the Trouble with Hate is...

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the Trouble with Hate is... Page 15

by Elizabeth Stevens


  “I’m beginning to think I don’t hate you quite as much as I profess, either, Cas,” I replied quietly.

  He laughed softly, as though he really was falling asleep, and held me tighter. Soon, his breathing was deep and even, and I felt myself falling asleep as well. Deciding there were worse situations to find yourself in after a rowdy party and I could deal with the fallout later, I let myself fall asleep in his arms.

  Chapter Eleven

  Casper

  I had no idea what time is was when I finally opened my eyes, but it was way too bloody bright for the way my head pounded and how hot the body beside me was. I groaned. But, my mood majorly improved when I realised who was in my arms and the night before came rushing back to me.

  I kissed her shoulder and she rolled against me onto her back, mumbling sleepily. I couldn’t help but look down as she woke up slowly, smiling so much I thought my cheeks would fall off. I had no idea why the picture of Leilani Granger in my arms like that would make me so happy, but there you have it; a guy who wakes up next to a girl who gave him the best night of his life is probably going to be pretty fucking happy, no other excuse needed.

  Lani’s eyes opened. At first, she smiled back at me, then she looked somewhat panicked and rolled over hurriedly. I put a hand on her waist before she could get up.

  “Angel, stay…” I said. God knew we needed to talk about things. Not in the least, who the hell had popped her cherry. But, there was something else I wanted first.

  She looked back at me and I could see in her eyes she was thinking exactly what I was thinking; once more wouldn’t hurt, surely?

  “Sun’s up, Drake,” she replied more flippantly than her face implied, “time’s up.”

  I chuckled, knowing there was no use in pushing her. Lani wasn’t someone you could convince of anything she didn’t want to be convinced of. I hadn’t been lying the night before when I said she was strong. And, that strength often showed itself in stubbornness.

  I lay back against the pillows, my hands behind my head, as I watched her get up and pull her clothes on. Her black bra and panties still excited me, not that my morning wood needed any more convincing. Her singlet clung to her curves seductively and the black hoodie was little more than skin tight, leaving a nice amount of skin between its bottom and the top of that tiny black and white checked skirt with that huge safety pin. Watching her get dressed was almost as much of a turn on as undressing her had been.

  I heard her sigh and pulled my eyes to hers. They sparkled more green than brown that morning, despite the amount we’d drunk the night before. Her dark brown hair rolled in messy waves around her shoulders and she shook it out in a way that made me want to pull her back onto the floor. Until I noticed the hicky on her neck and I smirked.

  “What?” she asked, her hands on her hips.

  “Seems I left a mark,” I replied, tapping my own neck slightly to indicate what I meant.

  She looked annoyed for a moment, but then smirked herself. “You’re not the only one,” she said, looking very pleased with herself.

  I could only imagine she was referring to the spot on my shoulder where she’d bitten me. It hadn’t been hard, but it had been fucking sexy. Not that I’d thought I’d be into that kind of thing. But, for her, I was sure I’d make any and all exceptions.

  I grinned back at her.

  “Right, well,” she cleared her throat, “Maria’s probably here by now. I’ll tell her to wait until you’re out of here.”

  “What, because I’m going to fuck the maid?” I asked incredulously, totally able to tell what she meant.

  “With you, I wouldn’t be surprised,” she answered shortly, then turned around and looked for her phone.

  “You think so highly of me, Lei,” I stated with a hint of sarcasm.

  “I know you, Casper” she replied flatly.

  I frowned at her. Not that it mattered, because she walked out of the pool house without looking back. And, I totally used the opportunity to check out the way her hips swayed as she moved.

  “We’ll call a draw on the competition then, shall we?” I yelled and she flipped me off. “What the fuck?” I muttered to myself, looking up at the ceiling.

  Although, to be fair, she probably wasn’t wrong. My past behaviour probably totally indicated that, faced with a potentially willing woman while in the nude, I would make a pass at her and hopefully get to fuck her. But, I wasn’t sure that would have been the case that day.

  Images of Lani plagued my aching brain and there wasn’t room for anything else as I realised I saw her in an entirely different light now. My cock twitched as I remembered the feel of her, the way she moaned my name, hell even the way she’d bitten me. She’d been like no other girl I’d ever been with. In my well-versed experience, girls her age did not fuck like that; she’d simultaneously been in control and let me do whatever the hell I wanted to her. She’d matched me thrust for thrust and moved with me in a way I didn’t know was possible.

  I’d spent all these years thinking Leilani Granger was a good girl, to be protected and kept safe from teenage arseholes who were just going to use her. Who knew, underneath that alternative exterior hid…? God, just all of that? Jesus, she was even stronger than I’d realised.

  I was having enough trouble working out how I was lucky enough to have scored with a girl like her, let alone why I’d never thought of it in the first place, never seriously considering it in all the years we’d known each other. I mean, it had just happened. I had no idea how. But, one minute, we were just bantering like usual, the next she was in my arms and I was kissing her. Or, she was kissing me. I had no idea who’d made the first move, but I hadn’t wanted it to end.

  But, it had finally ended. And, it had ended like some sort of cheesy romance story in front of a fire.

  “What the fuck, Drake?” I grumbled to myself, feeling absolutely disgusted with myself.

  I mean, I’d do practically anything to have her again, but I was not a cheesy romance story guy. I didn’t do a rug in front of the fire. Shit, I’d never even pleasured a girl when I was getting nothing out of it, and I’d done it for her twice! I’d never gone down on a girl before – and I’d thought it would be awful – but it was actually fucking sweet, fucking satisfying.

  Jesus, how was I going to get through life knowing she was like that – seeing her every day, dancing with her nearly every day – and not being able to do a fucking thing about it?

  Because, she was right and I respected her too much – despite her words to the contrary – to pretend she wasn’t; we couldn’t do it again. We couldn’t have some sort of casual understanding. She hated me more often than she liked me these days, and I knew that was my fault. It was entirely my fault.

  Still, as fucking incredible as she’d been, she wasn’t the only girl to get me off and I didn’t need to sit around thinking about her. There were plenty of other girls who’d be happy to fill the gap Lani was leaving behind. I didn’t need an earth-shattering fuck, I just needed a decent one; I had plenty of numbers I could call for that.

  Feeling some sense of equilibrium return, I pulled myself off the floor and got dressed. The whole time, I pretended I wasn’t thinking about her body or the way she’d rocked my world.

  As I pulled on my jacket and closed the pool house door behind me, I saw Maria coming out of the Granger’s back door. I smiled at her and she gave me a pleasant smile in return.

  “Afternoon, Mr Drake,” she said. “Looks like you all had a good night.”

  I started somewhat guiltily, but recovered hopefully before she noticed. “Yeah, it was one of our better ones I think. Hope we didn’t leave too much for you to do.”

  Maria gave me a grateful smile. “No worse than usual. Looked like a small one. Miss Granger said to wait until you were done. I can come back if you’re not?”

  “Thanks, Maria, I’m good. You do what you’ve gotta do. Lani paid you?”

  “Yes, tha
nk you. All sorted.”

  “Great. I’ll see you later, then,” I said with a small smile.

  She bobbed her head and hurried into the pool house while I strode into the Granger’s to grab my phone from Brett’s room.

  Brett was coming down the stairs, looking more worse for wear than usual. But, he flashed me a knowing grin as he dragged his hand through his hair.

  “So, that’s where you ended up,” he chuckled, his voice raspy. “Should I bother asking with whom? Or don’t you remember?”

  I gave him my best smile. “No idea, mate.”

  He chuckled again and thumped me on the arm as he passed me. “Nice,” was all he said as he went into the kitchen.

  “I’m just going to shower and change. All right, mate?” I said, watching him walk away and feeling like something was off; I couldn’t pin point it, but all alarms were blaring.

  “Yeah, yeah. I’ll get coffee on,” he said, waving a hand at me.

  I watched him for a few more seconds, then ran up the stairs – ignoring the thumping in my head. I skidded to a stop outside Lani’s door. I knew she was in there and I had no idea how she’d receive me after the night before. But, my heart was pounding for an entirely different reason; despite how fresh the memory of her body was, that wasn’t why my heart rate spiked or my hand shook as I knocked on her door.

  “What?” she called.

  “It’s me. Can I come in?”

  I heard her sigh and the door opened. She’d changed into what our mums considered decent clothes – a demure khaki skirt and brown woollen jumper (I liked the addition of the scarf) – but she looked no less amazing to me. I’d always appreciated her body, but last night had given me an even better appreciation of it.

  “What do you want?” she asked, possibly rightly annoyed since I was staring at her like an idiot.

  “Have…uh… Have you seen Brett yet today?” I asked, looking behind me as though he was going to hear. I kept telling myself I was making it up, that I was panicking for no reason. And, Lani would put me right.

  “No, why? Did he get in another fight? If he’s got visible bruises, Mum and Dad will kill me!” She went to push past me and I stopped her.

  “No, he looks… He hasn’t got any bruises. Just something seemed…off…” I petered off and waited for her to work out what I meant.

  Her demeanour softened as my words clicked. She put a hand on my arm and took a step towards me. She looked me in the eye – easier now she was in heels – and seemed to search for something.

  “This isn’t a ploy to get your sympathy, Angel. I’m not trying anything…” I said softly and she pulled me into a hug.

  “I know, Casper. I’m sorry. I couldn’t think you would.” She sighed as my arms went around her. She kissed my cheek before she pulled away slowly and brushed her fingers along my temple. “I’m sure he’s okay. I’ll keep an eye on him. You know what he’s like when he’s hungover, Cas.”

  I nodded, knowing she was right. Brett was practically a zombie when he was badly hungover and – based on how much he’d drunk before I nipped outside – I wouldn’t be surprised if this was one of his worst ones. The last few weeks, after last week especially, I was obviously just projecting my fears on his behaviour.

  “You’re right, you’re right,” I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. “Sorry–”

  “No,” she interrupted. “No, you don’t be sorry about caring for him,” she said vehemently and I felt my chest constrict. Lani put her hand up and touched my cheek. “I’m not letting you shrug away anything that makes you feel, Cas.”

  Her hand fell from my cheek and rested over my heart. I put mine over hers for a moment. Then she cleared her throat and pulled away.

  “Go get changed and I’ll see how he’s doing,” she said with a small smile, knowing it would make me feel better.

  I nodded. “Thanks, love.” I kissed her forehead and felt her tense.

  Mentally, I kicked myself. I hadn’t called her by any more endearing term than ‘Angel’ for – shit – probably nearly two years, and even that was a new recurrence. But, I wasn’t going to apologise for the way I felt about her. Lani had been a huge part of my life since the day she was born and I felt a hell of a lot for her; she was like a little sister to me – only obviously not like an actual sister – and just because we didn’t get along so well anymore didn’t mean I didn’t still think the world of her.

  “I’ll see you down stairs in a bit,” I said, turning away.

  Her hand stayed on my arm a moment too long and I thought she was going to stop me, but she didn’t and I kept walking to Brett’s room where I’d left my bag, rolling my shoulders and trying to get rid of some tension. But, whether I was tense about Brett or the new way I saw his little sister, I had no idea.

  e

  I hadn’t felt inclined to go home – even when it was just next door – but Lani had assured me Brett was fine and I’d had no reason to hang around when Emma suggested I come home to do some homework.

  I put my key in the back door and found Emma waiting for me, her arms crossed and her eyebrow raised. God, home for like two seconds and I was already being judged. Then…

  Fuck, she knows, I panicked.

  “How in the hell would she know?” I asked myself, pulling my key back out.

  I took a deep breath and walked inside to face whatever perceived issue my twin had.

  “What do you want?” I asked her.

  “What did you do?” she asked, suspicion evident in her voice.

  “What makes you think I did anything?” I pushed past her into the house.

  And, of course, she wouldn’t be deterred. “You’ve got that face on.”

  “What? My face? The face I was born with? That looks eerily akin to yours?”

  “Very clever, funny man. Tell me.”

  I sighed. “I just had a panic about Brett, ‘kay?” I said, hoping to shut her up.

  “While I sympathise, there’s more. Who was she?”

  “What? No one,” I said much too quickly.

  “You didn’t!” she yelled, part-impressed and part-horrified.

  “I didn’t what, Em?” I sighed, stomping up to my room, and she followed me.

  “Brett will kill you!”

  I was less annoyed at her knowing than I was incredulous at the fact that she somehow knew or guessed or whatever it was she did. Seriously, I would have sworn she was psychic.

  But, there was no point arguing with her. “Brett doesn’t need to know. It’s not going to happen again.”

  “It shouldn’t have happened the first time, Cas!” she yelled and I winced.

  “I wasn’t the only one involved, you know. Why don’t you go and yell at her?”

  Emma scoffed. “You can be sure I will.”

  “Fuck. No, Em! You can’t say anything.” I whirled on her and grabbed her shoulders.

  The face in front of me, which I knew better than my own, changed as she looked at me. “What have you gone and done?” she asked me softly, as if I’d done something horrible or maybe amazing, and she was seeing me for the first time.

  “I haven’t done anything. It just happened, okay? We were arguing like we do, then… Well, we weren’t. And… Then we weren’t again in the shower, and–”

  “I don’t need the play by play.” She paused. “Just how many times did you…not argue?”

  I looked at the ceiling. “Four.”

  “Jesus, were you at least careful?”

  I closed my eyes so I couldn’t look her in the eyes and said nothing.

  “Casper Jonathan Drake! What in the hell were you thinking?” she yelled and I winced again.

  “It’s fine–”

  “Don’t ‘it’s fine’ me. You screwed Angel and didn’t even bother being sensible?”

  “Em, it is fine. She said it was fine and knew she was as much to blame for that as me–” I was cut off as she slapped me across
the cheek. “What the actual fuck, Emma?”

  Emma’s eyes were dark and I knew I was in epic shit. She only shook like that when she was epically pissed off with me. And, I guess I knew that because she’d had reason to be epically pissed off with me one too many times over our lives. But, I was pretty sure she didn’t need to this time.

  “You hurt her and I will hurt you, Casper,” she said, her voice deadly. “I promise you, I will hurt you. Angel is worth more than every girl you’ve ever slept with combined! You had a duty to do better by her. You owed it to her!”

  I knew what Emma was referring to, and I didn’t disagree with her. “I know, okay!” I yelled, then repeated more quietly, “I know.”

  “Why, Cas? Even you have never screwed up quite this spectacularly…” It sounded harsh, but I knew she was being kind in her own weird way.

  I hung my head and sighed. “I don’t know. Like I said, it just happened. And, she was… Fuck, Em… She was…”

  Emma waited for me to finish, but when I didn’t, she asked, “She was what, Cas?”

  “I can’t describe it. She was just… God,” I breathed, having no idea how to finish that thought without delving into weird-arse territory.

  “Casper, you don’t… I mean, you don’t… You haven’t fallen in love with her, have you?” she asked, mirroring the question I refused to ask myself.

  Because, it was absurd; having sex with Leilani Granger did not make me to fall in love with her. I’d thought she was great before and I didn’t think she was any better or worse now. I guess I sort of loved her like you love close friends and family, but nothing more than that.

  I shrugged uncomfortably. “‘Course not,” I scoffed. “She’s still just Angel to me, nothing’s changed. And, nothing will.”

  Emma looked at me intently, green eyes looking into their mirror image. She cocked her head and I saw the cogs working in her mind. I knew exactly what she was thinking and I could see every time her train of thought changed direction.

  “Emma…” I said slowly, waiting for the outburst.

 

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