“I’m gonna be moving in with Logan tomorrow. I’ll only be four hours’ drive away from you. I will come visit you often. I promise you, Mama.” I swallow down my tears. I cannot show her that I’m sad as I’m delivering the news to her. She needs to know I’m okay. She needs to understand that I’m moving in with the love of my life and that I wasn’t forced to do so.
“Four hours, Katya?” Her eyes are big and watery, and it breaks my heart into thousands of pieces to see her this way.
“Yes. I promise to come every other week. I won’t be a stranger, Mama, trust me.”
I don’t know if she should trust me. I don’t know what the future holds for me. But I know for sure that I have to do this. I have to move in with him. I have to be brave, and I need her prayers more than anything else.
A single tear rolls down her cheek, and I catch it with my thumb. Leaning forward, I place a soft kiss on her forehead and inhale her scent. I might not see her again, so I want to make sure her scent is engraved in my mind and heart forever.
“Pray for me,” I whisper in a soft voice and walk away. I force myself not to look back at her. I have to do this. I don’t have a choice.
If Mama only knew …
Walking toward Logan, he grips my hand and studies my face. Without removing his gaze off me he says, “Have a great day, Mrs. Rivera.”
And with those last words, we both walk out of the apartment.
* * *
Connor
I step out of the courtroom feeling like a champion. I never lose. It’s just not who I am. Every client I ever had to represent paid shit tons of money for me because they knew what they were getting into.
When I reach the parking lot, my phone starts buzzing in my pants. I swallow the needles in my throat when I see Maria’s name on the screen and instantly answer the call.
“Hey,” I say, and clear my throat. Fuck being nervous, it always affects my tone of voice and turns it shaky.
“Hey, big boy, guess what I have ready for you?”
“Logan Clark’s file.” I say it with pride I haven’t felt in so long.
I unlock my car and get in the driver’s seat hurriedly.
“Good boy. Can you stop by now? Brian isn’t home and you know how angry he gets when we bring up this subject.”
“Yeah, tell me about it. I’m on my way,” I tell her, and start the car.
Right before she hangs up, I stop her.
“Maria?”
“Yes?”
“Thank you. For everything.”
I can hear her smile.
“You’re welcome, tiger. Go get her.”
* * *
There’s nothing in this file that could help Katya’s case. The asshole is a businessman who pays his taxes and votes like a good citizen. Everything about him is plain. I rub my temples and let out a sigh.
This isn’t going anywhere.
Leaning back in my chair, I replay Brian’s words in my head. Could it be that I’m delusional? Could it really be that she loves Logan and wants to continue living in hell with him?
I shake my head. There’s no fucking way. The way she looked at me when I asked about the basement is a sight I’ll never forget. That was her cry for help. That was her reaching out to me. Wanting my help. Calling out for it …
The lightning rolls and the thunder strikes. I stare at the window and swallow hard. I don’t like the sound; it triggers memories I never want to remember.
It reminds me of them.
And just like that, I’m back to the past. Back to the time I hated myself and hated them the most.
The world is silent. The darkness is oppressing and my life flashes right before my eyes at the speed of a train. It only gets silent when they go to bed. My father drinks himself to sleep every single night, but not before he beats the shit out of my mother. I never dare get in-between them, because if I do, I end up being kicked out of the house and having to go to Brian’s place to crash.
I hate my father’s voice. I despise the smell of alcohol and the stench of cigarettes that he smells of every time he walks past me.
I close my eyes and force my brain to shut down so I can sleep. My last exam is tomorrow. And then I get to start a new journey after graduation. A journey that will allow me to stay the fuck away from this town.
I don’t know if it’s my determination to get away from this abhorrent environment that turned me into a nerd who stopped at nothing until I got accepted to the best law school in the country.
Harvard University.
I got accepted to Harvard and I couldn’t contain my happiness as I delivered the news to both my parents.
But they didn’t care.
My father was too drunk to form words and my mother’s sadness didn’t allow her to grin as I wanted her to.
But it’s okay.
One day, I’ll be able to get her out of all this. One day I’ll be the best lawyer this country has ever witnessed.
I’ll have money and I will be able to get my mother out of the miserable life she’s been living with my father.
A loud thumping coming from my parents room causes my eyes to fly open. My body freezes as I hear her scream. My heart picks up its speed and starts hammering against my ribcage.
I sit up in my bed. My hands are balled into fists, and the urge to storm out of my room and punch my father in the face until his blood paints my knuckles is strong.
But I can’t.
My legs turn numb and tears prick the back of my eyes as my mother’s screaming turns into wails that sound like the ones of a wounded beast.
I stare at my closed door, unmoving.
I should get up and try to save her.
My legs itch for me to move and run to my mother’s rescue. But as my feet land on the floor and my hands follow, the sound of a gun going off shakes the floor beneath my feet.
But then, silence falls.
Her screams halt.
Peace descends on the whole house like a tsunami, despite the eerie feeling nudging at my heart that whatever just happened is only the beginning of whatever misery is yet to come.
I force my feet to move. I storm out of my room and enter their bedroom. The sight of blood and chunks of her brain are everywhere. I stare at the scene, wide-eyed. Unable to think. Unable to breathe. Unable to believe that he killed her.
My father killed her.
I look at him square in the eyes, and wish I could crush him with my own hands. The feeling is hard to explain. But the ringing I hear in my ears doesn’t help calm my raging anxiety.
The moment I take a step forward, ready to end his miserable life, the bang of the gun resonates in the darkest corners of my mind. He shot himself. And I’m left with nothing but blood everywhere, and both their bodies lying on the floor, unmoving.
That day, everything in me changed.
Katya
I listen to the sound of birds, forcing my mind to forget last night.
He threw me in the basement and left me there for hours. He didn’t stay with me to watch TV as he promised. And once it was time for me to go back upstairs, he dragged me upstairs and fucked me in every single hole he could until I started bleeding.
I bled and bled and bled. I thought I was dying because of the amount of pain I was suffering from. I didn’t mind dying. In fact, that really is the only way I could have eternal peace.
But she needs you. They need you, and you can’t leave them!
I cover my temples with my palms and squeeze my eyes shut. I need to get myself out of here. I need that code. And I need to make sure that once I’m out of this house for good, he can never find me.
His heavy footsteps drag my gaze to the ceiling. He’s awake, and he will be down here soon.
I wash my hands and begin making him breakfast. I feel his vicious presence the moment he walks into the kitchen. I don’t turn around to face him. I remain looking calm and collected despite the loud thumping of my heart in my ribcage.
I
pick up the plate of scrambled eggs and bacon and place it on the table while avoiding eye contact. I know he’s watching me the way a lion watches his prey, closely.
I take a seat at the table and wait for him to come join me before I take a bite of my toast.
“You’re getting out of control. I don’t know what’s going on in that head of yours, but it’s either you get your shit together or I’ll lock you in that basement for days,” he says as he walks toward the table and takes a seat beside me.
His words feel like wintry water has just been poured on me. He knows that I never want to go down there. He knows that I would take any physical abuse over being locked in the basement.
And I know that if throwing me down there for days is what he wants, then that’s what I’m going to get.
I don’t know what he means by I’ve been different. I’m still his obedient dirty puppet. Even when Connor found me and brought me to his house, I came back.
I always do. So what does he mean?
I frown and take a bite of my toast. Could it be that the fact that Connor has been on my mind almost every single second of the day is changing me? I can’t deny that once I met him, he gave me strength I hadn’t possessed in a long time. It’s like he provided me with a boost of energy I longed for.
Once I became Logan’s punching bag, I stopped existing. I became a mute zombie, living every day of my life not knowing what was going to happen next. I stopped being a woman. I became a fuck toy to a monster that knows nothing about mercy.
But then Connor looked at me, read my thoughts, and heard my roars. And I was a goner.
Every sinew in my body tightened with feminine energy I forgot I had. Both my mind and body wanted to belong to him, and only him.
When his lips collided with mine, I wanted nothing more but to live in the moment forever. A part of me knows all of it is wrong, and if Logan knew about this, he would kill me, and kill Connor as well. And I can’t risk dying, not when they need me.
Logan’s meaty hand lands on my shoulder, dragging me away from my thoughts.
I freeze and look up at him.
“I’m heading out. Don’t forget, I’m watching you. One wrong move and she’s done. Got it?”
I nod my head as I swallow the lump in my throat.
“Good girl,” he murmurs under his breath and walks away.
I hold my breath in and only release it once the front door closes and I’m finally alone in the house. Gripping the ends of the table firmly with both hands, I don’t realize the wood is digging into my flesh until my hands can’t take the stinging pain anymore.
Standing up, I wash my hands with cold water to relieve some of the pain, and decide to head outside to the backyard so I can water the plants and check up on the garden.
I don’t want to think about anything else. I want to live in this moment.
While I’m crouching in front of the plants as I water them, I feel Connor’s presence behind me, and I turn around swiftly.
His tailored suit fits him perfectly. I let my eyes go up and down his length, and my body heats at the sight.
“Hey,” he says smoothly. His voice is confronting and I find myself smiling as my heart feels light.
He smiles back, and my heart skips a beat.
“That’s what I like to see.” He extends his hand out to me and I place my palm in it. His warmth causes a rush of fresh energy to cut through me like a bolt of electricity.
He helps me up and for a beat, we stare at each other. The moment the wind blows my hair, his fingers brush against my forehead as he pushes my hair back.
“How have you been?” he asks, and I look down for a moment before lifting my chin up and looking at him.
I’ve been feeling empty as always, but I feel whole now that you’re here.
I place my palms on his chest, wishing I could feel the skin underneath his clothes. I wouldn’t be doing this if he showed up on the other side of the backyard, because then I’d be worried about the camera there. But here, in this corner, there’s no camera. It’s only him and I.
“Are you up for an adventure?” he asks, and I frown.
Adventure?
He runs his fingers through my hair, and I find myself leaning into his touch. I close my eyes for a fraction of a second, and revel in the moment that his soft touch awakens every feeling and emotion in me that’s been dead for a very long time.
“I want to take you out on a date,” he says firmly.
I take a step back. I haven’t heard those words in so long that it feels weird hearing him say them. I drop my gaze to the floor as a pang of sadness grips my chest. He lifts my chin up and looks me dead in the eyes.
“Please. Let me make it up to you.”
His words puncture my heart and make me nod my approval without having any control over my body. He smiles again and holds my hand.
We leave the backyard through the back, and opening the front door of the car for me, he motions for me to get in the passenger seat.
I ignore the loud beating of my heart and get inside. I should be scared. I shouldn’t be going with him anywhere, but somehow I don’t care about anything else except for the unforgettable moment we’re about to spend together.
These stolen moments are everything my heart wants and craves and needs.
“I’m going to take you to a calm restaurant that barely anybody knows about. I like the calm and quietness. I hope you do too,” he says, driving off toward the unknown.
The quietness is where I thrive. It’s where I feel fully alive.
The ride is quiet. I look out the window with a smile on my face. I barely leave the house, and driving past the wild trees and the huge forests is like therapy to my soul.
When I’m with Connor, I feel free. I cease being the prisoner and the tormented soul who doesn’t have the right to do anything unless Logan allows it.
Connor is my savior. And even if he doesn’t know it, he will forever be the first person to drag me out of my darkness, and let me believe that there might be light at the end of the tunnel.
Connor
Her eyes widen the moment I stop in front of the restaurant. I used to come here back in the days when I needed time to think and reflect on anything that consumed my mind. I get out of the car and hurry to open her door. Her teeth sink into her bottom lip as she assesses her surroundings.
“You like the area?” I ask.
She gives me a tight smile and nods. Just looking at her makes my heart flutter. I never thought someone’s happiness would have this much of an effect on me.
I guide her to one of the tables, surrounded by nature and a river a couple feet away from where the restaurant is. She closes her eyes for a brief second and inhales deeply. Her chest rises and falls smoothly as she breathes in the fresh air.
When she opens her eyes again, my gaze flits to her lips.
“You like the fresh air, don’t you?”
She nods her head and smiles before dropping her gaze to the table.
“What do you want to eat and drink? There are no waiters here. It’s not really a fancy restaurant. We sit and decide what we want and I’ll go give the gentleman over there our order.”
I push the menu sitting on the table toward her.
“Have a look,” I say and she lifts the menu off the table. I watch as her eyes quickly go over it before she places it back on the table and points at what she wants to eat and drink.
I look at what her slim finger’s pointing at.
“Caesar salad and an iced tea?”
She nods her agreement.
“Gotcha, I’ll make that two.” I wink at her before rising from my seat and heading over to the counter to make the order.
When I walk back to our table after placing the order, I find her staring at the river down below. She doesn’t notice me when I sit across from her and cross my fingers over my chest, enjoying the sight of her.
Her throat bobs as she swallows and the smooth rise and fall of
her chest is confronting. The sound of birds singing around us soothes the emptiness I usually feel every time I think of her at Logan’s mercy.
But now that she’s with me, I don’t feel alone or scared of the noises of the world like I usually do. I’m not the man who, despite the money he has and the success he has achieved, is constantly reminded of where he came from, and the abuse that my mother suffered from that will somehow forever be engraved in my memory.
I swallow thickly, remembering her small frame, and the smiles that slowly disappeared as time went by because of my father.
I close my eyes, feeling my pulse slamming in my neck as fury and rage bubble up in my veins.
I’m lost in my thoughts when a small hand cups mine, bringing the hairs on my body to attention, and making my eyes fly open.
I look at her, and I never want to look at anything else.
Her eyebrows are furrowed as eagerness flashes in her eyes. She shakes her head once before licking her bottom lip.
“Just a bad memory,” I tell her, managing to smile and forcing the memory to go back to sleep in whatever dark corner of my mind it lives in.
She tilts her head to the right and narrows her eyes at me.
I chuckle.
“You’re cute, Katya Rivera,” I say, and suck in a breath. “My father used to abuse my mother. He killed her and killed himself at the end.”
I’ve never opened up about this to anybody but Brian. And as I look at her expression going from worried to scared, I realize the harshness of whatever news about myself I have just spit out to her.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have—”
She shakes her head, and points at my phone that’s sitting on the table.
Frowning, I hand her the phone and watch as she opens the notes app and starts writing something.
My heart stops, and my lips part in shock.
When she finishes writing, she hands me the phone and I stare at the words written.
I’m sorry he killed her. I’m sorry you lived through that kind of pain. And I’m sorry you’re being dragged into my mess …
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