by Nicole Dykes
He sees that?
And his childhood . . . My god. I knew it was bad, but not like that.
“I’m fine.” I nod back up to the stage where Quinn, in all her confident and strong glory, is belting out a song she wrote. “It’s Quinn’s night.”
Blair looks uncertain, but she turns back toward the stage.
I close my eyes and listen to Quinn’s voice. I hear the tortured heartbreak in her song.
Just how bad was it when they were growing up? What did these four people go through?
Sean is wrong. I’m not different from the entitled bitches he usually hooks up with. Growing up, I didn’t have to ask for anything. It was just handed to me. I had access to my father’s wealth from birth. And it opened so many doors for me along the way.
He thought I was like his father, that we all were, that we would use him and then cast him aside, only he did it before we could.
I feel sick, but manage to stay standing through the entire set, even when Sean walks back into the club, standing next to Rhys.
Afterward, Logan leads us backstage. When I see Quinn, I can barely hold it together. When we embrace in a congratulatory hug, I lose it, and two tears fall.
“Melody, what’s wrong?” Quinn pulls back, but she’s not looking at me. She’s looking behind me at Sean.
“What the fuck did you do to my friend, asshole?” That, of course, comes from Blair.
Quinn ignores everyone else and takes my hand, leading me into a small dressing room. She holds onto my shoulders and looks me directly in the eyes. “What happened?”
“Sean.” It’s a breathy confession, one I can I barely manage.
“What happened with Sean?”
“He told me about his father, about his mother abandoning him. And he told me . . .” I fight the many tears that want to fall. Quinn is so strong, it’s humiliating to break down in her presence. “He told me he was sorry.”
A small smile passes over her lips, maybe even a quick hint of pride. “Good.”
“Good? Quinn, his life was so terrible, from day one.”
She shrugs. “No. His circumstance may not have been great, but that didn’t make his life horrible. Sean has led a good life.”
I shake my head, feeling all the pain I felt coming off Sean when he talked about his past. “You all have been through hell, walked through fire and come out unburnt.”
“Oh, we got burned. Our scars run deep, but who the hell hasn’t been through something?”
“Me.”
“Bullshit.” She releases me and sits on the small sofa in the room. “Melody, you’re not the spoiled princess everyone thinks you are.” She shrugs easily. “I wouldn’t be friends with you if I thought you were.”
“My father’s money paid for everything.”
“Money or lack of money, neither make a person. That’s something we had to learn, because yeah, we grew up hating the privileged, envying what we thought was a much easier life than what we had.” I sit down on the sofa and face her as she continues. “But we all have scars. Humans tend to hurt each other. Wealthy, poor, gay, straight, different political views. We’re all assholes.”
I laugh. “I guess that’s true. But I had an advantage. And I was just as guilty that night with Sean.”
She shakes her head. “No, you were innocent. And the shit with his dad was fucked-up, but it didn’t give him the right to hurt others because he was hurting.” Her hand covers mine. “We all had to learn that lesson too.”
“I chose to believe him. I wanted the fantasy, the prince who came out of nowhere to sweep me off my feet, to make all my friends jealous, to feel whole.”
“And why were you feeling incomplete?”
I raise an eyebrow at her inquisition. “What?”
“Those scars. That hole inside of you, left by something missing from your life. Something you didn’t have the advantage of having.”
I never thought of it that way.
“I don’t want to forgive him.”
She shrugs. “Forgiving him doesn’t mean you think it was okay or that you two will be together. It doesn’t mean you trust him. It just means you’re growing, healing, and smarter than you were before.”
“Is that why you forgave Logan? To heal?”
“Yeah. I needed to forgive him to move on and find who I am. And when I did that, I realized I wanted him.”
“You are so strong.”
She pulls me to her side into a hug. “So are you. Trust yourself. Sean taught you a tough lesson when you were young, but don’t let it make you bitter. There’s nothing wrong with sweet.”
Adele and Quinn seem to be far more certain of my strength than I am, but maybe they see something I don’t.
“How the holy hell are you fucking that chick?” I ask Rhys when we’re back in our hotel room. Blair tore me a new one when Quinn and Melody went into the dressing room to talk. She didn’t even know what the hell happened, that much was certain the way she kept insisting I tell her what the fuck I did. There was no way in hell I was going to tell Blair anything about my fucked-up childhood. Holy shit, that chick is crazy.
Rhys rolls his eyes at me, taking his shirt off and climbing into one of the beds. “I’m not.”
“Oh yeah? You finally ended that shit?”
“Fuck off.”
That sounds about right. I have no idea what’s going on with Rhys and Blair, but hopefully it’s over.
There was an afterparty, but I opted out, choosing Rhys’s sobriety over everything. Quinn and Logan were going to do the same, but he told them to go and celebrate.
Quinn getting her first solo show in a big club is a huge accomplishment. I’m happy for her, but I’m ready to get out of here tomorrow.
I wonder if Adele would be up for a pity fuck.
I’m not in the mood for the usual game, especially after my talk with Melody. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to go back to my old crutch when I’m feeling shitty.
Sex has been a release for me since I was fourteen. Maybe it’s sad, but it’s true.
Although, maybe I need to force myself to stop looking at the labels on the outside and stop making false promises.
Maybe the time for vengeance is over.
None of those girls are my father. Even I can admit this shit is twisted, something Freud would have a fucking heyday with.
I look in the bathroom mirror as I brush my teeth. It’s not like I really have to say much to get laid.
It’s just been part of the game.
Making them believe me, promising I’ll be there the next day, making them want me, then disappearing and letting them feel the worthlessness I’ve always felt.
I try to go to sleep. Normally, I’m out before my head hits the pillow, but tonight is different. I can’t stop thinking about Melody.
And Rhys, that fucker, won’t stop tossing and turning.
Rhys does not sleep well. He never has.
I give up and climb out of the bed, sneaking out into the hallway, wearing my black joggers and nothing else.
And then, almost at the exact same moment, her door opens, and she walks out.
Her hair is still up in a bun, and the silky nightgown and matching robe she’s wearing are, of course, bright pink. She’s all sunshine and brightness.
Normally.
But her face tells a very different story.
“Melody.” It’s barely a word from my lips.
“Sean.”
I love hearing my name from her mouth. “No afterparty?”
She shrugs. “Nah, I had an Uber pick me up. Blair wasn’t too happy.”
“Is Blair ever happy?”
“Watch it.”
I fight the laugh. “You okay?”
She slides down to the floor, pulling her knees up and her nightgown over them. “I want to hate you.”
I sit down on the hopefully semi-clean carpet, leaning against the wall. “You should.”
“I don’t.”
&nb
sp; I don’t feel relief. “Melody, I’m the same guy who left you all alone in the park after having sex with you and promising you the world.”
A tear falls down her cheek, and I think I might die. Right here in a hotel hallway.
“I understand why you would hate rich people. The entitlement. God, thinking back about some of the things I’ve done, the way I’ve treated people. Sean, I’m embarrassed.”
“Stop.”
“No. I’m a spoiled brat, but I . . .”
Please look at me. “You what?”
She turns to me. Her beauty is untouchable. No makeup. I’ve never seen her without makeup. Yet somehow, she seems even more angelic and beautiful this way. “I wouldn’t have hurt you. I would have loved you.”
My chest aches, and I rub the spot over my heart. “I know.”
“So, then why did you leave me?”
“I didn’t want to.” God help me, that’s true. I think about that morning after and watching her sleep. “I really thought about staying, but I couldn’t. I knew you were good. I knew you weren’t a privileged brat who would only see my lack of money. But I still left.”
“Why?” Her voice is strangled, and it’s killing me.
“I was scared, Melody.”
“Of what?” Her hand covers mine, and my heart beats faster in my chest, so hard and fast I can hear it in my ears.
“You. The way you made me feel. The fact that nothing I said was just a line. That’s fucking scary.”
She drops her hand to her side, and I miss the contact instantly. “I fell for it.” Her eyes are pools of sadness and disappointment. “I wanted to believe it. That a stranger could see me in a crowd and feel compelled to talk to me. That you felt a connection to me.”
I did. “Melody, you deserved better.”
“Why the fake name?”
“I’m an asshole.”
That makes her laugh a little as she wipes a tear from her eye. “I’m serious. Why tell me your name was Lyric? Just to make me feel like a fool?”
“I was the fool. Maybe I wanted to be someone else. Lyric just popped into my head.”
“A match made in musical history.”
I know I shouldn’t. I lost the right long ago. But I use my finger to tip up her chin so her eyes meet mine as my face draws so near, I can feel her breath on my lips.
“I wanted to be near you, and that scared me. I told you things I didn’t even talk about with Rhys, Logan, or Quinn. They didn’t even know I liked photography back then.”
Her hand rests on my shoulder, and she doesn’t pull away.
Why doesn’t she pull away? Slap me? Scream at me?
Anything. I deserve them all.
“How could you just leave me there? What if something would have happened?”
“I watched you.”
She raises her right eyebrow as she looks at my face, an amused smile on her lips. “Like a stalker?”
I nod. “Yeah, I definitely felt like one, watching from behind a tree until I saw you climb into Blair’s car.”
She smiles sweetly now. “Well, at least you made sure I wasn’t murdered.”
“I’m sorry, Melody. I was a punk kid.”
“We’ve all made mistakes.”
Her lips are close to mine now, her eyes drifting closed. I know she wants me to kiss her. I want to kiss her.
Her lips brush over mine, and I nearly relent, wanting to let myself have this.
Could one night with her really hurt?
My eyes close as my lips touch hers, but then they snap open with a sickening reality.
“I can’t do this.” I’m an asshole who clearly has some serious issues, but I’m not going to hurt Melody like that again, no matter how badly I want her.
Her eyes open and look at me in horror. “What?”
Shit. Shit. Shit. She’s angry and rightfully so. “Melody, I can’t repeat the same mistake.”
“Mistake?”
She stands up, fury in her eyes as I join her. “Mel—”
“No.” Wow. She really is pissed. “Mistake? I was the fucking mistake?”
“No. You weren’t. What I did was.”
“Right! You leaving me the next morning is the only thing you should feel shitty about.”
“I do.”
“So then why can’t you kiss me? How is that a mistake? You haven’t changed one bit.”
“Exactly!” I point to my chest heatedly. “I haven’t changed, Melody. If we have sex tonight, do you really think I’ll be there in the morning?”
I stare into her eyes and realize she did. She thought I’d changed. Apparently, she hasn’t either.
“Melody, you have to stop trusting me. I’m not going to change. This is me.”
She shakes her head. “No, it’s not. It’s the fake you.”
Why does she still care? “You don’t know me. You know a fucking fantasy. That wasn’t real. I looked you in the eye and told I would be there the next morning, but I knew I wouldn’t be.”
“You’re a scared, little boy.”
“I’m a realist. You live in a fantasy world, and it’s going to get you hurt over and over again.”
“Not all men are like you, Sean. Some mean it when they say they will be there next day. Don’t act like I’m the crazy one for thinking that maybe you grew up.”
“Good luck finding that guy. Talk about growing up, Melody . . . You keep believing the same old shit and history will keep repeating itself.”
“Thank you, Sean.”
She uses the key card to unlock her door and opens it, and I’m baited because I have to ask, “For what?”
“For stopping me from making a huge, fucking mistake again.”
Don’t let her see that hurt. Don’t let it hurt.
“Anytime.”
She goes into the room, slamming the door behind her, and I slide back down to the floor.
She’ll thank me for that someday.
“Come on, breakfast with Logan and Quinn, and then we’re out of here.” Rhys barks orders as he loads the car. I can’t wait for this trip to be over.
Fuck Sean. He thinks he did me some sort of favor by apologizing, almost kissing me, and then stopping it?
He’s the hero?’
Okay, so maybe my leaning in for a kiss was a stupid move. I should know better by now, and I thought I did. But, as I’m starting to learn, he’s my weakness.
As long as I can stay away from him, I’ll be fine.
And I’ve been doing fine, dating real men who don’t spout cheesy lines and actually call the next day.
Of course, none of them have worked out yet, but I’m young. I have plenty of time to find the right one, and Sean is all wrong.
I was tempted by his luscious, full lips, sparkling green eyes and killer smile last night. But who wouldn’t be?
I’m only human. This was just a minor setback.
Sean walks out of the hotel, his luggage in tow, and a fucking smile on his face.
He’s smiling?
What kind of narcissistic asshole can be smiling the morning after a fight like that? He’s not at all broken up about this.
I take a deep breath and try to shake it off. He is not my problem.
I’m strong. I don’t need to know any more about Sean Bennett.
Blair climbs into the back seat, her black sunglasses covering her eyes, but she looks like death. “Party a little too hard?”
She just groans at me and lays her head back as Rhys opens the door.
“Be louder,” Blair snaps as I buckle up. Rhys slams the door as hard as he can, making a loud, banging sound, and Blair grits her teeth, ready to pounce. Although, I think she’s feeling too sick because she just mumbles, “Fucker.”
Sean slides into his seat and closes the door, and no one says another word on the way to the restaurant.
When we arrive, I walk with Blair into the loud, crowded restaurant. I’m pretty sure this is the worst place for a hangover.
; Blair doesn’t remove her sunglasses as we sit at the table where Quinn and Logan are already seated.
“Damn, Blair. How much did you drink last night?” Logan is the only one brave enough to talk to Blair at the moment.
“A lot.” That’s the only answer Blair offers, and I shake my head as I scan the menu.
“You were pretty wasted. I’m glad you got home safe.” Quinn smiles over at Blair, taking a drink of her orange juice and then nearly spitting it out as she gawks at Blair. “Is that a hickey?”
What? I look over at my friend’s exposed neck. There is, in fact, a blotchy hickey. Doesn’t really seem like Rhys’s style. If he leaves a mark, my bet is it’s emotional. “Blair?”
She shrugs, and I see Rhys’s right hand flex on the table as he tries to ignore us. “Yeah, the guy was kind of a slobbering dog, but it was hot at the time.”
I keep my voice low. “What guy?”
I vaguely remember Blair coming in last night, banging around the room and then collapsing on the bed, but she was definitely alone.
Her voice is not quiet, and it’s aimed at Rhys. “A guy I met at the club last night, really fucking cute.”
“Really fucking dumb,” Rhys adds with a growl.
“I wasn’t interested in his brain.”
“Clearly.”
I roll my eyes, tired of the Rhys and Blair drama. As glad as I am that I was able to be here for Quinn, I need this trip to be over and so does Blair.
These boys are toxic.
“You had sex with a total stranger last night?” Maybe I shouldn’t have asked that out loud because now Blair is defensive, and I feel her tense next to me.
“Just because it didn’t work out so well for you, doesn’t mean I can’t do it and be totally fucking fine.”
“Low blow, Blair.” Logan again has no problem calling Blair out. I guess it’s because they dated for so long. If that’s even what you can call what they did. I’m pretty sure Logan was just passing the time while he was waiting for Quinn, and I think Blair was mostly trying to piss off her dad.
Sean ignores her comment.
Of course, he does.
“You’re right, Blair. I doubt he had to give you some stupid line about fate to get into your panties. And if he did, I know you wouldn’t have believed it.”
I’m not trying to be mean to her. It’s the truth. If Blair wants to sleep with someone, she does. She doesn’t need pickup lines or promises. If she’s not interested, she tells them to fuck off right away.