by Nicole Dykes
His eyes lock on mine as his fingers grip my hair. Then his mouth attacks mine, and neither of us hold back. My hand wraps around the back of his neck, holding his mouth to mine, silently begging him not to stop.
This is all I want. This right now. Being with him, knowing without a doubt, it’s only one time and this will never work out between us. Knowing that tomorrow, I’ll be gone.
His right hand drops to the zipper on my jacket, slowly dragging it down before he tears it from my body. My hands grasp the hem of his shirt, lifting it off and discarding it on the floor. My fingertips drag over the ridges of his carved abs, more defined than they were six years ago.
“We can still stop.” His teeth nip at my lips as his hands cup my ass, pulling me against him, letting me feel just how badly his body wants mine.
My voice is sure and steady as I look into his eyes. “I don’t want to.” I find the button on his jeans, quickly popping it open and dragging the zipper down.
His hands move under the skirt of my dress finding the straps of my thong and sliding it down my thighs, killing me with anticipation. I kick the panties to the side and grab his shoulders, kissing him intensely, begging myself to take it slow, but needing him badly.
He grabs a condom from his wallet before I push his jeans and boxer briefs down, not caring about the large window only a few feet away. My eyes drift down to his impressive, hard cock, ready for me.
And God help me, I’m ready for him.
All of him.
His back is pressed against the wall as he leans into me, his lips slide along my throat. I lift my arms, and my dress slides up and off my body.
Be strong, Melody.
You are strong, Melody.
He effortlessly slips the condom on before unhooking my bra, and I let it fall to the ground below us. His head rests against my forehead, and it’s as if he’s in physical pain, our bodies as naked as our souls. My hands grip his face as I force him to look at me. “I’m okay. I’m strong, and I want this.”
“I’m not strong, Melody. And I know better.”
My hand smooths down his cheek, then his neck, and finally rests on the bare skin over his heart. “I know why you left that morning. I know you weren’t ready for me then.” His eyes lift to meet mine, the green shimmering in the darkness of the room as he searches my face. “We’re still not ready for each other.” My lips press to his. “Not quite yet.”
Our mouths are still touching as his quiet voice speaks. “What if I’m never ready? I may be irrevocably damaged.”
“Have faith, Sean. Because of you, I believe in fate.”
He spins us so my body is securely against the cool, brick wall of the studio, his hands caging me between him and the wall, his forehead once again resting against mine. The anticipation is killing me. His chest presses against mine, his hardness between us making me yearn for him. But the softness in his voice when he speaks tears me in two. “Honestly, you’re too good for me.”
It’s not self-deprecating or asking for pity. He absolutely, 100 percent believes that, and that breaks my heart. His lips find mine again, taking over, allowing us to become swept up in the moment.
His lips find my neck and move lower, over my breasts as he teases and sucks on my nipples, making me groan and crave him even more. I’m wet and aching for him, dying for the moment that finally, slowly happens next. His hard cock finds its home between my legs, driving forward as I wrap my arms around him, pressing my naked breasts against him as he fills me completely.
No matter how nice the guys I’ve been with were, or how well they seemingly treated me, there was always something missing. This undeniable chemistry I feel as Sean holds my hip with his strong hand and moves inside of me, slowing his pace and then quickening right as I need it, this is what I was missing. He kisses my lips and my body, worshiping me with his perfect mouth. I don’t have to direct him. I don’t have to guide him in any way. It’s as if he knows exactly what I crave.
I won’t wake up with him tomorrow. I’ll go back to college and resume my life.
But this was the most beautiful gift I could have given myself. Because for tonight, fate allowed us to be one.
She left. She’s really gone. I know she said she wouldn’t be here today, but a part of me didn’t believe it.
I still have no idea what made her come here. I wanted to push her away and forget her. When we dropped the girls off yesterday, I thought that was it.
I can’t stop thinking about last night.
But I need to.
I’ve never had sex like that. Open and honest, no lies or false promises between us, but so much fucking passion, I thought we’d combust.
Melody left early this morning, and I fell asleep on the entirely too small sofa in my studio. I guess I should go home and take a shower or something.
I open the studio door and bump into Rhys. What the fuck is it with people showing up right as I’m leaving?
“Rhys, what are you doing here?”
His right eyebrow lifts, showing his annoyance with my tone. His eyes drift over my disheveled clothes. “Did you sleep here?”
“Yeah, late night.” I shift the conversation to him. “What brings you by?”
“Meeting in the area. Thought I’d stop by and see if you were here.”
I’m really glad he went to a meeting. That shit with Blair was heavy. “Good. You want to go get something to eat?”
He nods, but he’s still eyeing me. “You okay?”
It’s annoying how well he knows me, and I’m one of the few he’ll check on. “Yeah, just dealing with my own vices.”
He nods, knowing what I’m talking about. “Oh yeah?”
“Yeah, might need to go cold turkey.”
He points to something on the ground, and I turn, seeing Melody’s lacy, pink thong. Great.
“Maybe starting tomorrow?” He seems amused.
“That was last night. Definitely starting today.” I shove him out of the way, walking out and closing the door behind me.
“You want to talk about it?”
“Since when do you want to talk about anything?”
He shrugs his massive shoulders as we walk down the stairs to the street. “I don’t. I’m hoping you’ll say no.”
I laugh. “I’m fine.”
It pains him to talk about anything real, and I know it. I also know he will if he has to.
I unlock my car, and we walk to our respective sides. I stare at him over the roof. “You think you and I will ever actually be capable of real shit?”
“Real shit?”
“Like relationships, marriage, kids. Any of that?”
He wants to run. I can tell, but he stays. “I don’t know. Do you want that stuff?”
“I didn’t think I did.” Melody has me questioning everything.
“We’re still not ready for each other. Not quite yet.”
What did she mean by that?
Is she waiting for me?
Rhys’s voice snaps me out of it. “What the hell does that mean?”
“Never mind.” I climb behind the wheel, and Rhys gets into the passenger seat.
He huffs out a frustrated breath, his fingers gripping his hair with his right hand. “No. What does that mean?”
I turn to look at him. “It means I’m not totally sure. I’ve spent my entire life seeking vengeance for what my father did, not going to the actual source, obviously. But I never thought I could have normal. It was always just a stupid fucking revenge game.”
He nods, knowing what I’m talking about. It’s something he’s known for a long time. How angry I am with my father for what he did to my mother. How angry I am at my mother for just fucking leaving because she couldn’t deal. How much I despise my own damn self.
“Melody.” His eyes meet mine, finally. “This is about Melody.”
I nod, not wanting to admit it out loud.
He releases his hair and takes a deep breath, letting out his irritation. “It
’s been about her for a long time.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You were hooked on her from the beginning. Maybe it’s time to be done with the anger. Let it go.” His large shoulders shrug. “Go get your girl.”
I stare at him, horrified. “Done with the anger? You of all people know it’s not that damn easy.”
“Maybe it doesn’t have to be this damn hard.”
My throat bobs with uncertainty and okay, maybe some fear. Melody was right, it’s fear. “What if I’m not good enough for her?”
He reaches out and squeezes my shoulder, which is a huge gesture for Rhys. He even tosses in a smirk. “Sean, you’re the best guy I know. When you care about someone, you care. You could’ve given up on me years ago, but you didn’t.”
“I don’t want to hurt her any more than I already have.”
He shrugs, releasing my shoulder and turning to look out the windshield. “Then don’t.”
I really don’t think it’s that easy.
A few weeks later and I can’t focus on shit. I swear, Melody is all I think about. How is that even possible?
Add up the time we’ve actually been in each other’s presence since we met and it’s not a whole hell of a lot. We barely know anything about each other, and yet, I feel like I’ve known her my entire life.
Still, I’m a chicken shit. I can’t seem to pick up the phone and call her.
I can’t go there and tell her I need her in my life.
Something holds me back. That fucking fear, fear of never actually being enough.
If I wasn’t good enough for my own father or mother, how the hell can I be good enough for anyone else?
I haven’t spent much time with Melody, but still, I know that she wants the fantasy. Love, marriage, kids, the white picket fence.
I didn’t grow up in a world like that.
The last time with her has my head spinning. She acted like it was only a one-time thing, but then she said that we weren’t ready for each other yet. That “yet” is what has my head so fucked.
As if she knows something I don’t.
After that train-wreck of a trip, the botched apology, my flip-out about Blair and her drinking around Rhys, how could she come to me? How could she sleep with me after all that?
Maybe she’s the crazy one.
There’s a knock on my studio door, and my heart fucking leaps in my chest. Is she back? Do I want her to be?
I open the door and try like hell to hide my disappointment when a tall, beautiful woman stands there, designer purse in hand, an expensive black skirt, a silk blouse unbuttoned to reveal serious cleavage, stiletto heels, and Prada sunglasses covering her eyes.
Oh thanks, Universe. Just when I think we’re done with the fucking tests. Here you go, Sean, more temptation, more opportunities to make so many fucking mistakes.
“Can I help you?”
She removes her sunglasses, a sneer on her enhanced lips. “Are you Sean Bennett?”
I nod curtly and fold my arms over my chest. I feel her arrogant repulsion mixed with desire as her eyes slide over my jaw line, then further down before meeting my eyes again.
“I work for Trendz Magazine.” Heard of it. It’s a popular high-fashion magazine with a large following.
“Isn’t that out of New York?”
She gives me a nod as her eyes move over the photographs in my studio. “Yes. As am I, and I miss it.” She looks out the window with disgust on her face. She’s beautiful by most standards, but her attitude makes her hideous.
“What are you doing here?”
She pulls a business card from her purse and hands it to me. “I’m here to hire you.” She what? “Not permanently, but for a shoot. I have this model who is highly sought-after, and I’m looking for a fresh take.” She looks around at the pictures again. “I’m looking for something different, and I think you can definitely give me that.”
I don’t think that was a compliment. “Why me?”
She walks into my studio without invitation, no fucks given as it always is with these spoiled bitches, acting like they own me. She stops in front of the picture of the mother on the bus. “You see something I don’t.” Her finger brushes over the photo, which makes me feel assaulted. Resisting the homicidal reaction this invokes, I keep my cool. “This won an award. I didn’t see the appeal, but when one of my bloggers shared it, it was wildly popular.”
I know it’s had some attention from the internet, but I don’t pay too much attention. “Okay.”
“So, like I said.” Her finger slides over the intentionally-revealed cleavage of her blouse. “I’m mildly impressed with you. I’ve been trying to reach you through email. But apparently, you don’t keep up.”
I could have her. She wants to act like she’s better, out of my league. But the way she’s nibbling her bottom lip and the finger graze at the top of her breast, her body language screams she’s no longer here just to talk business.
“I’m not selling out for a fucking fashion magazine. Or anyone.”
Okay, so I do pay my bills with family photos. But a magazine convincing people that spending their savings on designer labels will make them happy?
Hell. No.
That will never happen. Not even I will sink that low.
There’s one thing about coming from nothing. I can’t be bought.
Her right eyebrow lifts in annoyance and intrigue. “I’m not talking about a little bit of money. You’ll be handsomely compensated.”
“No. Thanks.”
Now she’s pissed, not used to rejection. I’m sure she walked in here thinking she was offering me the opportunity of a lifetime and I would grovel at her feet. She walks closer to me, trying to intimidate me, but it’s not working. “You’re going to throw away a huge opportunity because you’re afraid of ‘selling out’?” What are you afraid of, that you’ll lose street cred? That you’ll actually be successful instead of just playing photographer?”
She needs to leave. Normally, the urge to fuck with her would be foremost in my mind. To make her pay. She wants to own me. She wants to fuck me. It would be easy to make her feeling like nothing, like the trash she considers me.
But Melody’s sweet, angelic face flashes in my head. I take a deep breath, shocked at the sharp pain of missing her.
“Get out.”
“This is a huge mistake. This could make your career.”
“I have a job, and I have my art. I don’t need anything else.”
Except maybe a blond who’s beautiful on the inside and out, who doesn’t seem to give up, and who sees something I don’t.
She leans in, the same sneer doused in loathing. “Then you will always be nothing.”
She drops her card on the floor, places her sunglasses over her hateful eyes and exits.
I grab the card and tear it to pieces before throwing it in the trash, looking around my studio at the art I’ve created.
I’ve never felt more free.
“Go get him, sweet Mel.” I smile as I hold the phone to my ear. I was finally able to reach Adele after several months, and we’ve talked a few times since then.
She’s settled with her boyfriend, Harry. He was waiting for her and took her back instantly.
I accomplished my goal and finished college. I’ve moved back to Kansas City, and now, there’s only one thing left to do.
“I’ll do my best.”
“Keep me updated.”
I assure her I will and hang up as I climb the stairs to Sean’s studio, taking a deep breath and knocking on the metal door.
He answers, dressed in his usual casual look of jeans and a tee. His eyes are full of questions, ones I intend to answer.
“Can I come in?”
I watch him swallow, his beautiful face full of uncertainty. “Melody, why would you want to? I thought that it was just one time.”
“Spontaneous sex in your studio after a very long road trip where I rediscovered you?”
�
�Yes. That.”
I smile and wait for him to sigh and gesture for me to enter before I do. “Well, maybe one time only for that exact scenario. But you and me? I don’t think that’s over.”
He’s staring at me like I’m a crazy person, and maybe I am. But all these years, I’ve felt something was missing, a piece of the puzzle, maybe the mystery of why he lied, maybe him being gone from my life.
One thing I know for certain now, I don’t want to lose him.
“Melody . . .”
“I graduated.”
He smiles as he walks to his desk, picking up his camera and continuing the work I assume I interrupted. “Congrats.” He looks over at me. “What now?”
“I’m working for my father here in the city.”
“In finance? I thought you didn’t want to do that.”
I’m smile, remembering I told him that the night we met, happy he recalls that same conversation. “I didn’t want to become like my father being too busy for the things that really mattered. But it’s good money, and I can set realistic hours. For me, it’s just a job.”
“I get that.”
My eyes take in the photos around his studio. “I work only a few blocks away.”
His eyes momentarily close, and then he slowly puts down his camera. He walks to stand in front of me. “Why are you here?”
“Because I wanted to ask you out on a date.”
“A date?”
I laugh and brush my hand over his cheek. “Yes, an actual date. And I don’t care where we go or what we do during that date. I couldn’t care less how much money is spent or who pays. I just want to get to know you, the real you, the good man who I know lives inside you.”
His hand covers mine. “How can you be so certain of that?”
I wish he could see what I see. What I saw all those years ago. “I know you’ve been chasing the pain you’ve felt from what your father did. I know you want to feel whole, but the way to do that is not by revenge, by trying to make others hurt like you do. Maybe you need someone who sees you for you, Sean, and I see you. I see how protective you are of Rhys. I see your beautiful art.” I wave my hands around the room filled with his photos and stop on the picture of the bridge, my heart speeding up as I think about the one and only time I was there. “The bridge.”