Lacey blushed slightly and was suddenly very interested in her cocoa.
I drummed my fingers on the table, thinking. Actually, it was more like stalling. I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear what the Evaluator had found out about the poison.
“What about the Master? Is it not time for his child to take his place?” I asked.
“The Master can give up his position to his child when the child turns eighteen if the Master desires, but he does not have to. More times than not, the Master does choose to relinquish the positon, but the Master can hold the position until his death if he wishes, so this means that the Master does not have to have a child as soon as all the other members.”
“You know, I think I’ve only seen his kid once or twice. With the Master’s temper, I never asked him about it, and everyone was always so reluctant to say anything about the Master,” Lacey mused.
“It’s because it was not our place to question him,” the Evaluator replied.
“And look where that got us,” Lacey fumed. “Maybe if we’d dug deeper, we wouldn’t have been played like this.”
“And you can be sure your death would have soon followed,” the Evaluator said, his eyes flicking to me.
“That still doesn’t explain why the prick’s offspring only graced the corridors of Headquarters once in a blue moon,” Lacey mumbled.
“I cannot tell you, Lacey. When I did inquire in private about his child, he said his son was getting an ample amount of training at home. He told me I was not to ask anything further on the subject.”
“How long have you known the Master?” I asked the Evaluator. My teeth automatically gritted as I thought about him.
“The Master took over when he turned sixteen because his father died suddenly of a heart attack. His father was such a good and just man. He would never have let Merciless go down the path it has taken now. He would be ashamed to call Abraham his son.”
“Abraham?” Lacey said, snickering. “The Master’s name is Abraham? What century is this?”
The Evaluator shook his head. “Enough of this for the time being. We will discuss everything in more detail once everyone has rested and Ashley has recovered more.” He turned to me, and there was a sad gleam in his eyes. “Ashley, what I am about to tell you is going to be hard for you to hear. Allow me to apologize in advance. You’ve been through so much, especially recently, and I’m afraid I have yet another heavy burden to lay on you.”
My hands were still around the mug of cocoa, and it suddenly felt cold to my skin.
“Do I need to vacate the premises?” Lacey stood up halfway, but I could tell by her face that she wanted to stay.
“That’s up to Ashley. Where is Gage? He needs to hear this, and it may be easier on you if he is here when I tell you.”
“He’s asleep,” I said in my raw voice. “I don’t want to wake him up.”
The Evaluator nodded. Lacey stared at me, asking permission with her eyes.
“You can stay, Lacey. It’s fine.” I gave her a small, wavering smile.
She returned my smile and sat down.
The Evaluator put his head in his hands, breathing deeply. The room was charged with tension. Ash squirmed inside of me, and a sense of dread emanated from her.
The Evaluator’s head rose after a few minutes. “The poison is from South America. It is from a very rare flower that thrives in the rainforests.”
I nodded. “The Master told me that much.”
“The poison is called Flameblood. I don’t think I need to explain to you why.”
My eyes found my lap. No. I didn’t need him to explain.
“This rare substance is . . . never-ending. Ashley, you will never be free of its fiery pain.”
I looked at him, questions in my eyes. Lacey remained uncharacteristically silent.
“The poison will stay in your body because it has bound itself to your cells. You will always have random relapses of pain, and sometimes those relapses will last for days at a time. I cannot find anything about a cure. The only thing we can do is sedate you when it happens, but I do not have any morphine left to give you when you do relapse. I’ve used it all on you, as you’ve relapsed six times now, and I don’t know how I can get more without Merciless’s resources.”
I watched him carefully. I would always feel the fire? The Master’s unjustifiable vengeance was a part of me? Nausea rose in my belly, and I put my hands over my stomach.
“And there is more,” the Evaluator whispered.
“What?” Lacey interjected. “How can there be more?”
The Evaluator’s face became heavy. He shook his head, as if he couldn’t bring himself to speak.
“Just tell me,” I said in a dead voice.
He sighed deeply. “The Flameblood is slowly killing you. I’m not sure how much the Master gave you, but from what I’ve read and from seeing the potency of your relapses . . . you have maybe only a year left.”
Silence.
The room tilted slightly, a whirl of color. A rush ran through my ears, my heart beating in an irregular pattern.
One year. One year would have been a blessing before, but now? I didn’t have to be an Assassin anymore. Things were different now. I wanted to live. I wanted to live and find happiness. I wanted to avenge my family.
My birthday was coming up soon. So I would die at seventeen, never knowing anything outside of Merciless? For some reason, I wanted to visit New Zealand. I wanted to go to a rock concert. I wanted to get my hair cut in a salon. I wanted to actually sit down at a nice restaurant instead of picking up a few greasy cheeseburgers at a drive thru. I wanted to know what normal felt like.
Gage . . .
Would I have married him one day now that the choice was mine? I wanted to believe so. I couldn’t imagine being with anyone else. I didn’t want to be with anyone else.
What about kids? Having a child was mandatory in Merciless, but those rules no longer applied to me. Maybe one day I would have wanted to have a child with the person of my choosing.
I pictured a child with dark hair and emerald eyes, a child I would never know. It shocked me, but that was what made my eyes water.
“Ashley . . .” The voice inside my head was soft. It was the first time I’d ever truly heard gentleness come from Ash. She felt sick to her core as well. And why shouldn’t she? If I died, Ash died, too.
I felt warmness around my shoulders. I realized Lacey had come to my side and was holding me.
I stared at the Evaluator with glazed eyes. When a single tear ran down my cheek and dripped into Lacey’s hair, the Evaluator shoved away from the table and left the room with his head bowed.
I patted Lacey on the shoulder, as if she were the one in need of comfort.
“How will I tell him? Oh, Lacey, how will I tell him?”
Chapter 11 Another Way
I couldn’t sleep.
I also didn’t return to the bedroom where Gage slept. He was unaware that his worst fear was indeed real. Somehow, even in his rest, I couldn’t summon the courage to face him.
His efforts had been in vain. All of their efforts had been in vain. A dying traitor wasn’t worth the danger they were all in.
I stayed on the couch in the living room, staring out the windows at the dark forest surrounding the house. The terrain seemed familiar. I guessed we were still in Georgia; it was obvious we were in the foothills.
I wondered if we were really safe here, but I knew Merciless would suspect that we’d go far away. Maybe being close to them was actually the safer route.
I looked down at Lacey’s face. She’d fallen asleep on my shoulder. I think she’d been afraid to talk to me, worried she’d somehow cut me deeper, so she’d just stayed silent. I was grateful for her company, something that never would have been true before.
Ash was very, very quiet. She was even more distant than she’d been earlier. She was only a drop of water in the ocean, but I still felt her. It was almost like she was trying to give me space. Give
me peace. She was having trouble digesting the situation, having trouble with the fact that there was an enemy she couldn’t kill.
Her sadness was a strange sensation. She didn’t want to die. She was afraid. Ash was actually afraid, and that alone was more terrifying than anything.
Daylight began to stream through the glass, and I blinked rapidly. The dawning light was so beautiful. Strange . . . I’d never noticed before. A ray touched my face, blinding me. I loved it.
I heard quiet footsteps, and I turned to the sound out of reflex.
A little girl was staring at me. She tilted her head to the side and waved at me.
I waved limply back, the rest of my body as still as a statue. She seemed to take this as permission to approach me. She stood in front of me, a small doll clenched in her fist at her side.
“Are you Ashley?” she asked in a whisper, looking at Lacey’s sleeping face on my shoulder.
I nodded.
“I’m Sophia. Are you all better now? Daddy told me you were sick.”
I didn’t know what to say. I studied her round face. She looked almost nothing like Shane except for the bronze hair.
“Does your hurt head?” She poked a stubby finger at my bandaged temple, making me wince slightly.
“A little,” I replied.
“Is that why you scream so much?”
“Yes,” I lied numbly. “That’s why I scream so much.”
“My Mommy doesn’t like you,” she said.
I looked away. I didn’t blame her. After all, I’d brought this on them.
Lacey stirred beside me. She sat up slowly, yawning. She saw the little girl and gave her signature smile.
“Hey, squirt. What are you doing up so early?” Lacey asked.
“I’m hungry,” Sophia whined.
Lacey got up and stretched. “I’ll make you some breakfast.” She turned to me, sadness quickly darkening her face. “Ashley, are you hungry?”
I shook my head.
“Come on, squirt. Let’s go to the kitchen.”
She took Lacey’s hand and followed her. When they got to the doorway, Sophia turned around and looked at me curiously. Suddenly, she let go of Lacey’s hand and ran back to me. She held her doll out to me.
As I took it, she smiled at me. “It’s ok if Mommy doesn’t like you, because I like you. And my doll will make you all better.”
I stared at the cloth doll. It was handmade, and it looked worn and well-loved. Her yarn hair was the same color as Sophia’s hair.
“Thank you,” I said quietly.
Sophia ran back to Lacey, and her eyes looked red from where I sat.
Once they were gone, all I could do was stare at the doll on my lap. All the innocence and love in the world seemed to reside in the doll.
And my actions could have been the death of that sweet little girl.
I wrapped my arms around my knees, putting my head down and holding the doll tightly. A huge, choking sob shuddered through me, and I bit the inside of my mouth until I tasted blood to stay silent.
I wasn’t sure how long I sat there. When a sob threatened, I bit down hard enough to make my body tremble. Blood trickled down my throat. Eventually, I felt eyes on me and heard quiet breathing near me.
I raised my head. Shane was sitting in a chair across from me, his face unreadable. I wondered how long he’d been there.
We stared at one another. My face felt as white as a sheet, and the very air I breathed froze my lungs. I’d known this confrontation was coming.
I realized he was waiting for me to speak first. It was almost impossible to look him in the eyes.
“Shane . . . I know I do not deserve your forgiveness, and I do not expect it. But I’m sorry. I am so, so sorry.”
He looked down at the doll clutched in my hand. I slowly held it out to him, but he shook his head.
“So you’ve met Sophia?” he asked, no emotion detectable in his voice.
I nodded cautiously.
His eyes stayed on the doll as he spoke. “She’s the sweetest girl you’ll ever meet. She thinks ill of no one. Merciless would have broken her when she came of age. Gage told me about your father and how the Master had him killed. He wasn’t betraying your confidence; it was something we all needed to hear. I’ve been trying to imagine Sophia in your shoes, and I’ve also been trying to imagine my wife in Ruth’s place, drinking herself to death with no thought to the child before her. Although Sophia couldn’t become an Observer at such a young age anyway, I reversed the role and pictured her becoming an Assassin at thirteen. What she would suffer. What you have suffered.”
He looked at me now. Dancing in his eyes behind his glasses was a mixture of anger and sympathy, hatred and pity.
“I try to think about it like that so I don’t hate you as much,” Shane said bluntly.
I swallowed hard, my heart twitching in my chest. “I don’t blame you for hating me. I want you to.”
“It’s not only hatred I feel for you, Ashley. Just know that.”
I nodded, understanding. It wasn’t forgiveness, but it was more than I’d ever expected.
It was more than I deserved.
He crossed his arms against his chest. “I spoke to Lacey before I came in here. She thought I should know before I talked to you.”
I put my head back down against my knees and looked away. I didn’t want to think about it, much less talk about it.
“I’m sorry. As angry as I am, and forever will be, you don’t deserve the hand you’ve been dealt.”
“Don’t I?” I murmured.
There was silence, and the weight of the couch gave beside me. Shock trickled into my veins. I couldn’t believe Shane was actually sitting next to me.
“I don’t believe so,” he said. “You didn’t kill your Assignment because you knew he was innocent. Because of that, you think you deserve to die?”
I forced myself to look at him. My voice shook as I spoke. “I don’t know anymore. How can you not think so?”
His face was grim as he spoke. “Because what you did was right, but you went about it the wrong way. If you would’ve told me what was going on, we could have gotten through it together. Everything was in shambles once I woke up. I was lucky I had a backup cell in my bag that Merciless couldn’t trace. My family hid until I could get to them, and then Lacey contacted us.”
Dimly, I felt stupid for not checking his bag.
“I didn’t know who I could trust,” I said. “At the time, everyone except for Gage and my mother was the enemy. How was I supposed to know your faith in Merciless had already been shaken? And how could you not know the information on Logan Browning was false?”
Shane sighed and rubbed his temple. “It was Carol’s Assignment. I was only supposed to accompany you, and the report she gave me had false information just like the file the Master gave you. I’m sorry—I should have looked into it more. And listen, I really am trying to not be angry with you. You’re grieving, you’ve been tortured, and now you’re . . .” He didn’t finish that sentence, and I was grateful for it.
He clenched his hands into fists. “But a part of me cannot help but be pissed at you, understand?” he said. “My family’s life is on the line. But you need to know we aren’t enemies.”
I put the doll on his lap. “I see where she gets it from.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Sophia. Her good heart,” I said.
His eyes softened a little as he looked at me. Very lightly, he put a hand on my shoulder. I stiffened at his touch, surprised.
“We’re all going to get through this together, Ashley. The Master is going to die. I’m going to help you, and then we will all be free.”
As soon as he finished talking, I unconsciously threw my arms around him. He sat very still as I held him tightly, not even breathing from the shock of it, or maybe he was only repulsed.
I knew the Ashley holding him was someone new to me. It was just too bad I wouldn’t have much time to get
to know her.
“Thank you, Shane,” I said against his chest. “I’ll find a way to make up for what I’ve done before I . . . before I go away. I promise.”
I was met with silence, but it was better than the rage I’d anticipated.
“Get away from him!”
I immediately let him go, and we turned to the woman standing in the doorway.
She would have been beautiful if not for the bitterness and loathing marring her features. Her hands were fists at her sides, and her whole body quivered with anger.
Shane stood up and went to her.
“Don’t, Vanessa,” he pleaded.
Her hand came up like lightning, her palm striking his cheek. Shane’s eyes widened in disbelief as she jabbed a finger against his chest.
“How dare you forgive her? How could you do such a thing?”
“I haven’t forgiven her, Vanessa.”
The woman snorted. “Sure looked like it to me! You’re too soft, Shane. It’s disgusting and pathetic.”
I rose slowly, my hands held in front of me in surrender.
“Mrs. Verina, I just want to say—ˮ
“You!” she hissed. “I have many things to say to you as well, but why bother? You’re not worthy enough to hear them! You’re not worthy enough to even lick the bottom of my shoes! How I wished your stupid Master had killed you when he had the chance!”
Shane grasped her arm. “Vanessa, that’s enough.”
“Our little girl is wanted dead by Merciless! Sophia has done nothing to deserve this! How can you defend Ashley?”
I saw his fingers tighten. “I said that’s enough.”
“Shane, so help me!”
He leaned down and whispered into her ear. Vanessa glanced at me as he spoke, a sick smile slowly spreading across her face.
“Good. I’m glad.” She pointed a finger at me. “You deserve your fate, stupid girl. You deserve to die. I hope you go slowly.”
Feeling like I’d been punched through the chest, my knees gave out, and I slid back onto the couch. Staring at the floor, but seeing nothing, my breath hitched. I fought for each sip of air I took.
Ash awakened at the threat of the woman’s words, and I moaned weakly. I couldn’t fight her if she decided to take over now.
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