Ashes of Merciless

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Ashes of Merciless Page 10

by Odette Michael


  “I need to stay for extra training,” I said quietly. “I have an Assignment in a few days.”

  Gage’s face clouded, and his smile faded. And then he said something that surprised me. Shocked me, actually.

  “I’m sorry,” he murmured.

  I felt my face go pale. In the depths of those green eyes, I discovered something I’d never expected to find in another person, especially in this place.

  A mutual understanding.

  I watched him get up and head toward the exit. I tightened my knuckles on the edges of the bench. Fighting reason, and fighting that lingering voice inside my head, I got up and followed him.

  ***

  Something wet and cool was being lightly pressed against my forehead and cheeks. It felt like heaven. I leaned into the cloth as it carefully caressed my skin.

  Something warmer replaced it. A hand.

  My eyes slowly opened. A pair of worried eyes stared down at me.

  “Gage,” I breathed.

  Gage moved closer to me, the concern on his face overshadowing everything.

  “Ashley, I’m sorry. So, so sorry that I wasn’t fast enough. I came as soon as I found out. You’re safe now.”

  “Where am I?” I mumbled as I looked around. I didn’t recognize the bed, the blue sheets, or the room.

  “This is one of my parents’ homes. Don’t worry—Merciless won’t find you here. This place is off the radar. Mom bought it after she retired, and it’s not even in her name. My parents lived at the mountain resort, but they came here sometimes when they wanted more privacy.”

  For a moment, all I could do was stare at him in wonder.

  “Thank you, Gage,” I whispered. “You saved my life.”

  He leaned down to me and pressed his lips against my forehead. I shuddered at his touch, and not in a bad way. I reached out and gripped the collar of his shirt so he wouldn’t move away, suddenly terrified of him leaving my sight.

  His eyes widened, and he shifted closer to me. He understood, as always.

  “It’s ok. I’m not going anywhere,” he assured me.

  I nodded, noticing that my other hand was hooked up to an IV. I looked at it in confusion, and I winced at the pain in my head. My whole body ached, and I was dazed and dizzy.

  “Are you hurting? That’s a stupid question. . . . Of course you’re in pain,” Gage murmured angrily.

  He handed me a cup of ice water. I sipped it carefully, flinching as the coldness hit my empty stomach.

  “How long have I been out?” I asked, surprised at the hoarseness of my voice. I could scarcely make out my own words.

  Gage took my water cup and placed it on the nightstand before looking at me hesitantly.

  “You’ve been asleep for four days.”

  “Four days?” I croaked in disbelief.

  “You would have woken up sooner most likely, but we’ve been keeping you sedated. That poison is taking forever to get out of your system. I thought I was going to lose my mind, hearing you scream like that. And all that blood on you . . .”

  He shuddered and closed his eyes, and I gripped his shirt tighter. He looked weary and tired, and dark circles as deep as bruises were under his eyes. I knew without asking that he hadn’t left me once, and that he had slept very little.

  “I owe you everything. You’re on their hit list now because of me. I’m sorry,” I said.

  “I’ll kill him. I’ll kill him for what he did to you,” he said in a voice so deadly I shivered. I’d never heard him sound so angry.

  I shook my head. “No. The Master is mine, and so is Scott.”

  Gage looked at me with haunted eyes. He slowly brought a finger up to my face and carefully traced my cheek. I was surprised that it hurt, and he nodded at my flinch.

  “That’s where the Master punched you. You also have a concussion. Not to mention the cracked rib, and your wrists were rubbed completely raw from the chains.”

  Gage watched me as I examined myself. I was wearing clothes that weren’t mine, an oversized, black T-shirt and a pair of athletic shorts. The vague scent still clinging to the fabric was undeniably Gage’s.

  My head hurt the worst, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to see what my temple looked like underneath the thick bandage. My wrists were wrapped in gauze, and I smelled ointment on them. I moved the sheet down and studied my upper left thigh. Most of it was a nasty, bruised purple where Scott had jammed the needle in too hard. Upon seeing the small burn on my palm where I’d held the ashes from my burning home, tears clouded my eyes and dripped down my cheeks.

  “Ashley?” Gage’s voice was nothing but pure alarm, and he gripped my shoulders. He’d never seen my tears, and since my mother’s death, I couldn’t seem to stop them.

  I didn’t feel like me anymore. It was like the Ashley I knew was broken.

  “The Master . . . he made Scott burn my home. Ruth fell on something as she tried to get out and . . . I couldn’t save her, Gage. It’s all my fault!”

  Gage pulled me to him, and I rested my head against his shoulder.

  “I don’t know all the details, Ashley. I’m just glad I was still at Headquarters. The Evaluator came to me and told me you were being tortured, and he only found that out by accident. He’d gone into the Master’s office and heard you behind a door. Shane obviously knew you didn’t kill Browning after he woke up, but he had to concentrate on getting his family to safety, and—ˮ

  “The Evaluator? Shane? Is Shane all right? His family?” I moved away from his shoulder with wide eyes.

  He nodded. “Everyone’s ok. I wish I could have saved Ariel, but I didn’t know until it was too late.”

  I looked away. My tears had stopped, but my eyes burned as I remembered her blood staining my shoes and jeans.

  “How do you know Shane’s ok?” I wondered.

  “Because he’s here along with his wife and daughter. Lacey got in touch with him.”

  “Lacey?” I rasped. What was Miss Bubbly doing here?

  Gage nodded again. “Lacey helped me get you out of Headquarters. The Evaluator did, too. I knocked out Scott and the Master, although I wished I’d killed them then, but my main concern was getting you out and you receiving medical treatment. The Evaluator sedated you enough to stop your screaming, and Lacey and I cleared a path to get us out. Thankfully, we didn’t have to kill any of the other members, but there were some injuries. On the ride here, the Evaluator tried to treat you.”

  Now Gage looked away, as if he couldn’t bear to speak anymore. “Whatever the Master injected you with . . . it was killing you,” he said, his voice cracking on the last few words. “Your pulse was racing so fast we thought your heart was going to explode, and you stopped breathing a few times.”

  I put my hand on his arm, not knowing what to say. Distantly, I was aware we touched frequently now, and the thought comforted me. He carefully pulled my hand away from his arm and held it, holding me as if I were made of glass.

  “But why would the Evaluator and Lacey help you? I’ve never been the nicest to either of them. And if this place is safe, then I understand why Shane is here, but doesn’t he want to throttle me? I wouldn’t blame him if he did,” I confessed. “At the time, all I cared about what getting home to Ruth.”

  Gage took a deep breath. “Because certain members in Merciless have been suspecting that something’s not right. The Evaluator, Shane, and Lacey for example. And something has happened to Merciless, hasn’t t it?” he asked very softly.

  I gripped his hand tighter. “Yes.”

  His eyes were deep emerald pools. “We all here have guessed that Browning was innocent. There was no other reason for you not to kill him. Still, I want you to tell me everything.”

  And so I did. I told him every single detail I could remember, including the part about the mystery boy I’d saved that interested the Master so greatly.

  I left Ash out of it, not wanting to bring her up yet. And although she was very distant, she was still there. It was like she wa
s overshadowed by my emotions, but that still wasn’t enough to erase her fully.

  Gage was clearly speechless after I finished. I sighed and sat back, feeling worn and raw.

  “That’s everything,” I said.

  “You left me out. Figures. Do you think he’d abandon you if you told him? Is our special friend really so shallow?” The voice was faint—only a distant, mocking echo that was barely audible, but Ash still set my teeth on edge and made my skin crawl.

  Gage bowed his head, tightening his grip on my hand. After a few minutes, he raised his head.

  “I’m very sorry about your mother. I know things went completely downhill after your father passed away, and I know it was never the same between you two . . . but she was still your mother.”

  My vision glazed over a little. “She knew me in the end. I saw it in her eyes. She was my mother again, just for a few seconds, but it was really her I held in my arms. And I knew she was going to die soon, but I never thought . . . Not like that. And how can I give her a funeral? Do you think her body might still be at home?”

  Gage looked like he couldn’t bring himself to speak. When he finally did, it was in the gentlest tone of voice I’d ever heard anyone use.

  “We took a risk after getting you out. We went by your house. We wanted to get your mother, but there was nothing there. Ashley, Scott probably took Ruth when he brought you to Headquarters. They most likely . . . burned her body.”

  My throat constricted around the sob building there.

  He cupped a hand carefully to my face. “Listen, my parents own quite a few acres around this cabin. It’s mostly woods, and we can make a memorial somewhere for her, all right?”

  I nodded, and gratitude mixed with the chaos inside of me.

  “Gage, I can’t begin to describe to you the guilt I feel. I’m drowning in it,” I said.

  I couldn’t meet his gaze. He let go of my hand and gently held my chin.

  “Now I want you to listen to me, Ashley Adeline. You did not kill your mother. It was Scott. It was not you.”

  “But it was my doing!” I protested hoarsely.

  His grip tightened slightly. “Because you wouldn’t kill an innocent man? Do you really think your mother would have wanted you to follow through on that sick mission? No. She would be proud of you. I know it. And your father would have been proud as well. If they were here right now in this very room, I can promise you they would tell you what I’m telling you. They wouldn’t have wanted you to do what you knew in your heart was wrong. Not many people in our position would have had the courage to do what you did.”

  I shook my head, not believing him. “You can’t know that. And innocent blood was still spilled, and now I’m alone.”

  His hands dropped from me, and pain lined his face. His eyes were the strangest mixture of soft and hard. When he spoke, it was a whisper.

  “Do you truly believe that? That you’re alone?”

  Blood flushed my cheeks. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. Gage, I owe you so many apologies.”

  He raised an eyebrow. “What are you talking about?”

  I felt my eyes water again, but I refused to let the tears fall this time. “I’ve wronged you so much. All this time, I tried to keep you at a distance, even in our friendship. I pushed you away so many times, and I was cruel to you in more ways than I care to remember. But you were always there. You were there when nobody else was. And always so kind, so understanding, and I didn’t deserve it. I’m sorry. Gage, I’m so sorry,” I said, my voice cracking. I turned away, unable to look at him.

  “Ashley.”

  “I was just so afraid! Afraid to get close to you, afraid that you might see who I really was. And that I might . . . That we would get to a place we couldn’t be.”

  “Ashley.”

  “Because you couldn’t belong with me, not with our futures being decided for us. I knew in the end it would only lead to pain, a pain I knew I wouldn’t be strong enough to endure.” I made myself meet his gaze, and I froze at the heat I saw in his eyes.

  Gage tucked a lock of hair behind my ear. “I know who you are, Ashley Adeline. And I don’t think we have to worry about things like that anymore, but I promise you, there’s nothing Merciless could have done that would have stopped the way I feel about you. I was constantly filled with thoughts about how to run away with you. I was going to find a way.”

  I stared at him, stunned. “W-What?” I stammered.

  He smiled, and his smile was gentle. “I am in love with you, Ashley. I love you, and nothing will change that, I promise.”

  My mouth fell open, and my head swam as my pulse quickened. I didn’t understand why his words surprised me. He’d loved me obviously. He’d loved me first.

  He waited patiently as I tried to speak. With shaking hands, I pulled him toward me, and I gathered my courage as the cracked wall around my heart shattered.

  “Gage . . . I-I love you, too. I think have for a long time, I just . . . didn’t want to admit it to myself. But I promise, I do love you. And I’m sorry that I never showed you before.”

  Light blazed in his face like an exploding star. “You did show me. It was in your eyes all the time. You couldn’t hide it no matter how hard you tried.”

  I put my fingers to his cheek. Needing Gage was not a weakness, and even if it was, it was a weakness I wanted.

  “After everything that’s happened, I don’t think I can be without you,” I said.

  He closed the final distance between us, leaning his head down toward me.

  “You never will be,” he murmured, and he pressed his lips against mine.

  Liquid fire molded itself inside of me, but this fire wasn’t painful. It was sweet. He held me against him carefully, but I clutched him as if my life depended on it. I had wanted this for so, so long. No mattered how much I had tried to repress it, the desire had never gone away.

  But as the kiss deepened, I mustered what willpower I had left and pulled away abruptly.

  He looked at me hesitantly, his eyes slightly shadowed.

  “Did I hurt you?” he asked quietly.

  I shook my head. “No, no. It’s nothing like that. It’s just, there’s something I need to tell you. It’s something I’ve never told anybody. Something I never planned on revealing. But you deserve to know before things between us go any further, as this could change your mind about me.” My raspy voice was shaking, and I realized my whole body was as well.

  He sat back and examined my quivering form. “I highly doubt it. Why are you trembling?”

  “I am afraid to tell you this,” I admitted.

  “You can tell me anything. It’s me, Ashley. In time, I hope you will come to understand that nothing will change my feelings for you.”

  “You say that now,” I said.

  He sighed and smiled slightly. “Try me.”

  “Drumroll, please.”

  I squeezed my eyes shut at the maniac in my head. It was now or never.

  But as the minutes ticked by, I found myself speechless and unable to open my lips. I couldn’t risk it. I couldn’t lose him now, not when he was all I had left.

  I opened my eyes to find him very close to me.

  “I can’t. I tried, but I can’t,” I said, ashamed.

  “Is this pertaining to what I heard in the armory? The person who was you, but who was not you?”

  I froze. I wasn’t even breathing.

  He put a hand to my unwounded cheek. “I’ve seen the bloodlust that suddenly comes from you during training. Your eyes would unfocus, your words would become strangely heated. Sometimes, you’d stare off into space for so long, and no matter how much I tried to get you to come back, it was like you were lost inside your mind. And when you’d finally snap back, you never even realized I was calling you.”

  Instead of not breathing, now the air came too fast. I hadn’t kept Ash from him. He’d seen glimpses of her after all.

  “I know there were times when you were not you. I was
hoping that someday you would trust me enough to talk about it, but I didn’t want to push you away,” Gage said.

  He still held my cheek, and I placed my hand over his, holding him to me. There was no use denying anything now. There was no use withholding the truth. He knew too much, and I wanted this weight gone from me. I couldn’t hide Ash from him forever.

  “I was afraid if you knew how unstable I really was, you’d want nothing to do with me. That’s why I never told you.”

  He bent and kissed my lips lightly.

  “It’s ok. I promise, Ashley. Remember what I said,” he murmured against my mouth.

  I sighed and lay my aching head against his chest, and his arms wound themselves around me. It would be easier to spill my soul when I couldn’t see his face, and I felt he knew this.

  “I’ll try to explain everything as best as I can, ok? After my Assignments, I started to feel different. I felt like there was a part of me that liked killing. I would feel anticipation for other Assignments, a strange joy. But it wasn’t like my normal emotions. It was a piece of me, like there was an island inside my body disconnected from everything, but at the same time, still connected. And then my abilities got better. Even my senses seemed to get sharper.”

  He kissed the top of my head, an encouraging gesture to continue.

  I breathed deeply. “And then I heard her voice. She called herself Ash. At first, she’d only speak during Assignments, but then she started talking to me at Headquarters.”

  I shuddered, and his grip on me tightened.

  “Just when I thought it couldn’t get worse, something would happen to me on the Assignments. She’d take over me. It was like I was a ghost inside my own head. I was still aware of my actions and words, but it wasn’t me. She was better at Assignments than me, and it was like I wasn’t truly killing anymore. But then, she’d take me over at other various times. She’d speak to me whenever she pleased, although it would have to really interest her to do so. A good portion of the time, I could fight her to suppress her—even shut her up for a while. One time when I was taking my vacation, she was gone for almost two weeks. I thought I was finally free, but I was wrong.”

 

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