by Ward, H. M.
“I’d take a door to the gut for you any time, Miss Smith.” His eyes sweep over my face. They dart between my lips and my eyes. I think he’s going to kiss me, but Sean takes a deep breath and pushes off the car. The moment is gone. “Come on. Let’s get what we came here for.”
Sean takes me by the hand and leads me into the toy store. We have to look on the clearance aisle because the thing he wants is out of season. He’s bent over, digging around in a bin when he stands and grins at me.
“Found one.” Sean plucks a kite from the bin, still wrapped in plastic. It has an extra-long thing of string.
“Are you serious? We came here for a kite?” I can’t imagine what he’s thinking.
“Yeah. My life could use a dash of levity right now.” The way he says it, the way his voice catches in his throat, makes my heart ache. I feel the same way. He can see it in my eyes. “I suspect that you are in need of the same sort of, ah…screw it.” Sean runs his fingers through his hair and looks at the floor before looking back up at me. “I’m trying to sound classy, Avery, but your eyes just make me melt. I can’t think around you. You bring out a side of me that, well, let’s just say that it hasn’t seen sunlight in years. Let’s go fly a kite at the beach. I’ll buy you lunch. We can see how high the thing goes before the string snaps and it flies away. What do you say?”
Stepping toward him, I touch the plastic packaging on the little kite. It’s the ninety-nine cent kind that kids fly. The corner of my lips pull up. “Well, I have plans this evening, but I think I can sneak in a trip to the beach to fly this…” Turning the package over, I look to see what cartoon character is on the kite. But when I flip it over, I laugh so hard that I slap my hands over my mouth. Giggling, I point to the kite. “Holy shit. That’s a pig in a tutu! On a kite!”
Sean grins, “When pigs fly. Apparently, a very pretty pig will be flying today.” He holds out his elbow. “My lady.”
Laughing, I take his arm and embark on one of the best days of my life.
37
I kick off my shoes as Sean pulls the little kite out of the package and assembles it. The beach is empty today, probably because it’s freezing. The sun is a bright golden ball and the sky is an awesome shade of blue. I sit down and bury my toes in the sand, not caring about the chilly air.
Sean drops his coat on the sand next to me and ties the string onto the kite. “Here you go. Ladies first.” Sean hands me the kite and I take it. I can’t help but smile when I look at the thing. It has a pink cartoon pig doing a pirouette in a purple tutu. It’s perfect.
“Just so you know, I suck at kite flying. Kites hate me. You’ve been warned.” I nod at him, but Sean gives me a quizzical look.
“How could you possibly suck at kite flying?”
“Wait and see. It’s the kind of suckage that’s spectacular.”
“Oh,” he grins, saying, “the best kind of suckage, then.” Sean takes the kite from my hands and walks a few steps back, after kicking off his shoes. The wind blows his dark hair out of his eyes. For the first time I get to see his face without that brooding look he always wears. Sean has a boyish grin on his face as he moves away from me holding the silliest kite that I’ve ever seen. “Ready?” he asks, and holds the kite over his head.
I nod. “Yup.”
Sean releases the kite and I turn and run forward. The wind catches the kite quickly, pulling it higher and higher. I yank the line and let out more string and stop running. Then, I yank it again as the piggy kite swerves in the air. The wind pulls it hard and the kite changes direction. Sean is still standing in the same spot, looking up at the kite when it happens. I have no idea why it happens to me, but it does. The kite seems to get caught in a little vortex, swirls, and plummets—and I mean drops like a speeding vulture—from the sky. Sean’s eyes grow wide. He runs at the last second and the kite crashes into his hip. He yelps and rubs his thigh.
I try not to laugh, but I can’t hide the smile on my face. “I told you that I’m cursed. I can’t fly a kite worth a damn. It doesn’t matter where you stand. It will hit you.” The wind catches my hair and tosses it behind me.
“I don’t believe it,” Sean says shaking his head as he walks toward me. “There is no way in hell you could hit me like that twice.” Sean is standing next to me, winding up the string. He hands me the roll back and takes the kite. “Ready?”
“Hell, yeah. I’m fine. The kite isn’t going to hit me. Maybe you should put on your helmet?” I tease him, grinning. I know how this is going to go. Sean’s blue eyes lock with mine. A shiver runs through me and it has nothing to do with the crisp air.
“If you hit me again, I’ll wear my helmet.”
“Is that a challenge, Mr. Jones?”
“Are you doing it on purpose, Miss Smith? Were you a professional kite flyer or something?”
I laugh and shake my head. “No, it’s just my natural awesomeness manifesting itself.” I smile at him for a moment. “You know it’s going to crash into you, right? I mean, this seems like we’re tempting fate way too much.”
“Fly the kite, Smitty.” Sean steps away from me, spooling the string out as he walks. When he’s a few feet away, Sean asks me if I’m ready.
I nod and he releases the kite. I tug the string hard and run a few steps. Sean moves this time and walks toward me. He watches the kite climb higher and higher.
I yank the string and the give it more slack. The piggy kite flies higher. Sean has that arrogant grin on his face, like he thinks he’s won. He stands in the sand next to me and folds his arms over his chest. He’s wearing jeans with a charcoal colored sweater. That color makes his eyes look like topaz.
Sean makes a pleased noise in the back of his throat. “The kite’s still in the air.”
“I didn’t say that I couldn’t keep it up,” I grin at him. “That would be a totally different problem. I said that it will crash into you. To crash, the kite needs to come down. And it will hit you.”
“That was a fluke. You can’t honestly tell me that you’ve flown a kite in the past few years and it crashed into someone every time?”
“I could say no, but it’d be a big fat lie. Have a seat Mr. Jones and wait for it to happen.” I tug the kite string and watch the piggy in the tutu dance against the sky.
Sean settles onto the sand next to me. He pulls up his knees and wraps his arms around them. “I used to come here a lot. It didn’t matter what the weather was like.”
I nod and glance at him out of the corner of my eye. “The best time to be here is—”
“Right before a storm,” we say in unison.
Sean gives me a strange look, which I return. Smirking I tug on my piggy kite. A prickly feeling covers my skin and is gone in a flash. I tuck my hair behind my ear, but the wind keeps whipping it in my face. “Well, that was creepy. Most people say in the sunshine.”
“You aren’t most people.”
“Neither are you,” I say. My heart is pounding. I don’t turn to look at him. I can feel his gaze resting on the side of my face. I tug the kite. “I like how the air feels thick and the waves crash onto the sand. I like to put my toes in the sand when it has that damp chill. I’ve come out in the rain, and just sat on the shore. There’s something about the ocean, about the waves and watching a spring storm roll in that’s soothing.”
Sean stares at me. When he doesn’t respond, I look over at him. His blue eyes are wide. When our gazes meet, they lock. I can’t look away. Something inside me responds to him, to the way he looks at me. I feel the tug at the core of my body telling me that he’s more than he seems. I try to force the sensation back, but I can’t.
For a moment, Sean just breathes. When his lips part to say something, I feel the kite string go slack. Before the words are out of his mouth, the kite collides with his head. It falls to the sand in a pile of plastic and string. Sean jumps a mile, and holds his hand to his ear.
I step toward him, my feet getting tangled in string. “Are you all right?” I kneel
in front of him and turn his face to the side.
Sean’s hands fall away from the spot where he was hit. There’s a little scrape on his cheek that’s beading with blood. I reach into my pocket and take out a tissue. I press it to his skin and hold it there. I feel stupid for hurting him. Sean takes my hand in his. When I feel his gaze, I turn and look into his eyes. The wind ruffles his hair, tossing it every which way. He looks at me like he’s never seen me before. The expression worries me. My stomach flips in response.
I manage, “I’m sorry.”
Sean doesn’t answer. He just watches me, intently focused on my face. Sean’s eyes drift to my mouth. After a moment, he leans in and kisses me lightly. My lashes lower as he does it and my heart pounds harder. Sean pulls back slightly, and looks into my eyes. He opens his mouth like he’s going to say something, but nothing comes out.
My voice is so sweet, so soft. I cup his face between my hands and say, “Oh, no. Did that blow to the head break your brain?”
Sean seems to come back from wherever his mind drifted off to. The panic in his eyes vanishes. I have back the flirt with the bike, the man with the kite. “If I’m bludgeoned by a piggy kite and lose my mind, you have to promise to tell people that I was done in by something much more manly.”
I nod slowly, smiling. “Mmm. Bear attack. There are bears all over the beach. Totally believable.” I wink at him.
“That mouth is going to get you in trouble,” Sean says, smiling. The look in his eye is playful and carefree.
The kite is behind him. I lean forward, like I’m going to hug him. Sean tenses slightly. I have no idea why. We’ve had sex, how is he still tense when I touch him? The hug was a diversion anyway. I reach behind him and grab the kite.
Smacking the kite into his back, I giggle, saying, “Bear attack! Bear attack! Roar!”
Sean’s jaw drops open. He lets me smack him with the kite at least three times before he tackles me, and knocks me back into the sand. Sean’s fingers find my bare skin under my sweater and he tickles. I laugh and continue to taunt him. “Next time we should get a bear kite. That way it’s more believable. Millionaire, Sean Ferro, attacked on Jones Beach, by a bear. Channel 12 will come running out if we call that in.” I reach into my pocket, or rather I try to, but Sean yanks the phone away.
“I’m not a millionaire and Channel 12 doesn’t cover bear attacks—too exciting.” He pins me down, and manages to straddle me. Sean’s breathing hard. He looks down at my face and I go still.
“You’re not rich?”
“I didn’t say that. I said I’m not a millionaire.” Sean has a strange look on his face.
“Ah, since we’re playing coy, I’m not a millionaire, either. I’m a twentyaire. I have twenty-five bucks in my pocket until I get paid.” I try to pull my wrists free, but Sean doesn’t budge. “So, come on. What are you? I told you how much I’m worth.” I smile at him, laughing. “By the way, I’m paying for lunch. The $1 menu at Wendy’s has some bitchin’ chicken nuggets with your name on them.” I waggle my eyebrows at him, not expecting him to tell me anything.
“You’re treating me?” he asks, surprised. I nod. Sean pauses for a second. Then he licks his lips and leans down and whispers in my ear. “I’m a billionaire, maybe a few times over.”
I giggle when he pulls back and say, “Like the Monopoly man?” I stare at him. Holy shit. Sean watches me, waiting to see how I take it. I act like I’m going to be serious, and ask, “Do you have that kickass top hat? Nah, I bet you’re more of a monocle man.” I reach into his pocket and Sean squirms.
He grabs my wrists and pins me again. “Seriously? That’s your reaction? You ask me if I dress like a cartoon character?” My eyes shift back and forth between his. Sean seems surprised.
I’m more distracted by his eyes. I shrug. “Money’s money. You need it to live, but beyond that, I don’t care. You can’t take it with you. Hey, and this doesn’t mean that I’m going to stiff you on lunch. Don’t worry. I’ll get you a drink and some fries, too. What’s mine is yours.” I grin at him, expecting him to laugh, but he doesn’t. The pressure on my wrists disappears as Sean sits up. He slips off of me and I sit up next to him. “Did I say something wrong?” I ask, tucking my hair behind my ear. “Because I do that a lot. I didn’t mean to be ass-y Avery.”
Sean glances at me. “You seriously only have twenty bucks?” I nod. “And you were going to spend most of it on me, today?”
I nod again. The way he’s acting makes me nervous. I try to play it off, like it’s nothing. “It’s not rocket science, Sean. We’re hungry. We eat.”
Sean’s eyes scan my face, like he can’t believe what he sees. “You really don’t have any desire to be rich?”
“There’s a line between being piss-ass poor and having enough to get by. I want to hit the get-by line, maybe a little bit more.” I shrug and pull my knees into my chest. “More than that just fucks things up. Life isn’t about money. It’s about the people you love—the relationships you make. Maybe I have that once poor always poor thing. I don’t know, but I don’t really care, Mr. Jones. If you have a problem with it—”
Sean stares at me like I have two heads. “I don’t have a problem with it, not at all.”
I wiggle my toes in the sand and say, “Can’t buy me love.”
To my surprise, Sean says the next line of the song. I smile at him. Sean continues to recite the verse and soon his words turn to song. The velvety sound of his voice sounds perfect. Sean pulls me to his chest and sings just for me. I relax, looking out at the ocean and watch the waves. His fingers smooth my hair as his breath warms my cheek. It makes that feeling in my chest stir, the good one. For the longest time, the only thing I could feel was that hollow ache.
38
Sean nuzzles his chin to the side of my face and holds me tight. I’m sitting between his legs on the sand. The way he breathes makes me feel peaceful. It’s strange. I don’t understand why or how. I don’t question things like that anymore. I just take it for what it is—I feel at ease around him. Sean rubs his hands over my arms. The chill in the air numbed my skin a while ago. It feels good to have him sitting so close, to warm me up.
I tilt my head back to ask him something, but never get the chance. When our eyes meet, something shifts. All day Sean has acted more like a friend than a lover. I’ve convinced myself it’s because that’s what he is. I’m his paid lover. It’s not the same. But that look in his eye ensnares me. It pulls me to him, making the butterflies in my stomach flutter to life.
Sean watches my lips with a hungry intensity that sends sparks through my body. Through lowered lashes, his eyes never stray from my mouth. I’m pulled to him. With everything in me, I try to resist, but I can’t. I’m barely breathing, hardly holding on. Sean gives me something to hold on to, at least for now.
The space between us closes. Sean’s lips are right there. I feel the magnetic pull and before I know it, his lips are brushing against mine. I suck in air, trying hard to control myself. I don’t want him to know how enamored I am, how much I want him. It has nothing to do with contracts or money. It’s Sean. I want him, I want to be around him and taste his lips because I want to.
The kiss is a breathtaking tease. When he pulls away, Sean’s blue eyes are blazing like twin flames. I can’t look away. I twist in his lap and turn to my side. Leaning into his chest, I lift my hand to his cheek. Leaning in slowly, watching his beautiful lips, I close the space between us. My heart pounds harder as I feel Sean’s hands in my hair. He doesn’t pull me forward, but he doesn’t push me back.
Something inside of me is screaming for me to stop. It’s the voice that tells me to hold on, that I can survive this. When every other thought falls silent, it’s always there. I don’t understand the warning bells going off. I just know how Sean makes me feel and I need to feel something that I understand right now. That night on the motorcycle, the night he helped me chase my car down, there were no voices telling me to beware. He could have ridden of
f with me and dumped my body at the Captree boat docks. No one would have known what happened to me. There was no little voice in the back of my head then, so it’s totally weird that it’s there now.
Breathing in deeply, I ignore the warning and press my lips to his. The uncertainty fades as Sean kisses me back. His tongue sweeps against the seam of my lips, gently, asking me if I want him. When I let him in, Sean holds me tight and leans us back into the sand. He rolls so that I’m under him. The cold air and the hot kisses crash together. My pulse pounds harder as the kiss builds hotter and hotter. Sean keeps his lips on mine the entire time, not stopping for breath. His hands touch my face, gently stroking my cheek as the kiss intensifies. My heart thuds inside of me like it’s been sleeping and suddenly startled awake. My body is hot and cold, my mind is swimming in sensations that conflict.
Sean knows how to draw me out of my despair. His touch is like magic. Everything that was crushing me is gone, temporarily held away. I lose myself in his lips. My eyes are closed and I focus on the feel of his lips on mine. Every time he sweeps his tongue over mine, my insides flutter. It’s magic.
After a moment, Sean pulls back. His eyes sweep my face before locking with mine. Reaching toward me, Sean tucks a dark curl behind my ear. “Your kiss is addicting,” he says, his voice a little too husky from a kiss. I smile at him and touch his cheek and feel the light stubble under the pads of my fingers. Sean’s eyes lower as I do it. He takes a slow, deep, breath like he’s savoring my touch. When his eyes open again, he takes a jagged breath. My gaze drifts to his lips. I can’t stop staring at his mouth. “If you keep looking at me like that, I’m not going to be able to stop.”
An awkward smile spreads across my face. My fingers twirl the hair at the base of his neck. “You’d have sex in the sand, when it’s freezing outside?”
“If it meant that I could be with you,” his hand strokes my cheek, “then, yes.”