by Aki_kaze
“His name was Oliver.”
“Oh…” Keith turned his face to the other, not expecting him to know what was on his mind.
“It wasn’t a lasting relationship. Of course, how could it be? We were just 15. Stupid me.” Sam’s face showed a glimpse of pain despite his attempt to conceal it.
“I thought we were going to be alright. Those people never harmed us. Not physically. Now, come to think of it, I would rather suffer from a punch. At least I could fight back. But they chose to hurt us with words. And all those eyes… As if we were germs.
“Some people didn’t agree to this abuse. But who would say anything? Oliver couldn’t bear it anymore. Actually, he shouldn’t have gone out with me in the first place. He didn’t want anyone to know about it. Not his classmates. Not his family. He came from a strict, religious household. This wasn’t something they’d all gladly accept. If his father knew, he’d be damned. I understood that. Or at least I thought I did.”
The ensuing silence made Keith hold his breath. He wanted to say something for comfort, but it was too late. No word could bring back Sam. The spirit had chosen to keep the misery to himself and resorted to quite an unpleasant escape. But who was him to judge? If he lost Sam, would he still keep going?
…But, again, he didn’t really have Sam to begin with. Sam wasn’t alive anymore. They couldn’t spend their ‘lives’ together.
“Say something.” Sam gave him a disapproving look.
“Sorry.” Keith turned away, avoiding that pair of blue eyes.
“I don’t blame Oliver or anyone. It was my decision, and I know I was being selfish.”
That was what he wanted to say to the spirit. Keith shut his mouth tight when he heard it from Sam himself.
“You thought it was the best solution.”
“Stop giving me consolation, Keith Derringer,” Sam protested, “Every time I see your face, I am reminded of my own stupidity. You have no idea what I want to do to you.”
“You don’t know what’s on my mind either.”
They both locked eyes, feeling an almost irresistible urge. But all they could do was staring.
Keith wanted to ask if Sam still missed Oliver, if that was the reason he was still trapped in this house, if he awaited the other’s return? But he didn’t want to hear the answer. It wasn’t hard to guess his reply, so he would rather leave it unsaid.
“If you want to take the meds then go on. You’re doing it for yourself,” Sam said suddenly, “but I don’t want you to force yourself on it.”
“I want to get better,” Keith said, “But I don’t know what to do. If I don’t take the meds, I’ll have a nightmare. I get used to seeing my parents. But I’m afraid I’ll see you in it, too.”
“I’ll be happy if you dream about me. Except for that part.” Sam pointed up towards the ceiling.
Keith’s eyes followed the direction. It was what he feared the most.
“How about this?” The spirit turned sideway to the boy, his face plastered with a charming smile. “From now on, I’ll be here when you sleep. So that you won’t have a nightmare. And even if you do, I’ll be with you.”
The listener’s face flushed red. He wanted to tear his eyes away but could not.
“Do you think I’m a kid or something?” he retorted.
“You’re older than me.” The spirit smiled faintly.
“But you’re even bossier than my mom,” he shot back and let out a laugh. It was strange he could manage a smile in this situation.
“I like your laughter.”
“You’re saying something weird again.” He flipped away, turning his back to the spirit and looking out the window.
The hair on his neck stood up as he felt Sam’s chilling presence from behind. Keith held his breath unintentionally, stiffened, not daring to turn back to look at the other.
“Keith.” The soft whisper was so close to his ear he had to bend his head down.
“What?” he replied, his heart beating like crazy.
“Will you go out with me?”
Keith’s brain froze for a moment. He knew it was an exaggeration because if that actually had happened, he must have been dead by now. But, when he heard Sam asked him out, it felt just like that. He couldn’t comprehend the question. What was the other’s intention? What did he want to convey, or suggest, or imply? What did he mean? Perhaps he meant every word he said. But could they do it? Could they live like other people?
“True, I’m a ghost. And you are the one who can see ghosts. We are both weirdos. And my name’s Sam.”
We are both weirdos.
We are not like other people.
“Haven’t we been dating… all this time already?”
Keith heard Sam’s small laughter.
“Right.” A gentle voice replied.
He felt a sensation at the back of his neck. His eyes grew wide. He still didn’t dare to turn back to look at the other. It last for only a blink of an eye, but he knew well what happened.
Sam kissed his nape.
A smile helplessly spread over his face. He quickly covered his mouth, doubling up like a cooked prawn. Sam said nothing. Yet, Keith knew he was still lying there next to him.
Perhaps it was possible… the thing between them… Keith couldn’t possibly know. But one thing he was sure of: he knew Sam was the reason of his happiness.
Chapter Thirty One
Kiss
It was morning and the sun was in his eyes. Keith flipped to the other side to avoid the disturbance. When he pried his eyes open, he found a pair of blue eyes staring at him. He was startled at first, but then let out a sigh of relief seeing it was just Sam. The spirit was true to his word: he was with Keith all night. Keith’s face heated up. The boy fought back a smile, and Sam smiling at him wasn’t helping at all.
“Have you been staring at me like this all night?”
“Who in their right mind would do that?”
“But you don’t need to sleep.”
“I closed my eyes.”
“But you don’t dream.”
It was the spirit who smiled this time. Keith then asked,
“If it was possible, what would you like to dream about?”
He waited for the response. The blonde boy only looked at his face and beamed a wider smile. Keith’s eyebrows tied in confusion.
“Why are you giving me that smile?”
“I don’t think I need a dream.” He propped his elbow up and rested his head on it. His other hand touched Keith’s nose tip, which caused him to wrinkle his nose. “Or maybe only about this.”
His face flushed red, from his cheeks to his ears. He wanted to say something but was unable to form a sentence. He surrendered; the boy quickly jumped to his feet and headed to the bathroom. Sam’s voice followed him, asking where he was going, and then came his laughter.
Keith slammed the door shut. He strode over to the mirror and let out a deep breath. When he looked up, he saw a face so cheerful he could hardly recognize.
Today was just another day, yet his feeling was not the same.
“Will you go out with me?”
Sam’s voice rang in his head.
He averted his gaze from his reflection, his hands touching the two blushing cheeks. He couldn’t believe Sam said those words.
“Pull yourself together, Derringer. You need to calm down.” That he told himself before he started to brush his teeth.
When he returned to the bedroom, Sam was still there, sitting cross-legged on the bed. The two sparkling eyes noted every action of Keith.
Normally, the boy had no problem changing clothes while the other was in his room. Not that he could help it; the spirit always popped up out of nowhere. But this time was different.
“You’re not going anywhere?” he asked, his voice low.
“Nope. No place I want to be.” Came a lively reply.
Keith held his t-shirt by the collar. He still didn’t want to take it off. Sam raise eyebrows watching Ke
ith being awkward.
“What? Feeling embarrassed?”
“N… no! I’m not.”
Keith got changed, fully aware of the spirit’s eyes on him. He didn’t think Sam’s presence would make him feel this aroused.
Sam quietly followed the boy downstairs. Keith occasionally stole a glance at the blonde and saw an irritatingly broad grin on his face. It was hard to ignore the other.
“Good morning,” Keith greeted.
All of the Underwoods were present in the kitchen. John took the last bite of his meal and prepared to go out for practice at school. Hector would drop him off before going to work. Alice had been staring at the newcomer since he joined them in the breakfast.
“Is something wrong?”
“You’re not doing your hair?”
He touched his bang.
“Today I’m not going anywhere. So…”
“It’s been so long since Alice last saw this hairstyle of yours. It’s become unfamiliar.”
“Which one do you like better, dear? I like him with his hair slicked back. Looks more like an adult.” Diane chimed in, serving him fried eggs, bacons, and sausages.
The boy said thank you. He reached out for a toast and spread blueberry jam over it.
“Well… Alice doesn’t like any style in particular.” She took a big bite on her toast, taking more interested in her meal than her cousin’s hairdo now.
“You look handsome in slicked back hair. But I also find this current version of you cute.”
Sam leaned towards him from the seat beside. His word made Keith choke on his food. He quickly helped himself with a glass of water, feeling the heat coursing up his face.
A small smile crossed the spirit’s face.
Keith couldn’t do anything about it, so he resumed his breakfast. The mixer grinder’s loud noise could be heard. He knew at once Diane was making her healthy drink. Its eerie green color was not an appetite-inducing sight, so much that he snapped his eyes away from it. He caught a sight of Alice’s gaze on the vacant seat next to him. He turned to look at it and found Sam was rocking the chair leisurely. Sam was visible to him, but, to Alice, the chair was rocking itself. He was shocked, yet he couldn’t reprimand the naughty ghost verbally, lest other people could hear it.
He stilled the chair with his foot, earning him a frown from Sam. Keith quickly ignored it and turned to give Alice the most innocent smile he could manage before putting a bacon into his mouth. Alice eyed him without saying anything.
After breakfast, Keith carried the vacuum cleaner to the attic. Diane had already cleaned up the place, but the boy still wanted to tidy up the stuff. Again, Sam was in charge of the activity.
“I think you can throw those away.” The spirit pointed to the house decorations on one of the shelves.
“You don’t want to keep it?”
“For what? I have no use of it anymore.”
Keith couldn’t figure if the reply was either honest, sarcastic, or simply sad. It was hard to fathom a person’s mind regardless how long you had known each other.
Not to mention Sam and he hadn’t even known each other for that long.
“Well, then. You put things you don’t want to keep in this box. And things you do in that one. Got it?” Keith proposed, “you can pick things up, right?”
He had witnessed the spirit’s ability already but just in case. When he received Sam’s nod, they begun the attic cleanup.
Aside from the bedroom, this was the place where Sam and Keith spent time together. But being together with the other now made Keith kind of nervous. He watched the spirit organize his personal stuff. Sam’s belonging was abundant, but the things he wished to keep were rather little in amount.
“By the way, you still haven't told me about it.”
“About what?” Fortunately, Sam asked him the same time Keith turned off the vacuum cleaner. So, he could get to hear the question.
“The dream,” Sam replied, “If you can dream, what would you like to dream about?”
“I am able to dream. You know that.”
The spirit sighed.
“I mean, if you can choose.”
“Anything but a nightmare is fine.” The reply came without him giving it any thought. For Keith, dreams meant nightmares. To have none of it or to be unable to remember what happened were, ironically, his dream.
“What’s with that answer?” Sam made a grumbling face. He dropped his work and walked straight to Keith who was dusting the window.
“W… what’re you doing?”
He grasped the feather duster in his hand tight, his back flat against the window. He could sense the spirit’s menace. They weren’t much different in height, but Keith involuntarily shrank in fear. His face was beaded with sweat, which wasn’t from working. Sam’s hand was against the wall near the window. He leaned his face forward, so close that they could have felt each other’s breath.
“You never dreamt about me?” The voice was so gentle, total opposite of his action.
Keith shook his head, taking a big gulp. How come he became cornered by a ghost like this? He could just step away, but his legs failed him.
“You don’t want to dream about me?”
Sam’s finger lightly brushed his nose tip. It traveled past his lips, his chin, and down to his neck, which made him take another big gulp. The chilling touch kept going down past the t-shirt collar and stopped at the middle of the chest. The boy could feel it heaving.
“Maybe in your dream we will be able to touch.” Sam’s whispers sent his heart racing even more wildly. “I can make you feel it. But, on the other hand, you can’t touch me. I don’t feel anything. How I want to know how soft your skin is on my fingers, how warm your body is against mine, and those lips…”
Keith reached his hand out to touch the other’s cheek. He leaned in and kissed Sam. Their lips met. Sam rested his hand on the other’s head and guided him through their kiss. It was his first. It was passionate. It sent his heart fiercely ablaze. A fiery desire which sparked life.
His eyes were fixed on the spirit before him. He could only play out what he wanted to do in his head. His breath became heavy at the thought of sensual pleasure.
“I…” Keith said, his voice dry.
If he expressed his deepest wish, would it come true?
“Say it,” Sam urged.
Keith locked his eyes with that pair of blue ones, earnest and tender, holding everything he yearned for.
“I desire you.”
A brief expression, yet rich enough to make a smile blossom on the spirit’s face. A brief expression, so genuine yet impossible to be realized. But he had voiced it out; and that was all and enough.
“Me too.”
A brief response, yet full to the brim with heartfelt feelings towards the other. It made the listener’s heart swell with joy and plastered his face with a priceless smile. They both laughed lightly, their voices like sunshine brightening up the whole murky room.