“Uh-uh. No. You don’t get to harp on me for my fuckin’ attitude and then act like it’s okay to treat me the same way.” Scrunching his nose, he spoke through gritted teeth. “I can’t stand hypocrites.”
Peter’s gaze fell to the carpeted floor. “You’re right and I’m sorry. You’re very comfortable being who you are and I shouldn’t try to change that. You have your reasons and so do I.” He returned to his place behind the desk.
Heaving a sigh, Shane approached, leaning against the counter. “You, uh...want to talk about it?”
“I lost the only person who was in my corner. Lost my job, my wife, and everything in between. So I started over and became the complete opposite of who I was before.” Clicking away on the keyboard, he shrugged. “People still talk shit about me, but my new-found attitude makes me care less.”
“If we’re so alike, why do you give me so much shit?”
He paused. “Because I don’t want you to be like me, kid. I’m lonely. I pretend not to care when I do, which sends very mixed messages to anyone who tries to get close to me.” Peter swallowed hard, stepping away from the computer. “I’m not happy. Can you say that you are?”
“I’m taking a personal day, I’m too tired to deal with this shit.” With a wave of his hand, Shane turned on his heel.
“I’m sorry, kid. You got a bad deal. But being sick isn’t an excuse to be an asshole.”
“But losing your kid is?” He stopped in his tracks, regretting the words as soon as they’d left his mouth.
“Touché.”
Turning back around, he was just in time to see the tears in Peter’s eyes. “Pete, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean-”
“Yeah, you did. And it’s okay, you’re right.” He cleared his throat before disappearing into the back room.
Shane closed his eyes, hand slamming down on the counter. He was really on a roll this week, wasn’t he? “Fuck.”
9
His fingers tapped the counter-top anxiously. It had been hours since he’d heard from Callan. Licking his lips, he read over the text again.
I have a surprise for you.
Shane hated surprises, and Cal knew that. Of course, he had asked what it was and his boyfriend had left him on read.
So, when there was finally a knock on the door, he sprinted toward it and yanked it open.
“Surprise!”
Shane’s gaze fell from Callan’s beaming face to an aged German Shepard at his feet. The dog was panting, head tilted.
“You brought me a dog?” he asked with a chuckle. “An old dog?”
“Well, this isn’t just any old dog.” Cal lifted his chin proudly. “This is your old dog.”
Shane opened his mouth and closed it again. It took a moment for the words to register in his brain. “What do you...” He trailed off, knowing exactly what he’d meant, because Shane had only ever had one pet. “It can’t be him.” Shaking his head, he placed his hands on his hips. “It’s not-I mean, there’s no way.”
“Well, it is! I know he’s older now, but I think he still has a few good years left in him.” Cal leaned down to ruffle the fur on the dog’s head. “Isn’t that right, buddy? His owners surrendered him because of, well, his age. That’s more common than I wanted to believe, apparently.”
The German Shepard barked, and when he did, his ears stood up. And there it was, the confirmation that it was, indeed, his childhood pet. One ear looked as though the tip had been cut off.
“T-Teddy?” his voice broke.
The dog barked eagerly, as if, at that very moment, he recognized Shane too.
Falling to his knees, he reached out a shaking hand to touch the animal’s fur. It was coarser than he remembered, but still soft. There was gray in his coat. But those eyes – those aged, soulful eyes, had seen things that no one else had. Teddy and Shane shared a unique bond, one he didn’t have with anyone else in his life, still to this day.
Teddy knew the truth.
Wrapping his arms around him, Shane buried his face in Teddy’s fur.
“Jesus, Shane, are you alright?” Callan bent down, pressing a hand to his back. “You really missed him, didn’t you?”
“You d-don’t understand,” he said through tears. “I thought he was dead.”
“Hey, come on, let’s get you both inside.” Cal helped Shane to his feet and gently tugged Teddy’s leash, walking them both inside before closing the door.
He guided them to the couch, Shane sitting down and Teddy jumping up to curl on his lap, sending Shane into another fit of tears.
“Oh, babe...” Cal sat down beside them, stroking Shane’s curls. “I had no idea he meant so much to you. I knew it was a long shot, but I wanted to do something nice for you. So I started asking around, going from shelter to shelter, looking online, got the chip information from your mom-”
“You went to my mom?”
“Yes.” He paused. “I hope that’s okay.”
“Yeah, I just-” Shane sniffled and wiped his eyes. “I can’t believe she still had the information.”
“She wanted to see you smile just as much as I did. But I made you cry instead.”
He took in a gasping breath. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m so emotional.”
“I’ve never seen you like this. Not even...before I left.” Cal moved as close as possible with the dog lying on the couch, and wrapped his arm around Shane’s shoulders. “I think I know why. Your mother called to check on my progress. And she told me what happened between you and Ethan.”
“I can’t be what he wants me to be.” Sniffling again, he shook his head. “He wants me to let my guard down all the time, and I can’t. Tomorrow, I have to pretend like this meltdown never happened. That’s how I function.”
“I know, it’s okay.” He kissed the top of Shane’s head. “We won’t speak of it after tonight. Let’s order pizza and binge-watch something with Teddy.”
“Okay.” Shane nodded. “God, I forgot to ask. Is that even his name?”
“I don’t think it matters. He remembers the name you gave him.”
He closed the curtains, allowing the artificial light to take over the natural in the apartment. It was a very special night and Shane wanted to make sure that everything was at its best, including him. He took a shower, put on his nicest shirt, and even wore a necklace and bracelet, both bought from the stone and gem shop.
It wasn’t as though he never put effort into his looks, or the time they spent together, but tonight was different. Even Teddy seemed excited. He was sitting by the door, waiting patiently for their guest.
“Hey, buddy. We have a lot to talk about, huh?”
Teddy sat up, wagging his tail. Shane reached for the shelf next to the door and grabbed a chew toy. It was a stuffed hamburger with a squeaker inside. He gave it a squeeze before tossing it to Teddy, who caught it mid-air.
With a smile, he knelt down, playing a gentle tug-of-war with the old dog.
“I don’t even know where to begin except to say...that I’m sorry.” Swallowing hard, he sat on the floor, hand combing through Teddy’s fur. “I was trying to protect you. You know that, right? That’s all I do, try to protect everyone. But they don’t know that’s what I’m doing. And I can never tell them.”
Teddy laid down, though he kept his head up as if listening to every word.
“The only reason I can talk to you about it is because you already know, don’t you?” Raising a shaking hand, his fingers carefully moved over the ear that was missing its tip. “I don’t know if you remember what happened, but I do. I remember everything. And I’ll never forgive myself for it.”
Teddy whined and rested his head on his paws.
“I’ve thought about you every day. I can’t believe you even remember me, Teddy. And I really can’t believe that Callan found you. I shouldn’t be surprised though, he’s been very good to me since he came back. And I’ve been...well, frankly, a shit.” His gaze was downcast as he shook his head. “I shouldn’t be with
him. It’s not safe. I just can’t bring myself to let him go.”
Meeting the gaze of his childhood pet, Shane stroked his back. “You shouldn’t be here either, you know. But you’ve been abandoned twice now. That’s not going to happen again. I just don’t know who’s going to take care of you if you outlive me. I’ve pushed everyone away.” He placed a kiss on the dog’s head. “That’s why I’m doing this for Callan. I want him to know how much he means to me, even if I can’t come right out and say it.”
A knock at the door ignited a bark from the old dog. Shane chuckled and stood up to open the door.
“I’m chopped liver now that you’re here.”
“Oh, I’m sure that’s not true.” Callan greeted him with a kiss before stepping inside. “You two have history.”
“Yeah, but you saved his life.” Kicking the door shut, he realized that he had done that too. Not that Teddy would understand. At least in Cal’s instance, Teddy had been whisked away from a place of boredom and loneliness. For all he knew, Teddy might resent him. “He might end up becoming your dog after all of this.”
Clicking his tongue, he set a bottle of wine on the counter. “Why would you say that?”
“I was different the last time he saw me. I wasn’t, you know...Shane the Pain.”
“If he’s anything like me, he’ll love you to death just as you are.”
His cheeks flushed pink and he cleared his throat. “Quit it with the compliments, will you? I don’t want to get all mushy. Not even today.”
Placing his hands on Shane’s hips, Cal tugged him forward to close the distance between their bodies. “Are you my present?”
He tilted his head back and forth as if he was thinking. “Partially.”
“Oh, there’s more?” Leaning in, he placed a kiss on Shane’s neck. “More than this?”
“Just a little.” One hand tucked underneath Cal’s chin, the other squeezed his ass. “Can you wait?”
“For you? Forever.”
Rolling his eyes, he gave Cal’s ass a smack before they walked to the kitchen.
Dinner was eaten at the table, consisting of three courses, all being favorites of Callan’s; Caesar salad, homemade spaghetti, and chocolate mousse for dessert.
While he was finishing the mousse, Shane pursed his lips, gaze moving to Teddy, who was begging for scraps, and Cal, who was scrolling through something on his phone.
Catching the reproachful look, the blond set his phone on the table. “I’m sorry, it’s work.”
“Normally, I’d tell you off. But since it’s your birthday...”
He smiled and pushed his phone away. “Would you mind if we talked shop?”
“Not if you want to.” The smile on Callan’s face grew. It was contagious. “Come on, spill. You’re clearly excited about something.”
“Well, it feels wrong to be excited considering the subject, but I am pleased to be working on such an important piece.”
A piece. He was talking about journalism. “Are you going to make me guess?”
“I’m writing an article about a series of strange events; missing people, mysterious disappearances, and a string of murders that I believe are the work of one person.” He paused. “Or, rather, one person with a lot of assistance.”
Shane nodded slowly. “So, you didn’t give up on journalism.”
“Nope.” He grinned. “Are you proud of me?”
“Very.” Not that his tone gave way to that. “What makes you think it’s the work of one person?”
“Well, it’s the oddest thing. Although none of the crimes appear to be connected, the victims are all of a similar personality. They were kind, compassionate, some even heroic, actively helping others. You know when you see those documentaries, and people say that the victim or perpetrator were really nice, but then the truth comes out that not everything was as it appeared to be? In this case, it’s accurate. Not a single person has anything bad to say about them. They were happy, healthy, and everyone loved them. It-” He paused, seemingly to collect his thoughts. “It’s almost as though someone’s harming people who are trying to make a difference.”
“Hmm.” While Callan was clearly enthusiastic about this project, Shane couldn’t bring himself to feign excitement, not even on Cal’s behalf. “Interesting.”
He heaved a sigh. “You think it’s far-fetched?”
“I don’t know.” Shane folded his arms. “I’m into fiction, I don’t have an investigative eye like you do.”
“But you’re a writer. I respect your opinion, personally and professionally.”
“I was never professional. I haven’t even written a word in years.” Trying to wipe the look of discomfort from his face, he leaned on the table. “If this makes you happy, then I’m happy for you. How about that?”
“I’ll take it.” He flipped his phone face-down before slipping his hand over Shane’s. “I might not go with that article. I have other ideas. That’s just the bigger story, the one people might really care about, you know?”
“I care about you.”
“Is that your way of changing the subject?”
He smirked. “Maybe.”
“Does the subject matter bother you?”
“I don’t know.” He waved his free hand in the air. “It’d be disturbing if it was true.”
“It’s something I can relate to, I suppose. The threat of death. Not that I’m trying to make a difference.”
“Well, aren’t you?”
He chuckled. “I guess so.” Cal’s thumb moved back and forth over Shane’s knuckles. “My grandfather threatened to kill me over my sexuality.”
“He did?” Jaw clenched, he tried to ease the growing tension in his hand, not wanting to inadvertently hurt Cal’s fingers. “Let me at ‘im, I can take him.”
Cal laughed and shook his head. “You and what army?”
“Just me.”
“I imagine the army of Shane is the best of them all.” He brought Shane’s hand to his lips. “I know you would fight for me fiercely with everything you have.”
Giving his hand a gentle squeeze, Shane got to his feet. “Come on. I know you said no presents, but I have a surprise for you.”
He took Callan by the hand, pulling him into the bedroom. It was decorated with multiple displays full of red roses, Cal’s favorite. There were petals on the bed and candles lit on both the bedside table and the dresser.
Callan bent over to pick up the card that was placed in the middle of the bed. Inside was a hand-written poem that read:
In your arms, I feel blessed
Your hearts is as deep as the sea
No words could ever express
How much you mean to me
With tears in his eyes, he turned to face Shane. “You said that you haven’t written a word in years.”
“I haven’t.” Shane placed his arms around Cal’s waist. “But I wanted to do something special for you. I know it’s shit, but-”
“No, it isn’t. I love it. I can’t believe you did all of this for me.”
“It’s your birthday. What kind of a person do you think I am?”
He pressed his hand to the small of Shane’s back. “Thank you. I mean it. I know that you can’t say how you feel about me, but you’re showing it.”
A twinge of guilt settled in his chest. Swallowing hard, he started unbuttoning Cal’s shirt. “You do know how I feel, don’t you?”
“Yes, love.” He smiled softly. “I do.”
His fingers worked quickly to remove the shirt, though his own remained in place – as usual, and then jeans, and underwear followed soon after before they fell back on the bed. Shane was on top, pushing away some of the rose petals from between Cal’s legs.
One kiss was delivered to the birthday man’s stomach, causing a sharp intake of breath. Shane smiled and trailed soft kisses up his chest, along his neck, and stopped at his lips.
“There he is.” Cal brushed back curls from Shane’s forehead. “There’s the Shane I
know. Tender and loving.”
Clenching his jaw, he averted his gaze. “The Shane you knew died when you left.”
He cupped Shane’s cheeks in his hands, gently turning his face so that he could look him in the eyes. “I’m never going to leave you again.”
Taking a deep breath, Shane blinked back tears. “I’m only going to offer this once because I know how much it means to you. What if...” Even though he was the one making the offer, the words were still difficult to get out. “What if I make love to you?”
“Are you sure?” He furrowed his brow. “I don’t want to overstimulate you. If you’re uncomfortable, I won’t enjoy it.”
“I think I’ll be alright if I’m the one taking control. I want to be sweet to you, I just can’t let you be so gentle with me.”
“I understand.” Cal searched Shane’s gaze – a typical trait of his, especially when he was looking for any sign of hesitation. “And I accept your generous offer.”
He rolled his eyes. “Don’t make it sound like some transaction. I want to make love to you, for God’s sake.”
“No, not for His sake. For mine.” Cal pursed his lips in an effort to contain his emotions, but it didn’t work, a tear escaped from his eyelid, which Shane promptly wiped away. “Thank you, Shane.”
With Teddy at the foot of the bed, Callan was careful not to kick him as he pulled his lover in closer. His nose nuzzled the back of Shane’s neck. A hand reached to tug down the white t-shirt, respecting the younger man’s privacy, despite how easy it would have been to sneak a peek.
“Morning,” he mumbled, tiredness evident in his graveled voice.
Shane moaned in response and Cal chuckled.
“Come on, sleepyhead. You were so good to me last night. I want to return the favor, but in the way that you like this time.”
Another moan, and then it turned into a whimper. Furrowing his brow, Cal cupped Shane’s shoulder and gave it a gentle shake.
Remember My Name Page 12