by Lizzy Ford
A moment passed before he appeared. He was like a massive shadow among the sunny forest, dressed all in black and armed as if for battle, even when coming to see her. His dark eyes went from her to Cora, and he lifted his chin in silent command to dismiss the death dealer.
Deidre had never seen him like this, as a quietly commanding figure, capable of lethal force one moment and gentle kisses the next. With his chiseled features and muscular frame, he was without a doubt the sexiest man she’d ever seen. How had she never noticed his subtle power before?
He was waiting.
“I, uh …” She felt herself caught in his gaze. “I don’t know. I guess I just wanted to see you.”
“Alright.”
She sighed. There was an edge to him, subtle but present. One that told her Andre was right about him not trusting her. Why did she want to cry again? What emotions were distressing her this time?
“You okay?” he asked.
“Yes,” she murmured. “I shouldn’t have disturbed you.”
“You’re not,” he said. “You like the forest?”
“I love it,” she said honestly, smiling as she gazed around. “The colors, the smells. It’s incredible.” Her gaze lingered on a small bunch of colorful flowers hugging the base of a tree. “It’s good not to be dead.”
“If you say so.” He was studying her.
“Do you like the forest?” she asked, suddenly nervous under his scrutiny.
“If you do, I do.”
Her face felt warm. She met his gaze. He offered his hand. Deidre stepped forward to take it, and they began walking down the path. She was lost for a moment in the sensations of his warm hand clasping hers. The trail was narrow enough that she found herself running into his frame or leaning against him. His scent and heat, the warmth of his magic, the heady sensations of being so close to him …
She concentrated on placing her feet and not on his body.
“Andre said your tumor is gone,” Gabriel said.
“Yes,” she answered.
He lifted his arm to guide her ahead of him as the path narrowed. His other hand went to her back. Deidre’s insides were shaking already from the touches. When he pulled her to a stop, she held her breath. His thick body was at her back, and he shifted close enough to remain in contact while his large hands settled on her arms.
“Do you see them?” he asked.
She blinked, pulling her attention from the heat racing through her body. In a clearing that started a few feet away was a small herd of elk. A majestic buck, several dark does, a couple of spindly-legged fawns. Deidre watched, intrigued by how graceful and silent the large creatures were as they moved through the clearing.
“They’re beautiful,” she said. “They’re like you. They’re pretty light on their feet for being so big.”
“Thanks,” he said with a snort.
The quiet between them felt awkward. She leaned back, resting her head on his chest. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders. Tucked against him, she was comfortable but unable to relax, too aware of the effect his size and strength had on her. She waited for him to say something about all that Andre had pried out of her. Would he be holding her like he was, if he knew?
No. It wasn’t possible. He was too good. Andre was serious about leaving her to tell him. The feeling she didn’t like – guilt – crept into her. She didn’t want to keep secrets from Gabriel. If she did, she was making it harder for him to trust her. She didn’t want to think about the human she’d left in the hands of the demon lord.
Revealing her secrets, though, would drive Gabriel away forever.
“What are you thinking about?” he asked.
She almost gasped, wondering if he was reading her mind. She reminded herself if he did, he wouldn’t be holding her. He’d be condemning her to Hell the same way she did the human he loved.
“I’m thinking …I waited my whole life for this moment,” she replied.
“Are you happy?”
“No,” she whispered. “It’s not like I wanted it to be. I thought it’d be easier.”
“Being human isn’t easy.”
“I’m seeing that. How do I … earn your trust, Gabriel? So you want to be with me?”
He shifted behind her and was quiet for a long moment. She held her breath, wondering if he meant to respond or not. She hated not being able to read his mind and see his thoughts, the way she had for the thousands of years they served the underworld together. Was he angry at her? Judging her? Did he think she was weak, the way she thought he was weak when their roles were reversed?
“Let’s get something straight. I already want to be with you,” he started. “When we were on the beach last, you challenged me to win you over. I think we both have that issue now.”
“You don’t have to win me,” she returned.
“You don’t trust me, either. Pretty sure you’re hiding something important. If you trusted me, that wouldn’t be the case.”
“I did not think of it that way,” she said, abruptly dismayed. “What if what I am not telling you drove you away?”
“That won’t happen.”
“Hmmmm.”
“There’s the problem.” He chuckled. “I don’t know shit about a functional relationship, but being with you all those years taught me what a dysfunctional one was. I never trusted you. You never trusted me. That is the first fucking thing we’ll figure out this time around.”
“We were dysfunctional?”
“Seriously?”
“I thought everything was fine,” she said.
“You know that’s not the case now, right?”
“I don’t know,” she said. After a pause, she continued. “Gabriel, I didn’t know you were unhappy with me.”
“You didn’t have the capacity to care.”
“But I did care. So much I gave up everything to be right here, right now.”
He said nothing.
“You know that, don’t you?” she pressed, heart fluttering.
“I know what you were capable of as a deity. I’m afraid to know what you’ve done to get here,” he said softly. “No matter what it was, though, you’re my mate. I’ll protect you, Deidre, I promise it. It’s my duty and obligation. I want it to be more, but that might take time, if we ever get there.”
Deidre listened. She wanted to believe him. Would he really accept her once she told him she sacrificed an innocent human to the Dark One? A human he might have loved?
She was terrified by the thought of him leaving her. Or rejecting her. Or worse, staying with her for eternity but hating her.
“We can start with you telling me your secret.”
“There’s nothing to tell you,” she whispered. “Will you answer a question for me, Gabriel?”
“I’ll do my best.”
Her heart fell further. By the cool tone, he was as far from trusting her as she was from revealing her secret.
“I know I’m … different now than I was the other night when we were on the beach,” she said hesitantly. “Does that disappoint you? Me being different?”
Gabriel was quiet for a long moment, which she took as a bad sign. If he had to think about how to respond, it probably wasn’t good.
“I don’t know who you are, Deidre. I never have. If you don’t stop lying to me, I never will,” he replied. “It doesn’t matter what color your hair is or what Darkyn did to you.” There was more that he wasn’t saying, and she suspected he was protecting her from the truth.
“You loved her. Me,” she corrected quickly. “The human version of me better.”
Gabriel released her and moved away. Deidre felt the pain again, the one without a physical source but which she felt as if a knife was piercing her soul.
“You both lied to me,” he said. “You both trusted Darkyn over me.”
No, this definitely wasn’t what she expected when she made the choices she did long ago to start this chain-of-events. She didn’t remember what those choices in
volved but didn’t think it mattered. The chain-of-events had unfolded the way she planned, except that Gabriel didn’t fall into her lap, and she had lost all her power in the process. There was too much resentment in his voice for it to be the result of one week with the human she created.
Her Gabriel had distrusted her – hated her even? – for much longer. Dysfunctional? She thought what they had was special, never realizing he was miserable. Her chin trembled, and suddenly, she cursed the human emotions. They made her weak and frightened. The goddess she had been would mock her for choosing to become what she’d always despised.
What happened if Gabriel didn’t want to be with her at all? If she lost her deal with the human and Darkyn came to collect? The mating laws from the time-before-time were absolute, but what if Darkyn and Gabriel made their own private deal to return the human Gabriel loved and abandon past-Death to the hands of the Dark One?
She shivered. She never thought she had a chance of losing this round.
“For what it’s worth, Gabriel, I’ve always loved you,” she said in a low, tight voice.
Unable to look at him or control the tears starting to form, Deidre walked away.
There was a good chance that human-Deidre was dead by now anyway. She didn’t want to know what happened at the end of the week, when Darkyn showed up to claim her soul.
She’d already lost two days. How could she possibly win in the next five?