by Zoë Blade
thoughts. He remembered the way that some evenings, as shewent to bed, she would look down at her flat chest and lack of curvesand feel the headache that meant she was about to cry. He evenremembered how she'd secretly started to feel about her best friend,Rebecca. Those memories were his now, but the feelings weren't.
Looking down at the outline of the slightly malnourished but otherwisehealthy young body hidden beneath the bed sheets and medical gown, hefelt no repulsion any longer. Despite the nausea and the overwhelmingfeeling that he needed to get some rest, in a weird sort of way, hefelt fine for the first time in his life. It was finally over.
As he walked up to Rebecca's house, David scratched the scar on theback of his head. He still wasn't used to the feeling of the shortbristles of hair against his fingers. He pressed the doorbell andwaited.
Rebecca's mother answered the door, but she didn't greet him withenthusiasm like she usually did. Instead, she looked at him like shewas expecting him to introduce himself.
"Hi. It's me, David," he said. Seeing no hint of recognition in hereyes, he added, "Henley."
"Oh." She seemed taken aback. "Of course. Please, come in." Sheopened the door wider and turned around to face the stairs. "Rebecca!Your friend's here!" Turning back to face David, she assured him, "I'msure she won't be long," before disappearing into the kitchen.
David waited in the hallway until Rebecca finally crept down thestairs, coming to a stop half way down the staircase. She lookedalmost afraid. It made David's stomach hurt, to know that he was thecause of the pained look on her face.
"Hi," he said.
"Hi." She squeezed her arm as if she was nervous.
"You haven't been to see me or anything," he said. "You still like me,right?"
"_Like_ you? I don't even _know_ you." Rebecca waited what seemedlike forever before she next spoke. When she did, her voice was soft,as if she was recounting a painful tale. "Three years ago, my bestfriend moved to the other side of the country, and I never got to seeher again. We still e-mail each other, of course, but it's not thesame. For the longest time, I didn't have anyone to help me make itthrough the day. Until I met you. Until I met Faye, I mean. Now it'shappening all over again, only worse than that, because it's like apart of Faye's still here, and you're running around, oblivious to thefact that you've stolen it from her."
"Oh." David didn't know what else to say.
"Is that all you've got to say? '_Oh_'?"
"I guess I didn't see it that way. I was hoping we could still befriends." David looked at Rebecca, but her eyes seemed sharp and cold."You know, like you and her were. You and me, I mean. I stillremember everything, you know. How you'd laugh together, or swapsecrets about boys."
"Yeah, well not anymore, OK?"
David stood in silence, trying to think of something to say to make itall better. Deep down, he knew there was nothing he could say or dothat could change how Rebecca felt.
"So is this it?" David eventually asked. "Is this how we're going tosay goodbye? You meant everything to her."
Rebecca paused, as if she wanted to say something but wasn't sure ifshe should. Finally, she said, "She loved me, didn't she?"
David nodded.
Rebecca looked straight ahead as if she was talking to the front door."I loved her too, I think. Despite everything." She turned to faceDavid. "That's why it hurts to look at you."
"I'm sorry," said David. He cursed himself for not being able to thinkof anything better to say.
Rebecca didn't reply to him, but as he walked out the door, he couldhave sworn he'd heard her whispering, "So am I."