He span, throwing his arms wide as he looked up to the balcony. “Dude, I’m dating your sister!”
“About fucking time!” came a yell as there were a couple of excited woops.
“You what, Drake?” Brett called down, leaning over the rail.
“I’m dating your little sister, man! She loves me and I’m totally whipped!”
Silence had been spreading through the party until all that was left was music pounding. People looked down at us then looked at Brett, waiting for his reaction. It was slow in coming and my heart felt a lot like it was trying to kill me.
“You sure about this fucker, Angel?” Brett asked me.
I looked at Casper and couldn’t help but smile at the pure, contagious, happy smile on his face. I hadn’t seen him truly happy like that for years. I knew, no matter how we ended, I was sure about him.
Taking Casper’s hand, I looked up to my brother. “As sure of him as I am of you!” I said with a grin.
Brett’s face was stony. But, slowly, he smiled and gave a single nod before turning to the rest of the party in the pit. “All right, this is either a celebration or a wake depending on what side of the fence you sit; Casper Drake is officially off the market!”
There was a combination of boos and cheers as the raucousness kicked back in and drinks started flowing freely once more.
“Is he actually okay with this?” I asked Casper.
He gave my hand a squeeze and turned back to face me. “After he found out, we had words. Shit’s been tense, but I think he figured you breaking my heart was punishment enough–”
“I broke your heart?” I was surprised by this revelation and the calm with which it was delivered.
He shrugged, the cocky, easy smirk on his face. “Angel, I thought you’d never love me. Of course my heart was broken. But, like a pussy, I owned it. Actually, I seem to have earned some credit for that… Anyway, I doubt he’s as thrilled as our mums will be, but he’s going to get over it. Because, I love you, Angel. And, the only thing that’s going to stop us being together is if you don’t want me. Which is fine… I mean, not ideal, but I’ll respect that.”
“No…” I started. “I love you, too…”
Feelings swirled, both happy and sad. I felt like I was at the beginning of something wonderful and at the bittersweet end of something that was going to be so hard to say goodbye to. Because finally being happy was a bit like I had to let go of the piece of Jonny I’d been holding on to so tightly.
“You okay?” he asked softly.
I nodded. “I just… It’s bittersweet…”
He kissed my nose. “You don’t have to say goodbye to him, Lani. You don’t even have to forgive him. Just…love him. Love him for who he was. He was less flawed than me, and deserves your love far more than I do.”
I searched his face. I’d forgotten that unspoken understanding we’d always had. It had never faded, but we hadn’t used it well for years. “How do you know me so well?”
“I was made for you, Angel. I was made to love you and I’ll always understand.”
“What are we, Cas? What do we do now?” I wasn’t doubting him. But, I was laid bare in more ways than one and I just needed some reassurance.
“I can only tell you what I want for us, Lei…”
“What do you want?”
“I want to be yours, only yours. I want to call you mine. I want to go back to school and tell them all you’re my girlfriend. I want to tell our family that we’re together, that they may well have to prepare themselves for a Granger-Drake wedding after all and they’re just going to have to suck it. Or, not. I don’t really care what happens, as long as I get to love you for the rest of my life.”
“Do you think Jonny would have approved?” I thought he would have, but I wondered what Casper thought.
He cupped my cheek. “I think Jonny saw it coming.”
My eyes narrowed. “Why do you say that?”
Casper looked as contrite as I’d ever seen him. “We had some words in the week leading up to…that day…”
My throat constricted for a moment, but I swallowed past it.
“I think it took us longer to find each other than he thought it would. But, we got there in the end.”
I smiled. “We did.”
He grinned down at me, green eyes shining, his hair still hanging wet in his face. “And, as much as I enjoy talking about this–”
I scoffed. “Yeah, because we do feelings.”
Casper ran a thumb over my cheek. “I’m serious. There’s something singularly wonderful about telling you how I feel–”
“But?”
“But, I am starting to feel the cold and my jeans are chafing something shocking. So, I’m going to need you to hold any and all current thoughts while I go and change.” He looked thoroughly apologetic and it was adorable.
“Or, I could come with you…”
He got that mischievous smirk. The one that made my stomach flip and my heart soar. Because this was Casper Drake, this was my Casper Drake; the man who exasperated me, the man who drove me nuts, who fought with me, who danced with me, who was always there for me, who almost never failed to make me smile; the man-child I loved.
That man gave me a quick kiss and dragged me up to his room where we were singularly distracted for a good while before we went back to the party.
Once she saw us again, Bec had yelled at me for not telling her about Casper the whole time, and she’d switched from hating the very sight of him to thinking he was the bee’s knees so fast I thought I got whiplash. But, she also admitted she was maybe into the idea of a relationship and that she’d been scared of leaving me behind if she had looked for one. I’d loved her for it, but also chastised her for worrying about me.
All in all, the first night of my officially dating Casper Drake went well.
e
The next day, not so much.
I woke up, absolutely terrified. Until Casper, half-asleep, pulled me to him and snuggled against me. It was all at once such a him move and yet also something so foreign that every thought flew out of my head.
“Stop worrying,” he mumbled, “I can hear you worrying from here.”
“We’re going to have to tell our parents…” I hissed. “And, Em…”
“Brett will probably tell them.”
“He won’t. He’ll be waiting to see how you go about telling our dads.”
“Fuck,” he breathed slowly, then kissed my shoulder. “He will.” He huffed a breath and rolled onto his back.
I rolled over to face him and saw him pause as he ran his hand through his hair.
“You know, we could just not tell them? Pretend they already know?” he said, hopefully, still not sounding totally awake.
I laughed. “Sure, because that will work.”
“Okay, what’s your great idea?”
I shrugged. “We’ll just have to walk into dinner and tell them.”
“Should we tell Em first?”
I sighed. “I don’t know.”
Casper rolled me onto him and successfully distracted me from our immediate problems with his laugh, his touch and his conversation.
In the end, we chickened out and didn’t tell Emma before dinner.
I dressed in my most mother-approved outfit, did my hair the way they liked and even put on some classical makeup. I was fidgeting with my curls, trying to put them in the exact right places, when Casper strolled in through the balcony door wearing his nicest pair of jeans with a button up shirt and open waistcoat that was purely decoration.
“I see we both had the same idea,” I laughed as we locked eyes through the mirror.
He gave me a rueful smile. “Stop stressing,” he said as he wrapped his arms around my waist.
“Ugh, can you two keep it in your pants for five seconds?” Brett made a gagging sound as I turned to look at him to find him wearing a small but warm smile. “Just because
you’re dating now.”
“Dude, I don’t dictate the nature of your relationships…” Casper chuckled.
“Yeah, yeah. You guys coming down for dinner or what?”
“Yep, give us a second.”
“Ah…” he said knowingly. “Yeah, Angel’s going to need to give you back your nads to face the dads, mate,” Brett laughed. “I’ll see you down there.”
“Because that’s helped…” I muttered as he walked away and my heart started beating faster.
“It’ll be fine. We’ll do it together. Same way we’ll do everything. Same way we should have been doing things from the start.”
“Dance in the rain, dance in the rain,” I reminded myself; I had a feeling it was going to be my new life mantra.
Casper chuckled, spun me dramatically, dipped me and kissed me. “Shall we do this?” he asked, eyes shining brightly.
I nodded absent-mindedly and let him pull me to standing. He took my hand and led me downstairs. Just before we walked into the dining room, he kissed the back of my hand then dropped it gently. We shared a nod and a deep breath, and walked in to face the music.
Brett was just sitting down to join the others; the parents were talking avidly while Emma buttered a roll. Brett looked up at us with a seriously wicked grin and I knew he didn’t envy us. Betty caught us standing awkwardly in the doorway and cocked her head, which made Dad look around, followed by Mum and finally Paddy.
“You kids okay?” Paddy asked and Brett failed to hide a snigger.
Emma looked up and passed an odd look between Casper and me.
Casper cleared his throat and I suddenly panicked that I was supposed to be the one talking. I opened my mouth to say…something, but he beat me to it.
“Lani and I are dating,” he said so quickly I barely understood him, – and I knew what he was trying to say.
“Sorry,” Betty chuckled, “run that by us again.”
Casper took a deep breath and my hand found his to give it a comforting squeeze.
“Lani and I are dating,” he said more slowly, though the way his hand tightened on mine, it obviously cost him some effort.
To say there were mixed reactions was probably an understatement.
“About bloody time,” Emma muttered, dropping her gaze back to her roll, but not before I saw the pleased smile on her face.
Brett snorted and was obviously waiting for the fallout. He wasn’t hiding the fact he didn’t love the idea of us being together. But, he was at least allowing us to make our own mistake, rather than going all apeshit on Casper again.
Our mums squealed in excitement and looked at each other like they were already telepathically planning our wedding.
Our dads looked thoroughly pleased as the mums squealed, then they both seemed to drop into a frown at the same time. It would have been comical had it not been so terrifying.
“Cas…” Paddy started as he stood up slowly, my dad only a second behind him.
“Uh…yeah?” Casper gulped.
“Can we see you in the living room, please?” Dad said as they both walked around the table on either side.
“Sure,” Casper squeaked, terribly manly.
Paddy grabbed Casper’s arm and dragged him out of the room. He gave me a panicked look as his hand was pulled from mine and I want to say I was the supportive girlfriend, but I wasn’t. I just failed at hiding a grin and waved to him. He frowned, totally hilariously unimpressed, before his face disappeared.
“Darling, sit down and tell us all about it,” Betty said as she poured another glass of wine then passed me the bottle via Emma, who surprisingly poured a glass of her own.
“Told you,” Emma said to Brett as she held the bottle out to me.
“I saw it happen,” Brett said, like he’d been betting on us this whole time and Emma had missed out.
I looked between them with a shake of the head as I looked at out mums. “It’s early days yet,” I answered as I poured my wine.
“What were you thinking?” one of the dads yelled from the living room.
Brett, Emma and I shared a humoured look while the mums looked like all their dreams had come true.
“When did he ask you?” Mum asked.
“Who said he asked?” I replied.
Mum and Betty shared a knowing look, before Betty replied, “Hon, that boy has been mooning around after you for years and you never noticed. In fact–”
“I’m in love with her!” we heard Casper yell from the other room.
“–I don’t think he noticed either,” Betty continued as though he hadn’t interrupted but for the wide smile that crossed her face.
“You weren’t going to be the one to ask, dear,” Mum added to me.
“It was just a matter of how long it took him,” Betty finished.
“Huh…” I huffed, then picked up my wineglass.
“So, did he tell you he loves you, or is this the first time you’re hearing about it?” Emma asked dryly as there was less than surreptitious yelling from the men in the other room.
“He told me.”
Our mums sighed wistfully.
“How did he tell you?” Betty asked, clasping Mum’s hand across the table.
“Fighting, as usual.”
They sighed again like that was thoroughly romantic, while Brett made a gagging noise. Emma, though, squeezed my knee under the table and threw me a warm, supportive smile.
“Jonny was all for it!” Casper yelled, sounding about close to the end of his temper, and we all froze.
Mum, Betty, Emma and I slid our eyes to Brett, who was looking out the door towards the yelling. It was deadly silent in the dining room.
“I’m not apologising again,” Casper’s voice came through clear enough, but he was obviously trying not to yell. “We finally found each other! Despite Brett taking up our entire lives, we still found each other. I want to be there for him, but I can’t do it alone anymore and I won’t let her do it alone either. None of us talk about it, but I promised her I’d dance through the rain with her! Say what you want, but she’s everything to me.”
“Cas, we just want to be sure,” my dad said. “Son, I love you like my own, but God knows you two boys aren’t built for loving a woman. Maybe one day, but now? Casper, loving someone means you put them above yourself, you stop dicking around, you grow up, and you put her first. Are you actually trying to tell me you can do that? What? You think you’re going to marry her?” Dad gave a mirthless laugh.
“Yes.”
“I beg your pardon?”
“I think I want to marry her one day, John. I want to have kids with her. I want to protect her from anything else life tries to throw at her and spend a fucking lifetime making up for failing her when she really needed me. Ever since Jonny killed himself, we’ve all leant on her. Who the fuck has she had? It should have been me, but I was too busy worrying about Brett with everyone else, and left her alone in the storm. No fucking more, John.” Casper paused and I wasn’t sure if my heart was stopping or starting after that admission. “I’m in love with your daughter and nothing you say is going to change that.”
“You so much as don’t hold the door open for her…” Paddy started.
They spoke too quietly after that for us to hear, but I knew the four of us girls were avoiding looking at Brett. I hadn’t spoken to anyone except Casper in any detail about the seriousness of Brett’s issues. And, now, it was all out there and there was no avoiding it.
Brett cleared his throat and stood up slowly, leaning both hands on the table. Even more slowly, he stood straight and turned to face me. I finally looked up at him and what I saw almost broke my heart; he wasn’t crying – he wouldn’t – but he looked so downtrodden.
He held a hand out to me.
Confused, I took it and he pulled me into the biggest hug he’d ever given me.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered.
My eyes felt hot, a lump form
ed in my throat, and I held him tightly. “Don’t say that,” I whispered back, shutting my eyes tightly against the tears.
“No, Angel, I–”
I shook my head against his shoulder. “Just know we’re all here for you, Brett. I love you so much and I’m always here for you. Anything, it doesn’t matter. Just know you’re not alone.”
I felt him nod and he took a deep breath. “I love you too, Angel.”
We were still holding each other tightly when Casper and our dads walked back in.
“Are you guys–” Dad stopped and I turned to look at our mums who were shaking their heads, both holding back tears, but smiling.
I pulled away from Brett and looked him in the eyes. A thousand things passed between us, a new level of understanding and connection between us that I’d been trying to find for years. I didn’t know if just coming out and saying it earlier would have worked, but what we’d been doing hadn’t really been working. And, trying to do it alone hadn’t been working either.
Brett nodded, wiped a rogue tear from my cheek and turned to Casper.
“No chick-flick bullshit, mate,” Brett gave a shaky laugh.
Casper shook his head. “Nah, ‘course not,” he answered, his voice rough like he was about to cry, too.
I assumed that was boy-talk for the same moment Brett and I had just shared.
Brett patted my arm softly, nodded to our dads and sat back down.
Casper ran his hand over my hair and kissed my temple before guiding me to sit down as well, striking up a conversation with Brett about soccer and dance and exams, like nothing had happened. Emma and I exchanged a relieved smile and I held her hand for a moment.
I saw our parents share a look between each other and there was a new vibe of hope around the table. It wasn’t going to happen overnight. But maybe, just maybe, our extended family would really, truly heal now.
Looking around the table, I felt a lightness I hadn’t in a long time.
There was more laughter from all sides than there had been in a long time. A pleasant memory of Jonny came up, and no one shied away from it; we all embraced it in a way none of us had been able to do in years.
the Trouble with Hate is... Page 27