by Lucia Franco
"No worries. I'm just grateful you have them. Thanks," I said.
I went back into the bathroom and took care of business. I hated having my period during a gymnastics meet. I was always afraid it would show somehow. Luckily my leotard was a hunter green with encrusted hot pink Swarovski crystals. If I did leak, it wouldn't show.
"Girl, you always should have them on you," Holly said when I emerged from the bathroom dressed and ready to go.
I offered her a smile and nodded, then walked over to my suitcase to pull out my scarf and coat. My nerves were a little wired, but overall, I felt confident. After this meet, there was one more in Italy, the Olympic Trials, and then the team would be selected.
"I usually do but I don't know what I was thinking to not bring them. I guess I just have a lot on my mind. That's all." I would never forget after this, that was for sure.
She eyed me curiously. "Yeah, Hayden's mentioned you've had it rough lately. I know he's been worried."
I hesitated for split moment, then wrapped the headscarf over my ears. There were so many things he could've told her.
"What do you mean?"
She brushed it off and zipped her coat up. "Nothing we can't talk about tonight if you want." She smiled but it wasn't enough to smooth out my feathers. "It's not bad or anything, he’s just been worried about you for a while. We both were."
I stared at her, wondering which direction this conversation would go in when she pointed to my makeup bag. I turned and found I hadn't zipped it closed, and the tops of my medicine bottles were showing.
"You don't need to explain anything to me, I just hope you're okay," she said gently.
Shit. I'd been good at hiding my illnesses for the most part, but with my head focused on my routines and the two-day meet we were at, I'd left the bottles out in the open. Taking the medicine had become second nature to me these days, and I’d been coming to terms with it. Kind of.
Holly walked over and hugged me. "I know we haven't known each other all that long, but I'm always here for you. I love you like a sister."
I smiled and thanked her. "Those are prescriptions from my doctors. I have an autoimmune disease and I have no choice but to take them. I'm fine, Holly. Honestly. I’m better than I've been actually, but we can exchange war stories tonight if you want to."
That was all I was giving her. I wouldn't add I that had kidney disease, or that I'd need a transplant in the near future. I wouldn’t add I that was better because of Kova and the words he’d said to me.
I want to live with you.
But it was the first time I had spoken positive about my future, and surprisingly, it made me feel good.
Rubbing my shoulders, Kova looked down at me. I was freezing, and he was trying to help keep my joints warm before I stepped onto the podium for my first routine. I was a little jealous that he was wearing a thick turtle neck. Combined with his business slacks, Kova looked fine as hell dressed in all black. The color accented his alluring green eyes perfectly.
I shivered and rubbed the side of my head. The headache I woke up with hadn't subsided.
"You are ready," he stated.
Tight-lipped, I nodded as my eyes skirted around trying to take in everything at once. I chewed the inside of my lip. Nerves and a nauseous stomach were a terrible combo. Not only were the best athletes in the world here, but there were sports agents, news stations to televise the competition, college coaches trying to recruit gymnasts, and the Olympic committee too.
"Hey. Look at me," Kova said, and my eyes snapped to his. "Focus on me. Do not look anywhere else and do not watch the other gymnasts. Keep your head in the game."
He tipped his head down and his eyes bore deeper into mine. He was quiet for a moment, helping me find my ground, giving me comfort. I released a breath I hadn't realized I was holding.
"You got this. You have never been more prepared than this moment, yes?" he said, and I bobbed my head. "Remember why you are here, think about how you got here. You did it because of your perseverance when the world was against you and because of your hard work and determination. You got this, Adrianna. Do not let that voice in your head get to you."
"I'm working on it."
He leaned in and lowered his voice. "Two of your routines have the most points in difficulty than all the girls here. That is huge. It already puts you one step ahead. Even with everything you have been up against these last six months, you kept going when everyone else would have folded. You got this. Just get your head right. Think only about your routine, and smile. Have fun out there. You earned this."
He had a point. Even if the other competitors were able to maximize all their points, I could still take the lead in vault and bars—taking the World Champion titles. The only way that wouldn't happen would be for me to make a mistake. But I wouldn't. I’d worked too hard for this to let anyone take it from me. Especially now. Floor was my favorite and my routine always got the crowd and judges on their feet, so to speak. And beam, well, that was a whole other story, but I wasn't worried.
As usual, Kova was right.
"Adrianna?" he said, and I glanced into his eyes. "It is you against yourself. Some people thrive under pressure while others concede. You flourish more than anyone I have ever seen. And I am not saying that to fill your head with empty words just to encourage you or give you a little pep talk. It is how I truly feel and what I see. It is the truth. Remember, let it inspire you to live your dream. You came to win. Nothing else."
Exhaling a ragged breath, the tension in my neck loosened. I knew the "it" he was referring to was the kidney disease. He was trying to be as discrete as he could because he knew I didn't want anyone to know about it. My face softened. I knew Kova meant what he said, he wouldn't waste his breath on useless words. He was honest to a fault and I guess I liked that about him.
"Thanks," I said quietly. He was always right.
"Now go chalk up. I am sure you could use more."
I forced back a smile and walked over to the chalk bowl. I plunged my hands into the powder and it puffed up in a cloud in front of me. I could taste it in my mouth.
"I'm so nervous," I said to Holly, who was standing next to me. "Why am I so freaking nervous? Maybe I should've eaten something before I left. My stomach is in knots and I'm overanalyzing."
She chuckled. "Ah, because you have a lot more riding at the moment than I do? I'm just hoping I can gain the attention of a college coach. You want the freaking Olympic coaches to notice you."
"You haven’t heard back from Alabama yet?"
"No, but it's still early. I'm just stressed and wished I had applied to other schools as a backup now.
Holly placed her hand over mine and took it in hers. I looked at her and she frowned.
"It's the medicine," I whispered. "Sometimes it gives me the shakes and makes me jittery."
"Nerves are good. They're what keep us going, make us feel alive. If you didn't have nerves, then you kind of lose the fun of the sport. Am I right?"
My heart pumped the adrenaline through my veins at a high speed, like a build up to the climax of a movie. I could feel it coming and I couldn't wait to feel the beat drop only to replay it over and over again.
"Yeah, you're right. It's just, gymnastics is so unpredictable, you know? And there are so many incredible gymnasts here and we all pretty much want the same thing. We're all fighting for a chance to prove ourselves."
I sighed, my shoulders heavy with the weight of the world.
Before Holly could respond, the bell rang over the intercom. A signal to let us know the meet was about to start. I brushed the excess chalk from my hands and wiped it on my thighs.
Go time.
Looking for my coach one last time, our eyes locked for a brief moment. With his hands propped on his hips, I felt like he was giving me the courage I needed to be brave.
Putting one foot in front of the other, I walked up the stairs.
Fifty
"What is wrong?" Kova asked, squattin
g in front of me.
I was sitting on the floor stretching my foot out before I applied sports tape.
And I was annoyed as hell.
Gritting my teeth, I said, "First of all. I've had a headache since I woke up and it just won't go away. Second, there's a stupid Russian girl who's name I can't even pronounce just trailing my ass on every rotation. She's so close that if I blink she’ll pass me."
Kova grinned proudly and took my foot in his hands to carefully flex it. He held my heel and pressed on the center of my arch with his thumb. I leaned back on my hands.
"Damn those Russians and their skills," he said, and I raised a brow. "Taina Mstislav." His accent was so thick as he said her name, I couldn't even mimic it. "It means glorious defender."
"Not what I wanted to hear."
He shrugged. "Russians have always dominated the sport. They view it a little differently. Most girls are plucked from small towns with nothing on their back and the family is poor. They are given a roof and food and all the training they need, but they have to pay it back by winning. It does not matter which Russian girl wins, only that Russia must win. You do it for the love of your country."
My forehead bunched together. "What happens if they don't win?"
"Russia breaks girls." He was silent for a moment, then said almost painfully, "You do not want to know."
I glanced at Taina, who was right behind me in the standings. She didn't know I was watching her.
"Is that her coach?" I asked Kova.
He followed my gaze. "Yes." He said her name.
"You know her?"
"I know of her."
I watched the way Taina’s shoulders fell, how her back went ramrod straight, the way she nodded quickly as she received instruction from her coach. The coach's eyes nearly bulged from her head. Taina's hands were cupped behind her back and she twisted and turned her fingers until the tips were purple.
Kova finished taping my Achilles and watched them for a moment with me.
"I will always have love for my country," he said, "but I do not agree with how Russia handles things. It is cruelty."
"Kova?" I waited until he looked at me before continuing. "I'm going to beat her," I said with resolute determination.
The corner of his mouth tugged to one side and he cupped the side of my face. "You better."
Standing, Kova held his hand out for me. I stood and fixed my leotard so my butt wasn't showing.
"Did you drink enough water today? I can get you some Gatorade if you’d like."
I shook my head. I didn't care for sugary drinks. "I'll be fine. The caffeine withdrawal is real," I joked. "I'm going to get the biggest cup I can find after the meet." All I had was the balance beam and floor left, and then I was free.
Kova studied me. The lights made his eyes sparkle, though I would never tell him that. "Are you feeling okay? Overall?"
"Actually, yes. I'm a little tired but nothing I can't handle. I think when I changed the way I viewed things, it changed a lot for me in general. It just took me a minute to get there."
Holly walked over. "Hey. Do you want to warm up with me?" she asked, then eyed Kova.
"Go," he said, playfully clapping my back. "You ladies have a few minutes until it is time to start."
Kova walked away and we sat down to stretch. After a few minutes, Holly spoke.
"Adrianna?"
"Yeah," I said, reaching for my feet and feeling the burn in my hamstrings. I loved the way my muscles pulled. I stood and turned over into handstand pirouettes.
Holly stood closer to me. Quietly, so only I could hear, she said, "You should really be careful with the way you look at our coach."
I froze. The back of my neck burned with guilt but I quickly recovered and pretended like I didn't know what she was talking about.
"I don't understand." But she knew I did. I could see it in her eyes. My heart was about to pump out of my chest. "There's nothing going on," I stated under my breath.
She gave me a knowing smile and tipped her head to the side. "If that's what you want to go with, I get it. It's one thing at World Cup, but at a meet, let alone an international one, you can't let it happen. Not with so many people and cameras around."
I struggled not to panic. "I didn't let anything happen, though."
"You may not have, but he sure did." Holly paused and chose her next words carefully. "Whatever is going on between you two, he's making it very obvious. It's why I asked you to stretch. I was worried someone would see."
I blinked, then blinked again. I didn't know what to say to that.
"When do you ever see a coach look at a gymnast with the intensity that he looked at you? Never. Usually we're all getting yelled at."
She had a point, and I worked on remaining cool and collected. "Holly, but nothing is happening."
Leaning in, she lowered her voice to a whisper. "I had a coach once… but he wasn't like Kova," she said and shivered like it was a bad memory. "If it wasn't for Kova, I don't know what I'd have done."
I frowned. "What does that mean?"
She licked her lips. "Tonight? We'll talk tonight. Just stop looking at each other like no one else is in the room."
Holly walked away while I stood there silently panicking inside unsure of what to do. I picked at my nails and stared in a daze, trying to think about what could have given us away just now. If she saw something, then someone else probably did too.
Shit.
"Congratulations, Adrianna," my dad said, giving me a big hug. The meet was finally over and I got to see him. It would only be for a couple of hours because of the rules, but I'd take it.
"Thanks, Dad." He pulled back and wore a huge smile. "You know, it's kind of funny that I rarely see you in Florida, yet you fly to Scotland to watch me?"
"This is a big moment. Of course I had to be here and I'm so glad I was. How many medals did you walk away with?"
I smiled bigger, still shocked I’d won even one medal despite everything. "Four. Three gold and one bronze." Naturally the bronze was in beam, but I didn't care. At this point in my life, any medal was better than no medal at all.
Kova walked up to us and placed a cup in front of me. "Coffee," was all he said, and I took it, smiling up at him, so thankful he’d remembered. I sipped it immediately and sighed.
"Konstantin."
I paused mid-sip at the enunciation of his name. I thought I caught a stiffness in my dad’s tone.
"Frank. It is good to see you, my friend."
"Likewise."
"Adrianna did magnificent today," Kova said proudly. He was positively beaming, and for a second, I wondered if this was what Holly had been talking about.
"She did. I'm very proud."
"A few university coaches pulled me aside to ask about her future, if she had plans to compete in college. I was not sure if you guys had spoken about that or not."
My eyes widened in excitement. "Really? Who?"
He glanced down. "I cannot say, but there is interest. Do you remember when we talked about prizes and I did not recommend accepting them?" he asked, and I nodded, gripping my cup. The heat felt good in my hand. "If you had accepted, I would not have been approached and there would be no interest."
"Is there interest from anyone I should be concerned about?" Dad asked stiffly. His eyes were fixated on Kova like he was trying to get a psychic reading on him. All three of us stood in awkward silence for a moment.
"Well, I was not going to say anything just yet, but I did overhear the committee speaking and Adrianna's name was mentioned."
Now, I knew this was a lie. He wouldn't have heard them talking freely, because it never would have happened. The committee was very private and spoke behind closed doors, not out in the public. Kova was trying to cover up and brush off Dad's question like he was totally oblivious. I knew instantly to play along.
I gasped obnoxiously loud and bounced on my toes. "No way! You heard my name?" I said, and Kova nodded. I looked at my dad to gauge hi
s reaction. "Dad! This is so exciting! I wish Xavier was here with us now," I said eagerly then leaned into his side for a half hug.
He wrapped an arm around my back and pulled me tight to him in an overprotective manner. My heart thumped against my ribs so hard it was beginning to feel painful.
Clearing his throat, Dad said, "This is fantastic news. Thank you, Konstantin. If it is okay with you, I'd like to have dinner with my daughter. I won't keep her late. I know she has to compete again tomorrow. In fact, after dinner when Adrianna goes back to her room, you can stop by for a drink."
I almost choked on my coffee. That was no invitation, but a demand. Kova had to be dense to miss it.
"Of course," Kova said with a pleasant smile on his face. "I look forward to catching up with you. We have a lot to speak about. I would like to know where you stand about college for her so I can be prepared when I am asked again."
My chest couldn’t take anymore tension. I jumped in. "Dad, if we're going to dinner, let's get going. I'm frozen and I haven't eaten all day."
Kova stopped me. "Why have you not eaten?" he asked, looking at me with apprehension.
"I can't train, let alone compete on a full stomach. It has to be completely empty."
"You did not eat one thing today?" Kova glanced at his watch then at Frank before he looked at me again. "We have been here for seven hours, not counting the time since you woke up, and you had nothing at all?"
"No. Just a little water this morning."
Now that I thought about it, the medicine was probably what messed with my stomach this morning and why I felt so nauseous. Some of the pills were supposed to be taken with food and they hadn't been.
"That is very dangerous, Adrianna. That is why you had a headache all day. You need to eat something before you step foot on the floor tomorrow."
"You had a headache?" Dad added, his voice panic-stricken. Color drained from his face. "What else? Anything else bothering you?"
I knew where he was going with this, so I smiled sweetly at him and tried to ease his worries.