Chapter 8
I knew Sumit was a thorough gentleman, a very honest and laborious person. He was the director of my company and I had never had any problem working with him in the past fourteen years. He had always been decent to the whole staff including me. This was one reason why I had continued working in the same office all these years.
Mum called me thrice the next day. Every time she tried to convince me on this subject, praising Sumit and his behavior. She even conveyed to me that he had asked Mona to talk to you on this topic. One part of me said that now that Aman is going out, he will take up a job where ever the best offer comes from, and life will certainly become lonely and monotonous. But my conscience spoke loudly and said you have had a miserable experience with a man whom you loved with all your heart and soul. So why expose yourself to another shock at this age. , So I just closed my eyes ant went off to sleep.
On Monday morning, before leaving for my office, I took out the set of papers, signed them and kept them in Aman’s room. I gave a sigh of relief that I have freed myself of the old ties and given Rohit the freedom to legally remarry the other woman for whom he had broken up with me. Dad in order to hasten the procedure and ensure that Rohit would not create any problem in signing them sent his attorney personally to Lucknow to get the job done.
Monday working in the office seemed different from other days. I became more conscious Every time I went to Sumit’s room I felt a warm flush in my face, my hands trembling while handing the files to him. The dictations which used to be flawless were full of errors. I just didn’t know what had gone wrong.
“Asha, can you sit down for a minute,” he said pointing to the chair. “I think my visit to your house yesterday has put you to embarrassment, believe me, I was there on Aman’s pressure, just to participate in the celebration of his success. I had no intension what so ever to make you feel embarresed. Forgive me if I have offended you.” I immediately interrupted, “Sir please doesn’t ask for forgiveness now this will make me feel embarrassed.”
Then he continued, “I have never discussed my personal problems with anyone. Despite pressure from my parents for remarriage, I always felt that I have yet not found the right person to go for a relationship. I had been in contact with you for so many years, and always thought this is the type of woman I would choose whenever I decided to re marry. It was only when Mona told me about your past that I realized that even today there are girls who value their dignity and self-respect. I am really impressed with it. If you are comfortable with it, I am always there to share your company. If you feel offended in any way, please forget today’s episode, and we will just be friends.”
Beyond the contemplative expression those raven black eyes didn’t offer much to read. His tone was cool and poignant, but my mind traversed to the past and unwanted thoughts hammered home how much that mad man had emotionally and physically violated me. Started trembling and felt cold all over. I folded my arms to conceal my trembling, and softly added, “My memories of the past are very painful, and I want to forget them. Now that you know everything, let me tell you that my personal life is in shambles.”
For a moment we just exchanged blank stares silently, questioning who was responsible for all that had happened to me. Me and my luck, God or Rohit who was my love. The warmth radiating from his gaze chased away the chill running through my spine.
“I understand,” he said. I only thought that it might help you work through everything that happened. Many people find confiding in friends and in God to be very comforting.”
He had hardly finished his sentence when I intervened. “As for God, I have a lot of questions right now. I sometimes wonder if there is a God at all. Why would a God, who is supposed to love everyone, do all what he did to me. I have lost my marriage, my daughter, my home. I think I am lucky to be alive. I feel I have been punished for something. Had it not been for my parents, I would not have been alive today.”
Surprisingly his voice was calm and composed, “I believe that everything happens for a reason although it may not be clear to us. I have a strong belief that anyone who does wrong is being made to atone for what he did. This is fate.”
“Sir I can’t afford to make a wrong decision any more. My choice to marry Rohit and not having the ability to see beyond my feelings for him was my basic mistake.”
“Asha you have your parents, Aman and me as a good friend, if you accept my friendship. You need to have faith in God and ask for His help in decision making. You are quite young and beautiful and the rest of your life is ahead of you. I know time is a big healer and life has given you ample time to come out of your shock.” I vividly remember his sober way of appreciating me by his poignant remark concerning beauty, “Beauty is not a physical thing. It is in the ideas and eyes of the beholder, and it lasts because it is in one’s mind and not merely what one sees.” I knew my face had cleared pretty well but there remained some healing wounds of painful memories, scarring my mind.
At this point of time I clearly remembered mum explaining to me in her last visit. “Never deny love, my child, for to deny love is to deny the greatest gift. Who are we to deny the gift of God?” There had been several influences, both subtle and apparent working in several ways to induce her to agree to this. The most obvious was the influence from Sumit. The excessive physical charm had first attracted her sensuous susceptibility to beauty. But after the big jolt of life, she had become stronger and sensible.
My reply was very to the point. “Mum, I think first you should love yourself. But in order to love yourself, you need other people to love you. This is your weakness.” Before I could say anything further, she intervened, “and honey, you carve your life for others, for everyone but yourself.” Then after a pause she added, “Asha, you are so strong, so certain of the paths before you, now let your strength be born out of your necessity. Take your time and take a cool headed decision. You will jeopardize your life with your shaky mind.”
She had tried her utmost to convince me and help me in decision making, saying, “Love is freely given and not bargained for. It is not there to tie one down and it cannot be fully enjoyed without trust. Surely Sumit is trustworthy, as you have observed him aver all these years.” I was so apprehensive, and thought heart doesn’t always follow the mind. Logic and love are not close friends.
Marriage Of Deceit Page 9