by Amelia Lee
"So that's the concept of karma?"
"It makes sense that people will reply to your own good but if you misbehave you will definitely get a misbehave too," she said. "Anything you do will definitely comeback to you sooner or later."
"You're right," I replied.
"I wanted to make coffee." She stood up and left.
Was Stephanie's death a karma-as a consequence that her parents squandered her?
Afternoon
I played the rusty burned watches that circle in my hand. This clock was already not working, the needle was not capable to precise time rightly. I found it after a nurse gave it to me, a few hours after I recovered from my car crash accident. It was the only things I brought in besides my body and left clothes that I wore.
"Hey," Iris patted my shoulder from behind.
"When did you go home? I did not see you come," I asked her, confused.
She smiled, "It's because you're too busy looking at your rusty watch,"
"How was your day?"
"A new day, running with new things even though it feels the same,"
"Looks like you need a vacation. Or maybe a picnic? Go to a place that are only tall trees and lakes, without the urban noise, a place where you can enjoy the mother nature,"
"I've thought about it, but I do not feels like want to go anywhere,"
"I understand," I replied. "Then what do you want?"
"Pizza? A pepperoni pizza would be good, I have a lot of thought,"
I smiled, "Okay."
Evening
Heavy rain and lightning adorn the cold night. It was nearly one a.m. and I was still awake. Can not sleep more precisely. My eyes wide open, my ears felt hot. My heartbeat was racing faster than normal shortly after hearing the sound of screaming. Someone shouts. A small children. It was Rose’s scream. I woke up from my bed as fast as lightning and went looking for the origin of the voice. Her voice came from the living room.
"What was that?" asked Iris.
"Rose, it came from the living room I guess,"
I walked downstairs with mixed feelings of anxiety and worry. What caused she shouted in the early in the morning like this?
I was surprised to see him. "Gosh, what are you doing?!" I asked him.
He stood there, pointing a rifle toward Rose.
"William?" said Iris. "What are you doing? Gosh let her go!"
William started crying, "I can not, I'm not able to do what you say. I've tried but I can not,"
"What are you talking about?!" said Iris.
I walked over to him, about to take the gun from his hand. He struggled, screaming like crazy when I tried to take the gun from his hand. He really was crazy.
"Stay back!" shouted William.
"Everything will be fine, okay? Give me the gun, I’m begging you, please do not be like this," said Iris.
"You do not understand," he said. He switched looked at me and said something I do not understand, "Say my hello to her."
BANG! He shot himself in the head. Fresh blood flowed from his head and he fell down to the ground.
The sound of an ambulance in the morning really buzzing my ear. They brought William’s corpse to the nearest hospital, two policemen came over to us. He asked many questions at us.
"He almost killed my daughter," I said. "I do not think he will come here before,"
"You know him?" asked one of the policemen that was tall and thin.
"He was one of my patients. I never told him my address," said Iris.
A portly policeman came over to us from a distance, "It seems he knows your address from this man." He gave me William’s cell phone. It showed that he was just making a call with someone. And when I read his name, I was shocked.
August 5, 2014
I knocked on the door impatiently. I've been standing there for about ten minutes but no answer or someone to open the door.
I tried to looking inside this house through the window glass, he sat there alone while watching television and drinking a bottle of beer. Damn, so he already heard and knew my attendance but refused to open the door.
I opened the door and entered without permission. "What does all this mean?!"
He gave me a glance and replied with a lazy tone, "What’s the matter? You're not polite, you know? Come to someone’s house without permission and scolded me nothing,"
"Yesterday William came to my house, he committed suicide."
"And then?" He asked innocently. I really want to punched him in the head.
My patience was running out, "The police gave me his cell phone, it pointed out that you are the last person that in touch with him! What did you tell him that he become like that?"
He did not answer, instead pouring a glass of wine innocently. "Hey, I'm asking you!"
Sebastian looked at me and then stood up, "Do you really want to know what I said to him?"
He walked over to me. I froze, unable to do anything. He whispered something in my ear. Something that was really surprised me.
"You killed Stephanie."
Stephanie
July 20, 2005
I threw all my guts into the toilet right in front of me. I felt so dizzy and nausea at once, I felt like foods was stuck in my throat and I could not afford the gastrointestinal until I throw up everything. I was late. I've missed my periods. For four months in a row.
I have to tell it to him. I was sure it was him. I was not so sure about what I was thinking, but my heart says so. And whatever will happen next, I was not ready to fix it. My stomach was getting rounder, though I was able hide it, I know I will not be able to hide it forever. It was getting bigger, growing inside me. Five months had passed, and I think after that I will not be able to cover it again.
I knocked the door with a loud, impatient knock. Where was he going?
He opened the door about five minutes later. "Stephanie?" he asked in confusion.
"We need to talk,"
"Come on, we're talking in, okay?" He invited me to go inside.
"You alone?" I asked.
He nodded, "My aunt has a night shift today."
I was silent for a few moments to gather the courage to speak. Finally, my nightmare came true. The nightmare about losing someone I really loved and something soon will ruin my life. "Frederick…"
He stroked my cheek with his fingers, "Hm?" I was speechless. Words caught in my own throat. "Is there something wrong?" He asked. "I have not seen you, I thought you had forgotten me,"
"I can not forget you,"
He smiled, "What is it?"
"I… I'm pregnant,"
He gasped, he moved directly away from me. "You're kidding right?" I shook my head.
Frederick stood up, "I could not be the father, does we ever done that before?"
"Yes. Do not you remember?"
He laughed sarcastically, "No, not possible. Why are you so sure?"
"I’m not so sure, but do you mind if we take a DNA test?" I asked.
"This is not possible,"
"Why is it impossible?"
"Because you're a lonely bitch Stephanie, I'm sure you’ve slept with a lot of men."
I stood up and slapped his cheeks. Anger peaked, he really did not like what I thought he was. He held his flushed cheek and smiled sardonically, "Well, we'll find out who the father is," he said.
"You are such an asshole, Frederick." I left his house.
August 17, 2005
"How’s the result?" asked me to the doctor who was aged approximately forty this year.
"The result is positive, he or she is your child," he replied. "I'll give you some vitamins.”
At first I thought it was his. And I wish it would be like that. But fate did not said so. It was all my fault, my stupidity, I must admit it. I wanted this child to disappeared from my life, from my body. But I could not. I did not know what I should do to this child.
Do I have to pretend that it was Sebastian’s, not Frederick’s?
The next day, August 18, 2005<
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The sun shines quite hot that day. It was at nine in the morning when I was driving a white old car which walking through the quiet street. I wanted to visit him.
And I did not believe that this will be the last time I see his face.
I pressed the doorbell of the house. He opened the door minutes later. Unlike the previous day, I did not have to wait for a long time for him to open the door. He smiled when he saw me, "Stephanie? I did not think you will come,"
I smiled back at him, "I want to talk with you. You're not busy, are you?"
"No, of course not."
I was planning to tell him about this child, but my mind did not want to say it. Words were stuck in my throat every time I saw his face. But on the other side of me I really want to say it. "What do you want to talk about?" He asked.
I took a deep breath, "I…" I almost said it. "Can we go somewhere today?" But in the end I did not said it.
He smiled, "Gee, you just invite me to go? I thought you were going to say something serious. You're making me nervous, you know?"
I just smiled faintly.
We went to watch horror movies, my favorite genre. He looked really enjoy the film, though the story was pretty good I think but for some reason I was not able to enjoy it. My mind was shattered, if my mind can be seen by bare eyes it must be hover above my head now. So many things are out of my brain.
My cell phone vibrate when I started focus with the movie. It was from Frederick.
Where are you now? Sorry I said rude things to you yesterday, I was just really in big shock. Please forgive me. Can you meet me at three this afternoon? I am waiting for you.
I’m sorry.
I did not reply that brief message or took a phone call. It was something impossible to do because I was with Sebastian.
We came out of the cinema at five o'clock. It was already past three o'clock, but I did not regret for making Frederick wait so long. My heart still hurts because of what time it was.
"You okay?" Asked Sebastian.
"Me? Yes, of course. Anything wrong?"
"You look nervous, as there is something you've been waiting for. Are you waiting for someone? Your parents maybe?"
I smiled thinly, "No, I’m just a little tired."
Time passed, and for some reason I kept thinking whether Frederick was still waiting for me or not. "You okay?" He asked. Again.
"Yes,"
"You keep daydreaming, is there a problem?"
"Um, I think I have to go home now,"
"Why?" He asked curiously.
"My mother fell down from the stairs of my house and broke her leg. She’s with my father now in hospital," I lied to him. Again.
"Why do not you talk about it before?"
"I'm sorry." I continued my words, "I have to go now, is it okay for you to go home alone?"
"Yes, of course."
He smiled and kissed my forehead, "Be careful on the road. Tell your mother get well soon,"
I just smiled at him. "Thank you."
We went to a movie using my old car. The car that I used to visit his house. Sebastian refused to go to the cinema using my car and told me to just using the public transportation. I went with him and asked him to go home alone. To be honest I felt very bad to myself because I have to let him go home alone. But I have to do this, I did not want to disappoint him if he saw me with Frederick and let him know what will going on next.
I drove my car with maximum speed, penetrating the cold wind of the night. It was seven o'clock. Frederick probably thought I was still upset and think I would not come. This was all my fault. I can not stop blaming myself for being so careless. Me, who had started this should be the one to ended it.
I knocked the wooden door. It was been quite a long time I stood in front of this house, no one has yet answered the door and told me to get inside. I tried to open the door which I guess was locked, but it was not. I entered the house without permission of the owner of the house.
My eyes searched where Frederick was. Usually he was here, sitting on the couch of the living room while drinking a glass of wine and watch TV. It was the only activities I saw every time I visited his house. He did not seem working or do other activities. And I feel pretty dumb, why did I make friends even had a child from a man like him. Dumb to myself.
My ears hear sound of a woman faintly. A moaning sound. Her voice came from upstairs. I went up the stairs with a crept, like a burglar who trying to rob a house in the middle of the night. The more I approached, her voice growing louder. Someone was having sex here. In this house. I opened the bedroom door and was shocked by what I saw. I should not saw it or disturb them.
"Stephanie?"
They stopped when I entered. Frederick and that girl. His aunt. I never feel this disgusted with myself before. So that was why he only stayed with his aunt.
"Sorry I disturb you,"
"Wait a minute," he prevent me to go. "Sorry, I should not do this, but,"
"Stop, please, I'm tired. Do not you understand?" I began to shed tears. "I do not know what I should do, I know I should have come three hours earlier but I did not. And now when I come you give me a view like this?"
"Listen to me,"
"So that's why you live together with her?" He was silent and did not answer my question. "So I’m right? You're making love with your own family, you're more sick and lonely than me, Frederick,"
He slapped my cheek. I slapped him back. He hit me until I fell to the floor, then smiled and mocking me. Smiled on how weak and stupid I am.
"I'm sorry, but I have to do it," said Frederick. He walked to me and muffled my mouth with his big hands.
He prevented me from screaming. He stroked my cheek and kissed my face, "Stephanie, such a sweet little girl…" He was really mad. I thought I was the only madman here, but in fact he was more crazy than me. He choke my neck tightly. My breath caught. It felt like the oxygen was running out.
I closed my eyes. His face was the last thing I saw. "What should we do? You are crazy! You're absolutely crazy! You've killed her…" said Florence.
"Shh .. Do not be so noisy. Calm down, we'll clean it up."
I was dead. My eyes were closed after I felt the dizziness, I became really vague and stiff until darkness consumed me. I did not know what they did to me afterwards.
To me, to my corpse that was never found then.
Emmerich
August 5, 2014
"What do you mean?! I do not even know her and never saw her!"
He smiled slightly, "Really? Do you really do not know her?"
I paused. Silent, frozen like the ice. I did forget my memories. I do not remember who I was even what I have done before.
"YOU can not answer, RIGHT?" I was speechless. Sebastian started talking again, "I do ever broke up with her and had no further contact with her for some time, but I still and always watched her, you know that?"
He moved back to sit on the couch and drink his wine. "Here is the truth," he said.
I frowned, "What do you mean?"
"Five in March 2005, I went to the hospital with guilt. I visited Stephanie. She nearly killed herself at that time and I was sure I was the only person caused she did something stupid like that.
She woke up and refused to talk to me. A few weeks later I forced myself to call her mother, she said Stephanie got bipolar disorder. The same disease that also suffered her mother,"
"Impossible,"
He chuckled, "What's not possible? Do you know? March twenty, 2005, she came visited me. I was drunk at the time she came, she was really aroused me,"
I shook my head. Was he really mad or was I crazy to kept listening to him?
He returned to speak, "Twenty-one in March 2005, I woke up after having sex with her. I woke up and she was not beside me, and when I got off, I heard she was calling someone. A man asked her to go watch a movie with her, do you remember that?
Eighteen August 2005, it was the last day I met her before she was declared miss
ing and died. We went to watch a horror movie, I noticed she seemed nervous and like being chased by something. She received a message from someone in the cinema, someone’s invite her to meet at three o'clock. You remember that?
Oh, and not only that, over the last few months before the eighteenth of August, she looks appear fatter. I know she was not the type of person who does not keep her body lean, she loves sports. What have you done to her in the past?
Again, when she told me her mother fell down from the stairs and told me to go back home alone, do you think I was so stupid to just gohome and follow her words? No. I called her mom right after she left and her mother said she was not even at home. She never lied to me before.
I took a cab and followed the white old car, and I saw her off at a house. Do you remember which house it was?"
I shook my head.
"God, what's in your head? Is it just skull? Or is there something called brain?" He yelled at me.
He pulled my leather jacket roughly and hit my face. I almost fell at that time. Anger, fear and guilt mingled in my mind. "What do you mean? I… I do not know what you're talking about.." I did not hit him back or defend myself.
So that’s it? That’s the truth? That’s how I spend my life in the past? That’s what I did?
He walked toward the wooden table in the kitchen and took a paper that scattered on top of the table. The papers were already there, even since the first time I visited this house. He returned after taking some photos and news from newspapers. News and photos about Stephanie's death. There are a few photos; William’s photograph, photograph of a man and a woman, photograph of a man who covered his face with paper, close-up photograph of Stephanie, Sebastian’s photograph with the words "WANTED" above his head, as well as a photo of a guy wearing black jacket and black cap.
His face was not visible, only the high bridge of his nose enough to be seen. This photo was blurry and shaky, seemingly taken with cell phone cameras secretly. Who is this guy?
"You know how long I wait for this?" he said coldly. "I'm waiting for you, every day, every week, every year. Kept waiting for someone who can I blame for her death. I did not know you before, you're missing when all those people were getting tired of finding out who the killer really is."