. Besides, it was for the best he wasn’t home. All I’d shown up with was apologies and promises. He deserved more than just words. I wasn’t winning him back with more words. So, I spent the night making my plan to do more than just talk.
I’d had to return to work—dreading it—but my vacation time was up. It had been awkward with Carina, but cordial. I’d had to make it a point to avoid looking at her father, who spent the day scowling at me. He’d made a subtle comment in the afternoon meeting, and Carina had looked over to me, rolling her eyes, smiling. I’d given her a shamed look but smiled with her. That was the moment I knew we’d eventually be okay.
At lunch I’d ran into Todds and asked him how the baby was.
“Good. Great. Wife is great and we’re all exhausted, but happy.”
“That’s good to hear.”
“How about your friend’s brother. He doing okay?”
This was it. This was my moment to stand up for me and Jackson’s relationship. He didn’t need to be there for me to show him how much I loved him and chose him. This was my first action to show my love for him. And my body quaked with nerves, but I imagined his smiling face and pulled my shoulders back, ready to say it out loud, like it deserved.
“He’s not my friend. He’s uh, he’s my boyfriend.”
Todds’ eyebrows rose into his hair line at that revelation, but he didn’t cower or scowl in disgust. “Um…Didn’t realize you and Carina broke up? Not that I’m judging,” he said, holding his hands up.
I rubbed a hand along the tense shoulders of my neck and let out a small laugh. “We decided we’re better as friends.”
“Good for you, man. Hope your boyfriend’s brother is okay.” Then he grabbed his cup of coffee and left.
I stood staring at the empty space for a solid five minutes, barely blinking, barely breathing. That was it. That was the big thing that had held me back and pulled me away from the man I loved.
It was nothing. I wanted to laugh at how simple it all was. I also wanted to punch myself in the face for how much I’d royally fucked up. Jackson was right, even if Todds’ reaction had been bad, it wouldn’t have mattered as long as I had Jackson by my side.
Todds’ reaction invigorated me and held me through the day until I finally sat in front of Voy, my sweating hands gripping the leather wheel. My phone vibrated from my seat, and I quickly responded.
Mom: Dinner tonight still on?
Me: Yup.
I shook out my hands and got out of the car, standing tall as I pulled the door open to the bar. Searching through the dim interior, I spotted Jackson behind the bar. God,
he was beautiful, but he looked tired with dark circles under his eyes and his scruff fuller than the last time I saw him. I ached to go to him and soothe him, take him home and love him back to feeling better.
And I would. But first, I needed him to know I was done with words. I was done hiding.
Each step vibrated through my body with purpose. I edged my way around people, bumping shoulders and barely feeling a thing. My world was focused on the man drying glasses behind the bar. The music didn’t get past the rush of my pulse in my ears. My heart raced and fluttered like it was trying to beat out of my chest to get to him.
And then he was there. His chocolate eyes looked up and widened in shock, but I didn’t stop. I held his stare as I rounded the bar and ducked under, coming up on the same side as him. I still didn’t stop. He stood there frozen, and I couldn’t help but smile with each foot I erased between us.
His mouth opened in shock when I was almost in front of him and I dove in, gripping his cheeks as I attacked his mouth. Taking the invitation of his open mouth, I pushed my tongue inside and tasted him, urged him to give as much as I was taking. In the next second, his arms were around me, holding me to him. His lips fused to mine with a purpose, and we kissed like it’d be the last time our lips would ever touch.
When breathing became pertinent, we pulled back with soft pecks, and rested our foreheads together, breaths mingling between our lips. “Love you,” I whispered.
“I love you, too.” He laughed. “I wasn’t sure you’d ever come through.”
It hurt hearing that he doubted me, but it was my fault the doubt was there. “I’m so sorry I pulled away. I’m so sorry I hid our love. There is nothing to hide between us. I love you, and I want everyone to know how lucky I am.”
“Just don’t do it again.”
“Never. I’m always going to stand by you.”
“Fuck, I love you. Thank you for being brave for me.”
My face cracked into the biggest grin and I kissed him again. But the chorus of cheers finally broke through. We laughed and turned to everyone staring at the way Jackson and I clung to each other, clapping and cheering our happiness on.
“It’s about damn time,” someone muttered. I looked to find Daniel across the bar staring into his beer, smiling.
I turned back to Jackson. “I love you and I’m so sorry. I can’t say it enough. I’ll make out with you in every bar, park, restaurant, and hospital for as long as you’ll let me.”
“God, yes,” he groaned and kissed me again. We couldn’t take our lips off each other and my lungs expanded, now that the boulder of fear had been removed from my chest.
“Can you come to dinner?”
“Now?” he asked, looking around at the crowded bar.
“Yeah.”
“Shit,” he said, his smile slipping.
“I’ll cover you,” Daniel spoke up.
“Are you sure?” Jackson asked.
“Yeah.” Daniel waved off his concern and finished his glass of beer before standing. “Go on.”
“The great Daniel Witt is going to bartend,” a man with dark hair, sprinkled with gray joked beside him. “Haven’t seen that since college.”
Daniel cuffed him on the back of his head. “As the bartender, you’re cut off.”
“I’ll just make friends with the pretty girl over there to serve me.”
“You’re a dog, Kent.”
That must have been Alexander Kent, Daniel’s partner and the man who had Carina working her ass off.
“Woof,” he said, laughing before finishing his own beer and looking down at the blonde bartender at the other end of the bar.
“Where are we going?” Jackson asked, pulling my attention back to him.
“My mom’s.”
“Really?” he asked, shocked.
“Yeah, I already told her about you. She smacked my head for holding back for so long.”
“You told your mom?” he asked slowly.
“Yeah. Just, uh, try to humor her when she starts pestering you about a wedding.”
He threw his head back and laughed. “I love that woman.” He held my hands and leveled me with a serious stare. “Are you sure you’re ready for this?”
“Yeah, I want my mom to meet my boyfriend, and she’s excited to bug you.”
His whole face lit up like a Christmas tree and my chest swelled with pride that I could make him that happy. Just by admitting my love to him. “Okay,” he breathed and pressed another quick kiss to my lips before dragging me out from behind the bar.
We could barely keep our hands off each other during the drive to my mom’s and ended up making out in the car for almost ten minutes before we finally went in.
“How do you feel about road head?” Jackson whispered in my ear just as my mom opened the door.
I had to keep my hips back from my mom when she wrapped her arms around me and discreetly adjusted my cock when she turned to Jackson, who winked at me over her shoulder, knowing damn well what he’d done.
“Jackson, I’m so glad to see you again. And of course, looking more handsome than ever. My son’s love will do that to you.” She nudged him with a wink.
He blushed and looked down at his feet, smiling before speaking. “You’re looking ravishing yourself, Mrs. Wellington.”
She gave an exasperated sigh. “I said to call me Joanne.” She gestured for us to follow her to the dining room. As soon as we sat she turned a frown to Jackson. “I thought I told you to bring your brother the next time you came by.”
Jackson cleared his throat, and the smile slipped from his face. “He’s actually in the hospital at the moment. He had some complications that required surgery. But he’s expected to make a full recovery.”
“Oh, poor boy. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help. I do charity work for the hospital. So, I’ll make sure to get him a good care package sent to his room.”
“Of course, thank you.”
“Make sure a hot nurse drops it off for him,” I chimed in.
“Jake,” Jackson groaned, but laughed. “Don’t encourage him.”
“Actually,” Mom spoke up, a finger in the air. “I can make that happen.”
Jackson laughed, and I reached across the space between us and held his hand just as dinner was served.
This time when he looked at me, he radiated happiness, such a far cry from the last time we sat at the table when his sadness reached into my chest and squeezed. Now, I sat with the love of my life, feeling pride at the happiness filling the space between us as food was served.
This was my life, and I couldn’t wait to shout it to everyone around how lucky I was to have Jackson by my side.
Epilogue
Jake
“It’s about time you moved out of that shithole.” Andrew rolled his chair over and bumped into Jackson’s shins.
Jackson rolled his eyes at his brother. “It wasn’t that bad,” he muttered, half-ass defending his old apartment. He couldn’t even say it with conviction because he knew how bad it was.
“Yes, it was,” Daniel said from his perch against the arm of the couch, a beer dangling between his legs. “Thank God Jake finally convinced you to move in with him.”
“We were just waiting for my lease to be up. That way we could find a new home together,” I said, linking my fingers with Jackson’s and bringing them to my lips.
His full lips tipped into a small smile, and his eyes sparked with happiness. The glint always made an appearance when I showed him affection in public. So, I did it as much as possible. And if my anxiety peaked because I could feel people staring, I ignored it and held on to him tighter.
He leaned in and kissed my cheek. “I love you,” he murmured before pulling back.
“Love you too.”
Our friends and family stood around us, talking, drinking, laughing, and celebrating. Jackson and I had closed on our house a month ago, coincidentally on the six-month anniversary of when I attacked him at Voy, making him mi
ne.
We casually talked about what kind of home we wanted, but never made any plans. Then I announced my lease was up and asked him to move in with me. To create a home we could grow into together. We found a ranch home, so Andrew could visit and stay with us comfortably. It had four bedrooms that we could fill with kids if we wanted.
And Jackson wanted. I’d brought it up one night after my mom not so casually hinted at it, and he’d mauled me that night. We made love hard, each trying to express our passion more. I think there was a dent in my apartment wall from where he’d slammed me so hard before devouring me. All at just the mention of kids.
So, when it came time to look for houses, we decided more bedrooms were better.
“Carina did a good job decorating everything,” Daniel said, looking around at the simple and warm open floor plan. “I still can’t believe she did this for you.”
“I’m still not sure there isn’t a booby-trap she set up.”
“You’d deserve something like that.”
“Yeah,” I said on a heavy sigh, dragging my hand through my hair. “She’s a hell of a woman, and we’re lucky she didn’t decide to cut us out of her life.”
Carina’s and my friendship started back slowly. Just a few comments over lunch, a shared eye roll in office meetings, a smile and wave as we passed in the halls at the apartment. Then we began sharing lunches again, just like we had when we were only friends. She didn’t ask about Jackson, which I knew hurt him, but he understood. He’d said he was happy I was getting my friend back. He knew how much Carina’s friendship meant to me.
Then one day she’d shown up at Voy and told Jackson he could win her over if he got her a free pass at Voyeur, because movie porn just wasn’t cutting it. He’d thrown his head back and laughed, treated her to free drinks for the night, and I wasn’t sure whatever came of her visit to Voyeur. It wasn’t my concern anymore.
“Speak of the devil,” Jackson said.
I looked over to the door just as Carina came walking through the front door. She saw me across the room and smiled. After removing her coat, she grabbed a glass of wine from my mom, who was playing hostess in the kitchen, and came over giving Jackson and I hugs.