Ally’s face got pinched, and I knew she wasn’t pleased that I hadn’t rolled over and placated her with flowery words.
“Oh, like I’m a bitch for wanting to hang out with you?” she asked, her voice getting loud.
“No, I never said that, and you know I wouldn’t,” I argued, spinning around to face the girl I thought knew me better than anyone else. “But it doesn’t make you a great girlfriend to constantly give me shit about not having enough time for you, when you know everything I have going on.”
“Jake,” Ally started, bringing her voice down. “I know it sucks having to deal with your mom coming back and your parents breaking up, all I’m asking is that you spend time with me … like you used to.”
“Did you just say it sucks that my mom came back?” I asked, incredulous. “Because I hope that’s not what you meant. What sucks is my dad’s a prick who couldn’t keep it in his pants, and my mom woke up to find out that everything’s changed. What sucks is that she was in a coma for five years and although a lot has happened for us, to her a couple months ago I was her little boy and her husband was faithful, and now nothing is the same.”
“You know what I mean,” Ally argued with a pout that I usually found adorable, but now just pissed me off.
“No, Ally, I don’t. Unless you mean you’re so self-involved that you can’t understand what I’m dealing with and be there for me, but that all you’re worried about is having me drive you around, be with you at parties, and fuck you when you need it.”
“Oh, fuck you, Jake. You think there aren’t twenty guys that I could call right now who’d drop everything to fuck me if I asked?” Ally asked, standing in front of me with her hands on her hips.
“Is that a threat?” I asked, glaring at her.
“It’s a fact, Jake. All I want is for you to make time for me in your busy schedule. You used to do anything to be with me … skip class, sneak out of the house … anything. Now you act like I’m a clinger when I ask if I’ll see you later and I’m telling you, I don’t like it.”
“Well, maybe we should take a break then. Give me some time to deal with my sucky family life and give you a chance to hook up with those guys burning up your phone.”
“Seriously?” Ally asked, panic crossing her face.
“Yup,” I replied, and was surprised to find that all I felt with this sudden breakup, was relief. “C’mon, I’ll drop you home.”
“Fuck you, I’ll call an Uber,” she said, poking the app on her phone angrily.
“Then I’ll wait with you until it arrives,” I said. Even if I was angry with her, there was no way I’d leave her alone in the park at night.
“Do what you want, but go wait in your Jeep … I can’t look at you right now.”
I nodded and headed to my Jeep.
I waited inside until the Uber was driving off toward Ally’s house, then I headed home.
I walked inside to find my mom sitting on the couch in the living room, drinking a glass of wine while she watched some comedy special.
“Hey, honey, you’re home early,” she said, giving a sweet smile.
She’d been smiling a lot more since my dad had moved out and gotten a condo. Genuine, happy smiles. She was working every day in the bookstore and finally seemed to be coming to terms with her life now.
“Yeah,” I muttered, wanting to go to my room and sulk, maybe write a breakup song or two.
“Everything okay?” she asked, her eyes rapt on my expression.
“Ally and I broke up,” I admitted.
My mom stood, put the wine glass on the coffee table, and rounded the couch to pull me in her arms.
“I’m sorry, Jake.”
I accepted her affection, found comfort in her support, and knew I’d made the right decision.
“Thanks,” I managed, giving her a strained smile as she pulled away and looked up at me. “I’m gonna go to bed.”
“Okay,” she said, letting me go.
I could see she wanted to say more, probably wished I’d sit downstairs with her and talk about my feelings, but I just couldn’t.
As I walked to the stairs, I thought about what I could do, and turned back.
“Mom?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m playing in the open mic on Saturday. You wanna come?”
My mom beamed and said, “I’d love to.”
Twenty-Three
Sean
I threw my briefcase on the kitchen table with a sigh as I looked around the condo.
I hated it.
It was so far removed from the home I’d built with Kelly, it wasn’t even funny. There was nothing remotely homey or cozy about it. It was, quite literally, the place I came to lay my head, and that was it.
I’d gotten an accounting job with a firm in town and I really missed the bookstore.
Hell, I missed everything … the bookstore, my house, my family … my life.
I took off my suit jacket and threw it on top of my briefcase, then crossed the kitchen to grab a beer, when I heard a knock on the door.
Hope leapt to my heart as I briefly imagined Kelly on the other side of the door, then I muttered, “Fuck,” when I remembered I’d told Madeline to stop by.
It was time for me to hash things out with her, but I wasn’t looking forward to it.
I opened the door to see the normally perfect Madeline standing before me with her clothes wrinkled and hair in disarray.
“Is everything okay?” I asked, worried that something had happened.
She looked at me with a sad smile, then slightly nodded.
“Are you sure?” I pressed, because, honestly, I’d never seen Madeline look less than perfectly coifed and dressed.
“I’ve just been a bit … stressed the last few months,” she said softly, and I realized I was the cause of her distress.
Obviously, I knew she’d been trying to get ahold of me and was upset over the fact that I’d basically dropped out of her life after Kelly woke up. But I’d been so wrapped up in myself, in having my wife, and my life, back, that I’d completely pushed all thoughts of Madeline and her feelings aside.
That didn’t make me a great person.
“Please, come inside,” I said, speaking to her with more care than I had in months.
Madeline walked passed me, looking around as I shut the door.
“This is nice,” she said politely.
“No, it’s not, but it’s kind of you to say so,” I replied. “Can I get you something to drink? I don’t have chardonnay,” I said, knowing her preference, “but I do have beer and water.”
“Water, thank you.”
“Coming right up. Have a seat.”
She sat on the ugly brown sofa and waited quietly while I got her water and my beer.
“Here you go,” I said, taking a seat in the chair across from her.
“Thank you.”
When she was quiet, I took a deep breath and decided I owed it to her to start the conversation.
“Maddy, I’m sorry,” I began, wanting to be kind, yet firm with what I was about to say. “I’ve been careless with your feelings since Kelly woke up. I was selfishly excited to have my wife back, relieved she’d woken up, and instinctively started to distance myself from you. Which wasn’t fair to you, not without an explanation, and I’m sorry for my behavior. Especially the way I spoke to you at the bookstore the other day. You didn’t deserve that.”
Madeline’s lips parted and a soft breath escaped her lips. She seemed to be processing my words, unsure how to respond.
“I thought … that is, since you moved out, I thought maybe you and Kelly had decided not to be together, that maybe … you chose me.”
The hope in her eyes was so great, I had to look away briefly, pain slicing through me at the thought of what I was about to do to her.
“Madeline,” I said gently, and saw her flinch. She knew what was coming next. “I’m sorry, but that’s not what’s happening here.”
Madel
ine gulped and clutched the water bottle to her chest.
“Kelly asked for some space and I’m giving it to her. That’s all this is. I’m sorry, but things between us,” I paused, my heart pounding anxiously in my chest, “well, it was over the second she woke up.”
She turned her face to the side, but not before I saw her eyes well up.
“I’m sorry,” I said again, knowing if I apologized a million times, it wouldn’t be enough. “I know this isn’t what you wanted to hear, but it’s the way things have to be. I love my wife.”
Madeline swung her head back.
“You said you loved me, too,” she accused.
“I did,” I agreed. “But that was before … before she woke up, before I got my life back … before I knew that given the choice, I’d do anything to keep that life.”
She nodded and stood up on shaky legs.
“I guess there’s nothing else to say then, except, I love you, Sean, and I wish you’d choose me. But, since you won’t, I’ll wish you the best, and ask you to never contact me again. I’ll do the same for you,” Madeline added, her voice shaking.
“Maddy,” I whispered, standing as well.
I hated hurting her and found the thought of never seeing or talking to her again, hurt me more than I’d imagined. She’d been a constant in my life for the last few years.
“No, Sean,” she said, holding up her hand to stop me from getting any closer. “I have to have a clean break. It’s all or nothing for me with you; my heart can’t take having you in pieces.”
With that said, she spun on her heel and crossed to the door, letting herself out.
My door shut with a click, the sound signifying that I’d let down another person in my life. First Jake, then Kelly, and now, Madeline.
For a man who two months ago thought he had everything, my life was in the toilet now, and I didn’t know how I was going to turn things around.
Twenty-Four
Kelly
I took care with my hair, makeup, and clothes.
I knew Jake didn’t really care if I showed up looking put together or comfortable, but I cared. This was the first time he’d invited me to hear him sing and I wanted to look and feel my best.
I wanted to make him proud, not embarrassed, that I was his mother.
Maybe that seemed like a silly thing for me to worry about, but it was important to me that he was letting me in, and if I was honest, I was nervous about seeing him in this new light.
I was used to hanging out at the ballfield and cheering Jake on during baseball games, but this version of Jake would be totally new, and I hoped there would be a way for me to fit into this version of his life.
I knew how important his music was to him.
As I entered the coffee shop, nerves wracked my body and I struggled to take calming breaths as I surveyed the area.
It was cute and homey, with enough unique touches to make it interesting.
There were plush couches and chairs scattered amongst the two and four-top tables and shelves overflowing with books. The counter and production area was on the left side of the room, with the small stage and mic stand on the right.
There was already a good crowd in attendance, with only a couple seats left open.
I was about to make my way to an open seat I saw to the left of the stage, when the sound of my name had me looking toward the front.
Connor and Blake were sitting at a table and waving me over furiously.
With a relieved smile, I wound through the tables until I reached them.
“Hi,” I said, somewhat breathlessly. “I didn’t realize you guys would be here.”
“We try to come when we can,” Connor said, and I suddenly remembered him saying so when we’d first met. “Blake here has been begging all week. I eventually caved.”
“Dad,” Blake protested with an eye roll, standing to give me a hug.
I’d met her while in the hospital. She and Connor had come a few times to visit. The first time she’d cried and thanked me for saving her and her dad and I’d felt a kinship with her ever since.
“Sit with us,” Connor suggested, indicating the empty chair next to him.
“Are you sure?” I asked, not wanting to intrude on their father-daughter time.
“Absolutely,” he replied. “It’ll give me someone to talk to while Blake moons over your son.”
“Dad,” Blake said again, but this time it came out more like a growl.
I chuckled.
“I’m afraid I’ll probably be mooning over him, too, so I won’t be great company. This is my first time coming to one of these.”
I angled the chair toward the stage and took a seat.
“Oh, well, I’ll try not to bug you, then,” Connor said softly from behind me.
I gave him a small smile over my shoulder, remembering our conversation from the bookstore, then turned my attention to the stage as a tall man with brown curly hair took the stage.
“Evening, all, I’m Summit. Thanks for joining us tonight. First up, we have one of our new favorites in the house. Let’s give a warm welcome to Jake.”
My belly swarmed with nerves and my breath caught as I watched my son walk on stage.
He looked so handsome. Like a young man still a little uncomfortable in his body, but with enough confidence in his abilities that he faced the crowd without a shadow of trepidation.
Instead, he took the stool, positioned his guitar, and gave the crowd a secretive smile.
“I’m gonna play something new,” he said, his voice deep and sure, and my heart swelled with pride.
That’s my son up there.
It was almost impossible to believe.
Jake began to play and I clasped my hands together in my lap as I ordered my leg to stop bouncing of its own free will.
I’m sorry everything has changed.
I wish we could go back, but everything’s been rearranged
Loneliness breeds emptiness and emptiness brings pain
His love used to fill you up, now you’re fighting to remain
The life you were meant to have was taken, it’s true
But I promise you can always count on me, and know, I love you
There was more to the song. A chorus. A melody. But, before Jake was even to the refrain, my vision was blurry with tears and my heart was filled so much that it hurt.
Jake kept his head down as he sang and I was sure it was because if he caught my eye, he’d be unable to finish singing the song he’d wrote for me, that he’d lose it just as surely as I’d lost it.
I felt Connor’s hand on my shoulder, as Blake’s grasped mine, and I was grateful for their show of support.
Without it I may have crumbled to the floor.
When Jake finished strumming the last chord, I turned from the stage and grabbed some napkins off the center of the table.
I wiped my face the best I could, but knew my eyes were going to be red and puffy and give me away.
“How do I look?” I asked, not wanting to alarm Jake.
“Beautiful,” Connor whispered, and I gave him a watery smile before turning back to the stage.
Jake was watching me, so I mouthed, thank you.
His mouth moved into the boyish grin of his youth and he gave a small nod, before starting another song, this one more upbeat.
He’d obviously played it before, because a few people sang along, including Blake.
Once his set was over, Jake thanked the crowd, and Summit, then crossed to our table.
“You were absolutely amazing,” I gushed, standing to give him a hug.
“Thanks, Mom,” he said with a chuckle as he reluctantly, and quickly, hugged me back. “Thanks for coming.”
He looked at Connor and Blake including them in his statement.
“Of course, you know we love to hear you play,” Connor said, while Blake just looked at him with adoring eyes. “Hey, what do you say we all go out for a bite to eat?”
Jake looked at me
and lifted his shoulder, so I said, “Actually, food sounds great.”
But, as we discussed where we were going to meet, since we'd all driven separately, Connor's appreciative glances had me wondering if we were going out as friends, or he was hoping for something more.
And I wasn't sure how I felt about it...
Twenty-Five
Jacob
I followed behind my mom’s car in my Jeep, as she followed behind Connor and Blake, who were leading us to the restaurant.
I was happy to have a few moments to myself.
I was always amped after a set, but this time there was an underlying sense of melancholy and excitement. A weird combo to be sure.
I’d known I’d be nervous singing in front of my mom the first time, but I hadn’t expected it to be so emotional. Seeing her there, crying at my words … really feeling my message had been powerful, and my hands had shaken as I played my guitar.
We pulled into the parking lot of a twenty-four-hour place and I took my time getting out, my eyes on Connor as he hurried to open the car door for my mom.
I wasn’t sure how I felt about the way I’d seen him looking at her.
Sure, my mom was an attractive woman and she’d had a rough time, and Lord knew my dad was a dick, but that didn’t mean I was ready for them to give up on each other and completely move on.
I’d gotten used to Madeline, I guess, but that was before. I’d certainly never seen my mom smile at another man the way she was smiling at Connor as she got out of the car and he shut the door behind her.
I got out of my Jeep with a grunt and strolled over to where they were waiting for me.
Blake was watching me with wide eyes, and I gave her a small grin.
I knew she had a crush on me. But, although I could tell she’d be hot one day, she was only like thirteen or fourteen now. There was no way I’d go there. I tried not to encourage her, but I didn’t want to be an ass to her either.
It was a fine line.
“How’d you like the set?” I asked her when I was close to the sidewalk where she was waiting.
Unwoven Ties Page 8