“Shane, are you okay?” Peter placed a hand on his shoulder. “Shane?”
“I’m fine.”
“Are you bleeding?”
“No, but you are.” Slinging one of Peter’s arms around his neck, Shane helped him out of the bar and into his vehicle. “You got your keys?”
“Yeah, here.”
Shane took the set from his boss and locked Peter’s car before shoving them into his pocket. “You’ll have to pick that up tomorrow.”
Once they were both safely inside Shane’s car, he headed in the direction of Peter’s house. He helped the older man up the steps to the porch and then inside setting him on the couch. “What was that about anyway?”
Peter took in a shaky breath. “People think I killed my kid.”
“What?” Shane folded his arms. “Why do they think that?”
“People always look at the parents when a kid goes missing.” Head hung low so that Shane couldn’t see his tears, he sniffled. “I miss him, Shane. I miss him so fucking much. I’m all alone.”
“You’re not alone, you’ve got me.”
He shook his head and wiped his eyes with his sleeve. “You’re a good man, Shane Coulter.”
Shane helped him lie on his side before sticking a pillow under his head and then covering him with a blanket. “No, I’m not.”
“Yes, you are,” Peter whispered.
6
He was so tired, so preoccupied, that he’d considered canceling. Since time with his family was limited, he knew that he needed to take advantage when he could. But now that he was seated across from Ethan and Nora, sharing their meal, Shane realized that he should have stayed home. There was too much on his mind.
“So, Shane, what do you do for a living?”
Nora’s question pulled him from his thoughts. “I’m a part-time pain in the ass.”
Ethan clicked his tongue. “I think you mean full-time.”
“Hey, no one asked you.”
He chuckled and shrugged. “I’m just telling it like it is.”
With a roll of his eyes, he turned to Nora. “I work at a stone and gem shop. The boss is cool, he’s never given me any grief. And it leaves me enough time for my writing…if I ever get back into it.”
Nora spooned mashed potatoes onto his plate. “Do you ever want to be more?”
Shane tilted his head from side to side, giving it some thought. “I wouldn’t mind having a best-seller someday, but I’m content where I am.”
She handed him a plate of roast beef. “So if you never make it as an author, you don’t have a back-up plan?”
“No, like I said, I’m happy where I am.” Even though her tone was pleasant, Shane couldn’t help feeling that the words were condescending. Being that they were coming from his sister-in-law, he tried to let it go, putting a few slices of meat on his plate before giving it to Ethan.
“You said content,” she said pointedly, “Not happy.”
“What would you suggest I do, Nora?” He folded his arms. “Please, tell me how I should change my life to be more acceptable by your standards.”
Ethan furrowed his brow. “Shane, don’t be so hostile.”
“I’m being hostile? She’s insulting me and I’m just supposed to sit back and take it?”
Nora shook her head, her tone unchanged. “I didn’t mean to offend you. I was just curious.”
“No, you were interrogating me.” Shane scrunched his nose. “Cops can’t help themselves even outside of work.”
She heaved a sigh. “That’s another thing, what is it with you and cops?”
“It’s nothing against you. It just so happens that I don’t like them.”
“How can that be?” Nora paused as if to consider her next words carefully. “Isn’t your father one?”
He threw a glare in her direction. “What the fuck would you know about my father?”
Ethan slapped his hand on the table. “Shane, that’s enough. You’re not going to speak to my wife that way.”
He scoffed. “Then tell her to lay off!”
Without finishing the meal, Nora collected her plate and cup. “It was great to see you Shane, as always. We won’t be needing you to babysit this weekend. Change of plans.”
She walked into the kitchen, leaving the two men in the dining room.
“Yeah, I’m sure,” he mumbled.
Ethan shook his head slowly, his features showing his disgust. “What the fuck is wrong with you, Shane? You just can’t let alone get close, can you? You’re lucky the kids are out tonight.”
“I never would have talked that way in front of them. I doubt Nora would have been grilling me if they were here anyway.”
While his brother went after his wife, Shane took in a deep, frustrated breath. He couldn’t help it; he and Nora just didn’t get along. Maybe it was because she was a cop, and he hated them, but maybe not. Either way, he was fully prepared to take the blame for all of the tension. He was just sorry that it was going to cost him time with his niece and nephew.
Picking up his backpack from the floor, he swung it over his shoulder and walked out. It was better to cool off than risk escalating the situation. If they weren’t going to see eye to eye, the best thing to do was walk away.
Shane went home to his empty apartment. He had a few beers, a big no-no for him, but sometimes he had to let loose. Especially when he felt like a total fuck-up.
There was a knock on the door, and, as per usual when there was an unexpected visitor, he rushed to hide the variety of pill bottles on his counter before answering it.
“Oh. Hey, Troy.”
The slightly taller man with wavy brown hair stepped into the apartment and Shane closed the door.
“So, what brings you by?”
“I don’t know.” Troy shrugged. “Life. Had a feeling I should stop by, I guess.” In a usual friend-fashion, he walked over to the refrigerator and helped himself to a snack. “What’s the latest?”
“I’m not getting along with my brother.” He leaned against the counter. “Or his wife.”
“Shane the Pain living up to his name.” Troy closed the refrigerator, a chunk of cheese in his hand. “I assume that’s on account of your winning personality.”
“Guess so.” He scrunched his nose while watching his friend feast on cheese. “How come it doesn’t bother you?”
“I don’t know. Because you’re my friend and I’m happy to take you as you are.”
“Well...you don’t know what I was like before.”
“I’m sure that has something to do with it.” Troy licked his lips after swallowing a bite. “Anything else on your mind?”
He paused, contemplating whether or not to speak. “Yeah. Cal.”
“Talk to me, man.” He gestured to Shane with the last bit of cheese in his hand. “What’s going on?”
“I don’t know if I’m good enough for him now.”
“Now?”
“Now that I’m different.”
“Well, like you said, I didn’t know you before, so I didn’t know him or anyone else you’ve been with. However, you’ve told me about all of them.”
Shane chewed his bottom lip anxiously. “And?”
“And...it sounds like he’s the love of your life.” Popping the cube into his mouth, he then folded his arms. “After the way your relationship ended the last time, he probably doesn’t think he’s good enough for you. But if the two of you want to be together, I don’t see why you’d let anything stand in your way.”
If only that were true. If only it were that easy. If only things were that simple. “There are so many things...”
Troy furrowed his brow. “What do you mean?”
He shook his head, licking his lips. “I can’t tell you.”
“Fine, keep your secrets.” He raised his hands. “But you should listen to me because I’m your friend, and even if I don’t know everything in your past, I still know you.”
Troy stared at the counter a little too long.
For a moment, Shane thought he’d left one of his pill bottles out in the open. Thankfully, it seemed as though his friend had just been gathering his thoughts because he continued.
“It’s simple, Shane. If you love him, be with him. If you don’t, let him go. Just don’t take people for granted, they won’t always be around.”
“Yeah, that’s what I’m worried about.” He rolled his eyes. “And this is starting to sound more like a lecture and less like advice.”
“You’re worried that people will inevitably leave you, so you push them away until they want to leave you.” Troy nudged him. “You’re a cliché, man.”
“I appreciate your honesty, dickhead.”
“Hey, what are friends for?” As he headed for the front door, he shouted, “Now get the fuck out of here and go be with your man. Thanks for the cheese!”
It took Shane several long minutes to text Callan and invite him over. He always thought it was a bad idea because the more time they spent together, the more he wanted to confide in him. That was what normal couples did.
But they were not a normal couple. Shane couldn’t call Callan his boyfriend, couldn’t even admit that they were seeing each other.
When he heard the knock, he opened the door, allowing Cal inside without saying a word.
Cal raised his brow, shutting the door with his foot. “Are you drunk?”
“No, just tired.” He rubbed his eyes while walking over to the couch. “I wanted to talk to you.”
“About what?”
“Anything.” After taking a seat, he invited Cal to join him. “How’s your relationship with your family?”
Slowly sitting beside him, Cal furrowed his brow. “Uh...fine, I guess.”
“Now that you’ve given up on your dream to be a journalist, you mean?”
“I haven’t given up. I just shifted my priorities.”
“You gave up everything you cared about in order to please your daddy.” He shook his head. “What a cliché.”
Cal looked him up and down. “And you’re not? I haven’t heard a word about your father. Judging by your behavior, I’d say you were stuck in your rebellious stage, which is also a cliché.”
“If that was supposed to hurt, it didn’t. I’m perfectly comfortable with myself.”
“That makes one of us,” Cal mumbled.
Shane shifted to his side. “What do you mean?”
“Sometimes I can’t stand myself, Shane. I’m not comfortable in my own skin. I don’t like myself.” He heaved a sigh, blinking away tears. “And you’re right, I’m not even my own person. I’m exactly who my parents wanted me to be.”
“Not with me, you’re not,” he spoke in a soft tone.
“I’m only my true self when I’m with you.”
Shane closed the distance between them by placing a soft kiss on his lips. “I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings. I’m on a roll tonight.”
“How so?”
“My brother is pissed at me. He doesn’t like my attitude and neither does my sister-in-law.” He wiped a hand over his brow. “I just hope it doesn’t cost me my relationship with my niece and nephew.”
Callan paused, chewing his bottom lip. “Is this because of me?”
“Is what because of you?”
“The way you are.”
He swallowed hard. “No. It isn’t because of you.”
“Then what is it?”
Shane took in a shaky breath. “I can’t.”
“Will you ever tell me?”
“I don’t know.” He shrugged. “Maybe someday.”
Callan took Shane’s hand in his. “So your brother’s pissed at you. Are you two close?”
“I like to think so. He’s older than me, so he’s always been a step ahead, you know? He’s always known what he wants out of life. We were being raised at different times and by different people. We have different fathers, you see.”
“How did you navigate that?”
“Well, Ethan’s father was far removed from the picture by the time I came around. And since Ethan already had a father, he didn’t really want anything to do with mine.” He paused to chew on his bottom lip. “My father was married to our mother, but Ethan’s father never was. I saw my dad every other weekend and Ethan saw his dad on the same weekends I was away. His dad passed away when Ethan was eighteen.”
“And your father didn’t step in?”
“No. I mean, they were friendly. My dad invited Ethan out with us a few times. But Ethan was grown, he didn’t really need more parenting.” Shane gave a shrug. “Besides, he had my mom.”
He nodded slowly. “Your dad sounds like a nice guy.”
“Yeah, that’s what everyone says.”
“What do you say?”
“I say...” Shane leaned over and kissed his neck, his hand working its way underneath Cal’s shirt. “Let’s stop talking about my family.”
He gently pushed him back. “Shane, you can’t use sex as a coping mechanism to get out of these conversations.”
“Yes, I can, I have, and I will.”
“What’s your relationship like with your mother?”
With an exasperated sigh, he returned to his seat. “When do you mean?”
“Whenever.”
“During my childhood, she thought it was great. But I kept a lot of secrets from her. She relied heavily on her religion to make her feel better about her life choices. Having Ethan out of wedlock and then her marriage to my father ending in divorce…it weighed on her, I guess.” He folded his arms. “See, I think when people don’t like themselves, they hate other people. She was very homophobic, close-minded. It was bad for my health.”
“Your mental health, you mean?”
“Yeah, sure.” He was willing to open up, but he had his limits. That was one of them, at least for now. “I was twenty when I told her that I was bisexual. She freaked out at first, but she’s really come around since then. I was able to talk to her about a lot of things that I couldn’t before. Even told her about my first love.”
“And what about your next love? Were you able to tell her about that one, assuming it was a man?”
And they had hit another limit. For the sake of continuing their charade, Shane had to stop the conversation there. “Can we stop talking about me now? What’s your family like?”
Callan pursed his lips. “They never came around. I love them, and I know they love me, but I can’t be myself around them.”
“Well, they’re missing out.” To his surprise, Cal planted a kiss on his lips, and he couldn’t help but laugh. “Hey, I thought we weren’t allowed to use sex to avoid our feelings.”
“I’m not avoiding my feelings, I’m acting on them.” Cal smiled, lips hovering above Shane’s. “There’s a difference.”
His hands slipped underneath the back of Callan’s shirt, fingers settling on the man’s hips. “I’ll take your word for it.”
Raising a finger to his lips, he signaled for Ethan to be quiet. The hardwood floor threatened to creak underneath his weight. He was surprisingly light on his feet and managed to avoid several spots that normally made noise, except for the last step.
He was standing at a closed closet and could hear giggling behind the door. Opening it quickly, his niece and nephew squealed.
“Gotcha!” He grinned, wrapping an arm around each of them and pulling them into a hug.
“How do you always know where we’re hiding?” Harper asked with a giggle.
“I can’t tell you that.” He clicked his tongue. “It’s an Uncle superpower.”
Hayden squeezed past him and out of the closet. “So when I become an uncle, you can tell me the secret?”
“Of course!”
“Harper! Hayden!” Nora called from the kitchen.
Shane stepped aside so that the two could go to their mother. He was close behind them but veered into the living room where Ethan sat on the couch.
“Time for bed, you two.” Nora hugged and kissed the twins before
ushering them into the living room.
“Goodnight, daddy. Goodnight, Uncle Shane!”
Harper and Hayden hugged each of them before going off to their bedrooms. Shane set up one of the gaming systems and then sat on the couch.
Nora kissed her husband’s cheek. “I’m going to do some reading.”
“Alright, babe. I’ll be in shortly.” Ethan watched her walk down the hallway.
Shane looked over his shoulder. “Don’t I get a kiss?”
Her sigh of frustration could be heard down the hall. “Goodnight, Shane!”
He chuckled and directed his focus to the television.
Ethan raised his brow. “I swear, sometimes I think you love that game more than you love me.”
“Well, I like the game more than I like you.”
Now his brow furrowed. “You don’t like me?”
Shane shrugged. “Not all the time.”
“Thanks, Shane. That makes me feel much better.”
He heaved a sigh, gaze glued to the game on the screen. “People don’t always have to like each other to love each other, you know. I mean, can you honestly say that you like me all the time?”
“No, I don’t. Especially not right now.”
“See, point proven. You just don’t like the shoe being on the other foot.” Swearing under his breath when he lost a round, he set down the controller. “It’s normal, man. Don’t sweat it.”
Ethan rolled his eyes. “Oh, thank you for your insightful philosophies on life, as if you know anything about it.”
He turned to face him. “Excuse me?”
“Forget it. Never mind.”
“Yeah, I thought not.”
“You can’t let anything lie, can you?” Ethan got to his feet. “You always have to have the last word.”
He threw his hands in the air. “If you’re being a prick, I’m not allowed to respond?”
“I’m just giving you a taste of your own medicine.”
As Ethan turned down the hall to follow his family to bed, Shane turned off the television. There was no point in staying, he’d clearly pushed his brother to his limit.
Today was stock day. They had to take inventory and stock the shelves before the store opened in the afternoon. It was Shane’s favorite day because they got to see all the new crystals, and since no two were the same, it always kept his interest.
Remember My Name Page 8