by Daisy Dunn
1 The ‘Spica’ is an ear of grain.
THE MERCHANT
The Merchant
Plautus
Translated by Henry Thomas Riley, 1852
The Merchant, by the Roman playwright Plautus (c. 254–184 BC), is a classic comedy of errors after a Greek original, dating from around 200 BC. A young man named Charinus has returned to Athens from Rhodes with a secret lover. No sooner has his father Demipho spied her on the ship than he falls hopelessly in lust with her. The woman pretends that Charinus has brought her as attendant to his mother. Unaware that she is in fact his son’s beloved, Demipho decides to pursue her. To keep this from his wife, he persuades his friend Lysimachus to purchase the woman and take her back to his house. But then Lysimachus’ wife returns unexpectedly from the country.
[Enter DEMIPHO.]
DEMIPHO. [To himself]
In wondrous ways do the Gods make sport of men, and in wondrous fashions do they send dreams in sleep. As, for instance, I, this very last night that has passed, have sufficiently experienced in my sleep, and, mortal that I am, was much occupied therewith. I seemed to have purchased for myself a beautiful she-goat. That she might not offend that other she-goat which I had at home before, and that they mightn’t disagree if they were both in the same spot, after that I had purchased her, I seemed to entrust her to the charge of an ape. This ape, not very long afterwards, came to me, uttered imprecations against me, and assailed me with reproaches; he said that by her means and through the arrival of the she-goat he had suffered injury and loss in no slight degree; he said that the she-goat, which I had entrusted to him to keep, had gnawed away the marriage-portion of his wife. This seemed extremely wonderful to me, how that this single she-goat could possibly have gnawed away the marriage-portion of the wife of the ape. The ape, however, insisted that it was so, and, in short, gave me this answer, that if I didn’t make haste and remove her away from his own house, he would bring her home into my house to my wife. And, by my troth, I seemed very greatly to take an interest in her, but not to have any one to whom to entrust this she-goat; wherefore the more, in my distress, was I tormented with anxiety what to do. Meanwhile, a kid appeared to address me, and began to tell me that he had carried off the she-goat from the ape, and began to laugh at me. But I began to lament and complain that she was carried off. To what reality I am to suppose that this vision points, I can’t discover; except that I suspect that I have just now discovered this she-goat, what she is, or what it all means. This morning, at daybreak, I went away hence down to the harbour. After I had transacted there what I wanted, suddenly I espied the ship from Rhodes, in which my son arrived here yesterday. I had an inclination, I know not why, to visit it; I went on board a boat, and put off to the ship; and there I beheld a woman of surpassing beauty, whom my son has brought as a maid-servant for his mother. After I had thus beheld her, I fell in love with her, not as men in their senses, but after the fashion in which madmen are wont. I’ faith, in former times, in my youthful days, I fell in love, ’tis true; but after this fashion, according as I’m now distracted, never. Now beyond a doubt, surely thus this matter stands; this is that she-goat. But what that ape and that kid mean, I’m afraid. One thing, i’ faith, I really do know for certain, that I’m undone for love; [to the AUDIENCE] consider yourselves the other point, what a poor creature I am. But I’ll hold my tongue; lo! I see my neighbour; he’s coming out of doors. [Stands aside]
[…]
LYSIMACHUS.
Well met! and greetings to you, Demipho. How are you? How goes it?
DEMIPHO.
As with one that’s most wretched.
LYSIMACHUS.
May the Gods grant better things.
DEMIPHO.
As for the Gods, it’s they that do this.
LYSIMACHUS.
What’s the matter?
DEMIPHO.
I’d tell you, if I saw that you had time or leisure.
LYSIMACHUS.
Although I have business in hand, if you wish for anything, Demipho, I’m never too busy to give attention to a friend.
DEMIPHO.
You speak of your kindness to myself who have experienced it. How do I seem to you as to age?
LYSIMACHUS.
A subject for Acheron – an antiquated, decrepit old fellow.
DEMIPHO.
You see in a wrong light. I am a child, Lysimachus, of seven years old.
LYSIMACHUS.
Are you in your senses, to say that you are a child?
DEMIPHO.
I’m telling what’s true.
LYSIMACHUS.
I’ faith, it has this moment come into my mind what you mean to say; directly a person is old, no longer has he sense or taste; people say that he has become a child again.
DEMIPHO.
Why, no; for I’m twice as hearty as ever I was before.
LYSIMACHUS.
I’ faith, it’s well that so it is, and I’m glad of it.
DEMIPHO.
Aye, and if you did but know; with my eyes, too, I see even better now than I did formerly.
LYSIMACHUS.
That’s good.
DEMIPHO.
Of a thing that’s bad, I’m speaking.
LYSIMACHUS.
Then that same is not good.
DEMIPHO.
But, if I wished at all, could I venture to disclose something to you?
LYSIMACHUS.
Boldly.
DEMIPHO.
Give heed, then.
LYSIMACHUS.
It shall be carefully done.
DEMIPHO.
This day, Lysimachus, I’ve begun to go to school to learn my letters. I know three letters already.
LYSIMACHUS.
How? Three letters?
DEMIPHO. [Spelling]
A M O [I am in love].
LYSIMACHUS.
What! you, in love, with your hoary head, you most shocking old fellow?
DEMIPHO.
Whether that is hoary, or whether red, or whether black, I’m in love.
LYSIMACHUS.
You’re now playing upon me in this, I fancy, Demipho.
DEMIPHO.
Cut my throat, if it’s false, what I’m saying. That you may be sure I’m in love, take a knife, and do you cut off either my finger, or my ear, or my nose, or my lip: if I move me, or feel that I’m being cut, then, Lysimachus, I give you leave to torture me to death here with being in love.
Charinus is beside himself when he is given to believe that his father intends to sell his mistress. Cue a number of terrible misunderstandings.
LYSIMACHUS. [To himself]
I’ve lent my assistance to my friend in a friendly manner; this piece of goods, which my neighbour requested me, I’ve purchased. [Turning to PASICOMPSA] You are my own; then follow me. Don’t weep. You are acting very foolishly; spoiling such eyes. Why, really you have more reason to laugh than to be crying.
PASICOMPSA.
In the name of heaven, prithee, my good old gentleman, do tell me—
LYSIMACHUS.
Ask me what you please.
PASICOMPSA.
Why have you bought me?
LYSIMACHUS.
What, I, bought you? For you to do what you are bidden; in like manner what you bid me, I’ll do.
PASICOMPSA.
I am determined, to the best of my ability and skill, to do what I shall think you desire.
LYSIMACHUS.
I shall bid you do nothing of laborious work.
PASICOMPSA.
Why, really, for my part, my good old gentleman, I haven’t learnt, i’ faith, to carry burdens, or to feed cattle at the farm, or to nurse children.
LYSIMACHUS.
If you choose to be a good girl, it shall be well for you.
PASICOMPSA.
Then, i’ faith, to my sorrow, I’m undone.
LYSIMACHUS.
Why so?
PASICOMPSA.
Because in t
he place from which I have been conveyed hither, it used to be well with the worthless.
LYSIMACHUS. [Aside]
By my troth, her talk alone is worth more than the sum that she was purchased at. [To PASICOMPSA] As though you would say that no woman is good.
PASICOMPSA.
Indeed I don’t say so; nor is it my way, to say a thing which I believe all people are acquainted with.
LYSIMACHUS.
I want to ask this one thing of you.
PASICOMPSA.
I’ll answer you when you ask.
LYSIMACHUS.
What say you now? What am I to say your name is?
PASICOMPSA.
Pasicompsa.
LYSIMACHUS.
The name was given you from your good looks. But what say you, Pasicompsa? Can you, if occasion should arise, spin a fine woof?
PASICOMPSA.
I can.
LYSIMACHUS.
If you know how to do a fine one, I’m sure you can spin a coarser one.
PASICOMPSA.
For spinning, I fear no woman that’s of the same age.
LYSIMACHUS.
Upon my faith, I take it that you are good and industrious, since, young woman, now that you are grown up, you know how to do your duty.
PASICOMPSA.
I’ faith, I learned it from a skilful mistress. I won’t let my work be called in question.
LYSIMACHUS.
Well, thus the matter stands, i’ faith. Look now, I’ll give you a sheep for your own, one sixty years old.
PASICOMPSA.
My good old gentleman, one so old as that?
LYSIMACHUS.
It’s of the Grecian breed. If you take care of it, it is a very good one; it is shorn very easily.
PASICOMPSA.
For the sake of the compliment, whatever it is that shall be given me, I shall receive it with thanks.
LYSIMACHUS.
Now, damsel, that you mayn’t be mistaken, you are not mine; so don’t think it.
PASICOMPSA.
Prithee, tell me, then, whose I am?
LYSIMACHUS.
You’ve been bought back for your own master. I’ve bought you back for him; he requested me to do so.
PASICOMPSA.
My spirits have returned, if good faith is kept with me.
LYSIMACHUS.
Be of good courage; this person will give you your liberty. I’ troth, he did so dote upon you this day as soon as ever he had seen you.
PASICOMPSA.
I’ faith, it’s now two years since he commenced his connexion with me. Now, as I’m sure that you are a friend of his, I’ll disclose it.
LYSIMACHUS.
How say you? Is it now two years since he formed the connexion with you?
PASICOMPSA.
Certainly, it is; and we agreed, on oath, between ourselves, I with him, and he with me, that I would never have intercourse with any man except himself, nor he with any woman except myself.
LYSIMACHUS.
Immortal Gods! Isn’t he even to sleep with his wife?
PASICOMPSA.
Prithee, is he a married man? He neither is nor will he be.
LYSIMACHUS.
Indeed, I wish he wasn’t. I’ faith, the fellow has been committing perjury.
PASICOMPSA.
No young man do I more ardently love.
LYSIMACHUS.
Why, really he’s a child, you simpleton; for, in fact, it’s not so very long a time since his teeth fell out.
PASICOMPSA.
What? His teeth?
LYSIMACHUS.
It’s no matter? Follow me this way, please; he requested that I would find you room for one day in my house, since my wife is away in the country. [He goes into his house, followed by PASICOMPSA]
[…]
DEMIPHO.
[to himself] At last I’ve managed to ruin myself; a mistress has been purchased for me without the knowledge of my wife and son. I’m resolved on it; I’ll have recourse again to former habits and enjoy myself. In my allotment of existence, almost now run through, the little that there remains of life, I’ll cheer up with pleasure, wine, and love. For it’s quite proper for this time of life to enjoy itself. When you are young, then, when the blood is fresh, it’s right to devote your exertions to acquiring your fortune; and then when at last, you are an old man, you may set yourself at your ease; drink, and be amorous; this, the fact that you are living, is now so much profit. This, as I say, I’ll carry out in deed.
Meanwhile a friend of Charinus tells him that the girl has been sold. And Lysimachus, who is holding the girl in his house for Charinus’ father, Demipho, comes in for a nasty surprise when his wife Dorippa arrives home.
[Enter DORIPPA.]
DORIPPA. [To herself]
Since a messenger came to me in the country from my husband, that he couldn’t come into the country, I made up my mind, and came back to follow after him who fled from me. But [looking round] I don’t see our old woman Syra following. Aye, look, there she comes at last [with a bundle of green sprigs].
DORIPPA.
Why don’t you go quicker?
SYRA.
By my troth, I cannot; so great is this burden that I’m carrying.
DORIPPA.
What burden?
SYRA.
Fourscore years and four, and to that are added servitude, sweat, and thirst; these things as well which I am carrying weigh me down.
DORIPPA.
Give me something, Syra, with which to decorate this altar of our neighbour.
SYRA. [Holding out a sprig]
Present this sprig of laurel, then.
DORIPPA.
Now do you go into the house.
SYRA.
I’m going. [Goes into the house of LYSIMACHUS]
DORIPPA. [Laying the sprig on the altar]
Apollo, I pray thee that thou wilt propitiously grant peace, safety, and health, unto our household, and that in thy propitiousness thou wilt show favour to my son. [Rushes out of the house, clapping her hands]
SYRA.
I’m utterly undone! Wretch that I am, I’m ruined! Ah! wretched me!
DORIPPA.
Prithee, are you quite in your senses? What are you howling for?
SYRA.
Dorippa, my dear Dorippa!
DORIPPA.
Prithee, why are you crying out?
SYRA.
Some woman, I know not who, is here in-doors in the house.
DORIPPA.
What? A woman?
SYRA.
A harlot woman.
DORIPPA.
Is it so, really?
SYRA.
In serious truth. You know how to act very prudently, in not remaining in the country. A fool even could have found it out that she was the mistress of your very pretty husband.
DORIPPA.
By heavens, I believe it.
SYRA. [Taking her arm]
Step this way with me, that you, my Juno, may see as well your rival Alcmena.
DORIPPA.
I’ troth, I certainly shall go there, as fast as I can. [They go into the house of LYSIMACHUS]
[Enter LYSIMACHUS.]
LYSIMACHUS. [To himself]
Is this too little of a misfortune that Demipho’s in love, that he must be extravagant as well? If he had been inviting ten men of highest rank to dinner, he has provided too much. But the cooks he directed in such a way just as at sea the time-keeper is wont to direct the rowers. I hired a Cook myself, but I’m surprised that he hasn’t come as I directed him. But who’s this, I wonder, that’s coming out of my house? The door’s opening. [He stands aside]
[…]
DORIPPA. [Continuing]
I cannot remain at home; my eyes cannot abide that pretty young harlot; I would have shut her out of doors, but my son Eutychus prevented me. Still, I shan’t altogether believe the news he brings.
[…]
PERISTRATA.
I’m not a nuisance, but a well-wisher; and it’s your friend Peristrata addresses you. Prithee, do stay.
DORIPPA.
Why, Peristrata – i’ faith, I didn’t know you: dreadful vexation is tormenting and agitating me.
PERISTRATA.
This I enquire about – prithee don’t deny me. I heard you just now; tell me what annoyance is troubling you.
DORIPPA.
Peristrata, so may the Gods prosper your only son, do kindly lend me your attention; none could be given me more agreeably: our ages are alike; together we grew up; we have husbands alike in age; with no one do I converse with greater pleasure. I’m really annoyed with good reason. What now would your feelings be, if at this time of life your husband Demipho were to bring a mistress before your eyes?
PERISTRATA.
Has he brought one?
DORIPPA.
So it is.
PERISTRATA.
She’s at your house?
DORIPPA.
At my house […]
Lysimachus’ son Eutychus confronts his friend Charinus’ father Demipho.
EUTYCHUS. [To DEMIPHO]