She sat the snacks on the table and made her way to her room. It only took a few minutes to make the toddies. She poured one and left it on the counter for him. The way her home was laid out, the master bedroom was on the right side of the house, while the other three bedrooms were on the left. One of the bedrooms served as a home office, while the other she turned into a mini fitness studio with an elliptical machine, some power cords and a stepper for aerobics. There was minimal furniture in the home, most of it used, and disguised as antiques. Her mother laughed and told her that was just her fancy way of giving character to old pieces. Her home was comfortable, yet felt as if something was missing inside of it.
She showered quickly, putting on some comfortable flannel jammies as she returned to find him sitting by the fireplace, staring into the flames. “Come, sit by me, Nick, and talk to me.”
“I don’t want to talk,” he told her as he held onto the cup of toddy.
“What do you need me to do, just be here with you or do you want to be alone?” she asked.
His eyes met hers with an intensity that made her breath catch. “What I need right now is for you to love me.”
Patience didn’t understand.
Nick’s fist were balled up after he sat the cup down. “The last few years of my life have been so full of taking care of him. Taking care of the business, taking care of clients, taking care of everybody else, so much so that I have not had time to find someone to take care of me. What about me? What about what I need?”
He leaned back on the couch, his head hung low. “For just this one night, just one night, I need someone to take care of me. I need you to love me, Patience. I need you to make me feel as if I matter. This next week is going to be so full of everything with and about Big Charlie. Settling his affairs, the funeral, coming to terms with being without my dad that... I just want to kick the shit out of something.”
She reached out and touched his arm. He was sitting in the middle of his grief and it was about to overtake him. Nick’s hand came up and he hit himself square in the chest. “I don’t know what to feel. It feels like a big gaping hole right here. Right in the center of my chest, Patience. Fill this hole, make me feel as if I matter to someone. Help me understand how I am going to get through this.” His head dropped lower.
Patience closed the distance between them on the couch and unbuttoned her blouse. She took his chin in her hands and raised his head so they were looking at each other as she slid onto his lap, facing him. “You mattered to Big Charlie. You also matter to me.” She lowered her head and kissed him. With her fingers she wiped away his tears as she planted soft kisses on his face.
“I need to tell you something, Nick,” she whispered. “The first time I saw you, I had a similar physical reaction to you. And ever since, I have been imagining what it would be like to have you fill my emptiness. I will try to take care of yours if you will take care of mine.” His eyes shimmered with unshed tears as he wrapped his arms around her waist.
“Make love to me, Nick,” she said as she kissed him again. He worked his way to the edge of the couch and stood, still holding her close to his body. He remembered the direction she had come from and slowly walked that way towards her bedroom. He used his foot to push open the door as he looked over her shoulder to locate the bed.
“Sweet, sweet Patience,” he told her as he gently laid her on the bed. He lowered his body down beside hers, pulling her into his arms. “I am okay with it if you just want to hold me tonight.”
It wasn’t what he wanted and definitely wasn’t what she needed. She kissed him tenderly to start, then rolled atop him, removing her pajama shirt. Leaning forward, her hardened nipples grazed against the soft fabric of his shirt as she planted soft kisses along his neckline. Next her kisses went to his cheeks and finally, she pressed her lips to his. Nick groaned as he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her deeply, passionately, allowing his tongue to slip between her lips and begin a tame duel of seduction. A slow, majestic battle ensued as he flicked, licked and suckled at her lips. Patience unbuttoned his shirt, struggling to get him out of the soft and somewhat worn cotton material he was using as his nightshirt.
His chest was solid, with sparse wisps of hairs that she felt as she ran her fingers across the broad span of muscles. She moved her hips against him, urging him to take over, to be the man who kissed her in the parking lot. Patience gazed into his eyes with a look that was so deep and soul searing that he felt his stomach knot up. “Dear Heavens,” he said as he rolled her to her back, planting small kisses down her neck, moving slowly over her. His hands reached for the bottom of her pajama pants, sliding them off her body as he slid off the bed, tugging and pulling until she lay upon the bed wearing nothing more that the beauty of spirit that God graced her with.
Nick placed his hand over his heart. “If I have to go tonight, I will leave this world a happy man.”
“Well, don’t leave me yet, Santa’s Big Helper. You promised to make me feel like Christmas morning,” she said coyly as she sat up and unfastened his loungers, letting them fall and pool at his ankles as the erection he seemed to always have around her was freed.
“That is even more impressive, unbound,” she said as she took him into her hands. She stroked at him and his head fell back. His mouth opened as she kissed the tip, then flicked her tongue across the bulbous head and took it into her mouth.
“Oh! Oh! Oh! Cut that out,” he said as he extricated himself and pushed her back on the bed.
His hands, his mouth, his fingers were everywhere and suddenly, he flipped her over on her stomach. He planted small kisses along her spine as she felt the wispy hairs that surrounded his love tickle her bottom. He moved slowly behind her, allowing his leg to nudge hers apart. He kneaded the flesh on her hocks as his kisses reached her shoulder blades, then her neck. She raised her hips and pressed back against him as she felt the tip of him enter the opening of her womanhood. “Patience,” he whispered huskily into her ear as he thrust forward.
“Ahhh, Nick,” she felt completely full of him as he withdrew, adjusted her legs and pushed again. Slowly, methodically, he stroked the insides of her body with his, making immediate contact with her g-spot. Her body was on fire. He raised her hips a bit more, reaching under her, and stroking at the nub of flesh in the folds of her womaness. Patience was beyond reason as she met every stroke he gave to her until finally, she cried out his name. He could feel the beginning of her climax as he withdrew and flipped her over to her back. He thrust into her, over and over as she reached her orgasm. Her legs were locked around his back as she thrust her hips upwards, trying to take him all in. She cried out his name as she worked her hips furiously, feeling the power of him inside her until her breathing became laborious. Finally, she felt spent, but he had not finished.
“Your turn, Nick,” she said, but instead he kissed her and pulled away.
“I didn’t come prepared.”
At first she didn’t understand, but it clicked. “Nick, it only takes a drop. I am sure you dropped some in there already. I want you to finish. I need you to finish, come back to me,” she told him. Now, as he on his back, she climbed over him, and adjusted her hands to take him inside of her. “Let me love you,” she said as she began to move slowly over him, bringing him pleasure. “You feel so good inside of me Nick. So good.” Her words nearly made him come undone. She increased her pace as she moved up and down on him until he could take no more.
“My gracious, you are amazing. So beautiful,” he told her as he rolled her to her back and kissed her deeply. His hips began to move faster as he thrust himself into her. He found his release in a flurry of hard plunges as he groaned, grunted, screamed her name, forcing another climax from her.
“At this rate, we may never leave this bed,” she told him as they lay there, covered in sweat.
“I am okay with that,” he pulled the covers up around them and held her close. “I would be okay to sleep next to you for the rest of my life.”
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He made a list, and checked it twice...
The sore muscles in her thighs made turning over slightly painful. This didn’t feel like Christmas morning! She was so sore. The bad kind of sore. It felt more like a new instructor in aerobics class had decided to see what she was made of – that kind of sore. She rolled over into a large, unmovable lump. It was awake and staring at her. Patience covered her mouth with her hand to shield him from her morning breath. “Morning,” she mumbled into her fingers, hoping the funk from last night wasn’t seeping between the digits and offending him.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered into the corner of his pillow.
Still a bit groggy, she asked him, “About and for what?”
“I promised you Christmas morning and instead you probably feel more like New Year’s morning. I just...”
Patience placed her free hand over his mouth. “Stop it. It was exactly what it was and exactly what it needed to be. It was a release for both of us. It wasn’t meant to be romantic, passionate, or all out. You lost your father yesterday and last night...” She looked at him, hoping she didn’t have crusted tears about her eyes. “... Was about connection. You and I connected.”
Nick reached for her, pulling her into his arms. “Thank goodness. I thought I had disappointed you.”
“It was good. Starting on my stomach ... that was intense. The whole thing was intense. A good intense, but really good,” she told him as she patted him, encouraging him to get up. “Let’s get some breakfast and make a game plan.”
It was five am and as they made a quick breakfast of eggs, turkey bacon and whole wheat English muffins, she went over the needed steps for the funeral arrangements. They showered separately and dressed as she took him back to the hospital to retrieve his vehicle. So much needed to be done today and Nick was going to have his hands full. She would as well.
It was time to open the book Big Charlie had given her.
At least, that had been her plan. One of the teens had left on the news channel and Big Charlie’s face was splattered all over the morning news with an insensitive headline, “Local Santa dies.” Ernestine overheard the news and flung herself into the floor, balling her little eyes out. To her surprise, her nemesis, Johnny came to her aid.
“Ernestine, it said local Santa. That is the dude in the mall that pretends to be Santa. He’s like one of Santa’s helpers, you know?”
Oddly enough, it consoled the child. “You think so, Johnny?”
“Yeah. You know Santa is all up in the North Pole beating on them elves, cussing them out and stuff, screaming, ‘You better be making them toys, you short, little midget muther...’” Patience stepped around the corner to stop his next words. He looked at her with a devilish grin. “Good Morning, Ms. Patience.”
“Johnny,” she said, looking at him with squinted eyes. Although the boy was only nine, he had seen more than his fair share of bad people. Mainly his parents. His father was a two bit hustler who used the boy’s mother to pay the rent, his outstanding debts and anything else he could think of to score a buck. The day his father attempted to do the same thing with Johnny’s 12-year-old sister was the same day Johnny shot him. A smart boy, he knew better than to kill him, but wound him to where police and children’s services would intervene. The sister was sent to live with a relative. Johnny, no one wanted. He would probably grow up in the orphanage, but if Patience was unable to find him a home, she was determined to make this one a place where he felt loved. No one should be punished for doing what was right. Big Charlie always tried to do right.
The journal.
I need to read the journal.
After several meetings, a conference call, a cold sandwich and some tepid soup, it was nearly one in the afternoon when she finally opened the book. At first glance she wasn’t sure what she was reading. The book covered 30 years of names, phones numbers and entries.
What is this, Big Charlie?
There were initially seven digit numbers, then 10 digit numbers. Oh, okay, area code dialing. Some of the numbers were scratched through and new numbers added. Am I in this book? She thumbed through the pages until she came to 1984. Her finger was used as an indexer as she scrolled down the pages until she found her name. Patience Marie Johnson. He scratched through the Johnson and changed it to Nelson. Underneath her name was Reginald and Andrea Nelson –adopted. Annual donation $100. And her parent’s current phone number.
The list of names continued. William Howard, current mayor. Annual donation $75. His personal phone number.
Ronnie Mark Lawson, professional football player. Constance Lawson, single mom. Contribution $175 at Christmas. The figures stop about the same time Ronnie obtained a full scholarship to play college football.
The next page showed where Ronnie Lawson was donating $175 each Christmas to Big Charlie. Nothing more. Nothing less.
It was a system of checks and balances. Every favor that Big Charlie did for someone, they either donated money to him or his Christmas fund and he in turn used the money to help families and kids in the community. She thumbed through the pages until she came to 1990, and found her name. Patience Marie Nelson, Elf. 1995, College, University of Virginia, Roanoke. Social Work. 1999-Grad School. 2002-Internship, Presbyterian Ministries. 2005-Holly Oak Presbyterian Mission House. 2007-Santa’s Elf.
She had come full circle and he had intentionally kept tabs on her. Not only her, but every man, woman and child that he had helped, touched, worked with or given a toy. It also held a list of people he helped who did not give back.
She had Santa’s naughty or nice list. What do I do with this?
“Patience, your phone is ringing,” Ethel, the office manager, told her. She grabbed her phone, trying to catch it before the caller hung up.
“Patience Nelson,” she said into the line.
“Hey,” Nick’s voice came through the phone.
“Hey back. How’s it going?” she asked.
“Pretty much as expected. The funeral home has come to pick up his body. The hospital has given me the bill and I will probably have to prostitute myself to pay it. But Dad’s memorial service is set for Monday.”
The sadness in his voice moved her. “What about insurance policies?”
“Outside of the small burial policy I took out on him, he didn’t have any insurance,” Nick said.
That wasn’t true. In her hand she held Big Charlie’s insurance policy. I need you to make him believe in the power of Christmas.
“Two days before Christmas, I get to bury my father. Two days, Patience. Did you know that four days before Christmas, I buried my mother?” he sighed.
“You hate Christmas don’t you, Nick?” she asked.
“You have no idea how much, but the good thing is, I get to take down all of that crap in my living room and throw it away.” He paused. “I just want this to be over.”
She didn’t know what to say. “I will call you later, okay?”
Patience left it there. She had other calls to make. She pulled the heavy hitters first and started dialing, using colored highlighters to mark her journey through the book.
O’er the Fields We Go...
Nick stopped by briefly after work to bring Patience a dozen roses. “Thank you for being there for me last night,” he told her as he stepped inside her door.
“I have on a pot of chili and some hot cornbread. Would you like some?”
It was an open ended question intentionally left for him to run with, but instead he said, “Yes, I am rather hungry. It’s been a busy day. Frozen pipes bursting, frozen lines, I had a lot of calls. Even more tomorrow. What about you, how was your day?”
She was honest. “I had a lot of calls to make, as well.”
He talked about everything but his father, which she knew was also very unhealthy. “Nick, you have to allow yourself to grieve.”
“I will. I just don’t have time to do it now,” he said as his phone went off. “Pine’s Plumbing,” he said into the line. “Yes, sir.
We can wait for in the morning. It is after hours. If I come now it will be time and a half.”
Evidently, he needed to go now. “Sorry, doodie calls.”
He looked at the bowl of chili. “Save me a bowl of that, will you?”
“Will you be back tonight?”
“Do you want me to come back?”
“I would like it, yes.”
“Then I will be back,” he put on his coat and stared at her. “What is too late? I don’t know if this will take 40 minutes or 4 hours.”
Patience surprised herself by rising and grabbing her extra keys from the kitchen drawer. “I go to bed at 11.”
He pulled her into his arms and kissed her firmly on the mouth. “If it is after 11, I will head home.”
“If it is after 11, you still come to me,” she said softly into his shoulder.
“Then I will be back as soon as I can,” he released her slowly, tucked the keys into his pocket and stepped out into the cold of night.
It was 10:45 when she heard the front door open. She listened in the quiet of her bed as his keys hit the bowl he had seen her place her keys in. He was removing his wet boots by the door and made his way down the hall to the guest bedroom. Patience didn’t quite understand what she was feeling. There was definitely a connection between the two of them, but she was uncertain if it was the loneliness, the circumstance or if it was real. But for once in her life, she wasn’t going to over think this. She was going to be there for him and whatever came out of it, short or long term, was what is going to be.
Her eyes were heavy as she slid down in the bed and got comfortable. Her body was on a clock. At 10:55 everything started to shut down. By 11 p.m., she was usually flat out. She could hear the soft falls of his feet as he made his way from the shower to her room. Quietly, he pulled back the covers and slipped in on the opposite side of the bed. He cuddled close as his arm draped about her waist. “Good night,” he whispered into the darkness and he drifted off to sleep.
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