“I’m sorry—what?” Sienna said in surprise.
I just shrugged at her.
“He said that he’s in love with me. He told me so twice yesterday. And when he said those words to me? I knew from the expression on his face that he’d just bared his soul to me, that he’d just opened his heart—and that he was telling me the truth.”
“Jesus,” she said. “Julia, my God. Are you in love with him?”
“I am,” I said solemnly.
“You are?”
“Trust me, I’m just as surprised as you are. I mean, we’ve only known each other for a month, so I fully understand how crazy that sounds, especially coming from me. But it’s true. Whenever I see Hunter, he takes my breath away. Whenever he smiles at me, touches me, or kisses me? I know this sounds ridiculous, but I feel kind of faint because he’s come to mean that much to me. He’s a good man. He has a big heart. He’s sexy as hell. He’s kind, romantic, and funny—and he’s fallen in love with me, just as I’ve fallen in love with him.”
“After your experience with Michael, falling in love with Hunter couldn’t have been easy for you.”
“And yet it happened,” I said. “In record time, I’ve fallen in love with Hunter Steele. But with Fox potentially getting in the way of things, where does that leave us now? I mean, if we take our feelings seriously, he and I both have some major decisions to make when it comes to us and also to our careers. Right now, I feel that each of us is standing on a precipice. There’s this movie of his, and there’s this job of mine. And because each of us has worked so hard to achieve our dreams? I don’t see either of us sacrificing our careers over a relationship that might not even work out in the end. And that’s the very reason we cannot sleep with one another. Because if we do? It’ll just make an already complicated situation even worse.”
“You haven’t slept with him yet?”
“Don’t you think I would have told you if I had?”
“We haven’t talked in days—anything could have happened in the meantime.”
“Let’s just say that hasn’t happened.”
“And why not? I mean, you’re in love with each other.”
“Sienna, he only revealed that to me yesterday. And when he did? I barely admitted that I was in love with him.”
“Since when do you have to be in love with someone to get it on?” she asked. “I mean, did you just arrive from the fifties? Julia, at this point in your relationship, how can it be that you two haven’t slept together yet?”
“I haven’t made love to him because I knew that if I did, I might lose my focus, and my job could suffer because of it, which I can’t allow. I need to be on point when it comes to CAA. I’ve been given a chance to make it with them, and I’m going to do everything in my power to prove to them that I deserve to become an associate agent.”
“Even though you’re in love with Hunter . . . ?” she said.
“Listen to me when I say this, because I mean it. When it comes to life? A career has a far better chance of lasting than love does. You of all people know that.”
“You know what?” she said. “I think there’s another reason you two haven’t made love . . .”
“What reason?”
“Sweetie, come on,” she said to me in a soft voice. “Most of this comes down to Michael, doesn’t it? You’re still scarred by him . . .”
“Why wouldn’t I be? You know what happened. Four years ago, I found out that he had a Tinder account, and that while he was in Spain on business, he was screwing someone named Maria Sanchez. When I confronted him about it, he told me the truth, said that he’d fallen in love with her, and that the only reason he’d come home that year was so he could end things ‘properly’ between us. And just to remind you? That sonofabitch pulled that shit on Christmas Day of all days. Every other ugly thing that happened between us since then should be history, but it isn’t, Sienna. Not even close.”
“You and Michael ended your relationship four years ago, Julia, but it’s clear that your story with him still affects you in ways that makes you terrified to commit to another man again.”
“I get that,” I said. “But it’s not like I haven’t dated other men since Michael, Sienna, because you know I have. Did any of them catch my eye? No. But Hunter has because Hunter isn’t like any other man I’ve ever dated, including Michael. There’s something about him that makes me trust in him and believe in him. The more time I spend with him, the more I realize that Hunter is worth my heart. He’s worth putting it on the line again. What makes me sick about this entire situation is that I’ve finally found a decent man just as he’s about to move on with his life.”
“You don’t know that for sure . . .”
“I don’t, but it could be the case.”
“Fair enough. But Hollywood aside, if Hunter decides to stay here for the third season of the Teens, will you let down your guard and allow him into your life then, or will you be too frightened to do so because you don’t want to get hurt again? Because if you do that when it comes to this man? I think from everything you’ve told me about Hunter, you’ll be making a terrible mistake. You know that as well as I do.”
Before I could respond, she leaned forward and placed the palm of her hand on my knee, which was trembling due to all of the raw emotions that were assaulting me.
“I need you to listen to me now, because what I have to say is important,” she said.
I just looked at her, pretty much knowing what was coming next.
“Michael cannot and must not define the rest of your life. The worst thing anyone can do to their life is to live it in the rearview. I know that you loved Michael with all your heart, but just look at what he did to you. He devastated you. What you need to ask yourself, four years out, is whether that bastard should be allowed to continue to influence you. It’s taken years for you to fall in love again, but you have, and that’s something that should be celebrated, because that’s life talking to you right now. That’s life saying that Hunter has come into your world for a reason that cannot be ignored.”
“And what reason is that?” I asked her, as my heart swelled with emotion and my eyes brightened with tears.
“Isn’t it obvious? Julia, Hunter has proved that you’re capable of loving again. He’s proved that Michael didn’t win and that he didn’t break you.”
“After what Michael did to me, I never thought that I’d ever be here again, Sienna. Not ever.”
“But you are. And what are you going to do with that knowledge now?”
“I mean, all of that depends on him and his decisions, right?”
“In part, yes. So, let me circle back to something I said earlier.”
“OK . . .”
“What if Hunter doesn’t like the script and tells you that he’s going to stay here in the city to direct the third season of the Teens? Because if that’s the case, that would mean that he’d be living in the city for another year. And within that year? You’d be able to focus on him and on your own work. That year would give you the time you need to nail down this job of yours at CAA. And once you’ve accomplished that? Julia, you’ll have choices. You’ll be free to live here in New York. Or if Hunter is offered another film to direct in LA? CAA can and will place you in their offices there.”
“We don’t know that,” I said to her.
“Yes, we do, because we both know that Harper has your back, we both know how powerful she is at CAA, and we both know that she can and will make that happen for you because she loves you and only wants the best for you. Do you disagree with that?”
“No,” I said.
“Good. So, before you make what might be one of the biggest mistakes of your life, I need to know if I should know anything more when it comes to you and Hunter?”
“I think we’ve discussed all of it.”
“Good. So, where do you stand with him now?”
I took a deep breath when she asked me that. I thought long and hard about the man I’d come to
love and what my life would be like without him in it, then I finished my martini in one fell swoop before I answered her.
“Either later today or tomorrow, I’ll know whether he’s accepted Fox’s offer,” I said to her. “If he doesn’t like the script and decides to stay in Manhattan to direct the third season of the Teens? Then I’m all-in when it comes to him. Because after this conversation? I’m tired of throwing up walls when it comes to him and me. If he decides that he doesn’t want to move to LA, and that he’ll commit to remaining here for another year? I’m prepared to drop my guard and be with him. But here’s what I’ll also do. If that script Fox sends him turns out to be gold? He’ll never know how I feel about him, Sienna. I’ll sacrifice whatever we have together to make certain he’s free to realize the dreams he’s fought so hard for. I think too much of him to be the woman who holds him back.”
“Because that’s what love is,” Sienna said softly. “Absolute selflessness.”
“Exactly,” I said to her.
“After listening to you, I think you have a good plan for how to handle this situation.”
“I appreciate that,” I said to her. “Because if he tells me that he wants to direct that movie, I’m going to tell him to do it. Letting him go will cut me to my core, but I’ll still do it. And if he does decide to leave here for there? Just so you know, I’ll be calling you straightaway to take me out for drinks, because your best friend is going to need to get wasted, lovey. And I mean that.”
“Austin will drive us to whatever bar you want to go to,” Sienna said with worry in her voice.
With a surprising thickness in my voice, all I could say was how grateful I was to her before I leaned forward and hugged her.
“Thank you, Sienna.”
“You’ll get through this, Julia.”
“That’s the thing,” I said in her ear. “If he does leave? And because I have fallen in love with him? I’m not so sure about that, Sienna. Because of what Michael did to me, never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d find love again. And yet here I am—in love with a man who either will remain in my life, or leave it forever.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
AFTER A NIGHT IN WHICH I basically didn’t sleep because I still hadn’t heard from Hunter, he called me the next morning. And when he did? He asked if I’d come to his apartment and give him my opinion on a script he’d already read—and thus already had his own opinions on.
He might not have known it, but that was a big ask, particularly since I hadn’t told him how I felt about him. But what could I do? I had to be there for him—even if I feared that if I did like the script and told him so, he’d end up moving to LA so he could direct it.
And that would be the end of us, before we ever truly got started.
Naturally, I told him that of course I’d come over and read it. Because that’s what you do when you love someone. You put that person first.
“You’re the best, Julia,” he’d said. “I’ll see you soon.”
Two hours later, I was looking my best in the back seat of a taxi that was hurtling across town to Hunter’s apartment. Nervous about how the day might end and in need of a distraction, I looked out the side window as the city sped by in a flashing series of vignettes. I saw people hustling past each other on the sidewalks, an elderly couple walking together hand in hand, a man in a wheelchair trying his best to navigate the sidewalk mayhem, and a girl on a green skateboard slipping and soaring through all of it with seamless ease.
All stories that would go untold.
As we neared Hunter’s apartment, my gut tightened in knots. My heart started to pound in my throat. And my hands began to tremble in my lap. I was a wreck because I was well aware of the risks going into this.
If it’s good and he takes it, he and I will forever remain an unsolved mystery . . .
WHEN I ARRIVED AT HUNTER’S apartment, I found myself in front of a luxurious brownstone at Fifth and Sixty-Seventh Street. I knew that Hunter came from a family of means, so I had to wonder whether his parents had helped him buy this joint, or if the Teens was so successful that he could already afford it on his own? Given the show’s success, that certainly was possible, but my God. This building had to be worth well into the millions. How rich was he?
A hell of a lot richer than you . . .
To say the least . . .
When I paid the driver and stepped out of the cab, I stood in front of the building for a moment and just soaked it in. Frankly, since Hunter had never behaved in a way that suggested he had even a trace of money, I was kind of stunned by his house, because it was magnificent. I had no idea he lived like this.
I am so far out of his league, it isn’t even funny . . .
Let’s just do this shit, girl.
What choice do I have?
As in, none . . .
When I walked up the front steps and rang the buzzer, it was only a moment before Hunter opened the door. And when I saw him standing tall and striking before me in his typical white T-shirt and ridiculously tight jeans, which revealed way more than they should? And given that he’d twice told me that he was in love with me? And knowing in my heart that I felt the same about him? My head started to spin with worry about how this day would go down.
This is hell. It’s certifiable. And it’s awful.
“Hey,” Hunter said.
“Hey, yourself,” I said to him.
“Julia, you look beautiful.”
“And you look handsome yourself, Mr. Steele.”
“Julia, I’m wearing a T-shirt and a pair of jeans. That hardly defines ‘handsome.’”
“Hunter, can I tell you something?”
“You can tell me anything.”
“You’re not a woman. And you’re especially not a woman who’s looking at you right now. You know, with you in those tight jeans of yours, which you never . . . how to put this delicately? Fail to fill to capacity? You look hot, just like you always do.”
“You’re killing me,” he said.
“A bit of humor can get us all through the most difficult of days,” I said.
And just like humor does, it also can turn dark on a dime . . .
“Do you think today might be difficult?” he asked.
“I don’t know yet, Hunter. What do you think?”
He paused before he said, “I don’t know yet either.”
“So, there you have it,” I said quietly to him.
He’s already made his decision . . .
“Look at us, each having a difficult day.”
“What I do know is this, Julia,” he said. “I haven’t seen you in a day, and I’ve missed the hell out of you.”
“How much have you missed me again . . . ?”
“This much.”
At that moment, he swept me into his arms—he literally lifted me off the landing and into his house as he kicked the door shut behind us—and then he laid one mother of a kiss on me that shook me to my core.
“I love you,” he said in my ear.
“Hunter . . .”
“I know, I know . . . you’re not willing to go there for reasons I’ve come to understand. For you, it all comes down to the script before you tell me exactly how you feel about us. So? Why don’t we just go upstairs where you can read the script in the living room. While you read, I’ll do some work in my office. When you’ve finished the script and thought about whether or not I should direct it, let me know you’re ready. Together, we’ll discuss it. We’ll talk about its highs and lows. And then?” He just shrugged at me, but this time with so much concern in his eyes, I had to wonder whether the script was, in fact, good. “We’ll make a decision.”
“Hunter, this decision isn’t about me or us,” I said. “It’s about you. In fact, whether you direct it is all on you. That said, after reading it, I promise that I will give you my honest opinion of it, but that’s where it ends as far as my involvement. Why? It’s because we both know that you already know whether you want to direct it or not.�
��
“Actually, that isn’t true,” he said. “Because I do have some issues with it . . .”
“You do?”
“I do.”
I could tell by the way he looked at me that he was being serious, so what the hell?
“Then, let me read it,” I said. “Take me to the living room. Disappear into your office. And when I’m finished, I’ll give you my gut opinion of it. That’s the best I can do for you now, and that’s exactly what I plan to deliver.”
“So, no ‘us’ will be involved in your opinion?”
“It won’t,” I said.
“Not even a trace?”
“Hunter, I think too much of you to keep you from realizing your dreams. So, how about a glass of white wine? Because this girl needs one before she reads that script.”
IT TOOK ME AN HOUR to read the script, and when I was finished, I sat still for several moments before I took a deep breath and put the manuscript down on the side table next to me.
As my heart filled with mettle, I knew what I had to do. I got up from my chair, collected myself, reached for the manuscript again, then I went over to the stairwell with only the best and most selfless of intentions in my heart.
“Hunter?” I called out to him. “Are you still in your office?”
“I am,” I heard him say above me. “Give me a second, and I’ll be right down.”
When he hurried downstairs, he glanced at the manuscript in my hand and then looked squarely at me.
“You’ve read it?” he asked.
“Well, I wasn’t down here knitting . . .”
That made him laugh, which should have settled my nerves, but it didn’t. Because I knew what I had to say to him.
Making It, #2 Page 29