by J. Lynn
Syd reached up, running the tips of her fingers along my jaw. I pressed into the gesture, closing my eyes as I willed my heart to slow down. “You love me?” she asked.
“Always,” I said, pressing my lips to the center of her palm. “I know I’ve had a shitty way of showing it, but I’ve loved you since you made me eat mud pie.”
She trailed her hand to my chest, stopping above my heart. “Yeah, I’d say it’s a pretty weird way.”
I opened my eyes, ready to apologize more. Then I saw the soft smile on her face, and my heart actually jumped in my chest. I opened my mouth, but I was beyond words as my gaze traveled over her face. “Honest?”
“Honest,” she whispered.
“I really didn’t think you saw me as anything other than a friend.” I lowered my head, kissing her lips, because they looked like they were lonely. “And I didn’t realize I wanted more until you got with Nate, and I figured by then it was too late. Even after you guys broke up, it seemed like I’d missed my chance.”
Her brows pulled down. “Why didn’t you ever say anything?”
“Why didn’t you?”
She pursed her lips. “The same as you. I didn’t think you saw me as anything other than a friend and the…”
“I know. The girls…” I pressed my forehead against hers. “I thought I couldn’t have you, so I wanted to forget about how I felt. It was a terrible idea.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Yeah, it was.”
My past really took the horn out of horny. “I wish I could go back and change those things. I wish—”
She placed a finger on my lips, a finger that smelled of cocoa. “It’s in the past. There’s nothing we can do about that. And hey, I could’ve said something. Developed some lady balls.”
“Lady balls?” I raised my brows.
“Uh-huh.”
I made a face as I eased onto my side beside her. “I really don’t want to think of you with balls, Syd.”
She giggled then, and the sound brought a smile to my face. I caught the light, happy sound with my lips. “If you had, I would’ve…” I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter. It’s about what I’ll do now. That’s all that matters. I’ll spend the rest of my life making up for it. I promise.”
At first I thought I had said the wrong thing. Tears welled up in her eyes so quickly and she rolled onto her side, burying her face against my chest. Oh shit, I had most definitely said something wrong. That quickly. Wow. That had to be a record.
“Hey.” I slid my fingers under her chin. “What’s going on?”
She fought me, but gradually let me lift her head. “I’m sorry. It’s nothing you did. I’m just…really emotional right now.”
That wasn’t a good enough answer for me. Sitting up, I pulled her into my lap and she settled against me. “Syd…”
Wiping at her cheeks, she laughed softly. “They’re happy tears. I swear. It’s just that I never thought this would happen. Not really, and I thought…I thought you regretted being with me, and that’s why you wanted to talk. That you thought I was frigid, like Nate—”
“Whoa. Wait.” I tipped her face toward mine. “You’re the exact opposite of that, and I never once even thought that could be true. Man, I want to break his jaw all over again. I can’t believe you still worry about that.”
She sniffled. “I know it’s stupid.”
“It’s not stupid.” I brushed a lone tear off her cheek.
She leaned into me, wrapping her arms around my waist. “It is stupid. I let that get to me for how many years? And I guess that’s why I was so ready to believe you were with Sasha, and I overreacted.”
“You didn’t overreact.” I held her tight, resting my chin atop her head. God. I didn’t realize how good holding her would feel until I was doing it. “I deserved everything you said.”
“Kyler.” She sighed.
“I know.” I laughed. “It’s in the past, right?” When she nodded, I resisted the urge to squeeze her. “You know what else is in the past?”
“What?”
“These damn teddy bears on your bed. I think you’ve had the brown one since you were a kid. It’s probably covered in your germs.”
Syd pulled back, smacking me on my chest. “No it’s not, you ass!”
Laughing, I leaned back among the bears, knocking most of them on the floor as I brought her down with me. I turned so we were face to face, lying side by side. “Hey,” I reached around and picked up a ragged red one. “Is this the one I got you for your birthday years ago? You kept it?”
“Yeah.” She snatched it away from me, holding it between our chests. “Of course I kept it.”
A good dose of pressure filled my chest. I didn’t say anything as I watched her.
“What?” she asked, her eyes on mine.
Sometimes words weren’t enough—they couldn’t cover the feeling. This was one of those times. So I closed the distance and kissed her, putting everything I felt for her, every promise I made her, into that one kiss. When I pulled back, her eyes were glazed over and I wanted to throw that bear across the room and get all over her.
Parents downstairs and bedroom door unlocked? Not going to happen. And besides, I was just fucking thrilled to be here with her.
“This is the best early Christmas gift I’ve ever gotten,” I told her.
Her bright smile sucker-punched me. “I think that’s the smartest thing you’ve ever said, and I’d have to agree.”
“Uh-huh?” I caught a piece of her hair and twisted it around my finger. “I’m so lucky. I know that. So damn lucky to have your love.”
She wiggled closer and the bear was smushed between us. She kissed me in a way no other person ever could, because it was Syd. I cupped the back of her neck, holding her there as I took control of the kiss. It wasn’t long before the bear ended up on the floor and our arms and legs were tangled. We were making out like two teenagers sneaking a few seconds. She was under me, her hips rocking against mine, urging me on. With how thin her bottoms were, it was like having almost nothing there. Need was driving me insane, pounding through my veins, and I didn’t want to stop, even though I knew it couldn’t go any further than this. And it was too good to stop, and the way her body moved against mine was too perfect, and her soft, barely audible moans too sweet to pass up.
I don’t know how long we stayed like that, kissing and touching, whispering to one another and laughing. It was late when I looked at the clock.
“Can you stay a little longer?” she asked.
I doubted her dad would appreciate finding me in her bed in the morning, but I couldn’t refuse her. “How about I stay until you fall asleep?”
“Perfect,” she murmured, resting her cheek on my chest. “Just use the front door when you leave.”
Smiling, I smoothed my hand down her back, loving the way she moved closer to me, fitting her body to mine like we were made for each other. Hell, I think we really were and it just had taken me a long-ass time to realize it. But I finally did, and that’s what mattered.
I loved her. God, I loved her so much. I couldn’t believe I’d made it this long without telling her. I was an idiot, but I was one hell of a lucky idiot.
Chapter 25
Sydney
Ever since I was a little girl, I was always more excited about Christmas Eve than I was for Christmas Day. There was something about the anticipation, of knowing what waited the very next day, of wanting time to pass quickly, and at the same time wanting it to slow down.
This year was no different, but it was.
I couldn’t stop smiling, and I was sure I probably looked half-stupid to my mom and dad as I made pecan candies to take over to my grandparents’ house. Several times I found myself not concentrating, daydreaming while I was placing the caramel candies on the pretzel squares.
Things seemed surreal. I guessed after spending so long wanting something—someone—that when it finally happens, I almost didn’t believe it was happening. I kept waiting to w
ake up…but it was real.
Kyler loved me.
He’d been gone by the time I woke up yesterday, but the slight scent of the cologne he wore and the outdoorsy scent that was uniquely his lingered on my pillows. He’d left me a note, saying that he’d be back over, and that he would use the front door when he left.
Right after lunch, he’d shown up and he hadn’t left until after dinner. My parents hadn’t seemed surprised to see him, and they also seemed happy to see the change in our relationship. Mom had been pro-Kyler-and-Sydney since we we’d been in high school, so seeing us together was probably making her year.
It sure as hell was making mine.
“Honey.” Mom laughed, drawing my attention. “What are you doing?”
Frowning, I glanced down and then I laughed outright. I’d stacked three pieces of caramel on top of one pretzel. Plucking them off, I set them aside. “Whoops.”
“Uh-huh,” Mom said with a knowing look on her face. “Your head is just not attached to your shoulders.”
“Nope,” I admitted, arranging the pretzels and candies on a baking sheet. “I probably shouldn’t be doing this.”
“You have to.” Mom washed her hands. The kitchen smelled of the stuffing she’d made to take with us. “Your grandfather will hit someone with his cane if we don’t have these candies.”
Not doing this was almost worth seeing my grandfather chasing people down with a cane. I popped the candies in the oven, setting the time for three minutes, long enough to get the chocolate and caramel all gooey.
“So…” Mom began, staring out the window above the sink. Blue-tinted shadows grew longer across the snow as the sun set. We’d have to hit the road soon, since we had to drop some of the food off at church before heading to my grandparents’.
I arched a brow, waiting.
Mom grinned. “You and Kyler seemed awful chummy yesterday.”
Here we go. “Mom, people don’t say ‘chummy’ anymore.”
She pinned me with a look as she wrapped tinfoil over the large bowl of stuffing. I was sure it wasn’t sanitary to make stuffing for the turkey the night before, but my family had been doing it for years. “I use it, therefore people use it.”
I grinned.
She sighed. “Are you going to fess up?”
“Fess up to what?” I asked innocently.
Mom crossed her arms.
I giggled. “Kyler and I are…together.”
“I figured that much,” she said dryly. “But I’d prefer to know the details.”
The timer buzzed, and I grabbed a mitt. Opening the oven door, I pulled out the baking sheet. Moving quickly, I grabbed the bag of pecans and started placing them on the warm, semi-melted candies. “We’re together,” I told her, sneaking a pecan. “I’m not sure how else to say that.”
Mom popped her hip against the counter. “Well, what made this come about?”
I so was not telling her how it happened. Moving on to the second row of candies, I felt my face flush. “Things just sort of happened and we both admitted that we had feelings for each other. You know, more-than-just-friends kind of feelings.”
She didn’t say anything, and I glanced over at her. She was teary-eyed. I paused with the pecans. “Mom.”
“What?” She blinked rapidly and then laughed. “I’m sorry. It’s just that I always knew you cared about that boy more than you let on, and that Kyler felt the same way toward you. I’m happy you two finally recognized that in each other.” She paused, and then added, “Took long enough.”
I frowned as I hastily added the rest of the pecans before the candies cooled. “I’m beginning to think Kyler and I were the only ones who didn’t notice it sooner.”
“I think so.” She walked over and kissed my cheek. “He’s a good boy, honey. I couldn’t be happier for you.”
My lips split in a wide smile. “I’m happy. I really am.”
And then I was happy-happy less than half an hour later, when Dad announced that Kyler had pulled into the driveway beside their car. He hadn’t texted, and I wasn’t planning on seeing him tonight, but I loved how comfortable he was with just swinging by.
I popped the lid on the plastic container I’d put the candies in and then I raced through the house like a turd, nearly knocking over my mom. I opened the door before Kyler could ring the doorbell and literally threw myself into his arms.
He caught me at the last moment, wrapping his arms around my waist as he stepped back to balance the unexpected weight. “Hey,” he said, holding me tight. “You’re happy to see me.”
“I’m always happy to see you.” I looped my arms around his neck as I slid down his front, and his hands dropped to my hips.
He made a sound deep in his throat as he pressed his lips to the sensitive spot under my ear. Then he said in a low voice that simmered my blood, “You greet me like that more often and we’ll never make it into the house.”
Heat swamped me and it was an effort to pull away, but I didn’t get far. He slid his arms around my waist, his half-grin devious. “Whatcha doing here?” I asked, eyeing the backpack slung over his shoulder.
“I wanted to see you.” Kyler kissed my forehead. “I have a surprise for you.”
Excitement bubbled. “You do?”
“Yeah,” he said, and then looked over my head.
I turned in his embrace, finding my mom in the doorway, pulling on her jacket. Dad was behind her, arms full of containers. We’d loaded the presents and our overnight bags in the car earlier. Disappointment filled me. “We’re leaving now?”
“Your mother and I are.” My dad winked. “We’ll drop the food off at the church and set things up there. Kyler will bring you up to your grandparents’.”
I faced Kyler, brows raised. “Really?”
He winked. “I talked to your parents yesterday.”
My disappointment vanished in an instant, but I couldn’t help but tease him. “What if I want to leave now? Awful confident of you.”
Kyler smirked. “You want to spend time with me. Don’t even lie.”
I rolled my eyes.
Mom eased past us, kissing my cheek and then Kyler’s. “Be careful when you drive out. The roads are still icy.”
“Get inside,” Dad grumbled. “It’s freezing out here, and you don’t have a jacket on.”
I barely felt the cold temps, not when I was standing this close to Kyler. We promised not to wreck and die on the way to my grandparents’ house, and then we headed inside.
“I am happy you came by,” I said as Kyler put the backpack on the floor and stripped off his jacket, draping it over the back of the couch.
He swaggered over to me, placing his hands on my waist. “I know.”
“You’re cocky.”
“I’m right.”
I rose onto my tiptoes. “Then again, it was between you and my grandparents, so…”
“Nice,” he laughed, and then he kissed me—kissed me in a way that left me breathless, that made me forget it was Christmas Eve, which seemed impossible, but totally was with his lips moving against mine. I clutched his arms, wondering how we’d gone this long without doing this.
Kyler sat on the couch, by his backpack, and pulled me into his lap. “Mom wants to know if you’ll come by tomorrow and say hi.”
“I can come over tomorrow evening, if that works.”
“Whenever.” He slid his hands up my back, causing me to shiver. “Tanner called me this morning to see what I was doing for New Year’s Eve.”
I hadn’t even thought about that. My mind was too occupied with the present.
One hand traveled over my hip, resting on my denim-clad thigh. “I told him I had to ask you.”
“You did?” I couldn’t help the smile spreading across my lips, and I didn’t even try to hide it. “What did he say to that?”
Kyler grinned in returned. “He said and I quote, ‘It’s about damn time, you asshole,’ and then told me to let him know.”
I laughed. “Tan
ner’s one smart guy.”
“And I’m one lucky asshole.” He cupped the back of my neck with one hand and tugged me closer, so that when he spoke next, his lips brushed mine. “You’re too good for me, baby. One day you’re going to realize that and kick my ass to the curb.”
“That’s not going to happen.” I kissed him, and his grip on my thigh tightened. “Unless you do something stupid, but I don’t think that’s going to happen. You’ve hit your lifetime of stupid already.”
“Ha. Smartass.”
I gave him a cheeky grin. “I’d know.”
“You would.” And then he lifted me out of his lap, placing me on the couch beside him. He reached for the backpack. “Before I forget, I brought over the presents Mom got us.”
“Oh.” I’d totally forgotten about them. I made grabby fingers at the backpack.
Kyler grinned as he handed over the package with my name on it. Both of them were identical, and I was curious to see what his mom had done. Turning the present over, I slipped my fingers under the tape along the seam in the wrapping paper. I tore the colorful red and green paper off as Kyler did the same.
I ended up staring at the black velvet back of a picture frame. I flipped it over and drew in a shaky breath. It was an iron frame with the words This Is Forever inscribed along the top. The picture…oh wow, the picture brought a rush of tears to my eyes.
It was a picture of Kyler and me when we were in the third grade. Our school had had what they called “Friendship Day” where friends wore matching clothes. Kyler and I had our arms over each other’s shoulders, wearing cheesy grins and matching shirts my mom had made for the event that had said…“This Is Forever.” Kyler probably would love to forget he’d ever worn a shirt like that, and he’d taken a decent amount of teasing from the other boys, but I’d been so happy that day. Even though he’d protested wearing it, he had. I hadn’t remembered our picture being taken, but there it was, a goofy moment captured forever.
Man, I was turning into a crybaby. Seriously. I needed help.
Drawing in a shaky breath, I glanced at Kyler. He was holding an identical picture and frame. He was silent. I nudged him with my elbow. “I bet you forgot about this.”