She wasn’t. But giving credit to her already rabid contempt would only make things worse. I knew exactly who Eden had become since getting tangled up with Val. She’d always been headstrong, but there was a void nothing ever filled. Almost as if something inside her locked her away against her will. Becoming part of the most feared family in Mexico set it free, unleashing a ruthless side of her that consumed the girl I fought so hard to save.
Who never wanted to be saved in the first place.
However, the stone walls around the cartel queen’s heart cracked for her family—especially her two-month old son, Santiago. Across the immaculately manicured garden, Eden bounced the small bundle in her arms, a smile on her face as she talked with my sister. The visual was kind of comical. Santiago’s dark fuzzy hair stood out like a beacon next to the stark contrast of his mother’s long cherry red locks. The little prince peered over her shoulder, alternating chewing on his fist and her neck. I know nothing about babies, but I swore the kid saw me staring at his mother and scowled.
“Santi!” Eden laughed, wedging a finger in between his slobbering lips to pry the suction hold his mouth had on her neck. “You’re going to give me a hickey.”
I smirked at him.
Yeah, have fun explaining that one to your dad, you mute little bastard.
“What’s that smirk about?”
No use denying it. Judging by her reclined position in the hammock, Adriana watched the entire thing play out across my face. Maybe I could use it to my advantage and use her own words against her.
I shrugged, tipping my chin to where Eden cuddled Santi in her arms. “Think about what you’re doing, Adriana. If not for anyone else, at least for that innocent baby. You said it yourself, children are the only innocent things in this world.”
As expected, she tensed, drawing her leg away from me and locking it against her chest with a tight grip. Adriana’s temper was like a powder keg, and I’d already lit a match and waved it over the barrel.
I’d burn some fucking sense into her or ignite a hell storm.
“Val’s not rational when it comes to Eden, and if you reveal what I did to keep her from him, there’s no telling what he might do. You know better than anyone that truth can destroy lives. Is that what you want for Santiago?”
Adriana’s feet flew out from under her, slamming onto the grass as she spun around. “Don’t you dare use what you did to me as a crutch,” she warned. Dragging in a deep breath, she geared up to toss out what I anticipated to be some insult/threat hybrid when she stopped and narrowed her eyes, those plump lips curving into a wicked smile. “Oh, well played, counselor.”
Christ, what now?
She was supposed to knock the match out of my hand not blow it out. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“I’m not stupid, Brody. This isn’t about the potential fallout if I continue fighting with Eden. This is about the potential fallout if I decide to rat you out to Val. You’re protecting yourself.”
I pushed off the hammock. “Look, I brought you here on a mutual agreement. You give Val a name, and I convince him to give you a chance not to fuck it up. Well we both lived up to our word, and that was supposed to be it, but here we are.” I threw my hands out wide, barely missing clipping her chin. “So forgive me for being a little pissed that this mutual thing isn’t so damn mutual anymore. You have me by the balls, and because of it, I’m stuck with your crazy ass until we can find this Ignacio and shut this reorganization bullshit down.”
She stared at me, blinking as if waiting for more. “That’s your idea of a motivational speech? You were a prosecutor. I thought you persuaded people for a living.”
“Fuck off, Adriana.”
“See, this is why you don’t have a girlfriend.”
“And this is why you don’t have an argument. As much as it pains you to admit, princesa, you need me. We have a common enemy and taking him out is more important than tearing me down.”
She turned her eyes away and brushed her hair over her shoulder. “There are always casualties of war, counselor.”
There wasn’t much to say to that, so I didn’t. Instead, I followed her gaze to where my sister and Mateo chased my niece around as she shrieked with delight. Joy and peace radiated from them. This was what I wanted. I gave up the last piece of my soul and pushed them away, so they’d have a chance at a normal life. I should’ve been ecstatic.
So why did seeing them happy make me so goddamn miserable?
“You ever think about having one?”
“One what?”
She laughed, and if I hadn’t heard it with my own ears, I wouldn’t have believed it. It sounded light and airy, a pleasant change of pace from her usual demonic growls. “Kids, you idiot. You know, a wife, house, white picket fence, dog…the whole plastic package.”
Now it was my turn to laugh, but it was neither light nor airy. It was an obstinate bark weighted in irony. “Hell, no. A kid is the last thing I need. I’m lucky to keep myself alive.” I raised my glass in a silent toast.
“Speaking of which,” she noted, taking it out of my hand. “How about slowing down, por favor.”
“I’ve only had two.”
“You’ve had six.”
I reached for my drink just as she tipped it upside down, pouring what was left of my scotch in the grass. Leaping forward, I grabbed it out of her hands mid-stream, trying to salvage what was left, but it was too late.
I glared at her while rolling the glass in my hand. “I don’t need another mother, Adriana.”
“Not trying to be one. I just don’t want to have to carry your drunk ass upstairs. I’d hate to have to blow your dick off for chipping a nail.”
I didn’t want to smile. I wanted to grab the bottom of the hammock and flip her ass upside down, but my brain and my face miscommunicated somewhere, and I grinned.
I fucking grinned.
“You really should back off the booze. Excessive drinking can kill you, you know.”
“All the more reason.”
She let out a sigh. I knew that sigh. I’d heard it so many times in the past year, it’d become an old friend. A lonely, old, asshole of a friend who showed up when others stopped trying to figure me out. I couldn’t blame them. Hell, I couldn’t even figure me out.
“You should have a few. Maybe it would knock that chip off your shoulder.”
She eyed the glass still rolling in my hand. “No, I can’t have…I don’t drink.”
I could’ve called bullshit. Not twenty-four hours ago, she stood in a run-down motel room, taunting me with a bottle of cheap scotch. But something in her voice stopped me. A sliver of weakness that any other time I’d wedge my foot into and pry open. But now wasn’t the time.
“No, I meant, do you think about having kids?”
“I’m kind of tired,” she announced abruptly, standing as she tapped her nails against the side of the glass still in her hand. “I’ll take this inside for you.”
She was gone before I could point out that it was barely seven o’clock. Whatever. It was a moot point. Her excuse, while transparent, peeled back another layer of raw truth. I’d leave her alone to lick her wounds tonight.
But the real Adriana was showing, and eventually there would be nowhere for her to run.
Chapter Seventeen
Adriana
“Adriana, stop.”
I had no idea what compelled me to obey. I was a grown-ass woman not an errant child, but Val’s voice stopped me mid stride, preventing my escape from his mandatory fun.
My grip tightened on the staircase banister. “Is something wrong?”
“I was hoping we could talk for a few minutes. Alone.”
Here it comes.
Clearing my throat, I peered over my shoulder, trying to look sorry. “Look, I didn’t mean to call her a whore. It just slipped out.”
Val squinted, his eyebrows drawing together. “What?”
“What?” I repeated. Because everyone knew when you
were about to make an ass out of yourself, the best defense was a confusing offense. The trick was to bite your bottom lip and glance to the side. It activated some repressed Neanderthal instinct in men to pat us on the head and send us back to the cave while they congratulated themselves in being rulers of the universe.
He palmed the back of his neck, and I could see the wheels turning in his head. “What did you say?”
Nice try, Carrera, but I can dance around in circles with you all night.
“I said what because you said what.” Cue the lip bite. “You know, never mind.” Facing him, I waved a dismissive hand in the air. “What did you want to talk about?”
He blinked a few times before tilting his chin sideways. “Let’s sit down.”
The minute he turned his back, I smiled.
Works every time.
“Nothing good ever follows those words,” I muttered, following him into the same room we were ushered into when we arrived. Val motioned for me to sit, and I didn’t argue. Setting Brody’s empty glass on the coffee table, I sank onto the plush couch, running my hand over the expensive leather.
Val watched me from the wet bar, quirking an eyebrow as he poured a drink. “Are you always this suspicious?”
“Yes. Aren’t you?”
“Point taken.” Neither of us spoke as he poured tequila into a shot glass until it almost overflowed. Picking up a second glass, he paused before pointing the mouth straight at me. “If you tell me you drink this shit over ice, I’m disowning you.”
“First of all, you can’t disown me. You’re my brother, not my father.”
“Oh, Adriana…” My jaw tightened at the snide way he said my name. “I can do whatever I want.”
If he weren’t completely serious, I would’ve laughed. “Have you always had a god complex, or did it materialize with all of this?” Holding his stare, I gestured at all the pretentious excess surrounding us.
“So, what’s the second part?”
Biting my lip, I glanced to the side, adding in a hair twirl for good measure. “What?”
Val smirked and wagged a finger. “Adriana, never pull the same con twice. It makes you predictable.”
“Meaning?”
“Meaning, I indulged your ‘confuse and deflect’ act once. Don’t insult my intelligence or test my generosity. I do have limits.”
Limits I couldn’t afford to test right now.
“Secondly,” I continued, glancing down at the twisted fingers in my lap. “My father—I mean, Esteban drank a lot. It turned me off to the stuff. So, no thank you, but I’ll pass.”
Val remained quiet, and I wondered if I’d crossed another one of his imaginary lines. Finally, he picked the tequila bottle up, the muscles in his neck straining as he held the neck in a tight grip. “Patrón Gran Burdeos Añejo. Our father’s favorite.” His gaze flicked from the bottle to me. “I grew up on this stuff. Had my first drink when I was nine years old. Most fathers teach their sons how to ride a bike or catch a fish at that age.” Letting out a dry laugh, he shook his head. “Mine taught me the difference between fine tequila and piss water by making me drink shots until I blacked out.”
“Sounds like he was a real winner. Hate I missed out on that.”
His eyes narrowed. “Don’t act like the man you grew up with was Father of the Year, Adriana. He stole you from your mother’s arms.” He lifted the glass to his mouth, and just before taking a generous drink added, “Right after he put a bullet in her brain.”
I winced, his callous summary hitting a nerve. “Don’t you think I know that?” I hissed. “That’s become my legacy. Stolen from one sadistic fuck only to be raised by another. Esteban Muñoz lied to me my entire life, and for what? To get his kicks watching me grow up to hate my own family?” I slammed my palms on either side of me against the leather, the sound echoing all the way up to the vaulted ceiling. “Do you know how confusing it is to be me, Val? Six months ago, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. I would’ve shot you in the back while you walked in here. Conditioning like that doesn’t just disappear.”
“Yet here we sit, and I’m very much alive. Why is that, sister?”
Patronizing fuck.
“I don’t know.” I tried to glare at him, but rippled waves masked my view. It wasn’t until I scrubbed a hand over my face that I felt the dampness.
Oh no.
Oblivious, Val continued berating me. “Is it because your loyalties are shifting, or because I’m still of use to you?”
My shoulders hunched, and I pressed the heels of my hands against my eyes as if reining in a tirade. “I’m already risking my life by walking in front of a firing squad tomorrow. If that doesn’t answer your question, then you can go fuck yourself. Find somebody else to insult. I’m going to bed.” In a flurry of movement, I stood, wiping my hands on my shorts.
Val’s voice was sharp and loud. “Sit down.”
“I prefer to stand, thanks.”
Was that a glint of approval in his eyes? I couldn’t be sure because as quickly as it appeared it, it was gone. “Suit yourself.” Refilling his glass, he strode toward me, one step at a time, until he stood in front of me, staring at me as I stared back.
That was when I saw it.
The last time we met in a stash house in Houston, I’d won. I looked Valentin Carrera in the eye and recounted all the ways I’d trapped him in my web. I was too busy gloating to realize I’d been staring into a mirror.
The war raging inside my head radiated to my fists, and I clenched them by my side. Whether he took it as a sign of insolence or not, it was Val who finally broke the silence.
“I took a chance in allowing you to come here, against my better judgment. Against multiple better judgments. And it wasn’t only to draw information out of you.”
I needed air. Slumping my ass against the back of his overpriced couch, I spread my arms wide, forming a tight grip on the leather. It was probably bad etiquette. Like I gave a shit.
“I’m listening.”
He let out a tired sigh, his iron mask slipping. “Adriana, you’re my sister. When Eden brought me the proof Brody found out about you, I didn’t know if you’d ever accept who you were. Even if you did, I had my doubts we could repair what has been broken for twenty-four years.”
Why did everything always circle back to Eden? I glanced at Val, the words sitting on the tip of my tongue. But as much as I longed to say them, I swallowed them. Today I suffered alone. Tomorrow, I made no promises.
Instead, I offered an alternate truth. “You have no idea what it’s like to suddenly find yourself alone in the world without a damn person to care if you live or die.”
“Actually, I do.”
“What?”
He shifted his weight, his eyes not quite meeting mine. “I came to Houston to get away from our father, Adriana. As far as I was concerned, he was dead long before he took his last breath. But the damage had been done. He succeeded in turning me into the same heartless bastard he’d been. So, I lived in isolation.”
“To protect yourself?”
His laugh made my skin crawl. “No, to protect everyone else. Alejandro Carrera created a beast, and it feasted on the pain of others. It controlled me. It smelled fear and hungered to hear their screams.” Palming the back of his neck, Val turned away, pacing the room as he spoke. “I’m not a good man, Adriana. I know a seat in hell awaits me, for the things I’ve done. But that beast?” He shook his head, his hand slipping from his neck to the collar of his black button up shirt. “It wasn’t just criminal,” he said, unbuttoning the first two buttons. “It was demonic. It craved the blood of the innocent.”
“What did you do?” I had to know because the beast he spoke of was an entity grown and cultivated by the very culture of a life centered around death. I knew because I fought the same one.
He dragged his hand across his mouth. “I did the only thing I could do. I starved it. I built a fortress of solitude around myself, and I still felt it clawing at my
chest.”
“But how did you beat it?”
“Beat it?” His lips twisted in a sardonic smile, and he huffed out a breath. “It’s still with me. You can’t slay a dragon when you’re the one breathing its fire.”
“But how—”
“Eden.” The moment the word is out of his mouth, his whole demeanor changed. “She crashed into my life and refused to let me shut her out. She was the first person to look the beast in the eye and tell it to go fuck itself.”
“You really love her, don’t you?” It was the same question I asked Brody.
“Love her?” Val dipped his chin, a piece of midnight black hair escaping his slicked back style. “I refuse to live without her.” Raking his hands through his hair, he forced the errant chunk back in line. “You’ll find someone who won’t run from your beast too, Adriana.”
Not in this lifetime. That took trust, and trust took time, and that was something I didn’t have to offer.
“Is that all?”
Val stiffened, the brother fading as the ruthless king reared his head. “No. I want to discuss what’s expected of you on your trip to Guadalajara.”
“Ah, yes, where I prove my worth.” I rocked back on my heels and shoved my hands in my pockets. “Well, let’s hear it.”
“I don’t have to tell you what the Muñoz Cartel has done to our family in the past. Another cartel war not only weakens our hold on our ports and distribution channels, it causes unnecessary bloodshed I don’t need. Whoever is restructuring your former soldiers is good, I’ll give him that. I’ve had my best men and associates pulling intel and they’ve come up with nothing.”
“And they won’t.”
“How can you be so sure?”
I considered a straightforward answer, but having the upper hand felt too good. Plus, I wanted to push his buttons a little just to see how he’d react. “Because I know how these men think. Muñoz soldiers care nothing about order and protocol. Your wife murdered their leader, and your lieutenant exposed their queen as a fraud. They’re blind ants in a constant state of anarchy who’d follow the great and powerful Oz if he promised to avenge what they lost.” Emboldened, I poked a finger against his chest. “Let me be clear. His name is Ignacio, but it could be Francois for all they care.”
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