She stopped before opening the door. “How would I know that? From your stellar track record?”
People were staring. She could feel their eyes. She didn’t care.
She shook her head. “And to think, I almost fell for it.”
“Fell for what?”
“Your little speech last night. How you deserved a second chance—what absolute garbage. You’re with him alone for five seconds and you’re breaking all the rules again.”
“It wasn’t garbage—will you let me explain?”
“No, I’m done listening to you, Josh,” she said. “You confuse me. I can’t see straight when you’re around.”
He took a step toward her, but she stopped him with an upheld hand.
“Just leave me alone, all right?”
He lingered there for a long moment, and she could tell he wanted to say more—but he didn’t. Instead, he turned and disappeared inside the training center, leaving her standing on the sidewalk with pairs of touristy eyes trained on her.
She wondered if any of them had filmed her outburst. Would she see herself on Twitter later that night?
She pulled the door of her Civic open and got inside, plopping down into the beautiful solitude of the vehicle. Only then did she look up and straight into the eyes of Dr. David Willette, standing only a few feet away, a witness to her glorious outburst.
Well, great. She supposed now he would do what he should’ve done weeks ago—run as far away from her as he could.
30
Carly got out of the car and met David on the sidewalk.
So far he wasn’t running in the opposite direction, though it was highly likely he was contemplating it.
What could she say to smooth over what he’d just seen and heard? She didn’t deserve someone like him and she knew it. She’d always known it.
“David, I’m sorry you had to hear that.” She rushed after him, away from the curious onlookers watching through the windows from inside the restaurant. How could she lose her cool like that? Where was her ever-present, carefully controlled, level head?
Her father was right—Josh did bring out the worst in her. It’s what he’d said when she told him she was pregnant. He blamed it on Josh, the troublemaker, as if he’d been the one who’d twisted her arm. As if it hadn’t been her idea for them to sleep together in the first place. As if she’d protested the several times they’d been together since the junior prom.
Sometimes she regretted not standing up for Josh. She’d let her dad believe what he wanted to believe because she was so afraid of what he’d think of her.
Why had she been such a coward?
Why was she still such a coward?
David turned and faced her. “No, I’m the one who’s sorry. I obviously inserted myself into a very complicated situation.”
“There is no situation,” she said.
But the expression on his face told her that was hardly true.
“Okay, maybe it’s a little confusing right now, but Josh and I, we’re ancient history.” If she didn’t believe that before, she certainly did now that she knew he couldn’t be trusted.
“Sounds like there’s still a lot to work through,” he said. “And I’m going to give you some space so you can do that.”
“David, no.”
“I’m not saying this is over between us, just that maybe we should put it on pause.” He was pragmatic and measured. He would never show up on her porch late at night, out of breath and needing to profess his love. David might not be passionate, but he was a good man. And good men were hard to find.
But when she boiled it down, they had very little in common, and truthfully, she couldn’t see herself with him for the rest of her life, which made her the worst person in the world, she knew.
“I’d like us to still be friends, Carly,” he said matter-of-factly. “If you want.”
“Of course,” she said.
“I know you don’t share my feelings,” he said. “And why would you? You’re smart and beautiful and independent. I sneeze every time I’m in the same room with a bouquet of roses.”
She smiled. “You’re a great guy, David.”
“Oh, I know,” he said with a smile. “But maybe not your guy?”
She studied him. “I don’t think I deserve you.”
He pressed his lips together and smiled warmly. “I think you deserve the moon, Carly. And I also think you deserve a fresh start.”
She frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I’ve been offered a position in Denver,” David said. “And I accepted.”
Carly took a step back. “Oh.”
“There’s something wonderful about starting over. Maybe you should consider it for yourself?”
“Moving?”
“Why not? I think getting out of Harbor Pointe could be good for you.”
“What about Jaden—his friends—the training center? He would never leave.”
David shrugged. “Maybe he would. The skiing is better in Colorado. Or if not there, somewhere else. It’s a big world.”
That was true. Maybe . . . but what was she thinking? She couldn’t leave Harbor Pointe. She’d never lived anywhere else. This was where all her memories were.
And yet, maybe that was exactly why she needed to go.
“I care about you, Carly,” David said. “You deserve to be treated with respect. You deserve to be happy. And I’d be glad to be your friend for as long as you’ll let me, but I’d be lying if I said I’d stop hoping for something more.”
It was refreshing to have an adult conversation. She definitely did not deserve this man. After all, wasn’t she the one who’d just caused a scene on a busy sidewalk?
“You’re not mad?”
“Why? Because you led me on?”
She frowned. “Don’t say that.”
“No,” he said. “Because I really don’t believe even you realize you still have feelings for Jaden’s dad.”
“But I don’t—”
He held up a hand to silence her. “It’s okay. I get it. There’s a lot of history there.”
“You’ve misunderstood, David. We’re honestly so over. We couldn’t be more over if we were the Civil War.”
A perplexed look washed across his face.
“That made more sense in my head.”
He smiled. “Think about Denver. It could be good for you and for Jaden.”
“I’ll think about it.”
He leaned down and kissed her on the cheek, treating her with far more kindness than she deserved.
He started off down the street in the opposite direction of the training center, and when she turned back, she found Josh standing on the sidewalk, hands in his pockets, staring at her.
And she turned and walked the other way.
After far longer than he should’ve taken, Jaden got in the car and slammed the door.
“Do you care to explain yourself?”
“That’s what Dad was trying to do,” he said.
“This isn’t about your dad.”
“Really?” He gave her a dubious look.
“I left specific instructions, Jaden,” she said. “I made it all very clear. And your dad ignored them. Why am I surprised? That man cannot be trusted.”
“Mom, he called Dr. Carroll,” Jaden said. “The swimmer’s doctor. He’s got his cell number.”
“What?” Carly tapped her thumb against the steering wheel, a wave of oh no rushing over her.
“He called the doctor on his cell, interrupted his dinner on some yacht somewhere, but the guy didn’t even care.”
“Why would he do that?”
“To make sure it was okay for me to go on the simulator.”
She could feel him staring at her. A car behind her honked, and only then did she realize she’d stopped in the middle of the road. She stepped on the gas. “He called the doctor?”
“Yep.”
“And the doctor said it was fine?”
“Yep.”
“FaceTime,” Jaden said.
And Carly felt like an idiot.
“He said I could do it as long as my heart rate didn’t spike, so we kept it on the lowest setting, which was smart anyway because Dad kind of sucks at skiing.”
He called your doctor?
She’d instantly thought the worst of Josh, as if she was just waiting for him to mess up.
How would she ever face him again after that humiliating display?
“So you should probably apologize to Dad,” Jaden said.
She groaned. “I’m such an idiot.”
“Why? Because you’re still in love with Dad, but you pretend not to be?”
Carly gave Jaden’s arm a smack. “I am not in love with your dad.”
“Yeah, okay.” He opened the door. “Keep telling yourself that.” He slammed the door, leaving Carly alone in the quiet of her car.
“I am not in love with your dad,” she whispered, as if saying it made it so.
31
It was one of those nights. Tossing. Turning. Mind racing. She’d had more of these nights since Jaden’s diagnosis than she’d had in her entire adult life, but tonight, her thoughts weren’t filled with worry over her son’s health.
She rolled over for the thousandth time, flipped her pillow to the other side and stared at the ceiling.
She hated that she’d made a scene—a public scene! It was so unlike her. Cool, collected Carly flew off the handle. What was wrong with her? She rarely took a step without first analyzing all possible outcomes.
She hated that Josh still had this crazy hold on her, as if there was no way of escaping his lips, his eyes, the way he saw straight past her façade to all the things she would never say aloud.
Josh didn’t buy her strong, independent act for a second, did he?
Sure, she put up a good front, but inside, she was crumbling. He saw that now. Everyone saw that now.
She’d avoided her phone all night long, then hid out in her room, and now—she lay here, willing herself to sleep so she could pretend, at least for a few hours, that everything was back to the way it was supposed to be.
Wishing she hadn’t felt the unmistakable pang of jealousy the second she spotted Josh and Rebecca in town together. She did think they were a couple. She had been relieved when he explained she was a co-worker. She’d been downright overjoyed when Rebecca mentioned her fiancé.
That Kyle was one lucky guy.
And suddenly she wondered about the women Josh had dated over the years. Had he loved any of them? Why hadn’t he gotten married? Had he whispered I love you through intimate, stolen kisses the way he’d done with her so many times?
And again, she was back to wondering why she cared.
You’re still in love with Dad.
Jaden’s words rushed back and she swatted them away as if they were angry gnats at a summer picnic.
She most certainly was not in love with Josh. He’d left her, after all. She’d raised their son alone for fifteen years. Did he get a free pass simply because he seemed to have figured out he’d made a colossal mistake?
Sigh. Still. She might owe him an apology. She hadn’t even bothered to ask—she’d assumed. Jaden was up on the simulator. Josh was right beside him. They must’ve thrown out the rules like thoughtless morons. They must not have cared one bit about the risks.
What an idiot!
Slowly, she crept out of bed and pulled on her favorite gray sweatshirt. Once upon a time, it had been Josh’s sweatshirt, she realized now, remembering how she wore it throughout her pregnancy with Jaden. Remembering sweeter, more tender moments between the two of them.
They’d been so in love. Crazy about each other. Josh wasn’t only her boyfriend, he was her best friend—the person who knew her better than anyone else in the world.
And then he left—and that love inched over the precipice into hate, and that’s where it had remained.
Until he showed up here and bought her a lawn mower and helped take care of their son and hugged her when she needed (and didn’t want) to be hugged and told her everything would be okay.
She shuffled downstairs quietly, so as not to wake Jaden, then walked outside into the darkness, started her car and drove toward the old fishing cabin.
He wouldn’t be awake, of course. It wasn’t like he was going to lose sleep over her public display of ridiculousness.
But when she pulled up and parked across the street from the small, shingled house, she saw the blue light of the television flickering through the bay window at the front. He’d probably found her father’s old VHS movies. Maybe he’d fallen asleep in a recliner or on the couch. She glanced at the clock. It was nearly two.
What am I doing here?
Wide awake and fully aware that she wouldn’t sleep until she got a few things off her chest, she hopped out of the car and strode toward the front door.
“God, if this is a mistake, please stop me,” she said aloud. “Let a comet fall out of the sky or put a giant sinkhole right here in front of me before I make an even bigger fool of myself.”
When neither of those things happened, Carly pressed on until she found herself standing on the porch of the little cabin that held so many memories.
She stood, unmoving, for several seconds, contemplating what she might say if Josh opened that door. She didn’t even know what she wanted from him—they obviously couldn’t get back together. She obviously wasn’t still in love with him. He had his life and she had hers, and now she was even considering a move across the country. Okay, maybe that was something of a fleeting thought, but it was still there at the back of her mind. She’d lost her promotion, after all.
Why am I here?
Her mental Olympics were cut short when the outside light came on and she felt like a criminal caught in a police search light.
She froze as the door opened and there he was.
His hair was mussed, looking darker than usual in this light. He wore sweats and a T-shirt, and he stared at her with curious eyes filled with such an intensity it was a wonder her knees didn’t buckle under the weight of it.
“Is everything okay?” His brow furrowed, laced with concern.
She nodded, unable to find words. How did she apologize to the man whose apology she’d been waiting for all of sixteen years?
“Jaden’s okay?”
Another nod. “Everyone’s fine.”
He looked around the dark neighborhood, then back to her. “Did you want to come in?”
“For a minute maybe?”
He stepped out of the way so she could pass, though she was drawn to his body on the way through the door like a magnet to a sheet of steel.
Inside, she turned a circle. “It looks good in here.”
He pushed a hand through his already messy hair. “I don’t sleep much.”
She squared off in front of him and lifted her chin. She might have to eat crow, but she wasn’t going to grovel. She’d get it over with quickly, before she could talk herself out of it. “I made an idiot of myself today.”
He leaned against the doorjamb, and even in the faint light from the lamp outside, she could see that lazy smile had returned. “Nah, you?”
“It was out of character, I admit, but Jaden told me you cleared it with the doctor,” she said. “I think I’ve just been extra emotional because of the surgery and everything.”
“Is that what you’re blaming it on?” He pushed himself upright and took a step toward her.
“It’s not a giant leap,” she said, inching away, as if putting any distance between them could sever the attraction. “It’s been an emotional few weeks.”
“It has.” He moved closer, and she realized she’d backed herself against the wall. “Why are you really here at two in the morning?”
Well, when he put it that way, it did sound a little dire. And insane. She’d gone insane. “I came to ask for a truce.”
/> “A truce?”
“Yeah, you know, like waving the white flag?”
He stood directly in front of her now. Inches from her. If she shifted, their bodies would be touching. She studied his eyes, searching them for answers to questions that had kept them apart for years, but in them, she only found more questions. She was sure of nothing in that moment except that the air between them sparked, filled with tangible electricity, the kind that kept her glued in place.
“I was never at war with you, Carly,” he said, his voice husky and low.
Slowly, she tipped her chin up and latched on to his gaze. There, she saw unmistakable desire—so thick it pinned her to the wall. She forced herself not to hold her breath, drawing in air and willing it to calm her racing heart.
“I’m sorry I thought you were careless with our son.”
Josh tucked a stray hair behind her ear. “I would never be careless with him.” He inched closer, then took her face in his hands.
Carly searched his eyes. This was crazy. What was she doing here? Did the darkness make her more susceptible to stupidity? Did it make her bolder? Less afraid?
She could deny it all she wanted, but nothing in her life had felt this right in a very long time. When she inhaled, her breath mixed with his, as he brought his forehead closer to hers, a hand at her chin.
“I need to kiss you,” he said, voice charged with urgency.
“This is a bad idea.” She pushed herself back against the wall, but barely moved, and the second his lips met hers, her doubts fell away. His kiss wasn’t soft or gentle or tentative, it was as if she was filling his lungs with air. Her hands found his chest, then slid upward and laced around his neck, drawing him closer as he deepened the kiss.
His tongue grazed her bottom lip, sending a shiver down her spine, then all at once he pulled back, resting his forehead on hers. “You have no idea what you do to me.” His hand rested on her shoulder, still wrapped gently at the side of her neck, and his skin on hers awakened something inside her that had been lying dormant for more years than she’d realized.
“This is crazy,” she said.
Just One Kiss: A Harbor Pointe Novel Page 24