You’d think that would’ve changed considering how she felt about him, but if he was honest, it only made him want her more.
“Is this what you two have been doing all day?” She hung her purse on the hooks by the front door as Jaden killed Josh’s character and stood to cheer in victory.
“What else are we supposed to do?” Jaden asked, plopping back down on the couch. “Prison’s super fun.”
“Watch it, mister,” she said. “Have you eaten?”
“I ordered a pizza,” Josh said. “It should be here any second.”
“We’re starving,” Jaden said. “Smash Bros. is hard work.”
Carly shook her head and rolled her eyes.
“Wanna go again, old man?” Jaden asked.
Josh set his controller on the coffee table. “Let me talk to your mom for a few minutes first.”
The doorbell rang.
Josh stood and reached for his wallet in his back pocket. “I’ll get it.”
She looked at him, then looked away. “Thanks.”
“’Course.”
He paid and tipped the delivery guy, then took the pizza and closed the door. Seconds later, Jaden swiped the box from him and took it into the kitchen.
“Are you staying?” Carly asked.
“Uh, no,” he said, only just then realizing that would be awkward for her. “I should probably get going.”
“I’m not done kicking your butt,” Jaden called from in the kitchen.
Josh laughed. He liked this, probably more than he should. If he let himself, he could convince himself they were a happy family.
“He seems in good spirits,” Carly said.
Josh nodded. He wouldn’t tell her about the quiet stretches, the times he was certain Jaden was trying to keep himself from going down a mental rabbit hole of negativity.
“You’re not going to eat?” she asked.
“Nah,” he said. “I’m not really hungry. I’m crashing with Cole for a few days until I can find a decent rental.”
She made a face. “Nobody’s really seen him lately. Is he doing okay?”
Josh frowned. “He has practice every morning.”
“And then what?”
Josh didn’t know. He hadn’t been at the house during the days. “Because of Gemma?”
Carly’s expression turned knowing. “It was bad.”
“I didn’t even know they split,” Josh said, wondering if Carly would judge him for that—he wasn’t just a lousy father, he was a lousy friend.
Josh and Cole had grown up together. Played football together. Next to Carly, Cole had been his best friend, but when he left Harbor Pointe, he left his whole life behind, and that included Cole. He regretted that now.
“And you’re okay to miss work?” she asked, changing the subject.
He shrugged.
She scoffed. “‘Course you are. You’re rich now.”
He’d increased the amount of money he was sending her, but he’d also socked away quite a bit in a college fund for their son. Carly didn’t know about that, but when the time came, he didn’t want money holding Jaden back, and he didn’t want Carly to have to worry about it.
He didn’t want her to have to worry about anything.
“We survived our new launch, and now we wait for people to make those in-app purchases. Passive income and all that.”
“Must be nice to be able to take off whenever you want.”
He didn’t tell her he spent most of his night poring over emails from Rebecca. He wrote code and worked out some of the kinks his new programmers couldn’t untangle. He’d say, all in all, he was running on about three hours of sleep a night.
The business was important—but not more important than Jaden. If she knew any of that, she’d likely try to convince him to get back to the city.
And right now, that wasn’t what he wanted.
“I’ve got a good team,” he said absently.
She waved him off. “I don’t get it at all, but I’m happy you’re successful.”
“Thanks.” Maybe one day I’ll be good enough to win you back.
Spending time here, seeing them both every day, it had solidified something in his mind—he wanted another chance. He was older now, more responsible, not a total screw-up like he’d been back then.
Plus, he had faith in something bigger than himself. God had helped him change, maybe even forgive himself a little.
But would that ever be enough? Would she ever let him back in?
“Hey, could you maybe hang out with Jaden tomorrow evening?”
Jaden walked through the entry and into the living room, carrying a plate piled high with at least four slices of pizza. “You eating, Dad? You said you were starving.”
He avoided Carly’s eyes. Did it count as a lie if he was simply trying to escape unscathed and not put her in the awkward position of kicking him out?
“What time do you need me?” Josh asked. “Tomorrow night, I mean.”
She pressed her lips together. “Maybe seven?”
Jaden muted the television. “I thought you were off at three tomorrow.”
Carly shifted. “I am.”
Both Jaden and Josh stared at her.
“I kind of have a date,” she said.
Jaden stopped mid-bite. “A what?”
Now it was Carly doing the avoiding. She walked into the kitchen, leaving Josh and Jaden staring at each other.
“Did she just say she has a date?” Jaden asked.
“Yep.” And Josh was staying with Jaden so the date could happen. What a cruel twist of fate.
“Mom doesn’t date.” Jaden shrugged, then clicked a button on the remote, filling the room with sounds of some YouTuber demonstrating how to play Josh’s new video game.
Josh stood still for several seconds, running through his options. Did he act like it was no big deal—like it meant nothing to him if she went on a date with someone? Did he ask her questions about the guy, like he was a friend who wanted all the details (when he absolutely did not)? Did he walk out the door and end this charade that there would ever be a place for him here?
He moved through the dining room and into the kitchen, where Carly stood at the counter, eating a piece of pizza. She must not have heard him come in, because she didn’t turn toward him or acknowledge him.
He stole the moment to admire her.
He hadn’t thought it was possible for Carly Collins to get any more beautiful than she was in high school, but here she was. And she was even more beautiful.
He’d been doing really well ignoring the longing that seemed to accompany his days and especially his nights ever since he’d purposed to redeem himself with Jaden a little over a year ago. His intention had been solely to repair the nonexistent relationship between his son and himself, and he hadn’t counted on old feelings for Carly resurfacing.
But he had something to offer them now. Finally, he felt like he could maybe earn a place in their lives again.
More than anything, he just wanted them to be happy—even if it meant he took a back seat. Even if it meant hanging out with Jaden so Carly could go on a date with someone else.
The thought twisted inside his belly. He didn’t want to think about someone else holding her hand, kissing her good night—or more. What if she liked the guy? Or worse, what if she fell in love?
I promise to cherish you. To take care of you. To do what’s best for you and to always put your happiness before my own.
The words rushed back, as they often did, reminding him why his actions were necessary. Though he and Carly had never married, he’d made promises to her all the same. The only thing that mattered was her happiness, and now, Jaden’s health.
“Hey, I’ll come by in the morning so I’m here when you leave,” he said.
Carly turned toward him, still chewing a bite of pizza. She nodded, swallowed, then said, “Thanks.”
“And I’ll stay ’til whenever. Get him out of the house, that sort of thing.”
/>
“That’s great of you, Josh. I appreciate it.”
“Gotta prove I’ve changed one way or another.” His laugh was humorless.
She tossed the half-eaten slice of pizza into the box.
“Is this how you usually eat dinner?”
She shrugged. “Usually.”
“Rebecca tells me it’s important to sit down and enjoy your food.”
“Rebecca?”
“My assistant,” he said. “Well, not really my assistant anymore. She’s more of a partner now.”
Carly gave him a nod.
Why was he talking about Rebecca?
“She’s a co-worker. Helped me get the most recent app off the ground.” Josh leaned against the doorjamb. “She’s usually right about stuff like this, so you should probably sit down and enjoy your food.”
“Is that what you do, Mr. Workaholic?”
He shrugged. “No, actually. Almost never. I eat at my desk most days.”
She faced him straight on. Man, she was beautiful—but it wasn’t her beauty that took his breath away—it was the way she looked at him. Like she knew him. Like she saw him.
He missed that. He missed her.
Jaden pushed past him into the kitchen and grabbed a Coke from the fridge. “Who’s the guy?” He cracked open the soda.
“What?” Carly looked caught.
“Your date. Who’s it with?” Jaden took a drink.
Carly’s eyes darted toward Josh, then back to their son. “Actually, it’s with Dr. Willette.”
Jaden frowned. “My doctor?”
“The very one.”
Josh’s heart dropped. She was going out with that guy? He was so buttoned-up. So boring. So opposite of Josh.
“Isn’t there some kind of code against that? Is he breaking the law or something by asking you out?”
Carly opened the refrigerator and pulled out a pitcher of water. “No, Jaden. It’s not against the law.”
“Well, it’s not cool,” Jaden said. “Now my appointments are going to be even weirder than they are with you two in the same room.” He looked at Josh. “You three.”
Josh looked away. “I’m gonna get going.”
Get me out of here.
“Come back tomorrow so I can kick your butt some more.” Jaden grinned, then walked back to the living room. Josh gave him a playful shove as he passed by.
He held on to Carly’s gaze as the seconds ticked by, then she finally looked away.
“See you tomorrow,” he said.
“Yep.”
He walked out, said goodbye to Jaden and as soon as he hit the front porch, he inhaled a sharp breath.
How much more of this could he take?
“Josh?”
Carly’s voice from behind stopped him. He begged himself to hold it together. He didn’t want her thinking he was upset about her going out with the doctor. He didn’t want her knowing he was struggling to sort through his regret, his mistakes, his own idiocy. Not to mention the overwhelming desire coursing through his veins.
The idea of Carly with anyone else—no matter how happy the guy made her—turned his thoughts dark.
But she didn’t need to hear that right now. She needed someone strong and solid. Probably someone like that doctor.
He turned. “Yeah?”
“What are you doing here? I mean really?”
His chest tightened. “Do you want me to go?”
“No,” she said quickly. “I just don’t know what to make of any of this. You’re in there being Super-Dad, helping me, hanging out with Jaden—” She shook her head. “I just don’t get it.”
“What can I say? I’m full of surprises.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and stared her down.
“I’m serious, Josh.” And the look on her face said as much.
“I told you before, I’m not the same guy I was.”
“Because you’ve got money now?”
“Because I know what’s important now.” Did he ever. It hadn’t taken a life-threatening illness or a brush with death to realize the error of his ways. It had simply taken a taste of success followed by the revelation that he’d left behind the only people he wanted to share it with.
And maybe he was fooling himself. After all, the odds of her forgiving him were slim. He’d made a choice, and it had been the right choice at the time. He’d done what he needed to do.
He had so much to work through back then—he still did. But that didn’t stop him from hoping he could win her back. That didn’t stop him from wanting to be good enough for Carly and for Jaden.
Was he fooling himself?
“We’re not playing house here, Josh. You being here, it’s confusing.”
“Confusing for Jaden or for you?”
She crossed her arms over her chest. “Both, I guess.”
“He’s not confused,” Josh said. “He’s already forgiven me. He knows I want to be here for the right reasons.” He grew quiet. “I wish you’d believe it too.”
She looked away.
“I’m not going to let you guys down this time,” he said. “I’ll prove it—just you wait and see.” He grinned at her, despite feeling like he’d been punched in the gut.
“Good night, Josh.”
“Good night, Carly.”
His mind spun back to all the good-night kisses they’d shared on the front porch of her childhood home. Sweet, innocent kisses he wished he had the right to relive.
But not having the right hadn’t stopped him from reliving his and Carly’s greatest hits over the years, had it? Just over a year ago, their best moments seemed his only comfort. His company’s success had been fast and furious—the kind that people called an “overnight” success, even though he’d been working for years designing apps for other people or apps that never quite caught on.
And then everything changed. The free video game he’d only created as a sort of pet project, in his free time, began taking off, and it had landed him a feature in Wired magazine, naming him one of the top new tech entrepreneurs to watch.
The night the magazine released, Rebecca organized a party to celebrate Josh and his hard work, something Josh never would’ve approved if she’d told him about it ahead of time. She had to know that, so she’d kept the party a secret and turned him into the guest of honor.
And while Josh was touched by the gesture, as he walked around mingling with acquaintances and work friends, he found himself at the end of the night terribly alone and desperate for conversation with someone who understood him, someone who knew not only his work, but him, as a person.
He stood next to a giant cake that said Congratulations, Josh, scanning the room for a single person who fit that description, but he came up empty.
It had been that moment, the moment of his greatest success, that he recounted his greatest failure and began to wonder if there was a way to make it right. Because success without his family fell flat. The only people he wanted to impress, the only people he wanted cheering him on, were hours away, hating him, or at the very least, not thinking about him at all.
As he walked to his truck, then drove away from Carly’s house, he internally set his commitment to them all over again.
He may never win her back, but that didn’t stop him from wanting to be worthy of her. How did he prove that after all he’d done? How did he win forgiveness he didn’t deserve?
It didn’t matter. He’d spend his whole life working to earn her trust. And if it wasn’t enough—and it most certainly wouldn’t be—at least he would be better for it.
And more than anything, Josh wanted to be a better man.
Because of Jaden. And because of her.
11
Josh showed up, as promised, ten minutes before Carly had to leave for work.
It had been a week since the parade. A week since she started living in the land of I-don’t-know. Would things ever go back to normal?
“He’s still sleeping,” she’d said. “You might get out of here early
—he said something about hanging out with Grady tonight, some ski thing.”
Josh nodded. “And you’re okay with that?”
“Yes. I briefed both Grady and Quinn yesterday, so I feel pretty good about leaving him with them.”
“Sounds good.”
It was weird, talking to him about their son, as if they were making arrangements for a toddler who needed a babysitter. Truth be told, she’d called Quinn last night and asked if Jaden could hang out with them. The thought of seeing Josh right before her date had her nerves on edge.
Not that she’d told Quinn that was her reason.
That she would keep to herself.
“Hey, how has he seemed to you? His mood, I mean?” Carly had noticed Jaden was quieter than usual, which was saying something because he, like his father, wasn’t a big talker.
Josh shifted. “I think he’s doing okay. I mean, it’s a lot to take in.”
But Josh had given himself away. Most people would’ve missed the line of worry traced across his forehead, but she’d seen it. It had been fleeting, but it had been there.
“Josh, what if—”
He cut her off with an upheld hand. “He’s going to be fine.”
“You really believe that?”
He nodded.
“And you think he’ll still be able to ski?” Carly leveled her gaze with his. Of course, Josh had no answers for her—why even ask these questions?
“Yes,” he said simply. No other explanation. As if it were that easy.
She went through the motions of the day, thankful for the distraction of a first date to occupy her mind. The past few days waiting for the results of Jaden’s heart monitor had been grueling, and while she’d tried to keep her imagination from running off without her head (and her medical training), she’d mostly done a bad job of that.
She woke up each morning exhausted after the fitful sleep she’d had, mind filled with what-ifs.
Today, though, the constant low buzzing in her belly had quieted, and her nerves were only pinging around because of her date, not because of her fear.
Funny how anxiety came and went without warning or reason.
Around noon, her phone dinged with a new text message from Josh: Quinn was just here to get Jaden. He seemed ready for a change of scenery.
Just One Kiss: A Harbor Pointe Novel Page 8